Re: Question about eye contact

[Guest guest]

Hi, I dont have any suggestions for you but I am interested to see

what answers you do get because I have the same issue with my

daughter..You are not alone!!

April

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that

she WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to

become ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

When Kassiane stayed with us a couple of years ago, I asked her about eye

contact. She said it is physically painful and it's just to hard to process what

people are saying or doing when she has to look at people in the eye.

Pennie

Abby's Mom

**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel

deal here.

(http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)

[Guest guest]

I used to wear my hair in my face over my eyes and kept my head down even when I

was walking. I rarely looked people in the eye and still have to make a concious

effort to do so. For me it is still uncomfortable and makes me very self

concious, also others accuse me of scruitinizing them becasue I seem to be

studing their face and not looking them in the eyes. When I do look them in the

eyes I tend to switch my focus from eye to eye and it makes people feel wierd

because my eyes wiggle back and forth.

 

My mother got me broken of the wearing hair in my face to avaoid eye contact by

puting it up in a bun.

 

It took into my twenties to realize that I was always looking at the ground when

I walked and I have since been complimented on my stature when I walk because

once I figured it out, I learned to walk and stand tall and proud.

 

I think for me it was gaining self confidence and self awareness. Most of it had

to be brought to my attention. When I was told how rude it was to not look

someone in they eyes and how it came off that I did not mean I love you if I was

mumbling it and looking away, I started thinking about making eye contact.

 

However, if I find myself lost in a thought much of my responses are automatic

and I am still guilty of the backward wave. If I realize I am doing it I turn

around and correct myself.

 

Practice makes perfect. Modeling the behavior you want, getting her to exercise

these behaviors by anouncing everytime she wants to get up and leave the room

might be a good way for her to practice and make it more comfortable for her to

use when she is around people she does not know so well.

 

Having her watch herself in the mirror and recording what is appropriate and

inappropriate and showing it to her on video with give her a more concrete

picture of what she needs to be doing verses what she is doing.

 

It can be done, but much of it unfortionately comes with self awareness and if

she is limited in this department and a deep thinker like me, she can make

improvements but there may always be those times when the backward wave is all

you'll see.

 

http://speakup.today.com

Subject: Question about eye contact

To: autism_in_Girls

Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

Hello all,

My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact issues, however,

it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she also has anxieties, she

tends to look away or sideways from something that may be triggering stress or

panic. Recently I have noticed that she will purposefully avoid greeting

someone, especially if she has already turned away. In other words, when she

turns to walk away without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She

then rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but without

turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can redirect her and

then she will stop and turn around and make eye contact, but it does not come

natural to her. I think it is more selective with her because when there is

something or someone that she WANTS to look at she will without having to be

coaxed.

Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what if so can

you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become ingrained in my

daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

Any suggestions or advice?

Karmen

[Guest guest]

Although my daughter (5) is not officially dx yet, we have a huge problem

with this with her too! Eye contact even with us is difficult at times, and

it's usually when we are wanting to be sure she is understanding what we

say, sometimes it seems deliberate, but I'm careful to not just assume that

things like that ARE deliberate, because truth be told I just don't know.

Also Pennie, I can't for the life of me find the article now, but last year

sometime I read a thing about kids and eye contact, and while it was more

geared toward kids/people with ADHD, I found that it's very liable to be

true for kids on the spectrum too.

Anyway basically it was a study that said that when they studied a group of

children of various ages and asked them questions, ALL children had to look

away from the person briefly to answer them, but would regain eye contact

within a few seconds... but that children with ADHD consistantly looked away

for a longer time than their peers without ADHD... They were saying that the

eye contact was too much stimulation and did not allow for their brians to

process and answer the question without looking away.

Now it could very well be that what I'm seeing in is her ADHD,

because I see this in both my girls, but it is very much more prevalent in

(who I suspect to be on the spectrum).

Theresa

>

> When Kassiane stayed with us a couple of years ago, I asked her about

> eye

> contact. She said it is physically painful and it's just to hard to process

> what

> people are saying or doing when she has to look at people in the eye.

