Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will hope and pray that you two can work it out. She is a wonderful woman...and you're probably right...she's exhausted. Maybe a break will help and she'll come back. I for one will listen to your advice and try not to take so much. I know my husband gets tired of it too. This damn disease is just so all consuming. How do you keep from having it define you when that's all you can think of most of the time? I know some people on this board have managed to find a balance in their life...I'm still trying. I think I'm still in the denial stage...hoping it's just a temporary thing...praying for remission. But I'm coming to realize that may not happen. But I guess I'd rather have hope than not. Anyway Larry, I'll be here with a shoulder should you need it. in Tx ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will hope and pray that you two can work it out. She is a wonderful woman...and you're probably right...she's exhausted. Maybe a break will help and she'll come back. I for one will listen to your advice and try not to take so much. I know my husband gets tired of it too. This damn disease is just so all consuming. How do you keep from having it define you when that's all you can think of most of the time? I know some people on this board have managed to find a balance in their life...I'm still trying. I think I'm still in the denial stage...hoping it's just a temporary thing...praying for remission. But I'm coming to realize that may not happen. But I guess I'd rather have hope than not. Anyway Larry, I'll be here with a shoulder should you need it. in Tx ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will hope and pray that you two can work it out. She is a wonderful woman...and you're probably right...she's exhausted. Maybe a break will help and she'll come back. I for one will listen to your advice and try not to take so much. I know my husband gets tired of it too. This damn disease is just so all consuming. How do you keep from having it define you when that's all you can think of most of the time? I know some people on this board have managed to find a balance in their life...I'm still trying. I think I'm still in the denial stage...hoping it's just a temporary thing...praying for remission. But I'm coming to realize that may not happen. But I guess I'd rather have hope than not. Anyway Larry, I'll be here with a shoulder should you need it. in Tx ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Hi there I have some experience in counselling...however, need to know if your and Patti still have respect and comassion as well as a bit of the old spark between you left...humour helps as well. If you can say yes to these points (even if it's only a " 1 " on a scale of 1 to 10) I personally would say you certainly have a good chance at saving your relationship and that it is worth getting some counselling for. While Patti may still move out...you may start to see life differently and therefore respond to situations differently etc. So would she. It would take some time but well worth the effort. Personally, I would use " Solution Focus Therapy " as a model for re-building your relationship. Most communities (at least here in British Columbia Canada) have volunteer counsellors who use this type of approach to couples (as well as individual counselling sessions). I truly believe it works as it is a sound and healthy approach to dealing with life/stress and the world around you. There is lots of information on the internet about this model...check it out!! I do pray for you both. Stills has been very cruel to your relationship and to you personally...not only physically but mentally and spiritually. Try not to let it win but look for any possible way you can change your relationship with Stills...before your relatlionship with Patti. Anyway...I do hope this helps, Larry. Take care and God Bless Another " Fing " Casualty Dear Frinds AND Family; I am very very saddened to send this mail out....I have put off sending it....BUT, I always turn to you guys....you folks are the ONLY constant in my life.....many of you know my wife, Patty, through various emails from me and from when I was in the Resort (as Kirk so aptly puts it).....well, hell.......a couple weeks ago she said she wants a seperation and wants me to move out of our house.....well, I ws in shock for a while.....however, I had noticed a distance from her back this summer during my second stay in hospital (6 weeks)......without going into too much detail, reasons: she is exhausted: she has carried the entire financial burden for the last 4 years...often leaving here by 5:30am and not returning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night.....working 2-3 jobs.....she makes good $ as a therapist, but this damn economy still demands 2 working!.....my SSDI came-in this past July but we all know how much that is (better than not at all that's for sure)....anyway, she is truly totally exausted and is looking for a place to rent...we ill probably just let the bank have the house...our credit is like in the gutter no matter what.....the second reason is my attitude....yep, hard to believe anyone with Still's and numerous brushes with death would have a Sh.... attitude....too true....problem is this (and please let me be an example to those of you who may be having relationship problems)....I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.....so, I was blind to the slow destruction I was Causing.......now, I plan to go talk to the folks at our local DSS office this Tuesday to see what they can help me with....I understand I can get food stamps and assist with an Apt. etc......to hell with it....I am starting all over with a chronic disease at almost 50 years old leaving here with not much more than I had twenty years ago including nearly the same " income " .....I say this not feeling self-pity, but as FACTS...many