RE: Re: Question about eye contact

[Guest guest]

hi there

 

I've been a lurker on this board, and wanted to respond as i had ( and still

have) the problem with my daughter Pdd/Nos who is 8 1/2.   What I have found, is

the same as you haev.... When she is comfortable around someone ( kids family/

teachers/etc...she has NO problem looking at someone in the eye.  ) When someone

makes her uncomfortable, and she feels inadeuate or " uncool " to a certain

person, she avoids looking at them .... It actually has been a great indicator

to me o f the children that she is uncomfortable with!  

 

What I have done, is to get her to practice looking and role playing with her

stuffed animals, to remind her to make eye contact.  I always tell her , to try

and see what color the person's eyes are that she is looking at.  That gets her

to look right at them, and at least get some eye contact for the first few

minutes of a conversation!

 

Hope that helps

Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 11:18 PM

Hi, I dont have any suggestions for you but I am interested to see

what answers you do get because I have the same issue with my

daughter..You are not alone!!

April

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that

she WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to

become ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Penny- Hi there! You are very right about that eye contact thing. I never

realized that but its true, we really don't make true eye contact. We would

think someone who did that was aggressive or weird. I am buying that book you

suggest. Thanks!

-Jen

Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Monday, August 25, 2008, 3:36 PM

Read " The Fabric of Autism, " by Judith Bluestone for starters...

and know that we really DON'T make " eye contact " -- we reference one

another's faces for meaning, more of a facial gazing, in interactions,

we don't make eye contact for the sake of making eye contact. Working

on referencing for meaning is more beneficial and it alleviates the need

to demand meaningless eye contact.

Penny

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact issues,

however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she also has

anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something that may be

triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that she will

purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has already

turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away without saying

'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then rotates her arm to

wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but without turning back

around, stopping and making eye contact. I can redirect her and then she

will stop and turn around and make eye contact, but it does not come

natural to her. I think it is more selective with her because when there

is something or someone that she WANTS to look at she will without

having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what if

so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to become

ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My girl (9) does that, too. Not always, but I've never thought too much

about it. Sometimes she turns and looks at them and says " Bye " , but other

times she just reaches back and waves and says it. I don't give it much

thought, all things considered.

Don

The Whole Truth

Nothing But the Truth

So Help Me God...

>

> Hello all,

>

> My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye contact

issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective. Because she

also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from something

that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have noticed that

she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if she has

already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk away

without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say it. She then

rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says 'bye' but

without turning back around, stopping and making eye contact. I can

redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and make eye

contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is more

selective with her because when there is something or someone that

she WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

>

> Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this problem and what

if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit to

become ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her of.

>

> Any suggestions or advice?

>

> Karmen

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Gosh that sounds GHASTLY.

I've got a pretty wide circle of friends here. Like, I'm out of the house

hanging out with people 3-4 days a week, which is pretty good for a girl who

didn't start making friends till high school, right?

Know how many people's eyes I know the color of?

4. Three based on racial assumptions (so I might be wrong but I doubt it), and

one because I was really pissed at him and tried the " NTs will take you more

seriously if you look them in the eye " .

And, uh, apparently direct forced eye contact is creepy (from said friend): his

exact reaction to such was " please stop staring at me. It feels like you're

going to set me on fire " . He actually ASKED me to go back to looking at him

sideways/glancing at his mouth if I felt the need to look at him.

It's an Uncanny Valley thing, the forced eye contact is, AND it hurts. It's

totally not worth digging parental heels in on. Seriously.

Kassiane

who'd have told her parents to go jump in a lake if they tried the " what color

are XXX's eyes " thing with her

>

> Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

> To: Autism_in_Girls

> Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:09 PM

> Along with what said I wonder if you can make some

> sort of

> game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in

> the house

> and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6

> year would enjoy.

> Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her

> look in

> someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what

> color their

> eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start

> with people at home

> so she's comfortable. You might need to model the

> appropriate way to

> do this so that she could then do this outside of the home.

> I hope

> this helps.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye

> contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective.

> Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from

> something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have

> noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if

> she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk

> away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say

> it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says

> 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye

> contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and

> make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is

> more

> selective with her because when there is something or

> someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this

> problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit

> to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her

> of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Gosh that sounds GHASTLY.

I've got a pretty wide circle of friends here. Like, I'm out of the house

hanging out with people 3-4 days a week, which is pretty good for a girl who

didn't start making friends till high school, right?

Know how many people's eyes I know the color of?

4. Three based on racial assumptions (so I might be wrong but I doubt it), and

one because I was really pissed at him and tried the " NTs will take you more

seriously if you look them in the eye " .

And, uh, apparently direct forced eye contact is creepy (from said friend): his

exact reaction to such was " please stop staring at me. It feels like you're

going to set me on fire " . He actually ASKED me to go back to looking at him

sideways/glancing at his mouth if I felt the need to look at him.

It's an Uncanny Valley thing, the forced eye contact is, AND it hurts. It's

totally not worth digging parental heels in on. Seriously.

