Re: Question concerning OCD mainly at home.

[Guest guest]

Just a question for anyone who cares to respond. My daughter has relatively

little problem with her OCD at school because she is so busy running from

class to class and paying attention to do well. When she gets home, however,

even tho she is busy with homework and occupied, she starts in with all her

OCD symptoms and goes wild with it till she collapses in bed. Why doesn't

she have to do this at school? Anybody have any theories-she should be most

relaxed at home and school she claims is very stressful so why isn't she

worse at school? Thanks-Ellen

[Guest guest]

My theory as was the same way, and I also asked this

question here so my answer comes from this group too -

Kids will often " hold it together " while out in public, at school,

stores, etc. But at home, where they should be most relaxed and less

stressed, as you say, it's apparently where they also feel most

comfortable and " let go. "

Really, with , after I thought about it, I thought of him

as " holding back " at school all day (tho he did do little things) and

then you have to think how " tired " the kids must be by the end of the

day (probably contributed to those bedtime meltdowns we had at times,

tho some came earlier in the evening also) that at some point they

have to get to a point where the OCD just comes out more. And where

better than at HOME where moms/dads & family can deal with it! <I can

remember thinking " better school than here " but of course that would

mean I'd have missed a lot of work for all those phone calls I'd a

been getting from school....> I guess family doesn't rank up there

with peers and the public!

Even when we'd go to the store, say, Wal-Mart, I could see

getting " anxious " and asking when I'd be through, once he'd finished

looking at the video game section. Many times I cut my trip short

just to get him on home to avoid an excessive amount of OCD, this

being back when we (er, he) dealt with a lot more behaviors than he

has now.

I'd like to get some type of " official " letter to give to the school

that states how kids do this - meltdowns at home but no behaviors

(apparently) at school - so those unbelieving teachers might realize

that " this " is why the homework wasn't done, etc. Anyone know of one

in a book or somewhere?

[Guest guest]

> Just a question for anyone who cares to respond. My daughter has

relatively

> little problem with her OCD at school because she is so busy

running from

> class to class and paying attention to do well. When she gets

home, however,

> even tho she is busy with homework and occupied, she starts in with

all her

> OCD symptoms and goes wild with it till she collapses in bed. Why

doesn't

> she have to do this at school? Anybody have any theories-she

should be most

> relaxed at home and school she claims is very stressful so why

isn't she

> worse at school? Thanks-Ellen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> The down side is that many people in our life see her behaviour at

> times as more " acting out " than a safety valve and as a parent on

> some days it is also hard to not feel this way. I try to remind

> myself if had diabetes and was acting out because her

chemistry

> was off, I wouldn't personalize it in the same way. Hope this

helps

> to at least see this is fairly common.

> Barb

This is another so frustrating aspect of OCD and spectrums-since

relatives or friends see my daughter(s) mainly on vacation, and

since vacations or any change in routine are so difficult for her

(referring more to my 10 yr old now, my 14 yr so old has learned to

get by so as to be " acceptable " in many ways) and since they are not

privy to the details of our daily life and struggles, it is

inevitable that either or I or my daughter(s) is judged, even when I

have discussed somewhat her issues. I.e she is manipulating me, I am

spoiling her, she is ruining it go for everyone (whereas maybe it is

a lack of patience or understanding that really ruins things) she is

selfish, I am excusing her etc. This happens when she is acting

very anxious, crying, and petulant and such behavior intereferes

with activities, visiting etc we want to accomplish. There is such a

tendency to blame rather than accept, help, and be patient. And a

tendency to judge children especially, as if they must all be on a

certain timetable or standard set of expectations.

Also those not " in the know " could take the opportunity to learn

something, like not to take for granted the " regular " behavior of

their kids (why complain bitterly when your child won't pick up her

room-or sneaks out with friends when homework has not been finished-

try dealing with a child who cannot function unless her room is in

perfect order, or who cannot sneak out b/c she is afraid to ring a

doorbell or make a phone call much less go with a group of friends)

and not to judge others when they do not know the details. But guess

this is a typical trial for many people in many circumstances, I

suppose, whether with OCD or some other personal struggle.

[Guest guest]

Dear Ellen,

This is very common. It's a lot like toddlers who behave beautifully

all day at daycare and fall apart on their parents when they get home -

thanks a lot! They do it because they feel safe enough to fall apart at home.

They know you will love them anyway. And the social pressures at school are

enough to make most kids suppress their OCD during the day, only to have it

surface when they get home. The same goes for tics by the way - my daughter

manages to not tic too much at school but the first hour home she's really

painful to watch.

[Guest guest]

Dear Ellen,

Yes it very normal in my point of view & out of my experience with my son,

to have the OCD symptoms more active when the child is home. First as you

mentioned at school he or she busy occupied with duties at class. In the

same time they try to hide their symptoms infront of others, that's why when

they come home they relsease all these symtoms with all the tention they

were halding all that time, they are to be released in the most relaxing

place at home. So you & your family have to patient with her & be able to

understand her OCD untill hopefully she will have less symtoms with

treatment r with medications & therapy. My heart is with you, I wish you

good luck with your daughter.

Huda

>From: Bowellen@...

>Reply-To:

>To:

>Subject: Re: Question concerning OCD mainly at home.

>Date: Tue, 22 Oct 2002 14:42:48 EDT

>

>Just a question for anyone who cares to respond. My daughter has

>relatively

>little problem with her OCD at school because she is so busy running from

>class to class and paying attention to do well. When she gets home,

>however,

>even tho she is busy with homework and occupied, she starts in with all her

>OCD symptoms and goes wild with it till she collapses in bed. Why doesn't

>she have to do this at school? Anybody have any theories-she should be

>most

>relaxed at home and school she claims is very stressful so why isn't she

>worse at school? Thanks-Ellen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, -Ellen

[Guest guest]

Hi Ellen, this is my child too. Some kids do have to 'do' OCD at

school as well, but I think most do all they can to not act or

appear " different " in front of friends...and then let loose at home

where the OCD is understood for what it is. Perhaps similar to us

enduring a rough day at work, reigning in our anger and etc., only to

come home and be irritable with family.

It's caused problems from Day One, with teachers never seeing the

disorder (or at least never to the degree we do at home) and

prompting questions about the accuracy of diagnosis, etc. Also

whether Kel needs any accomodations and so on (though OCD can

certainly wreak havoc on homework as so many of us know.)

No insight for you I'm afraid, just so you know you and your daughter

are in good company.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

p.s. One thing I do know is that our home is full of " triggers "

where the school isn't for some reason. There is no logic to OCD!

My daughter also travels well and has few to no symptoms when on

vacation, even one that is not filled with frantic activity.

> Just a question for anyone who cares to respond. My daughter has

relatively

> little problem with her OCD at school because she is so busy

running from

> class to class and paying attention to do well. When she gets

home, however,

> even tho she is busy with homework and occupied, she starts in with

all her

> OCD symptoms and goes wild with it till she collapses in bed. Why

doesn't

> she have to do this at school? Anybody have any theories-she

should be most

> relaxed at home and school she claims is very stressful so why

isn't she

> worse at school? Thanks-Ellen