of you share these same facts of life or worse...God Bless You! Please pray for me and Patty. Any suggestions or council are really welcome. Love all you people! Thanks! Larry B. from NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Hi there I have some experience in counselling...however, need to know if your and Patti still have respect and comassion as well as a bit of the old spark between you left...humour helps as well. If you can say yes to these points (even if it's only a " 1 " on a scale of 1 to 10) I personally would say you certainly have a good chance at saving your relationship and that it is worth getting some counselling for. While Patti may still move out...you may start to see life differently and therefore respond to situations differently etc. So would she. It would take some time but well worth the effort. Personally, I would use " Solution Focus Therapy " as a model for re-building your relationship. Most communities (at least here in British Columbia Canada) have volunteer counsellors who use this type of approach to couples (as well as individual counselling sessions). I truly believe it works as it is a sound and healthy approach to dealing with life/stress and the world around you. There is lots of information on the internet about this model...check it out!! I do pray for you both. Stills has been very cruel to your relationship and to you personally...not only physically but mentally and spiritually. Try not to let it win but look for any possible way you can change your relationship with Stills...before your relatlionship with Patti. Anyway...I do hope this helps, Larry. Take care and God Bless Another " Fing " Casualty Dear Frinds AND Family; I am very very saddened to send this mail out....I have put off sending it....BUT, I always turn to you guys....you folks are the ONLY constant in my life.....many of you know my wife, Patty, through various emails from me and from when I was in the Resort (as Kirk so aptly puts it).....well, hell.......a couple weeks ago she said she wants a seperation and wants me to move out of our house.....well, I ws in shock for a while.....however, I had noticed a distance from her back this summer during my second stay in hospital (6 weeks)......without going into too much detail, reasons: she is exhausted: she has carried the entire financial burden for the last 4 years...often leaving here by 5:30am and not returning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night.....working 2-3 jobs.....she makes good $ as a therapist, but this damn economy still demands 2 working!.....my SSDI came-in this past July but we all know how much that is (better than not at all that's for sure)....anyway, she is truly totally exausted and is looking for a place to rent...we ill probably just let the bank have the house...our credit is like in the gutter no matter what.....the second reason is my attitude....yep, hard to believe anyone with Still's and numerous brushes with death would have a Sh.... attitude....too true....problem is this (and please let me be an example to those of you who may be having relationship problems)....I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.....so, I was blind to the slow destruction I was Causing.......now, I plan to go talk to the folks at our local DSS office this Tuesday to see what they can help me with....I understand I can get food stamps and assist with an Apt. etc......to hell with it....I am starting all over with a chronic disease at almost 50 years old leaving here with not much more than I had twenty years ago including nearly the same " income " .....I say this not feeling self-pity, but as FACTS...many of you share these same facts of life or worse...God Bless You! Please pray for me and Patty. Any suggestions or council are really welcome. Love all you people! Thanks! Larry B. from NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 > I can't possibly know what you're feeling but know that I'm thinking > about you man. I have a feeling I'm not all that far behind you. Best of > luck Larry, and keep in touch. > > > -- Everything in life sucks except things that should! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 > I can't possibly know what you're feeling but know that I'm thinking > about you man. I have a feeling I'm not all that far behind you. Best of > luck Larry, and keep in touch. > > > -- Everything in life sucks except things that should! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 > I can't possibly know what you're feeling but know that I'm thinking > about you man. I have a feeling I'm not all that far behind you. Best of > luck Larry, and keep in touch. > > > -- Everything in life sucks except things that should! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry darling: Been there! I was very lucky, however in that came to realize he didn't want to be without me. Of course there were other things in there as well but I understand you. There's no advice I could give - I'm not certified in that realm. Certifiable, perhaps but not certified. I does sound, to me, as though exhaustion may play a huge part in this, yes, but honey, let's talk about what YOU can do right now. Give her the space she requires, of course. Do what you need to in order to get yourself situated and then... You know something, this will get you nothing more than a lot of opinions and suggestions and the choices are yours as to what to use or not. Larry darling, you have a heart and soul; it's time to listen to them. You've allowed your pain and your illness take over and become " you " . Perhaps claiming who you really are is what you need to do. I'm speaking in circles, I know. I can't explain it any more than that, however. Do you love her? Gently, let her know if you do. Little things darling. Little, gentle gestures. Let your heart lead, you can't go wrong that way. Email me personally if you wish honey. When I'm not working I'll be watching for you. Take care and be well. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry darling: Been there! I was very lucky, however in that came to realize he didn't want to be without me. Of course there were other things in there as well but I understand you. There's no advice I could give - I'm not certified in that realm. Certifiable, perhaps but not certified. I does sound, to me, as though exhaustion may play a huge part in this, yes, but honey, let's talk about what YOU can do right now. Give her the space she requires, of course. Do what you need to in order to get yourself situated and then... You know something, this will get you nothing more than a lot of opinions and suggestions and the choices are yours as to what to use or not. Larry darling, you have a heart and soul; it's time to listen to them. You've allowed your pain and your illness take over and become " you " . Perhaps claiming who you really are is what you need to do. I'm speaking in circles, I know. I can't explain it any more than that, however. Do you love her? Gently, let her know if you do. Little things darling. Little, gentle gestures. Let your heart lead, you can't go wrong that way. Email me personally if you wish honey. When I'm not working I'll be watching for you. Take care and be well. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry, Sorry to hear about your recent events. If you need to talk brother please give me a call. Best, Brett Another " Fing " Casualty Recent Activity a.. 1New Members b.. 27New Photos Visit Your Group Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. Yahoo! Health Achy Joint? Common arthritis myths debunked. 10 Day Club on Yahoo! Groups Share the benefits of a high fiber diet. . __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 3575 (20081031) __________ The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus. http://www.eset.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Larry, Sorry to hear about your recent events. If you need to talk brother please give me a call. Best, Brett Another " Fing " Casualty Recent Activity a.. 1New Members b.. 27New Photos Visit Your Group Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. Yahoo! Health Achy Joint? Common arthritis myths debunked. 10 Day Club on Yahoo! Groups Share the benefits of a high fiber diet. . __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 3575 (20081031) __________ The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus. http://www.eset.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Hi Larry, Remember me? with the one broken rib around the time that you started to break all your ribs? OK, so we are sortof neighbors. We are in TN - firmly now, just over a year. You are in NC (Where in NC may I ask?). When I first got sick I was really scared that something like this would happen with us, because, in truth chronic illness is harder on marriages than any kind of illness. It was the first thing I learned when I went to counseling for my own grief over the loss of my career. It was something I had never even thought about or was aware of - the impact on the spouse. That is why we moved to TN, so that my husband had some help and didn't have to do 'it all' for me. So he could have some time to himself. So I guess my advice, not that I am a counselor or anything, but having watched what my husband goes through, in regards to hate seeing me sick, even worse, when I am really bad or have to have a surgery. I've tried to not talk about illness and health stuff all the time with him. Knowing what you have been through with your health in the last year, with Patti at your side, I guess I'd say, step into her shoes for just a minute and think about how horrible it would feel to see you in the hospital, for so many weeks, not even knowing if you are going to make it. She was probably sick with worry and then to add to it, worried about the finances. So she probably needs to talk to a counselor herself to work through some of her feelings and I think that if she is willing that it would be great for you to go together to counseling. Also, if you are able to talk through your issues, it sounds like the house is a big issue, so maybe it is time to downsize into a smaller house or apt if you are to make things work so that she doesn't have to work herself to death. It can be so exhausting. My husband always looks at things as a cup full, half full or empty and right now, she is a cup empty and if you want to find a way to get back together with her, you need to find a way to slowly fill up her cup again and remind her of all the reasons of why you both got married in the first place. My guess is she is very scared that she will see you in the hospital again not knowing what will happen day to day and your job is to find a way to put joy in her life each day, day by day and find a way to show her that even though you are ill, that you can still totally enjoy each others company. For me, that was not talking about illness everyday. It made a huge difference for us. We find ways to enjoy each day together. It's different than when I was healthy, but we totally enjoy our life together by giving to each other and not letting the illness be the major topic of any day (even on Doctor days - when we have to go to Nashville, we still try to make it fun if I am up to it). So hang in there, feel free to write me privately if you would like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Hi Larry, Remember me? with the one broken rib around the time that you started to break all your ribs? OK, so we are sortof neighbors. We are in TN - firmly now, just over a year. You are in NC (Where in NC may I ask?). When I first got sick I was really scared that something like this would happen with us, because, in truth chronic illness is harder on marriages than any kind of illness. It was the first thing I learned when I went to counseling