Venting

[Guest guest]

OK, I haven't really shared very much about what has been going on with my son

recently, but I have arrived at a point that I really need to. He has had one

of the worst school years ever! Meltdowns at least once a week in school, melt

downs that become agressive and violent. We have tried numerous different

strategies, different aides, what seems like thousands of meetings and I am now

in the process of looking into a different school setting for him for the fall.

During most of this year, he has been pretty compliant at home, until recently.

I am so emotionally raw and worn down from being on call by the school, from

looking for work (which I have to suspend temporarily because of Tommy's

behavior!), from having my dh working from the house (this is my territory and I

feel like an alien has invaded it!)that I have no energy or patience left to

deal with this child after he comes home from school. Today he came home and

told me that during a melt down he told his aide that he was going home to beat

me until I was nothing but blood! What a lovely thing to share with us!!!! He

of course followed this pronouncement with, " I would never do that to you

Mommy! " I must say that I am more than a bit alarmed and I am disgusted at this

point with AD/HD, OCD and all that it does to our beautiful children and us! I

told my therapist tonight that I need to feel " normal " again. I am tired of my

life consisting of one psych appointment after another. Most of my friends have

kids with similar disabilities, and I often find that I am uncomfortable anymore

with those who lead a life without these issues. I am also feeling much more

irritable than usual. I have promised myself that I will do a better job over

the next few weeks of processing my thoughts and the resultant feelings that are

swirling inside me. Hopefully I will be able to quiet the roaring storm that is

rampaging insode my mind so that we can have a calm peaceful summer where we

have some enjoyable moments. Well, on to the next email - to my son's Dr.

Thanks for listening, in Southeastern PA

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

, just wanted to sympathize and send some (((hugs))) your way!

After my recent episode with our school system, which seemed to

consume (obsess!) me for maybe 2-3 weeks, I just felt drained. I

just this past weekend answered their last email to me as I actually

couldn't THINK anymore after receiving it. Just felt DRAINED! So I

let it go for a couple weeks+.

And I definitely understand the bit about feeling invaded now that dh

is working at home. Hope he has one room he uses as an office, but

it still makes a difference just having someone " there " in the house,

even if you're on the other side of it.

How does Tommy usually do during the summer? I'm sure you'll both

find some enjoyable times!!

> OK, I haven't really shared very much about what has been going on

with my son recently, but I have arrived at a point that I really

need to. He has had one of the worst school years ever! Meltdowns

at least once a week in school, melt downs that become agressive and

violent. We have tried numerous different strategies, different

aides, what seems like thousands of meetings and I am now in the

process of looking into a different school setting for him for the

fall. During most of this year, he has been pretty compliant at

home, until recently. I am so emotionally raw and worn down from

being on call by the school, from looking for work (which I have to

suspend temporarily because of Tommy's behavior!), from having my dh

working from the house (this is my territory and I feel like an alien

has invaded it!)that I have no energy or patience left to deal with

this child after he comes home from school. Today he came home and

told me that during a melt down he told his aide that he was going

home to beat me until I was nothing but blood! What a lovely thing

to share with us!!!! He of course followed this pronouncement

with, " I would never do that to you Mommy! " I must say that I am

more than a bit alarmed and I am disgusted at this point with AD/HD,

OCD and all that it does to our beautiful children and us! I told my

therapist tonight that I need to feel " normal " again. I am tired of

my life consisting of one psych appointment after another. Most of

my friends have kids with similar disabilities, and I often find that

I am uncomfortable anymore with those who lead a life without these

issues. I am also feeling much more irritable than usual. I have

promised myself that I will do a better job over the next few weeks

of processing my thoughts and the resultant feelings that are

swirling inside me. Hopefully I will be able to quiet the roaring

storm that is rampaging insode my mind so that we can have a calm

peaceful summer where we have some enjoyable moments. Well, on to

the next email - to my son's Dr. Thanks for listening, in

Southeastern PA

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

HI :

Many hugs to you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CINDY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You certainly have been dealing with a ton of stuff.

