Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 I am so sorry that you have this diagnosis. It is especially scary when you are a single mom. I can understand why this would frighten you. The fact is that although this is not good news, there is no better time in history to be diagnosed. If you have this, and it is diagnosed early, there is a good chance that this can be managed to permit you to do most of the things you need to do with a minimum of adjustments. I don't mean to minimize it, just to convey that most of us adapt and find treatment modalities which work for us. I too was diagnosed this year in my early forties, and I have four children. My house looks like a cyclone hit, and we plan to move to a home which will be easier for me to manage. (Gosh, I thought I'd do that at 70 !) Welcome to the group. There are great people and there is much support here. Best wishes, Jane > > > hi. i am new to this group. i am a 40 year old single mom. i have > just learned form my bloodwork, as my doctor so nicely out it, that > i have the onset of rheumatiod arthritis. i have worked like a dog > all my life to raise my two kids, including some jobs that were so > physically demanding they near made me cry. i have no idea what i am > facing and i'm scared half to death. i am supposed to go see a > specialist to have surgery on my knee. my doctor said the cartilage > is most likely shot and there is, from the x-ray results, a " growth " > on the top of my shin. my hip bones swell out to the point it hurts > to wear clothing. has anybody out there had knee trouble bad enough > to warrant surgery and if so, what can a person expect from it? any > success stories? does anybody have the same trouble hip-wise and if > so, what can a person do to get some relief apart from taking tons of > drugs which seem more controversial by the day? if anyone can give me > some insight i would greatly appreciate it thank you for taking > the time to read this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2004 Report Share Posted December 9, 2004 Hi, You need to discuss treatment options with your rheumy. It's important to get the right treatment asap. I have had RA almost 20 years and have litte joint damage in my hands because of early diagnosis and treatment. I take, methotrexate and etoricoxib for the RA and lansoprazole to protect my stomach. The best advice I can give you apart from that is see what triggers flare ups, ie, food, drink etc. Gentle exercise when you can and rest when you need to.The biggest adaption is learning ( and accepting that you have) to pace yourself. You have come to the right group, they are wonderful caring, supportive people. hugs , Lynne "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, Compared to what lies within us." '' If we lived as wolves do, the planet would be a lot cleaner place! '' -------Original Message------- From: lkoijhu Date: 12/06/04 02:06:36 Rheumatoid Arthritis Subject: new to group hi. i am new to this group. i am a 40 year old single mom. i have just learned form my bloodwork, as my doctor so nicely out it, that i have the onset of rheumatiod arthritis. i have worked like a dog all my life to raise my two kids, including some jobs that were so physically demanding they near made me cry. i have no idea what i am facing and i'm scared half to death. i am supposed to go see a specialist to have surgery on my knee. my doctor said the cartilage is most likely shot and there is, from the x-ray results, a "growth" on the top of my shin. my hip bones swell out to the point it hurts to wear clothing. has anybody out there had knee trouble bad enough to warrant surgery and if so, what can a person expect from it? any success stories? does anybody have the same trouble hip-wise and if so, what can a person do to get some relief apart from taking tons of drugs which seem more controversial by the day? if anyone can give me some insight i would greatly appreciate it thank you for taking the time to read this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2004 Report Share Posted December 10, 2004 hi, and welcome aboard. I hope you find some of the answers you seek here with us. I was widowed at 35 and raised three kids alone, so I know about stress. I have just had my 2nd hip replacement but started with knee pain; nothing wrong with my knees, I was just walking funny because of my hips. I found it helpfull to wear spandex (bicycle) shorts under my slacks, kind of like a giant ace bandage! it is a short term remedy, but it is a start. it is important to see a rheumatologist and start drug therapy asap. the earlier you start, the less damage the RA will have done. I cannot help you with the shin problem. but write often, we are always listening. gentle hugs, Marcia --- lkoijhu <hithere2001_@...> wrote: > > > hi. i am new to this group. i am a 40 year old > single mom. i have > just learned form my bloodwork, as my doctor > so nicely out it, that > i have the onset of rheumatiod arthritis. i > have worked like a dog > all my life to raise my two kids, including > some jobs that were so > physically demanding they near made me cry. i > have no idea what i am > facing and i'm scared half to death. i am > supposed to go see a > specialist to have surgery on my knee. my > doctor said the cartilage > is most likely shot and there is, from the > x-ray results, a " growth " > on the top of my shin. my hip bones swell out > to the point it hurts > to wear clothing. has anybody out there had > knee trouble bad enough > to warrant surgery and if so, what can a person > expect from it? any > success stories? does anybody have the same > trouble hip-wise and if > so, what can a person do to get some relief > apart from taking tons of > drugs which seem more controversial by the day? > if anyone can give me > some insight i would greatly appreciate it > thank you for taking > the time to read this. > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 hi Rosie I am on plaquenil and imuran it is a good combination for me I am also on remicade every 6 weeks to also prdisone 10 mg a day it is all working for me i get around pretty good i use to have a lot of pain but they put me on medadone 30mg every 6 hours that helps a lot if you need any one to talk to feel free to e-mail me if you want i will anser or here on thie board my name is Sherrie --- In Rheumatoid Arthritis , " Rose Manninger " <rosegarden112@y...