for my own grief over the loss of my career. It was something I had never even thought about or was aware of - the impact on the spouse. That is why we moved to TN, so that my husband had some help and didn't have to do 'it all' for me. So he could have some time to himself. So I guess my advice, not that I am a counselor or anything, but having watched what my husband goes through, in regards to hate seeing me sick, even worse, when I am really bad or have to have a surgery. I've tried to not talk about illness and health stuff all the time with him. Knowing what you have been through with your health in the last year, with Patti at your side, I guess I'd say, step into her shoes for just a minute and think about how horrible it would feel to see you in the hospital, for so many weeks, not even knowing if you are going to make it. She was probably sick with worry and then to add to it, worried about the finances. So she probably needs to talk to a counselor herself to work through some of her feelings and I think that if she is willing that it would be great for you to go together to counseling. Also, if you are able to talk through your issues, it sounds like the house is a big issue, so maybe it is time to downsize into a smaller house or apt if you are to make things work so that she doesn't have to work herself to death. It can be so exhausting. My husband always looks at things as a cup full, half full or empty and right now, she is a cup empty and if you want to find a way to get back together with her, you need to find a way to slowly fill up her cup again and remind her of all the reasons of why you both got married in the first place. My guess is she is very scared that she will see you in the hospital again not knowing what will happen day to day and your job is to find a way to put joy in her life each day, day by day and find a way to show her that even though you are ill, that you can still totally enjoy each others company. For me, that was not talking about illness everyday. It made a huge difference for us. We find ways to enjoy each day together. It's different than when I was healthy, but we totally enjoy our life together by giving to each other and not letting the illness be the major topic of any day (even on Doctor days - when we have to go to Nashville, we still try to make it fun if I am up to it). So hang in there, feel free to write me privately if you would like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 Hi Larry, Remember me? with the one broken rib around the time that you started to break all your ribs? OK, so we are sortof neighbors. We are in TN - firmly now, just over a year. You are in NC (Where in NC may I ask?). When I first got sick I was really scared that something like this would happen with us, because, in truth chronic illness is harder on marriages than any kind of illness. It was the first thing I learned when I went to counseling for my own grief over the loss of my career. It was something I had never even thought about or was aware of - the impact on the spouse. That is why we moved to TN, so that my husband had some help and didn't have to do 'it all' for me. So he could have some time to himself. So I guess my advice, not that I am a counselor or anything, but having watched what my husband goes through, in regards to hate seeing me sick, even worse, when I am really bad or have to have a surgery. I've tried to not talk about illness and health stuff all the time with him. Knowing what you have been through with your health in the last year, with Patti at your side, I guess I'd say, step into her shoes for just a minute and think about how horrible it would feel to see you in the hospital, for so many weeks, not even knowing if you are going to make it. She was probably sick with worry and then to add to it, worried about the finances. So she probably needs to talk to a counselor herself to work through some of her feelings and I think that if she is willing that it would be great for you to go together to counseling. Also, if you are able to talk through your issues, it sounds like the house is a big issue, so maybe it is time to downsize into a smaller house or apt if you are to make things work so that she doesn't have to work herself to death. It can be so exhausting. My husband always looks at things as a cup full, half full or empty and right now, she is a cup empty and if you want to find a way to get back together with her, you need to find a way to slowly fill up her cup again and remind her of all the reasons of why you both got married in the first place. My guess is she is very scared that she will see you in the hospital again not knowing what will happen day to day and your job is to find a way to put joy in her life each day, day by day and find a way to show her that even though you are ill, that you can still totally enjoy each others company. For me, that was not talking about illness everyday. It made a huge difference for us. We find ways to enjoy each day together. It's different than when I was healthy, but we totally enjoy our life together by giving to each other and not letting the illness be the major topic of any day (even on Doctor days - when we have to go to Nashville, we still try to make it fun if I am up to it). So hang in there, feel free to write me privately if you would like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 Larry, I can't add anything to what the group has said as far as how to get things to work out... but my heart aches for you, knowing how hard it is to 'chin up' in our situations. Just know that if it doesn't work out, you CAN make it on your own, even if it seems impossible right now. Just take it one day at a time. Don't shoulder all the blame for the marriage difficulties.. in better economic times it would be easier to cope with. And you didn't choose to get Stills. It's like getting hit by a car. Chin up, and win