Finding a new school might help you locate people who can look at

things in a bit of a different light and be more helpful. Tommy

must be feeling pretty awful too. Hugs to him too!!

I hope this summer does bring more peace to you and your beloved

family. I am looking forward to seeing you in Philly where I can

give you a hug in person and listen to some more venting if you

wish. Take care, aloha, kathy (h)_

kathyh@...

(now only 3 weeks behind on reading the list!)

> OK, I haven't really shared very much about what has been going on

with my son recently, but I have arrived at a point that I really

need to. He has had one of the worst school years ever! Meltdowns

at least once a week in school, melt downs that become agressive and

violent. We have tried numerous different strategies, different

aides, what seems like thousands of meetings and I am now in the

process of looking into a different school setting for him for the

fall. During most of this year, he has been pretty compliant at

home, until recently. I am so emotionally raw and worn down from

being on call by the school, from looking for work (which I have to

suspend temporarily because of Tommy's behavior!), from having my dh

working from the house (this is my territory and I feel like an alien

has invaded it!)that I have no energy or patience left to deal with

this child after he comes home from school. Today he came home and

told me that during a melt down he told his aide that he was going

home to beat me until I was nothing but blood! What a lovely thing

to share with us!!!! He of course followed this pronouncement

with, " I would never do that to you Mommy! " I must say that I am

more than a bit alarmed and I am disgusted at this point with AD/HD,

OCD and all that it does to our beautiful children and us! I told my

therapist tonight that I need to feel " normal " again. I am tired of

my life consisting of one psych appointment after another. Most of

my friends have kids with similar disabilities, and I often find that

I am uncomfortable anymore with those who lead a life without these

issues. I am also feeling much more irritable than usual. I have

promised myself that I will do a better job over the next few weeks

of processing my thoughts and the resultant feelings that are

swirling inside me. Hopefully I will be able to quiet the roaring

storm that is rampaging insode my mind so that we can have a calm

peaceful summer where we have some enjoyable moments. Well, on to

the next email - to my son's Dr. Thanks for listening, in

Southeastern PA

[Guest guest]

Kathy, Thanks for your support and hugs across the miles. I look forward to

seeing you in person at the conference! Things have been calmer and quieter

since school has gotten out - which solidifies in my mind that we MUST find a

school setting for Tommy that is appropriate, as he has rebounded so well with

no changes in meds, etc. We have started our round of Doctor appointments in an

effort to learn more about him, so we should be able to start the school year

with more information about how he learns and what he needs in a school setting.

BTW, our beloved paraprofessional finished his M. Ed. and is waiting to hear

about a teaching position in your beautiful state. I'll put him in touch with

you if he goes there! Blessings to you and your family, in Southeastern

PA

kathyh_hi wrote: HI :

Many hugs to you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CINDY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You certainly have been dealing with a ton of stuff.

Finding a new school might help you locate people who can look at

things in a bit of a different light and be more helpful. Tommy

must be feeling pretty awful too. Hugs to him too!!

I hope this summer does bring more peace to you and your beloved

family. I am looking forward to seeing you in Philly where I can

give you a hug in person and listen to some more venting if you

wish. Take care, aloha, kathy (h)_

kathyh@...

(now only 3 weeks behind on reading the list!)