>

> Pennie

> Abby's Mom

>

> **************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your

> travel

> deal here.

> (http://information.travel.aol.com/deals?ncid=aoltrv00050000000047)

>

>

[Guest guest]

Read " The Fabric of Autism, " by Judith Bluestone for starters...

and know that we really DON'T make " eye contact " -- we reference one

another's faces for meaning, more of a facial gazing, in interactions,

we don't make eye contact for the sake of making eye contact. Working

on referencing for meaning is more beneficial and it alleviates the need

to demand meaningless eye contact.

Penny

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact issues,

however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she also has

anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something that may be

triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that she will

purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has already

turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away without saying

'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then rotates her arm to

wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but without turning back

around, stopping and making eye contact. I can redirect her and then she

will stop and turn around and make eye contact, but it does not come

natural to her. I think it is more selective with her because when there

is something or someone that she WANTS to look at she will without

having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what if

so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>My daughter has had poor eye contact since she was 2, she is now 5

and her eye contact has improved so much. I started her on B-12

shots a few months ago and the improvement came about in only a few

weeks. She now looks at me when I call her name, she never did that

before. NOT that i'm saying b-12 is for everyone, but it definitely

worked for her.

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because

she also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from

something that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have

noticed that she will purposefully avoid greeting someone,

especially if she has already turned away. In other words, when she

turns to walk away without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to

say it. She then rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her,

and says 'bye' but without turning back around, stopping and making

eye contact. I can redirect her and then she will stop and turn

around and make eye contact, but it does not come natural to her. I

think it is more selective with her because when there is something

or someone that she WANTS to look at she will without having to be

coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and

what if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to

become ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>My daughter has had poor eye contact since she was 2, she is now 5

and her eye contact has improved so much. I started her on B-12

shots a few months ago and the improvement came about in only a few

weeks. She now looks at me when I call her name, she never did that

before. NOT that i'm saying b-12 is for everyone, but it definitely

worked for her.

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because

she also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from

something that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have

noticed that she will purposefully avoid greeting someone,

especially if she has already turned away. In other words, when she

turns to walk away without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to

say it. She then rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her,

and says 'bye' but without turning back around, stopping and making

eye contact. I can redirect her and then she will stop and turn

around and make eye contact, but it does not come natural to her. I

think it is more selective with her because when there is something

or someone that she WANTS to look at she will without having to be

coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and

what if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to

become ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes it's all about focus. For a lot of ASD kids, eye contact

requires a lot of concentration. Trying to make appropriate eye

contact AND say good bye AND wave, or whatever, it's a lot to think

about at the same time. Plus, making eye contact can cause a lot of

anxiety. It's overwhelming. It's also very hard to teach. I think the

idea of video taping and letting her see how she looks is a good one.

My son is not autistic, but he has a hard time with eye contact in a

lot of situations. He just turned 5 and is highly gifted, so he has a

lot of ASD/OCD behaviors. Anyway, I asked him, " Why can't you LOOK at

me when you talk to me? " He first said he didn't know. Then he thought

about it and said, " Well, I can't look and listen and talk all at the

SAME TIME! " He also can't sit still and talk at the same time. You

know how some people pace when they talk on the phone? Yeah, he paces

all the time, even when trying to have " face to face " (lol)

conversations. Oh, he has a REALLY hard time looking at a camera and

smiling at the same time. I have a lot of pictures of him smiling and

looking to one side, or looking at the camera with an open mouth. It

helps when I SHOW him the pictures. He knows they don't look right. Of

course, the next time I pull out the camera, we have to repeat the

process. Practice, practice, practice.

Amnesty

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Yep. I like talking on the phone or in the car, where people don't

expect you to make eye contact

Amnesty

>

> I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

> someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

> that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

> talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

> autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

> prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

> something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

> contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

> other person I refuse to back down.

>

> Debi

>

[Guest guest]

Yep. I like talking on the phone or in the car, where people don't

expect you to make eye contact

Amnesty

>

> I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

> someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

> that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

> talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

> autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

> prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

> something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

> contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

> other person I refuse to back down.

