long post Debi, well about communication....

[Guest guest]

Hi Debi,

Now let's see if this will be confusing ok; I'm curious; and especially online

that you hadn't met me so that means as I say, it gives an impression vs. if I

say it in person; where then you get more info as I say; now hold on ok; hold on

your seat cause you might fall off; a few years back I kept winning in speeches

in toast masters… uh?

I shaken me head this can't be; but this is what happen…

As difficulty I have with conversation; I was able to give a winning speech…

When given a task, I would have a whole week, I would rock as I do anyways; and

as I rock I fantasize the scenes that I'm going to speak,

Then after a while I capture each scene in sequence and there was no problem for

memorizing because I could see the seen as I talk to the group; and when the

next seen appear in my mind I was on the next thing to say…

I never taken notes, I just had a whole week to fantasies – then what I had is

motion which I'm so animated as it is; and I act out my speech as I spoke,

There was 3 parts of the speech as was explain to me, and this came in really

handy; to have the ending as the beginning and the middle is to describe;

Before giving the speech I would practice my speech in my mind as it's me

speaking – I saw myself speaking it and I had a timer; as I knew I had so much

time…

I won the first speech, the second speech and the third and then I quit…

Why did I quit for?

It was taking its toll on me – still I couldn't even speak in a conversation yet

I could give a speech; I thought this is the most bizarre thing…

I kept hearing from them, where's your notes; and I would say I have none…

From this I shake my head in confusion more than anything else, I even won over

a lawyer, as he gave his speech., and I wanted to cry out will someone here help

me talk in a conversation where one doesn't have a week to prepare?

But I fail to even talk in having a conversation with them… It was as if the

same thing, I rarely speak, I avoid speaking to them, but have me give a speech.

suddenly They were in my visual world as if in a true fantasy, how I fantasize…

Another thing I notice that confuses me is I joke – without warning, a thought

will appear and I'll say it and have people around me laugh – this often happens

when I'm around my neighbors; I joke as its spit out of me, without out knowing

if it's appropriate or not, but when I see them laugh, and their thoughts of

they enjoy me – I feel this sense of another kind of vale, instead of silence

I'll be a comedian…

When you spoke you talk more when you're nerviest – I too – which here this is

where I wonder if this will be very confusing; once I start talking it's as if

I'm in that speech mode; where I won – there's only one problem – I didn't

fantasize it for a week in getting it so polished that then my manic tongue

becomes a tornado out of control dizzying anyone comprehension to complete lost

and I see it on their faces and then I get worse, cause I think I need to

clarify – and it gets worse and worse where am as if my mouth is like a rain

storm, causing complete chaos – but these people are trap – they're aren't

nothing like my nephews who would just walk away; no these people want to be

nice so they stay, and I want to be nice to and I'm trying; I'm trying to help

them out of their misery as their misery is their confusion – it's as if we're

both causing each other's prison locking each other in some kind of hold; my

panic and there pain as they're toss in this rain storm tornado chaos, that's

not at all gentle but rough, yet I'm lock in it as well., not knowing how to set

myself nor them free and they're lock in it to they don't know how to set us

free either, so we spin, as my words that flies out of my mouth uglier it even

more…

The art of communication is so lop sided; and this toast master only confused

me; ok so I can give a speech then why can't I have a conversation…

Then there's moments my words are so brilliant as I capture some depth and with

no preparation either, it's as if it falling into unity where the person who's

listening to me, is in a trance of some info they never heard before… The

problem with this is the expectation then from them that I will be consistence;

and I'm not… It just happen that it fell in unity for me, as somehow how my mind

didn't dyslexic it…

It's as if my own thoughts gets dyslexic with my words; it's as if my thoughts

aren't in unity with my words; but once in a while they are; and I've been

analyzing why that is – is it that it just happen that I had time – where when I

don't have time, I then don't have the capabilities to talk?

Oh you were saying – wouldn't we make a pair; actually I think we might be

talking each other's ears off, if I have time – the other way that might of

happen is if you talk a lot, I be feeling at ease too – I think I too, have felt

uneasy with someone who won't talk to me – but it seems these kind of people can

talk just fine in a conversation it's that they have this personality of not

wanting to talk; wait now I know what I'm trying to say; they're more statement

people they speak in statements; and never in descriptions; see for me I'm a

very descriptive person, and to think in statements is painful for me and that's

when I either am a mess when I talk or I try to avoid it or if I don't have to

speak in statements I speak in such depth;

So in actuality; maybe we both be motor mouths – cause neither of us be in

statements; its this statements that I crumble and then when a person expects a

statement in return;

Does this make sense? it storming so bad; lights are flickering; I wrote this in

my word prosessor use spell checker and all; but normally i would spend time

after pasting it here to re-read it; but i'll just send it now; just in case the

electrisity is cutt off..

Hope

>

> > When you say slow in information processing – I too feel this way; that's

why I avoid being in a verbal conversation – I look as if I'm more a listener

but its me avoiding talking…

> >

> > When I attended my mom's retired party I hardly said a word; actually my

only sentence I said as I sat at the table where others were – I said, as I felt

embarrassed I said, " I don't talk much.. "

> >

> > I said this to a woman who was sitting next to me, as I felt shame for not

talking; and she said, " That's ok, we need listeners… "

> >

> > But inside of me, was terror going on; get me out of here; but no I tried

really hard for my mom and sat, but the only sentense I said was I don't talk

much; but it seems; the woman sitting next to me was nice and found something

possitive in it; I mean listessners are nice to have...

> >

>