> OK, I haven't really shared very much about what has been going on

with my son recently, but I have arrived at a point that I really

need to. He has had one of the worst school years ever! Meltdowns

at least once a week in school, melt downs that become agressive and

violent. We have tried numerous different strategies, different

aides, what seems like thousands of meetings and I am now in the

process of looking into a different school setting for him for the

fall. During most of this year, he has been pretty compliant at

home, until recently. I am so emotionally raw and worn down from

being on call by the school, from looking for work (which I have to

suspend temporarily because of Tommy's behavior!), from having my dh

working from the house (this is my territory and I feel like an alien

has invaded it!)that I have no energy or patience left to deal with

this child after he comes home from school. Today he came home and

told me that during a melt down he told his aide that he was going

home to beat me until I was nothing but blood! What a lovely thing

to share with us!!!! He of course followed this pronouncement

with, " I would never do that to you Mommy! " I must say that I am

more than a bit alarmed and I am disgusted at this point with AD/HD,

OCD and all that it does to our beautiful children and us! I told my

therapist tonight that I need to feel " normal " again. I am tired of

my life consisting of one psych appointment after another. Most of

my friends have kids with similar disabilities, and I often find that

I am uncomfortable anymore with those who lead a life without these

issues. I am also feeling much more irritable than usual. I have

promised myself that I will do a better job over the next few weeks

of processing my thoughts and the resultant feelings that are

swirling inside me. Hopefully I will be able to quiet the roaring

storm that is rampaging insode my mind so that we can have a calm

peaceful summer where we have some enjoyable moments. Well, on to

the next email - to my son's Dr. Thanks for listening, in

Southeastern PA

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[Guest guest]

HI :

It will be great to meet you and Tommy in Philly!

What great news that things are going well. Things are pretty good

here to with Steve who seems to be pretty mellow - think the Effexor

is helping his MDD. Phew, what a load off....:-)

Please tell your beloved paraprofessional we desperately need well

qualified people who understand OCD in Hawaii.

Good luck in finding a good setting for Tommy - once we find people

who do help we become much fussier and better consumers by proxy for

our kids when we find people who do not know how to help. I am sure

you will find a good setup for Tommy.

Take care, aloha, Kathy (h)

kathyh@...

>

> Kathy, Thanks for your support and hugs across the miles. I look

forward to seeing you in person at the conference! Things have been

calmer and quieter since school has gotten out - which solidifies in

my mind that we MUST find a school setting for Tommy that is

appropriate, as he has rebounded so well with no changes in meds,

etc. We have started our round of Doctor appointments in an effort

to learn more about him, so we should be able to start the school

year with more information about how he learns and what he needs in

a school setting. BTW, our beloved paraprofessional finished his M.

Ed. and is waiting to hear about a teaching position in your

beautiful state. I'll put him in touch with you if he goes there!

Blessings to you and your family, in Southeastern PA

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I am so sorry you could not get onto the chat. This must be such a

frustrating time for you. And i know what you mean about the dad who copes

by not being there. is the same. He works from 8 AM until 1 or 2 AM

and then comes home and asks with concern in his voice " How is doing

today? " I should just tell him to go and visit once in a while. These

men have found the perfect way to stay detached! Who can be blamed for

working hard to provide for your family? The fact that the family needs

their help and input does not seem to be part of the equation. I sympathize

with you!

Do you have instant messaging? A few of us are on there.

Chat #39440829360937461203 Try it and see.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am not able to get into the chat either. It has been that way now

for a while. I miss it.

That end of the rope feeling is so hard. Mike must be feeling like he

has dropped the rope and your the only one he has to catch him. I

know you have been through a lot with him and it is times like these

it is so easy to loose it. What else is there to do? Yogas good! You

are an insparation .

I wish I could give you some magic to work on your husband. I have

the same concerns as our son has pused his Dad so far away he wants

nothing to do with him. It has also set a pattern that my husband

backs off instead of trying to bridge the gap.It is much beter that

in the past, but ocd has brained washed this young man and he is

missing out on a great relationship.

As far as your job goes it is important to have SOMETHING besides

ocd. I wish for you a day at work tomorrow.

Take care and I hope to chat with you another day.

Vivian in WA. ST.

[Guest guest]

Hi and (((hugs))). I can relate about the Yahoo chat (I have been getting

an error message for months, something about downloading an updated version of

some necessary software, but when I follow the link it turns out that the update

is not available) and also about just getting a bellyful sometimes of OCD. I am

just not wired to do every little thing the hard way, and when you live with

someone with waxing OCD, so many things have to be done the hard way or not at

all. Meals, laundry, grocery shopping, homework, showers and getting dressed,

you name it... Also never knowing when the " alien " will pop up again full

force. I have no kidding, wondered about PTSD in OCD kids' parents.