Kassiane

who'd have told her parents to go jump in a lake if they tried the " what color

are XXX's eyes " thing with her

>

> Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

> To: Autism_in_Girls

> Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:09 PM

> Along with what said I wonder if you can make some

> sort of

> game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in

> the house

> and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6

> year would enjoy.

> Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her

> look in

> someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what

> color their

> eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start

> with people at home

> so she's comfortable. You might need to model the

> appropriate way to

> do this so that she could then do this outside of the home.

> I hope

> this helps.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye

> contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective.

> Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from

> something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have

> noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if

> she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk

> away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say

> it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says

> 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye

> contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and

> make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is

> more

> selective with her because when there is something or

> someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this

> problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit

> to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her

> of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Gosh that sounds GHASTLY.

I've got a pretty wide circle of friends here. Like, I'm out of the house

hanging out with people 3-4 days a week, which is pretty good for a girl who

didn't start making friends till high school, right?

Know how many people's eyes I know the color of?

4. Three based on racial assumptions (so I might be wrong but I doubt it), and

one because I was really pissed at him and tried the " NTs will take you more

seriously if you look them in the eye " .

And, uh, apparently direct forced eye contact is creepy (from said friend): his

exact reaction to such was " please stop staring at me. It feels like you're

going to set me on fire " . He actually ASKED me to go back to looking at him

sideways/glancing at his mouth if I felt the need to look at him.

It's an Uncanny Valley thing, the forced eye contact is, AND it hurts. It's

totally not worth digging parental heels in on. Seriously.

Kassiane

who'd have told her parents to go jump in a lake if they tried the " what color

are XXX's eyes " thing with her

>

> Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

> To: Autism_in_Girls

> Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:09 PM

> Along with what said I wonder if you can make some

> sort of

> game out of it. Maybe she has to greet so many people in

> the house

> and gets a reward. I'm trying to think of what a 6

> year would enjoy.

> Or, we're trying this one with my daughter, have her

> look in

> someone's eyes as she talks to them, then tell you what

> color their

> eyes are. That's if she knows colors. I'd start

> with people at home

> so she's comfortable. You might need to model the

> appropriate way to

> do this so that she could then do this outside of the home.

> I hope

> this helps.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Subject: Question about eye contact

> > To: autism_in_Girls

> > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 7:59 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > My daughter, 6 yrs. old, has always had some mild eye

> contact

> issues, however, it is now seeming to be more selective.

> Because she

> also has anxieties, she tends to look away or sideways from

> something

> that may be triggering stress or panic. Recently I have

> noticed that

> she will purposefully avoid greeting someone, especially if

> she has

> already turned away. In other words, when she turns to walk

> away

> without saying 'goodbye' I always remind her to say

> it. She then

> rotates her arm to wave towards the back of her, and says

> 'bye' but

> without turning back around, stopping and making eye

> contact. I can

> redirect her and then she will stop and turn around and

> make eye

> contact, but it does not come natural to her. I think it is

> more

> selective with her because when there is something or

> someone that she

> WANTS to look at she will without having to be coaxed.

> >

> > Wondering if anyone else is having or has had this

> problem and what

> if so can you share your remedies. I do NOT want this habit

> to become

> ingrained in my daughter as it will be hard to break her

> of.

> >

> > Any suggestions or advice?

> >

> > Karmen

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I have only one time that I will make a valiant effort to make eye contact, when

I am telling the truth about something and I think they won't or don't believe

me. In this instance they usually get very uncomfortable...

 

I learned this one from my mom, she used to study peoples faces and I used to

watch her, I could tell when she did not believe someone or me, she would always

say, " Look at me. "

 

http://speakup.today.com

 

Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:56 AM

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I have only one time that I will make a valiant effort to make eye contact, when

I am telling the truth about something and I think they won't or don't believe

me. In this instance they usually get very uncomfortable...

 

I learned this one from my mom, she used to study peoples faces and I used to

watch her, I could tell when she did not believe someone or me, she would always

say, " Look at me. "

 

http://speakup.today.com

 

Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:56 AM

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I have only one time that I will make a valiant effort to make eye contact, when

I am telling the truth about something and I think they won't or don't believe

me. In this instance they usually get very uncomfortable...

 

I learned this one from my mom, she used to study peoples faces and I used to

watch her, I could tell when she did not believe someone or me, she would always

say, " Look at me. "

 

http://speakup.today.com

 

Subject: Re: Question about eye contact

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 9:56 AM

I do not like making eye contact, never have. The longer I stare into

someone's eyes, the dizzier it makes me feel. Anyone else ever feel

that way? I prefer to look around the room or something else while I'm

talking to someone. Never really realized it until I learned about

autism. The only time I really make eye contact is if I'm trying to

prove to someone that I'm interested, like a job interview or

something like that, or if I'm arguing with someone and make eye

contact to prevent myself from feeling intimidated or to show the

other person I refuse to back down.

Debi