> wrote: > > > Hi, My name is Rosie. > > I was diagnosed with RA about 3 years ago, that is when I started > having " real " symptons. My problem areas are my feet and knees. I > have been on plaquenil and mobic for 2 years. Sometimes, I also > take tylenol arthritis also.I chose this medication instead of the > newer injection meds because it has fewer side effects. It works > great for my hands and hips, but I still limp from the knees and my > feet are numb. > > Does anyone else out there take this medicaiton? If so, how are you > doing on it and what is your opinion. My Rhuematoligist said that I > would get about 80% relief. > > Rosie > So Cal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 Thank you Sherrie, I will email you later. Right now I have to get ready for work. I have questions. Rosie > > > > > > Hi, My name is Rosie. > > > > I was diagnosed with RA about 3 years ago, that is when I started > > having " real " symptons. My problem areas are my feet and knees. > I > > have been on plaquenil and mobic for 2 years. Sometimes, I also > > take tylenol arthritis also.I chose this medication instead of the > > newer injection meds because it has fewer side effects. It works > > great for my hands and hips, but I still limp from the knees and > my > > feet are numb. > > > > Does anyone else out there take this medicaiton? If so, how are > you > > doing on it and what is your opinion. My Rhuematoligist said that > I > > would get about 80% relief. > > > > Rosie > > So Cal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Welcome our group, Nina. I have RA, Fibro, UC and Costochondritis and this is a great support network! I take Humira and thank God that I have insurance that pays for it in full because I don't know where I would be without it. Good luck and nice to meet you, > > > Hello, I'm new to the group as of this morning. I was recently diagnosed > with RA. In addition I have Sjogren's Syndrome, Primary Biliary Cirrhosis, > Fibro, COPD and possibly Lupus (no positive blood test yet, though the doc > thinks I have it). > > The doc wants to put me on Enbrel. I have applied to get Medicare to pay > for it. Can't possibly afford it otherwise. He was thinking of giving me > Methotrexate, but because of the PBC (autoimmune liver disease) he is > concerned about the effects on my liver. Currently I take Plaquenil, > Prednisone and Darvocet. > > I am 53, married for 34 years and have one daughter. I live in North Texas > in the country and have many animals (9 dogs and a bunch of farm critters). > > Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a time. Blessings. ~A~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 Dear , it's such a common TRAP, the one you fell into. Or should I say, "couple of traps." Bless your heart. And a minister's kid to thicken the plot! Girl, you got it all handed to you on a platter -- what kind of mess you'd have to deal with and call it YOUR responsibility to make it smell like a rosebush. (Hey, hey -- it wasn't hay that made the rosebush grow!) I'd like to thump the head of anyone who thinks a victim really gets some jollys from playing the role. Yeh, that makes it easy for them to victimize, or to side with victimizers. You've got to be your own best friend, and I'm pulling for you -- I hope you get all the spiritual help you be needing. It's a long road ahead, but you'll find strength where you never expected to! Without and within. Bless you, friend. Sincerely, Evy ----- Original Message ----- From: Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 3:27 AM Subject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Liane! It means a lot. Right now I'mnot in too good a place. Feeling kinda down about some choices I made in my past. And I am not sure how to "let go" of the negativity surrounding these situations. I don't want to be a victim any longer. And it's difficult to explain to my family (especially my dad) why I made those choices. He just doesn't seem to understand. In fact he takes the opposite approach and tells me I ask to be treated the way I've been. He doesn't take any responsability for why I made those decisions. He is an ordained minister. I love church and having faith, however my dad tells me I'm not doing enough and reminds me of the mistakes I made and feels I had the choice to change what happened. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to either. I was in an abusive marriage. This man isolated me from all of my friends and family, made it seem like all I had was him and his parents. I have 2 children from a previous marraige and untill Jan '04 I had custody. Now, because of the 2nd husband I have monitored visits and my children's father moved to a different state making visitation pretty difficult. Right now I am feeling so lost and a like a complete failure. That's the condensed version of my brokenness. I want to be whole, don't want to "plot" (in my head) ways to get even with my childrens father. I just want to live, have a life and if my children come home then that's a bonus! Thanks for listening. Blessings Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: lianeqrz_legey <butterflygrisgmail> Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:09:14 AMSubject: [] Re: New to group Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 Thank you Rhonda for you words. It shows me I am indeed on the right path. I do take today as it comes and do my best not to dwell on the past. The past is what shapes me today. It's hard because my dad is the "typical" christian. He doesn't believe in angels; he thinks it's all a bunch of bull. He feels because I believe in angels that I don't believe in God and keeps saying God wants you hot or cold NOT luke warm. My dad is always criticizing me for the choices I made and make. He believes if I find a good church home that I will meet a nice person (I'm thinking just because someone goes to church doesn't make them a nice person). There are a lot of things I cannot discuss with my dad, he just doesn't understand. Even if I did explain the process of an abusive relationship he would find something to criticize about the situation. I also have seen that men in general do not understand verbal abuse (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just expressing what I have seen). Yes, I made a mistake; I'm human. Just because I believe in angels and energy doesn't mean I have no faith. My faith is stronger today then it was a year ago. I spend a lot of time in prayer. Blessings! ~A~ Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: Rhonda Rance <rhonda_rance@...> Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 2:56:44 AMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Hi , I just wanted to say hi and see if I can help at all. I know it's hard to look back at some of the choices we've had to make in life due to circumstances or whatever the situation, and not criticize oursleves for making what we (and usually our parents) call "mistakes". Our path is our own in life and each decision we make is "right" (whether it feels that way at the time is another thing!) for our progress as spirit souls. We have no need to explain ourselves, our choices, or anything we do to those who will never understand and who lack the wisdom anyway to see our progress and evolution through life. Try and focus your energy on the present and yourself and begin with ...."from this moment on" "Today's the first day of the rest of my life" sometimes get me back to working with what I need to do NOW. I can't change the past, the only thing I can do is learn from it. God know's I don't want to have to repeat some of those experiences again! This is what I think to myself about things I cant change. Ok, what have I learned? I always come to some conclusion about these things making who I am now. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are right now in this moment. You are forever evolving and will not be the same person again tomorrow. Same for us all. We are an ever evolving expression of unconditional love and all that embraces is what we ultimately strive for in this physical world. The power of God within us and God's expression through us. God is Love. Think of things that fill your heart with joy, and learning to forgive ourselves helps also, right in this moment, then we can truly forgive others and love more freely. Through each and every experience, we evolve to become more and more aware of our personal power as a spirit soul and I'm glad to hear you're not a victim anymore! Go girl. Take it back - it's yours!! Love & Light Rhonda ----- Original Message ----From: <lesliesangeleyes>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 4:57:12 PMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Liane! It means a lot. Right now I'mnot in too good a place. Feeling kinda down about some choices I made in my past. And I am not sure how to "let go" of the negativity surrounding these situations. I don't want to be a victim any longer. And it's difficult to explain to my family (especially my dad) why I made those choices. He just doesn't seem to understand. In fact he takes the opposite approach and tells me I ask to be treated the way I've been. He doesn't take any responsability for why I made those decisions. He is an ordained minister. I love church and having faith, however my dad tells me I'm not doing enough and reminds me of the mistakes I made and feels I had the choice to change what happened. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to either. I was in an abusive marriage. This man isolated me from all of my friends and family, made it seem like all I had was him and his parents. I have 2 children from a previous marraige and untill Jan '04 I had custody. Now, because of the 2nd husband I have monitored visits and my children's father moved to a different state making visitation pretty difficult. Right now I am feeling so lost and a like a complete failure. That's the condensed version of my brokenness. I want to be whole, don't want to "plot" (in my head) ways to get even with my childrens father. I just want to live, have a life and if my children come home then that's a bonus! Thanks for listening. Blessings Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: lianeqrz_legey <butterflygris@ gmail.com>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:09:14 AMSubject: [] Re: New to group Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 , we have a couple of