her back if you can. *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 Dear Larry, My heart goes out to to you for all that you and your wife have been through as a result of Stills. I empathisize with you as I deal with this disease much like you do. Most of the time my attitude sucks. It wavers between self-pity and denial. I rarely consider what the effects of my often immature and unrealistic attitudes are on my wife. She has been the steady hand in this two year trial. I really had not thought about what she has been through until I read your post. Honestly, I can not give you any good advice. I have been selfish and mostly concerned about what I have lost and what I have to deal with. If it helps you in any way please accept my thanks in making me aware of how lucky I have been to have a wife who has accepted what has happened and continues to look forward to a future with me. I will try not to focus on my dissatisfaction about my condition and try to make her life easier. My thoughts and prayers will go to you and your wife. Harry S. To: Stillsdisease@...: stillsman00@...: Sat, 1 Nov 2008 10:12:52 -0700Subject: Another " Fing " Casualty Dear Frinds AND Family;I am very very saddened to send this mail out....I have put off sending it....BUT, I always turn to you guys....you folks are the ONLY constant in my life.....many of you know my wife, Patty, through various emails from me and from when I was in the Resort (as Kirk so aptly puts it).....well, hell.......a couple weeks ago she said she wants a seperation and wants me to move out of our house.....well, I ws in shock for a while.....however, I had noticed a distance from her back this summer during my second stay in hospital (6 weeks)......without going into too much detail, reasons: she is exhausted: she has carried the entire financial burden for the last 4 years...often leaving here by 5:30am and not returning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night.....working 2-3 jobs.....she makes good $ as a therapist, but this damn economy still demands 2 working!.....my SSDI came-in this past July but we all know how much that is (better than not at all that's forsure)....anyway, she is truly totally exausted and is looking for a place to rent...we ill probably just let the bank have the house...our credit is like in the gutter no matter what.....the second reason is my attitude....yep, hard to believe anyone with Still's and numerous brushes with death would have a Sh.... attitude....too true....problem is this (and please let me be an example to those of you who may be having relationship problems)....I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.....so, I was blind to the slow destruction I was Causing.......now, I plan to go talk to the folks at our local DSS office this Tuesday to see what they can help me with....I understand I can get food stamps and assist with an Apt. etc......to hell with it....I am starting all over with a chronic disease at almost 50years old leaving here with not much more than I had twenty years ago including nearly the same " income " .....I say this not feeling self-pity, but as FACTS...many of you share these same facts of life or worse...God Bless You!Please pray for me and Patty.Any suggestions or council are really welcome.Love all you people!Thanks!Larry B. from NC[Non-text portions of this message have been removed] _________________________________________________________________ See how Windows Mobile brings your life together—at home, work, or on the go. http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/msnnkwxp1020093182mrt/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 Dear Larry, My heart goes out to to you for all that you and your wife have been through as a result of Stills. I empathisize with you as I deal with this disease much like you do. Most of the time my attitude sucks. It wavers between self-pity and denial. I rarely consider what the effects of my often immature and unrealistic attitudes are on my wife. She has been the steady hand in this two year trial. I really had not thought about what she has been through until I read your post. Honestly, I can not give you any good advice. I have been selfish and mostly concerned about what I have lost and what I have to deal with. If it helps you in any way please accept my thanks in making me aware of how lucky I have been to have a wife who has accepted what has happened and continues to look forward to a future with me. I will try not to focus on my dissatisfaction about my condition and try to make her life easier. My thoughts and prayers will go to you and your wife. Harry S. To: Stillsdisease@...: stillsman00@...: Sat, 1 Nov 2008 10:12:52 -0700Subject: Another " Fing " Casualty Dear Frinds AND Family;I am very very saddened to send this mail out....I have put off sending it....BUT, I always turn to you guys....you folks are the ONLY constant in my life.....many of you know my wife, Patty, through various emails from me and from when I was in the Resort (as Kirk so aptly puts it).....well, hell.......a couple weeks ago she said she wants a seperation and wants me to move out of our house.....well, I ws in shock for a while.....however, I had noticed a distance from her back this summer during my second stay in hospital (6 weeks)......without going into too much detail, reasons: she is exhausted: she has carried the entire financial burden for the last 4 years...often leaving here by 5:30am and not returning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night.....working 2-3 jobs.....she makes good $ as a therapist, but this damn economy still demands 2 working!.....my SSDI came-in this past July but we all know how much that is (better than not at all that's forsure)....anyway, she is truly totally exausted and is looking for a place to rent...we ill probably just let the bank have the house...our credit is like in the gutter no matter