>

> Debi

>

[Guest guest]

Along with what said I wonder if you can make some sort of

game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in the house

and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6 year would enjoy.

Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her look in

someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what color their

eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start with people at home

so she's comfortable. You might need to model the appropriate way to

do this so that she could then do this outside of the home. I hope

this helps.

Lori

>

>

> Subject: Question about eye contact

> To: autism_in_Girls

> Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

[Guest guest]

Along with what said I wonder if you can make some sort of

game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in the house

and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6 year would enjoy.

Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her look in

someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what color their

eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start with people at home

so she's comfortable. You might need to model the appropriate way to

do this so that she could then do this outside of the home. I hope

this helps.

Lori

>

>

> Subject: Question about eye contact

> To: autism_in_Girls

> Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

[Guest guest]

Along with what said I wonder if you can make some sort of

game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in the house

and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6 year would enjoy.

Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her look in

someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what color their

eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start with people at home

so she's comfortable. You might need to model the appropriate way to

do this so that she could then do this outside of the home. I hope

this helps.

Lori

>

>

> Subject: Question about eye contact

> To: autism_in_Girls

> Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

[Guest guest]

While a game sounds like a fun idea, I am afraid the intent might be

misunderstood. We don't look at peoples' eyes to detect eye color. A

child on the autism spectrum who is more likely to interpret this

literally, as the reason for eye contact, may misinterpret your

intentions if you make it a game. We (society in general) DO NOT make

eye contact. We reference faces for meaning. There is information in

the way people use their eyes and eyebrows, cheeks, mouths, noses, the

pitch and tone of t heir voices during conversation, and we reference

the ENTIRE package (along with gestures, body positioning, context, past

experiences), something that can't be summed up into the term " make eye

contact " .

I think that when folks insist on " eye contact " those folks may be

misrepresenting what it IS that we do when we reference and facial gaze

for meaning during interactions with others. RDI has really helped me

understand these ideas.

PennY

> >

> > From: kcboone kcboone@

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

> selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

While a game sounds like a fun idea, I am afraid the intent might be

misunderstood. We don't look at peoples' eyes to detect eye color. A

child on the autism spectrum who is more likely to interpret this

literally, as the reason for eye contact, may misinterpret your

intentions if you make it a game. We (society in general) DO NOT make

eye contact. We reference faces for meaning. There is information in

the way people use their eyes and eyebrows, cheeks, mouths, noses, the

pitch and tone of t heir voices during conversation, and we reference

the ENTIRE package (along with gestures, body positioning, context, past

experiences), something that can't be summed up into the term " make eye

contact " .

I think that when folks insist on " eye contact " those folks may be

misrepresenting what it IS that we do when we reference and facial gaze

for meaning during interactions with others. RDI has really helped me

understand these ideas.

PennY

> >

> > From: kcboone kcboone@

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

> selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

While a game sounds like a fun idea, I am afraid the intent might be

misunderstood. We don't look at peoples' eyes to detect eye color. A

child on the autism spectrum who is more likely to interpret this

literally, as the reason for eye contact, may misinterpret your

intentions if you make it a game. We (society in general) DO NOT make

eye contact. We reference faces for meaning. There is information in

the way people use their eyes and eyebrows, cheeks, mouths, noses, the

pitch and tone of t heir voices during conversation, and we reference

the ENTIRE package (along with gestures, body positioning, context, past

experiences), something that can't be summed up into the term " make eye

contact " .

I think that when folks insist on " eye contact " those folks may be

misrepresenting what it IS that we do when we reference and facial gaze

for meaning during interactions with others. RDI has really helped me

understand these ideas.

PennY

> >

> > From: kcboone kcboone@

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

> selective with her because when there is something or someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

kassi I to agree and fel FORCED eye contact is cruel and painful and

will only cause of me to avoid contact with people altogether if I to

feel that others are going to set this expectation to me to look at

their eyes.