Re the forced exposures, can't these be done in the therapist's office at least

to start? That's a lot to ask Mom to do on her own, especially since you

anticipate Mike may become aggressive. Does the therapist understand this is

likely?

(((Hugs))) too about the workaholic hubby, kids with OCD seem to have this

effect on some Dads, and work turns into a rabbit hole. Poof! I know when I'm

feeling overwhelmed, I have zero understanding and tolerance for how difficult

dealing with OCD in his daughter is for dh. Nobody ever asked *me* if I felt up

to all this!!! I guess I'm doing my own venting, four days off school + the

holiday has made things tense and weird around here too.

I hope your work day goes well tomorrow with no calls from school. What would

Mike do--could he cope?--if you didn't come get him when he calls? Is there a

" safe place " for him to go to at school if he needs to?

I am thinking of you and hoping the Paxil kicks in soon,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: Ippoliti

Hi Everyone,

I am very frustrated tonight as I still can't get into Yahoo

groups-something about cookies. And I needed someone to remind me that this

will get better. I am at the end of my rope with Mike. It seems the ocd alien

has moved back in and life is so so miserable. I am sick of water everywhere.

I am sick of clothes dropped everywhere and then he can't pick them up because

they are contaminated--duh--that's why he dropped them in the first place. I am

sick of him calling " mom " whenever he can't see where I am, or he refuses to do

something because of contamination. I should be grateful, he is working on 2's

and 3's very slowly; but hasn't conquered them yet. But I am sick of the

anxious rages, soap on everything, and his horrible lazy attitude. I am trying

to wait out an increase in the paxil, but...Therapist said to think about forced

exposures, but I am not ready to do that today---I know that Mike will not

tolerate that and would probably become aggressive. And I have promised myself

that I won't tolerate dangerous behavior no matter how bad his ocd is, or how

sorry I feel for him. And I would have to follow through and take him to the

hospital if he became aggressive. Choices. So at least tonite I am not going

to do forced exposure. Tomorrow is another day.

I begged Mike's dad to sit in his room and read to him as I desperately

needed a little break. Dad is dealing with ocd the same way he deals with

everything else--he is now working 7 days a week so he doesn't have to be around

Mike or help with him. And of course there is a lot of tension between the 2

of them.

Sorry I am so negative. I am worn out. I am going to go do my yoga tape

if peace reigns upstairs. And I am so looking forward to going to work

tomorrow. I pray that Mike goes to school and can stay there the whole day. If

I call out again I will be reprimanded. I want to hang onto this job so so bad.

Dad has 1800 hours of sick time, 300 hours of vacation time, and will not help

out or take a family leave. Enough gripping. Thanks for listening. Hugs to

all, in NJ

[Guest guest]

,hang in there!I know what you`re going thru-my daughter has

tourettes,ocd,add,and depression,also my husband fought with her all the

time-last summer i was put on oxygen 24/7 from copd-and I just couldn`t do it

alone anymore-that finally made him pitch in.Her ocd is miserable-she has

personal hygiene water rituals and always has wet and ripped clothes-I hate

it!Half the time she refuses to go to school.We are doing meds and counseling so

we have good and bad days-today she got up,dressed,no water! and went to

school-definitely a good day!so farrrrrrrrrr-so hang in there-sooner or later a

good day will come along! best wishes,sue aka buddy

--

On Sun, 1 Dec 2002 21:54:02

Ippoliti wrote:

>Hi Everyone,

> I am very frustrated tonight as I still can't get into Yahoo

groups-something about cookies. And I needed someone to remind me that this

will get better. I am at the end of my rope with Mike. It seems the ocd alien

has moved back in and life is so so miserable. I am sick of water everywhere.

