Embarrassing Medical Exams

[Guest guest]

Ok, we all seem to spend a lot of time at doctor's offices, so I thought I would

pass this on.

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the

cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and

began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several

cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac, San , TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I

instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her

husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes

later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a

'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,

he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his

medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a

new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him

quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had

over fifty, patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the

old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long

have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, she

answered...'Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's your breakfast this

morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get

used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the

woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard

Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple

hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and

wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient

had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she

was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic

hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off

the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on

the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by

RN, no name AND FINALLY!!!............

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when

performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously

formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was

performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I

looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an

Meyer Wiener.' Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Gail

Crafting Blog: http://itsmineitsallmine.blogspot.com/

************************************************

Mom to , 11/28/98 - ADHD/ODD/SID

and , 02/02/02 - Congenital Scoliosis, VATER Association (vertebral and

renal anomalies), Torticollis, Klippel Feil Syndrome, Fused Ribs, First VEPTR

Recipient at Cincinnati Children's Hospital 3/21/05, VEPTR Expansions: 11/05 &

04/20/06

Put a little 'TLC' into your scrapbook!

Independent TLC Scrapbooking Instructor

http:\\www.topline-creations.com\gail

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