I to teach body referencing such as turning towards the one speaking

to you to acknowledge you are of participating and hearing them. Some

of us can give of the eye contact if we do not have too much sensory

overload from the person speaking.

some of us take of the eye contact rigidly and will stare right

through the person as if we are of studying their eternal soul LOL.

and others like my children give it fleetingly to some ad fair to

others and then some they willnot engage with at all in referencing

because of the way the person presents to them is of too anxiety

producing, or they donot match up in words and movement and things of

this causes them to avoid them.

I to be of a distance only person but can give eye contact or facial

referencing to my childrens and some other children if they are much

young and not so socially advanced to with hold emotionals states in

ways that I can be to read some. children are very animated and thier

emotions are of expressed in ways that are of truth not hidden like

older children and adults learn to do. as they get older they express

things more subtley and or they build and then dump rapidly wihtout

warning and I to have not clue what caused their reactions. this is

what fears me of older people and children. children and most people

of spectrum usually use words in ways that express truth from their

beings and not a falsified way of being. they do not do things to

trick or manipulate others but use of the non verbals or words , they

usually are of reacting to the momemt by moment things and vent as

needed and cope when they are of able but the emotions expressed are

usually very true to their emotional states at that moment.

I to remember once much early into my therapy with my Dr. Amigo and

was of still cautious of him and hims ways and intent and just still

observing and exploring him to see where he was in this life towards

me. I to remember for a time I to just could be to focus only to hims

words and would engage in play with the doll house people and things

and then hims words shared somethings and it caused me to seek out

hims physical being and I to found him sitting in the chair and I to

gave of him the most intense eye contact because hims words indicated

that he was of one who is vlaidating me and he seems to understand of

me in a way no other dared to learn of me. it was somethings about

him but at the same the reality that another human was in the room

and the voice was coming from this human caused me a reality check so

to speak and it was as if it were of the frist time I to referenced

him ever and he then got of nervouse due to my eye contact and just

sat still and hims words stopped and it was as if he were studying my

intent towards him as I to studyied hims intent to me and I to think

maybe we stared at each other for what seemed like eternity but maybe

it was in real for a few seconds maybe a few minutes but ever since

then I to think this caused of me to not be of able to look at him

when he is of speaking to me, but when in group and he is of

addressing another I to look at him and study of hims mouth and eyes

and expressions and watch intensely the words leaving hims lips. I to

study of him much so because he is of different in a good way and I

to never had exposure to such a person as he is in this life and so

to me often wonder if he is like others who are one way and then

change rapidly to be of another way and yet over the 7 years of

therapy he is of consistent in hims approach to me.

And so while I to hold the strongest respect to him and want of to

please of him and let him see of my " able " side I to still no matter

how much I to want to give of him eye contact/facial referencing I to

simply cant yet. But when one of hims counselors left of hims

practice and it was of going to be a forever loss to me I to tried

much hard to give of that counselor a brief eye contact because he

too always hsared without force how much that would mean to him to be

to see of my face referencing of hims in the way of eye contact and

so even though we tried of some practice drills i to be fo only able

to give of him 1 second skims of the face before the anxiety shut of

me down and could nto do it. so when he was of letting me know he eas

of going to be of leaving then I to be of gave of him a eye contact

more as a gift from me than for the measure of referencing. because

if I to looked at him , I to be fo only able to focus to the eyes but

the words turn into jumbles masses of sounds with no meaning that is

of understood or absorbed. It is like for me one sensory channel that

is of open will shut off the others around me if I to be of attending

to a specific input such as words , or eyes and things of this.

but for me the odd is can have two channels on if I to be fo typing

and listening to music or the TV so sort of listening and watching

and typing all the same and usually can consentrate more with the

back ground noise of the tv or music playing when working on words in

a visual format such as typing but not speaking.

sondra

[Guest guest]

kassi I to agree and fel FORCED eye contact is cruel and painful and

will only cause of me to avoid contact with people altogether if I to

feel that others are going to set this expectation to me to look at

their eyes.