I am sick of clothes dropped everywhere and then he can't pick them up because

they are contaminated--duh--that's why he dropped them in the first place. I am

sick of him calling " mom " whenever he can't see where I am, or he refuses to do

something because of contamination. I should be grateful, he is working on 2's

and 3's very slowly; but hasn't conquered them yet. But I am sick of the

anxious rages, soap on everything, and his horrible lazy attitude. I am trying

to wait out an increase in the paxil, but...Therapist said to think about forced

exposures, but I am not ready to do that today---I know that Mike will not

tolerate that and would probably become aggressive. And I h

ave promised myself that I won't tolerate dangerous behavior no matter how bad

his ocd is, or how sorry I feel for him. And I would have to follow through and

take him to the hospital if he became aggressive. Choices. So at least tonite

I am not going to do forced exposure. Tomorrow is another day.

> I begged Mike's dad to sit in his room and read to him as I desperately

needed a little break. Dad is dealing with ocd the same way he deals with

everything else--he is now working 7 days a week so he doesn't have to be around

Mike or help with him. And of course there is a lot of tension between the 2

of them.

> Sorry I am so negative. I am worn out. I am going to go do my yoga tape

if peace reigns upstairs. And I am so looking forward to going to work

tomorrow. I pray that Mike goes to school and can stay there the whole day. If

I call out again I will be reprimanded. I want to hang onto this job so so bad.

Dad has 1800 hours of sick time, 300 hours of vacation time, and will not help

out or take a family leave. Enough gripping. Thanks for listening. Hugs to

all, in NJ

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear , The one common thread in this group is that we can certainly relate

to what your going through. To me, that is a comfort. To be able to share with

other people that understand, and can share some positive thoughts during the

rough times. Yes, things will get better again. Unfortunately, sometimes the

OCD alien comes back - but gradually it can be chased away again, by altering

meds, then being able to do more CBT. It would be great if all of us could have

an understanding support group in our homes to also give us a break when we're

worn out, because even during those moments our kids need someone who is loving

and understanding to help them cope. You're in our prayers. Things will get

better. With exposure, we usually ask Evon which echo (our name for OCD

thoughts) gives him the least problem, and that's where we begin. Take care.

Barbara

Venting

Hi Everyone,

I am very frustrated tonight as I still can't get into Yahoo

groups-something about cookies. And I needed someone to remind me that this

will get better. I am at the end of my rope with Mike. It seems the ocd alien

has moved back in and life is so so miserable. I am sick of water everywhere.

I am sick of clothes dropped everywhere and then he can't pick them up because

they are contaminated--duh--that's why he dropped them in the first place. I am

sick of him calling " mom " whenever he can't see where I am, or he refuses to do

something because of contamination. I should be grateful, he is working on 2's

and 3's very slowly; but hasn't conquered them yet. But I am sick of the

anxious rages, soap on everything, and his horrible lazy attitude. I am trying

to wait out an increase in the paxil, but...Therapist said to think about forced

exposures, but I am not ready to do that today---I know that Mike will not

tolerate that and would probably become aggressive. And I have promised myself

that I won't tolerate dangerous behavior no matter how bad his ocd is, or how

sorry I feel for him. And I would have to follow through and take him to the

hospital if he became aggressive. Choices. So at least tonite I am not going

to do forced exposure. Tomorrow is another day.

I begged Mike's dad to sit in his room and read to him as I desperately

needed a little break. Dad is dealing with ocd the same way he deals with

everything else--he is now working 7 days a week so he doesn't have to be around

Mike or help with him. And of course there is a lot of tension between the 2

of them.

Sorry I am so negative. I am worn out. I am going to go do my yoga tape if

peace reigns upstairs. And I am so looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

I pray that Mike goes to school and can stay there the whole day. If I call out

again I will be reprimanded. I want to hang onto this job so so bad. Dad has

1800 hours of sick time, 300 hours of vacation time, and will not help out or

take a family leave. Enough gripping. Thanks for listening. Hugs to all,

in NJ