Re: Update on me... well sorta.. `

[Guest guest]

Jen honey, please write to me and give

me your number! We have wondered what

you were doing and been up to and it

doesn't sound like it's been well at

all. I'll look for your mail soon,

Hugs,

_____

[Guest guest]

Jennier;

1st thanks for posting I have wondered how you have been doing and have missed

you a lot.

 I know how ya feel simply I have been there all but the operations. On that

fact mom had hers done a few years ago (like 3 maybe) she did great and I hope

and pray the same for you!

 on the rest dating it sucked and letting go well when you loved with all you

are and have that’s so easy to say but not to do and unless some one loved that

deep they would not understand! They say a month for every year together is what

it takes on the average I found this to be true for my self. 26 years together

and it was over 3 years to get to a point were I could truly some what date but

when I found I was glad it was 4 years later and not right away when I

first tried dating because I would never have appreciated how much she was

offering me nor would I have been any good for her as I still had so much to

heal in my self.

 I have written some long post on things that I went threw including today that

I hope you will read. It may make you sad but one thing I can tell you what I

learned is my ex never loved me in the way I did her, not ever even thou I tried

to make it the same I never could. I tried to believe she did but in her actions

she showed me she never did!

You are a very special person to me and many here know that. you talk about

friends well the only real ones I have are right here as in the out side world I

have only one friend now besides my wife and he and I have been friends for over

16 years now the only other friend I had still after becoming ill with stills

died 4 years ago now but we had a friendship of over 35 years. That’s it now

days and for me it was hard I was always around people now I sit home .I was

always out going now I stay away from people even family to some points. My

mother did not believe me about a lot of things that happened. We fought a lot

and well even to this day we can not be together for more then a few days at a

time. Yet we have also become friends along with the mother and son deal.

If you send me you phone number I would be more then willing to call and talk

with you. I would also be honored if you felt or called me your friend. It is

not easy to pick up the pieces I have been there and am still in many ways doing

just that. You’re not alone in feeling as you do nor in how long you have been.

It is hard still for me to understand if some one loved you as they say they did

how could they but so many can and do. We tend to blame our self I feel because

we are the ones who are sick and that’s why this or that happened and with out

it things would be great. Ya maybe in a dream world but not in real life. Yet we

know it is not us but that’s easer then saying what’s true because after all how

can we blame some one we love for so much hurt and pain! Can we move forward?

YES!!! Is it easy? O HELL NO!!! Have we let our self’s down? Not unless you’re

not trying have ya. How much time it takes am I being wrong in that it seams

to take me longer? O Hell No as long as you move forwards even in the tiniest

way its still progress! how things feel and how long they take is deferent for

every single person just remember when they say the average this or that it

means half are more and half are less not that the majority are this time and

point! I also know that being in Pain at lest for me slowed me way way down in

healing! Being locked away by pain or hurt or fear or all of them is like being

in Jail and unfortunately I know both because of stills! But remember there are

jail breaks there is parole, pardons clemency, all charges dropped. There is

freedom but to each they can mean many things and there are many ways to achieve

each. You’re on the way! Your doing better! You may be down but you’re far far

from out. I have family that is no longer there for me. I have had every thing

including my kids stolen from me. I started life again at 44 with a truck three

changes of

clothing and 45 cents to my name! I am alive I am getting better and I am

moving forward as hard as it feels some times or when I feel I have nothing left

I find I do. It was not easy starting with so little and living on the streets

but I made it I really did. I share my self hoping to help even one person

because then my pain was not wasted in the lest. When ya need a friend know this

I will be there and so will many here because we are your family and friends! We

are your friends! We do share your pain, hopes, joys, and yes your sadness to!

But we can only do this when you share as you have with us

Hugs and love 

 

the  rednecks

Marty & G.

 Stills ; An illness I know to well!

To learn about Stills  http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info

  and Hancock:

We Recognize No Sovereign but God, and no King but Jesus! [April 18, 1775]

:

" The general principles upon which the Fathers achieved independence were the

general principals of Christianity... I will avow that I believed and now

believe that those general principles of Christianity are as eternal and

immutable as the existence and attributes of God. "

• " [July 4th] ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts

of devotion to God Almighty. "

– in a letter written to Abigail on the day the Declaration was

approved by Congress

Jefferson

God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be

thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the

minds of the people that these liberties are a gift from God? That they are not

to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I

reflect that God is just, and that His justice cannot sleep forever. " (excerpts

are inscribed on the walls of the Jefferson Memorial in the nations capital)

 

Update on me... well sorta.. `

>

Hey everyone, first I wasnted to thank everyone for maintaing the list and

website. Alot of the " oldies " know my story, but even at theat, I just retreated

into my shell and stayed there. It's been almost 3 years since my ex and I

split, and these past years I have been pure hell.

I take anti depressents, but I know I need to get some theapy to help me get

over this.. I think what makes it so much worse , was that it wssnt ust a casual

fling, he fell in love with there right away. All the back to back deployments

to Afghan and Iraq took its toll. I thought we could make it through anything.

But this is the reason I havent been around, I rry to read the emails but it's

so hard to go through them when you dont do it everyday.

Anyway back to the depression, etc... Everyone thinks I should just get over

it!!.... I dont know why I cant let go. I've tried dating and I hated it. I only

have 2 close friends that I can confide in.

But , see im getting off track again. I was reading about bi polar and I have

just about all the symtoms

Not only did I lose my husband who I loved dearly, I lost everything. My way of

life, I loved being an Army Wife. Okay enough of my pity party now on to the

major stuff

My right hip now needs replaceing, I put it off way too long, Aug 25th is when

Im supposed to have it... I haven't been able to work or do many activities due

to the pain. I am getting the newer metal/metal type. I'ts funny cause 10 years

ago I could tell you all about joint replacement. Now I just dont care.

And to top it all off.... Im 37 years old, got sick around 18.. well my mom has

started drinking, she did socially sometimes when I was growing up, but I didnt

realize a problem.. Anyway for the past 2 years she drinks every day... And if

she's angry at me over somethimg small and she had a drink, she just goes in to

a rampae, screaming yelling, 2 days ago she told me right to my face that I was

a mistake, among lots of ether things..

Okay, so basically my days consist of watching tv, and playing world of warcraft

at night

I cant leave my house bacause I have this awful overwhelming anxiety. I just

want to stay curled up on my couch. Ive gotten so bad, that I completly run out

of food and then I decide well I got to get out in the real world... Of course

my dad's advice is just snap out of it. I informed him that the grief is too

much sometimes.

I hope everyone is doing okay. Im gonna try and stay tuned more often

Love Jennier