I to teach body referencing such as turning towards the one speaking

to you to acknowledge you are of participating and hearing them. Some

of us can give of the eye contact if we do not have too much sensory

overload from the person speaking.

some of us take of the eye contact rigidly and will stare right

through the person as if we are of studying their eternal soul LOL.

and others like my children give it fleetingly to some ad fair to

others and then some they willnot engage with at all in referencing

because of the way the person presents to them is of too anxiety

producing, or they donot match up in words and movement and things of

this causes them to avoid them.

I to be of a distance only person but can give eye contact or facial

referencing to my childrens and some other children if they are much

young and not so socially advanced to with hold emotionals states in

ways that I can be to read some. children are very animated and thier

emotions are of expressed in ways that are of truth not hidden like

older children and adults learn to do. as they get older they express

things more subtley and or they build and then dump rapidly wihtout

warning and I to have not clue what caused their reactions. this is

what fears me of older people and children. children and most people

of spectrum usually use words in ways that express truth from their

beings and not a falsified way of being. they do not do things to

trick or manipulate others but use of the non verbals or words , they

usually are of reacting to the momemt by moment things and vent as

needed and cope when they are of able but the emotions expressed are

usually very true to their emotional states at that moment.

I to remember once much early into my therapy with my Dr. Amigo and

was of still cautious of him and hims ways and intent and just still

observing and exploring him to see where he was in this life towards

me. I to remember for a time I to just could be to focus only to hims

words and would engage in play with the doll house people and things

and then hims words shared somethings and it caused me to seek out

hims physical being and I to found him sitting in the chair and I to

gave of him the most intense eye contact because hims words indicated

that he was of one who is vlaidating me and he seems to understand of

me in a way no other dared to learn of me. it was somethings about

him but at the same the reality that another human was in the room

and the voice was coming from this human caused me a reality check so

to speak and it was as if it were of the frist time I to referenced

him ever and he then got of nervouse due to my eye contact and just

sat still and hims words stopped and it was as if he were studying my

intent towards him as I to studyied hims intent to me and I to think

maybe we stared at each other for what seemed like eternity but maybe

it was in real for a few seconds maybe a few minutes but ever since

then I to think this caused of me to not be of able to look at him

when he is of speaking to me, but when in group and he is of

addressing another I to look at him and study of hims mouth and eyes

and expressions and watch intensely the words leaving hims lips. I to

study of him much so because he is of different in a good way and I

to never had exposure to such a person as he is in this life and so

to me often wonder if he is like others who are one way and then

change rapidly to be of another way and yet over the 7 years of

therapy he is of consistent in hims approach to me.

And so while I to hold the strongest respect to him and want of to

please of him and let him see of my " able " side I to still no matter

how much I to want to give of him eye contact/facial referencing I to

simply cant yet. But when one of hims counselors left of hims

practice and it was of going to be a forever loss to me I to tried

much hard to give of that counselor a brief eye contact because he

too always hsared without force how much that would mean to him to be

to see of my face referencing of hims in the way of eye contact and

so even though we tried of some practice drills i to be fo only able

to give of him 1 second skims of the face before the anxiety shut of

me down and could nto do it. so when he was of letting me know he eas

of going to be of leaving then I to be of gave of him a eye contact

more as a gift from me than for the measure of referencing. because

if I to looked at him , I to be fo only able to focus to the eyes but

the words turn into jumbles masses of sounds with no meaning that is

of understood or absorbed. It is like for me one sensory channel that

is of open will shut off the others around me if I to be of attending

to a specific input such as words , or eyes and things of this.

but for me the odd is can have two channels on if I to be fo typing

and listening to music or the TV so sort of listening and watching

and typing all the same and usually can consentrate more with the

back ground noise of the tv or music playing when working on words in

a visual format such as typing but not speaking.

sondra

[Guest guest]

kassi I to agree and fel FORCED eye contact is cruel and painful and

will only cause of me to avoid contact with people altogether if I to

feel that others are going to set this expectation to me to look at

their eyes.

