Feeling down

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, usually I'm very motivated and focused by I am

definitely in a rut right now. I know what the trigger is, it

happened this past Friday. I took the day off and went to the beach

and leisurely bikeriding with my husband (kids were in daycare). We

had a great day. He took some pix of our day out, sounds great right?

When I looked at them I got really bummed out. I've been busting my

butt following clean eating, counting calories, working out hard,

daily training, yadda yadda yadda. I hate the photos. All I see is

my big butt, cellulite and even some of the dreaded back fat! Damn.

I feel like everything I do is a big waste of time. Why bother? That

was it. I ate pizza Friday night and had chocolate ice cream for

dessert. Saturday was no better. I pretty much said 'fuck it' all

weekend (pardon my swearing, but that is the truth). I blew off all

of my workouts. No HIIT in the park Sunday. My husband wanted to go

roller blading last night. I was not in the mood. Instead I was in

the mood for chocolate, ice cream, pretzels, brownies and donuts.

And it tasted great! And I sat on my ass watching tv.

This morning I woke up completely unmotivated. Screw the workout

today, I said. Might as well enjoy food because it makes no

difference to my physique. I'm at the same body weight as when I

started this whole BFL/BFFM thing. And I enjoyed a white flour

cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. Yum, lots of processed

food.

So i have no interest in working out. No interest in eating healthy.

I'm planning out some 'off plan' unclean series of meals for the

day. I've pretty much given up.

I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself and maybe I am.

All I notice are the skinny women around here (my office, at the

coffee shop this morning) scarfing down their whipped frappucino

treats with extra whipping cream on top. I might as well enjoy the

same type of crap, keep my flabby ass and get over thinking I'll

achieve what I want.