CMT and friendships

[Guest guest]

,

There is an old saying that goes like this...We have friends for a reason, a

season, or a lifetime. To some friends at some point they need you to listen

and support. Some friends just lose touch with us and others are our very best

friends even across the country. Whatever kind of friend they are, I believe we

need to enjoy the time we have with them.

Maybe if you were more open to your friends about your CMT and your struggles

and worries, then maybe they can be the ones supporting you instead of you

supporting them. Like any marriage, friends can't always give 50/50. There

are times where you might have to give more to the relationship because they

can't. Then there may be

times they will need to give 80% because you can only give 20%. Yes, in the

ideal world, we all give 50/50.

Your friends problems may seem small to those of us with CMT. However, to

them, their problems are more then they can handle. God will only give us what

we can handle. God must have thought we were very strong people.

Now, if the relationships do become very exhausting and is putting your health

at risk then just let them know that you need some quiet time until you feel

better. Maybe in the mean time, their problems will resove themselves.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/12/2006 11:15:02 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,

GfijiG6@... writes:

<If your " friends " time uses too much of your time, say so, point them

to professional help or support groups. Save time for , save

time for your family. Do not allow " friends " to walk on you with

their muddy shoes.>

Gretchen, Thank you so much. You really did understand what I was trying to say

in that email. I pondered this again today and I think I have figured something

out. I am a friend but I do not have a friend that I can really relate to other

than on this list.

Maybe that is just life with CMT and kids with CMT?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/12/2006 5:42:51 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

spedteach2002@... writes:

<To some friends at some point they need you to listen and support. Some

friends just lose touch with us and others are our very best friends even across

the country. Whatever kind of friend they are, I believe we need to enjoy the

time we have with them. >

I would really like to stay friends with people during the good times. The

rewarding friendship times. I never get the good times just the bad times. I

think because other people are more fun during the good times. Aw but the bad

times I am the best listener around. That is a quality I always liked in myself

but it is getting to be a drag. I am so glad I asked this list for advice.

Thank you

[Guest guest]

Megs,

Your letter means so much to me. It is very nice to know other people have

gone through this.

Thank you for understanding.

[Guest guest]

,

I am sitting here crying after reading that. Big *hugs* to you.

I too am the kind of person that people tend to come to when they need a

shoulder or any kind of help and like you, I can't always do it or be there.

In fact one friend was so draining on me, even more than CMT is, that yes, I had

to leave her behind, go on with my life and let her carry on with hers.

It is the best thing you can do for yourself - to leave them behind. While they

feel they can keep coming to you for help and support, they are not growing and

neither are you.

Believe me, when I left my friend behind I felt a load off my shoulders, I

started to smile more, I was happier and my children were happier.

You go girl! Do what is best for you and not what is best for everyone else.

You ARE allowed to put yourself first sometimes!

Thinking heaps of you,

Megs

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/13/2006 5:45:23 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

spoolie4@... writes:

The greatest thing I learned from this is the nicest people I've met are

right HERE. Gretchen has become a great friend (who I've never met), my

great

friend ann (from PA) whom I've never met....but seems like I've known

them forever and are " TRUE BLUE! " ....as all you all are...Life is funny that

way...

YES , Funny how that works. That is why I wonder how much of this is a

CMT problem. I could be great friends with my sister but she is always off

and running. I really need to pace myself and its usually just enough to keep

my family going. I just really need to stay positive and have hope. Maybe get

rid of some jealously that I have if jealously is the right word? Although I

think calling me and telling me how great a pair of high heals looks or how

fun playing in the snow can be pretty mean since I can't do either. Maybe its

not jealously that I have I don't know yet.

[Guest guest]

" SO CALLED FRIENDS?? "

Boy, can I relate to this. After working the same job for almost 18 years, and

have worked with 3 of them for over 15, myself being there the longest, It's

amazing how quickly they leave you when you would think they would call, not

even if I really want them to, but point being....I'm always the one they come

to when things are going bad for them...for years now. I don't or ever did

mind.

Now that I'm having problems with the " main boss " with my CMT and not being able

to work since November and have a workmens' comp case against my workplace...I'm

amazed that no one has called to see how

I am. I do know that they are very curious about who is getting my shifts

though.

One girl in particulars' boyfriend has my shifts and she had the,

sorry, BALLS, when I had to show up a few weeks ago to my workplace and ask, " So

how've you been and what's your new phone number? " ....I just smiled and said,

" You mean the one that's been posted right next to the register? " (for

months..by the way my phone number had always been there).

She asked me to write it down, I did, and of course she never did call.

The greatest thing I learned from this is the nicest people I've met are right

HERE. Gretchen has become a great friend (who I've never met), my great friend

ann (from PA) whom I've never met....but seems like I've known them forever

and are " TRUE BLUE! " ....as all you all are...Life is funny that way...It's just

a shame people aren't always the way you think they are and in more times than

not, NOT true blue people. I don't get it, and maybe never will, but am

learning as time goes on. Just keep the faith...

Love to all,

[Guest guest]

Someone emailed this to me and i thought it summed up our discussions lately!

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would

show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, " Let's cry together, "

another, " Let's fight together, "

another, " Let's walk away together. "

One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish,

another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of

confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your

wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on

whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym

shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a

complete fool of yourself ...

those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,

but for many,

it's wrapped up in several...

one from 7th grade,

one from high school,

several from the college years,

a couple from old jobs,

on some days your mother,

on some days your neighbor,

on others, your sisters,

and on some days, your daughters.

[Guest guest]

I have been thinking more about CMT and friendships. While I have had

many girl friends, my best " friendships " have always been with men. I

also must say that since starting , I have made many wonderfull

friends, both women and men with common interests and who I can relate

to on other levels besides the CMT.

, you know I'll drink tea with you anytime!

I have often thought of taking a year " sabbatical " and traveling around

the world with the sole purpose of meeting my CMT friends (I'd meet my

12 step friends too) Between my CMT and 12 step friends, there's never

a moment to be " friendless " .

With gratitude for ALL of you,

~ Ggretchen