I to teach body referencing such as turning towards the one speaking

to you to acknowledge you are of participating and hearing them. Some

of us can give of the eye contact if we do not have too much sensory

overload from the person speaking.

some of us take of the eye contact rigidly and will stare right

through the person as if we are of studying their eternal soul LOL.

and others like my children give it fleetingly to some ad fair to

others and then some they willnot engage with at all in referencing

because of the way the person presents to them is of too anxiety

producing, or they donot match up in words and movement and things of

this causes them to avoid them.

I to be of a distance only person but can give eye contact or facial

referencing to my childrens and some other children if they are much

young and not so socially advanced to with hold emotionals states in

ways that I can be to read some. children are very animated and thier

emotions are of expressed in ways that are of truth not hidden like

older children and adults learn to do. as they get older they express

things more subtley and or they build and then dump rapidly wihtout

warning and I to have not clue what caused their reactions. this is

what fears me of older people and children. children and most people

of spectrum usually use words in ways that express truth from their

beings and not a falsified way of being. they do not do things to

trick or manipulate others but use of the non verbals or words , they

usually are of reacting to the momemt by moment things and vent as

needed and cope when they are of able but the emotions expressed are

usually very true to their emotional states at that moment.

I to remember once much early into my therapy with my Dr. Amigo and

was of still cautious of him and hims ways and intent and just still

observing and exploring him to see where he was in this life towards

me. I to remember for a time I to just could be to focus only to hims

words and would engage in play with the doll house people and things

and then hims words shared somethings and it caused me to seek out

hims physical being and I to found him sitting in the chair and I to

gave of him the most intense eye contact because hims words indicated

that he was of one who is vlaidating me and he seems to understand of

me in a way no other dared to learn of me. it was somethings about

him but at the same the reality that another human was in the room

and the voice was coming from this human caused me a reality check so

to speak and it was as if it were of the frist time I to referenced

him ever and he then got of nervouse due to my eye contact and just

sat still and hims words stopped and it was as if he were studying my

intent towards him as I to studyied hims intent to me and I to think

maybe we stared at each other for what seemed like eternity but maybe

it was in real for a few seconds maybe a few minutes but ever since

then I to think this caused of me to not be of able to look at him

when he is of speaking to me, but when in group and he is of

addressing another I to look at him and study of hims mouth and eyes

and expressions and watch intensely the words leaving hims lips. I to

study of him much so because he is of different in a good way and I

to never had exposure to such a person as he is in this life and so

to me often wonder if he is like others who are one way and then

change rapidly to be of another way and yet over the 7 years of

therapy he is of consistent in hims approach to me.

And so while I to hold the strongest respect to him and want of to

please of him and let him see of my " able " side I to still no matter

how much I to want to give of him eye contact/facial referencing I to

simply cant yet. But when one of hims counselors left of hims

practice and it was of going to be a forever loss to me I to tried

much hard to give of that counselor a brief eye contact because he

too always hsared without force how much that would mean to him to be

to see of my face referencing of hims in the way of eye contact and

so even though we tried of some practice drills i to be fo only able

to give of him 1 second skims of the face before the anxiety shut of

me down and could nto do it. so when he was of letting me know he eas

of going to be of leaving then I to be of gave of him a eye contact

more as a gift from me than for the measure of referencing. because

if I to looked at him , I to be fo only able to focus to the eyes but

the words turn into jumbles masses of sounds with no meaning that is

of understood or absorbed. It is like for me one sensory channel that

is of open will shut off the others around me if I to be of attending

to a specific input such as words , or eyes and things of this.

but for me the odd is can have two channels on if I to be fo typing

and listening to music or the TV so sort of listening and watching

and typing all the same and usually can consentrate more with the

back ground noise of the tv or music playing when working on words in

a visual format such as typing but not speaking.

sondra

[Guest guest]

For all you ladies does it seem like if you give a man eye contact

they sometimes take it as flirting?

For all you men, why is that?

Debi

[Guest guest]

For all you ladies does it seem like if you give a man eye contact

they sometimes take it as flirting?

For all you men, why is that?

Debi

[Guest guest]

For all you ladies does it seem like if you give a man eye contact

they sometimes take it as flirting?

For all you men, why is that?

Debi