things in common and certain stuff, not. Which doen't mean I totally understand or even need to. Let me first say, I too hope you get to the point where you feel you've suffered enough -- whatever you did or didn't do. If you thought you were doing your best at the time, forgiveness is definately due. If you acted in eyes-wide open complicity, willingly sacrificing your kids to the will of one you recognized as being unworthy of that sacrifice, may God help you! (That has to be the worst guilt available!!) My relationship with my 41 year old son took it's biggest turn this year. Ultimately, I see it as a 'right' thing to have happened, but the estrangement -- the hate he spewed -- the wound is deep. I'm just coming out of the depression, and our break came while I was digging out of a depression which had to deal with stuff that's not altogether reconciled or entirely powerless over me, as I write this. We are speaking again, but the sweetness of our relationship is forever robbed from my experience. This I accept, because he was only 6 years old, when I gave him the grown-up responsibility of chosing between living with his dad, who plead he needed a son because he'd lost his dad, young. My guilt was compounded by an early inditement for not having been born male, 73 years ago! A third daughter was a supreme insult to my macho father, and a huge disappointment to my chauvinist grand-father, and a "cluck-cluck, titch-titch from grown women relatives who knew a girl represents money out which will never be paid back, where a son will be worth his while all along the way. That's what the first "sin" I committed was -- being born female. Useless and needy. Said guilt was added to along the way with such innocent offenses as not being a great cook,not being driven ENOUGH toward domestic servatude. Never having the laundry caught up a day before I was picking clean clothes up off dirty floors, because the kids respected their authoritarian dad over me -- who wanted to be everyone's friend -- wished I could be playmate. I was a dreamer. I drew pretty pictures, wrote nice or funny or tear-jerking poetry; corresponded with everyone who ever wanted to know anything about me or mine. I danced and taught dancing. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing, had I made money. My husband liked money coming in he didn't have to do everything to get. After I divorced -- yes, I had the option to stay married, and accept beatings where there had only been verbal and emotional abuse the first ten years of our union, and instead of taking that for my children's sake, I left, believing I could do better for all our sakes. Financially speaking, I was wrong. Leaving was a mistake -- if you can believe that quality of life is worth nothing, if it is not materially better! I thought my kids could do no wrong. I was not worthy of the little princesses and prince. Their dad thought he deserved to be king -- who could blame them for anything. They grew up imperfect, but great people -- the thing that took so long was my realizing I didn't have to be an unhappy conformist to be a worthy human being. I'll just hold it here. The story is too drawn out, too complicated. Suffice it to say, I'm a mad old woman a lot of the time, but I am also a compassionate friend, and a wize old gal -- getting pretty good at patience in so many ways!! It's a long haul. At this point in my relationship with my son, the burden of forgiveness is on his shoulders, now. I've over paid and if he thinks I haven't suffered enough, that's understandable -- it's just not REALISTIC; nor compassionate, humble, kind, or loving. Those qualities, which once appeared so strong in his character have been blown away. His character developement is in his hands, now. With God's help, I know some of his gentler feelings will be returned to him someday. Whether I'm around or not to see the love is an uncertainty, but he is good inside, and I know when he's able to see his own part in OVER JUDGING everyone, he'll be a better man than ever before. It is simply out of my hands at this juncture. I cannot sell my honest self for his approval, ever again. ----- Original Message ----- From: Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:29 PM Subject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Rhonda for you words. It shows me I am indeed on the right path. I do take today as it comes and do my best not to dwell on the past. The past is what shapes me today. It's hard because my dad is the "typical" christian. He doesn't believe in angels; he thinks it's all a bunch of bull. He feels because I believe in angels that I don't believe in God and keeps saying God wants you hot or cold NOT luke warm. My dad is always criticizing me for the choices I made and make. He believes if I find a good church home that I will meet a nice person (I'm thinking just because someone goes to church doesn't make them a nice person). There are a lot of things I cannot discuss with my dad, he just doesn't understand. Even if I did explain the process of an abusive relationship he would find something to criticize about the situation. I also have seen that men in general do not understand verbal abuse (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just expressing what I have seen). Yes, I made a mistake; I'm human. Just because I believe in angels and energy doesn't mean I have no faith. My faith is stronger today then it was a year ago. I spend a lot of time in prayer. Blessings! ~A~ Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: Rhonda Rance <rhonda_rance > Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 