what.....the second reason is my attitude....yep, hard to believe anyone with Still's and numerous brushes with death would have a Sh.... attitude....too true....problem is this (and please let me be an example to those of you who may be having relationship problems)....I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.....so, I was blind to the slow destruction I was Causing.......now, I plan to go talk to the folks at our local DSS office this Tuesday to see what they can help me with....I understand I can get food stamps and assist with an Apt. etc......to hell with it....I am starting all over with a chronic disease at almost 50years old leaving here with not much more than I had twenty years ago including nearly the same " income " .....I say this not feeling self-pity, but as FACTS...many of you share these same facts of life or worse...God Bless You!Please pray for me and Patty.Any suggestions or council are really welcome.Love all you people!Thanks!Larry B. from NC[Non-text portions of this message have been removed] _________________________________________________________________ See how Windows Mobile brings your life together—at home, work, or on the go. http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/msnnkwxp1020093182mrt/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 Dear Larry, My heart goes out to to you for all that you and your wife have been through as a result of Stills. I empathisize with you as I deal with this disease much like you do. Most of the time my attitude sucks. It wavers between self-pity and denial. I rarely consider what the effects of my often immature and unrealistic attitudes are on my wife. She has been the steady hand in this two year trial. I really had not thought about what she has been through until I read your post. Honestly, I can not give you any good advice. I have been selfish and mostly concerned about what I have lost and what I have to deal with. If it helps you in any way please accept my thanks in making me aware of how lucky I have been to have a wife who has accepted what has happened and continues to look forward to a future with me. I will try not to focus on my dissatisfaction about my condition and try to make her life easier. My thoughts and prayers will go to you and your wife. Harry S. To: Stillsdisease@...: stillsman00@...: Sat, 1 Nov 2008 10:12:52 -0700Subject: Another " Fing " Casualty Dear Frinds AND Family;I am very very saddened to send this mail out....I have put off sending it....BUT, I always turn to you guys....you folks are the ONLY constant in my life.....many of you know my wife, Patty, through various emails from me and from when I was in the Resort (as Kirk so aptly puts it).....well, hell.......a couple weeks ago she said she wants a seperation and wants me to move out of our house.....well, I ws in shock for a while.....however, I had noticed a distance from her back this summer during my second stay in hospital (6 weeks)......without going into too much detail, reasons: she is exhausted: she has carried the entire financial burden for the last 4 years...often leaving here by 5:30am and not returning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night.....working 2-3 jobs.....she makes good $ as a therapist, but this damn economy still demands 2 working!.....my SSDI came-in this past July but we all know how much that is (better than not at all that's forsure)....anyway, she is truly totally exausted and is looking for a place to rent...we ill probably just let the bank have the house...our credit is like in the gutter no matter what.....the second reason is my attitude....yep, hard to believe anyone with Still's and numerous brushes with death would have a Sh.... attitude....too true....problem is this (and please let me be an example to those of you who may be having relationship problems)....I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.....so, I was blind to the slow destruction I was Causing.......now, I plan to go talk to the folks at our local DSS office this Tuesday to see what they can help me with....I understand I can get food stamps and assist with an Apt. etc......to hell with it....I am starting all over with a chronic disease at almost 50years old leaving here with not much more than I had twenty years ago including nearly the same " income " .....I say this not feeling self-pity, but as FACTS...many of you share these same facts of life or worse...God Bless You!Please pray for me and Patty.Any suggestions or council are really welcome.Love all you people!Thanks!Larry B. from NC[Non-text portions of this message have been removed] _________________________________________________________________ See how Windows Mobile brings your life together—at home, work, or on the go. http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/msnnkwxp1020093182mrt/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2008 Report Share Posted November 3, 2008 Larry I almost do not know what to say. I can see the horror and stress from both sides and I do not like it one bit. I pray that a rest will help you both in whatever way you get it. I am thinking of you Many hugs Liz **************Plan your next getaway with AOL Travel. Check out Today's Hot 5 Travel Deals! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212416248x1200771803/aol?redir=http://\ travel.aol.com/discount-travel?ncid=emlcntustrav00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 In a message dated 11/1/2008 12:13:27 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, stillsman00@... writes: I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar attitude caused.....not even realizing it....oh no...it is far easier to wrap-up in the damn disease and all of its little consequences.I took and took and took....that is what my less than stellar I Larry I'm crying! I read your words, and it hit me. I think I have been doing the same thing! I try not to. I try to be appreciative of everything my lovey does for me. But I know I get wrapped up in this disease, and everything is always the fault of the disease.... We have agreed to go for some therapy, maybe including the kids for some of the sessions. He's a stepfather to my two and he doesn't feel appreciated by our daughter (who's turning 20 this week!).... and he's struggling to make the finances work without my income (I got denied first application for SSI and I don't qualify for state disability because as a federal employee we don't pay into it, also, I can't apply for unemployment even though they told me to take this leave of absence because they are holding my job and therefore I am not considered unemployed).... it all sucks. But I intend to make it right. If even only by talking to him about the way I really feel.... that I'm scared to death that he will give up on me one day. That even though I saw him through his disability (he's a service connected vet and got hit by a car in the military and also has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - he was a medic back in early 1980's).... long story, but even when someone is completely in love with us, they can still have their breaking point. So thank you for sharing such a personal and heartbreaking truth with us. Do you think if you shared this with her that she might be willing to do the therapy thing with you? Can it be salvaged? I can tell you from a woman's perspective, because I got divorced once after 8 years of marriage the first time. That when I said I wanted a separation, what I really wanted was for him to tell me how much he loved me and would do anything to make it work..... but he never did..... OK, going to get a tissue..... hugs, Jo **************AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212792382x1200798498/aol?redir=http://\ searchblog.aol.com/2008/11/04/happy-holidays-from -aol-search/?ncid=emlcntussear00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 In a message dated 11/1/2008 9:01:31 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, allisonssong@... writes: knowing what will happen day to day and your job is to find a way to put joy in her life each day, day by day and find a way to show her that even though you are ill, that you can still totally enjoy each others company. For me, that was not talking about illness everyday. It made a huge difference for Wow , great advice. thank you -Jo **************AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212792382x1200798498/aol?redir=http://\ searchblog.aol.com/2008/11/04/happy-holidays-from -aol-search/?ncid=emlcntussear00000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks Jo, But it really is just true of how we want to be treated regardless of whether or not we have an illness. My hubby, he wants to make me better every day. So I try to just hug him more or do the little things I can do that he hates doing. Sometimes it's just the small tiny things in life that makes a marriage so much easier. He would do anything for me and for that I am greatfull. I have to be careful to not snap when I'm tired and in pain. When I'm successful, things go great, when I'm not, well, we tend to 'stub each others toes' as we like to call it. But honestly, find the things you can do that don't exhaust you that your husband hates doing. If you start to do them, he'll notice and be so grateful that he will look past the illness, which is really the most important part. The illness doesn't own us unless we let it. and we can't let it own us because once we let anything like an illness own us, then we aren't who we are suppose to be. Hang in there. It will be ok. Alli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks Jo, But it really is just true of how we want to be treated regardless of whether or not we have an illness. My hubby, he wants to make me better every day. So I try to just hug him more or do the little things I can do that he hates doing. Sometimes it's just the small tiny things in life that makes a marriage so much easier. He would do anything for me and for that I am greatfull. I have to be careful to not snap when I'm tired and in pain. When I'm successful, things go great, when I'm not, well, we tend to 'stub each others toes' as we like to call it. But honestly, find the things you can do that don't exhaust you that your husband hates doing. If you start to do them, he'll notice and be so grateful that he will look past the illness, which is really the most important part. The illness doesn't own us unless we let it. and we can't let it own us because once we let anything like an illness own us, then we aren't who we are suppose to be. Hang in there. It will be ok. Alli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2008 Report Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks Jo, But it really is just true of how we want to be treated regardless of whether or not we have an illness. My hubby, he wants to make me better every day. So I try to just hug him more or do the little things I can do that he hates doing. Sometimes it's just the small tiny things in life that makes a marriage so much easier. He would do anything for me and for that I am greatfull. I have to be careful to not snap when I'm tired and in pain. When I'm successful, things go great, when I'm not, well, we tend to 'stub each others toes' as we like to call it. But honestly, find the things you can do that don't exhaust you that your husband hates doing. If you start to do them, he'll notice and be so grateful that he will look past the illness, which is really the most important part. The illness doesn't own us unless we let it. and we can't let it own us because once we let anything like an illness own us, then we aren't who we are suppose to be. Hang in there. It will be ok. Alli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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