2:56:44 AMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Hi , I just wanted to say hi and see if I can help at all. I know it's hard to look back at some of the choices we've had to make in life due to circumstances or whatever the situation, and not criticize oursleves for making what we (and usually our parents) call "mistakes". Our path is our own in life and each decision we make is "right" (whether it feels that way at the time is another thing!) for our progress as spirit souls. We have no need to explain ourselves, our choices, or anything we do to those who will never understand and who lack the wisdom anyway to see our progress and evolution through life. Try and focus your energy on the present and yourself and begin with ...."from this moment on" "Today's the first day of the rest of my life" sometimes get me back to working with what I need to do NOW. I can't change the past, the only thing I can do is learn from it. God know's I don't want to have to repeat some of those experiences again! This is what I think to myself about things I cant change. Ok, what have I learned? I always come to some conclusion about these things making who I am now. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are right now in this moment. You are forever evolving and will not be the same person again tomorrow. Same for us all. We are an ever evolving expression of unconditional love and all that embraces is what we ultimately strive for in this physical world. The power of God within us and God's expression through us. God is Love. Think of things that fill your heart with joy, and learning to forgive ourselves helps also, right in this moment, then we can truly forgive others and love more freely. Through each and every experience, we evolve to become more and more aware of our personal power as a spirit soul and I'm glad to hear you're not a victim anymore! Go girl. Take it back - it's yours!! Love & Light Rhonda ----- Original Message ----From: <lesliesangeleyes>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 4:57:12 PMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Liane! It means a lot. Right now I'mnot in too good a place. Feeling kinda down about some choices I made in my past. And I am not sure how to "let go" of the negativity surrounding these situations. I don't want to be a victim any longer. And it's difficult to explain to my family (especially my dad) why I made those choices. He just doesn't seem to understand. In fact he takes the opposite approach and tells me I ask to be treated the way I've been. He doesn't take any responsability for why I made those decisions. He is an ordained minister. I love church and having faith, however my dad tells me I'm not doing enough and reminds me of the mistakes I made and feels I had the choice to change what happened. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to either. I was in an abusive marriage. This man isolated me from all of my friends and family, made it seem like all I had was him and his parents. I have 2 children from a previous marraige and untill Jan '04 I had custody. Now, because of the 2nd husband I have monitored visits and my children's father moved to a different state making visitation pretty difficult. Right now I am feeling so lost and a like a complete failure. That's the condensed version of my brokenness. I want to be whole, don't want to "plot" (in my head) ways to get even with my childrens father. I just want to live, have a life and if my children come home then that's a bonus! Thanks for listening. Blessings Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: lianeqrz_legey <butterflygris@ gmail.com>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:09:14 AMSubject: [] Re: New to group Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 Thank you for sharing your struggles. I was 19 when I first married (he was my highschool sweetheart). We were like oil and water. We argued a lot. My dad pleaded for us to wait to get married, but I thought I had all the answers. After we married my dad pleaded to wait 5-6 yrs before having kids. It didn't work out that way. He loves his grandchildren but I suppose he was wise in his judgment of my first husband. We divorced. He remarried 6 mo after our divorce was final, was inconsistant with his visitation and behind in child support. So, I was a struggling single parent of 2 children 18 mo apart and daycare costs were high, had to rob peter to pay paul and even that didn't work, I was still 2 months behind in my daughters daycare. My son needed to be in counseling, he was having issues in school and daycare; got kicked out of one daycare had to get him enrolled in another school that had daycare on the premisis which he eventually got kicked out of that one also. During this time his dad stopped seeing them entirely and my son took it rather hard; we had joint legal custody so I couldn't get him in counseling without his dads approval. Well, his relatives were telling me he was moving from hotel to hotel and he didn't resurface until July 03. Well, I met what I thought was my knight in shining armor (turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing). My children loved him and wanted him to move in with us to be a "family" so that is what happened. Things were ok for a while but then he started drinking a lot. With the drinking came the verbal abuse and demands. He expected too much out of my son (my son was 6 1/2). As time passes weird things would happen when he was drunk one of which was that he held a knife to my throat and was questioning me as if I was in the military. He believed he was the king of the castle, his word was final. His punishments were harsh (I told him but it didn't matter). Looking back on the situation I should NEVER have allowed him to punish my children. Well, more verbal abuse and so.me physical abuse now and by this time I was afraid of him so I didn't think I could leave. And when he physically abused my son I didn't call the police (this is the thing I was referring to about giving my son the responsibility that an adult should have made, he didn't want his "daddy" to get in trouble-go to jail; this was also the time his own father disappeared). I knew what happened was wrong but at the same time my son didn't want him to be punished even after I explained what happened was wrong and he should be punished. Now his dad is back in the picture and stories are coming out and instead of talking to me about it he went to the sheriffs station, my kids were removed from my home that day (that is the day a part of me died). Everything was spinning out of control and a big blur. I kept telling myself that it was just a dream and the kids were coming home. Well, it's been 3 years and now they live in another state. So, it's time to get my head out of the clouds, make ammends and build a relationship with my son who is now 11 and daughter who is 9. I do hope in time I can forgive myself for allowing a monster to come into my home and "play" the daddy role. My children didn't deserve to be treated as he treated them, no child does. And because I was in fear of this man I couldn't protect te most important thing to me; my children. Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: EVELYN BELL <beleve2005@...> Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:04:14 PMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group , we have a couple of things in common and certain stuff, not. Which doen't mean I totally understand or even need to. Let me first say, I too hope you get to the point where you feel you've suffered enough -- whatever you did or didn't do. If you thought you were doing your best at the time, forgiveness is definately due. If you acted in eyes-wide open complicity, willingly sacrificing your kids to the will of one you recognized as being unworthy of that sacrifice, may God help you! (That has to be the worst guilt available!!) My relationship with my 41 year old son took it's biggest turn this year. Ultimately, I see it as a 'right' thing to have happened, but the estrangement -- the hate he spewed -- the wound is deep. I'm just coming out of the depression, and our break came while I was digging out of a depression which had to deal with stuff that's not altogether reconciled or entirely powerless over me, as I write this. We are speaking again, but the sweetness of our relationship is forever robbed from my experience. This I accept, because he was only 6 years old, when I gave him the grown-up responsibility of chosing between living with his dad, who plead he needed a son because he'd lost his dad, young. My guilt was compounded by an early inditement for not having been born male, 73 years ago! A third daughter was a supreme insult to my macho father, and a huge disappointment to my chauvinist grand-father, and a "cluck-cluck, titch-titch from grown women relatives who knew a girl represents money out which will never be paid back, where a son will be worth his while all along the way. That's what the first "sin" I committed was -- being born female. Useless and needy. Said guilt was added to along the way with such innocent offenses as not being a great cook,not being driven ENOUGH toward domestic servatude. Never having the laundry caught up a day before I was picking clean clothes up off dirty floors, because the kids respected their authoritarian dad over me -- who wanted to be everyone's friend -- wished I could be playmate. I was a dreamer. I drew pretty pictures, wrote nice or funny or tear-jerking poetry; corresponded with everyone who ever wanted to know anything about me or mine. I danced and taught dancing. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing, had I made money. My husband liked money coming in he didn't have to do everything to get. After I divorced -- yes, I had the option to stay married, and accept beatings where there had only been verbal and emotional abuse the first ten years of our union, and instead of taking that for my children's sake, I left, believing I could do better for all our sakes. Financially speaking, I was wrong. Leaving was a mistake -- if you can believe that quality of life is worth nothing, if it is not materially better! I thought my kids could do no wrong. I was not worthy of the little princesses and prince. Their dad thought he deserved to be king -- who could blame them for anything. They grew up imperfect, but great people -- the thing that took so long was my realizing I didn't have to be an unhappy conformist to be a worthy human being. I'll just hold it here. The story is too drawn out, too complicated. Suffice it to say, I'm a mad old woman a lot of the time, but I am also a compassionate friend, and a wize old gal -- getting pretty good at patience in so many ways!! It's a long haul. At this point in my relationship with my son, the burden of forgiveness is on his shoulders, now. I've over paid and if he thinks I haven't suffered enough, that's understandable -- it's just not REALISTIC; nor compassionate, humble, kind, or loving. Those qualities, which once appeared so strong in his character have been blown away. His character developement is in his hands, now. With God's help, I know some of his gentler feelings will be returned to him someday. Whether I'm around or not to see the love is an uncertainty, but he is good inside, and I know when he's able to see his own part in OVER JUDGING everyone, he'll be a better man than ever before. It is simply out of my hands at this juncture. I cannot sell my honest self for his approval, ever again. ----- Original Message ----- From: Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:29 PM Subject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Rhonda for you words. It shows me I am indeed on the right path. I do take today as it comes and do my best not to dwell on the past. The past is what shapes me today. It's hard because my dad is the "typical" christian. He doesn't believe in angels; he thinks it's all a bunch of bull. He feels because I believe in angels that I don't believe in God and keeps saying God wants you hot or cold NOT luke warm. My dad is always criticizing me for the choices I made and make. He believes if I find a good church home that I will meet a nice person (I'm thinking just because someone goes to church doesn't make them a nice person). There are a lot of things I cannot discuss with my dad, he just doesn't understand. Even if I did explain the process of an abusive relationship he would find something to criticize about the situation. I also have seen that men in general do not understand verbal abuse (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just expressing what I have seen). Yes, I made a mistake; I'm human. Just because I believe in angels and energy doesn't mean I have no faith. My faith is stronger today then it was a year ago. I spend a lot of time in prayer. Blessings! ~A~ Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: Rhonda Rance <rhonda_rance>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 2:56:44 AMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Hi , I just wanted to say hi and see if I can help at all. I know it's hard to look back at some of the choices we've had to make in life due to circumstances or whatever the situation, and not criticize oursleves for making what we (and usually our parents) call "mistakes". Our path is our own in life and each decision we make is "right" (whether it feels that way at the time is another thing!) for our progress as spirit souls. We have no need to explain ourselves, our choices, or anything we do to those who will never understand and who lack the wisdom anyway to see our progress and evolution through life. Try and focus your energy on the present and yourself and begin with ...."from this moment on" "Today's the first day of the rest of my life" sometimes get me back to working with what I need to do NOW. I can't change the past, the only thing I can do is learn from it. God know's I don't want to have to repeat some of those experiences again! This is what I think to myself about things I cant change. Ok, what have I learned? I always come to some conclusion about these things making who I am now. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are right now in this moment. You are forever evolving and will not be the same person again tomorrow. Same for us all. We are an ever evolving expression of unconditional love and all that embraces is what we ultimately strive for in this physical world. The power of God within us and God's expression through us. God is Love. Think of things that fill your heart with joy, and learning to forgive ourselves helps also, right in this moment, then we can truly forgive others and love more freely. Through each and every experience, we evolve to become more and more aware of our personal power as a spirit soul and I'm glad to hear you're not a victim anymore! Go girl. Take it back - it's yours!! Love & Light Rhonda ----- Original Message ----From: <lesliesangeleyes>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 4:57:12 PMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Liane! It means a lot. Right now I'mnot in too good a place. Feeling kinda down about some choices I made in my past. And I am not sure how to "let go" of the negativity surrounding these situations. I don't want to be a victim any longer. And it's difficult to explain to my family (especially my dad) why I made those choices. He just doesn't seem to understand. In fact he takes the opposite approach and tells me I ask to be treated the way I've been. He doesn't take any responsability for why I made those decisions. He is an ordained minister. I love church and having faith, however my dad tells me I'm not doing enough and reminds me of the mistakes I made and feels I had the choice to change what happened. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to either. I was in an abusive marriage. This man isolated me from all of my friends and family, made it seem like all I had was him and his parents. I have 2 children from a previous marraige and untill Jan '04 I had custody. Now, because of the 2nd husband I have monitored visits and my children's father moved to a different state making visitation pretty difficult. Right now I am feeling so lost and a like a complete failure. That's the condensed version of my brokenness. I want to be whole, don't want to "plot" (in my head) ways to get even with my childrens father. I just want to live, have a life and if my children come home then that's a bonus! Thanks for listening. Blessings Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: lianeqrz_legey <butterflygris@ gmail.com>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:09:14 AMSubject: [] Re: New to group Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links. Get the free toolbar and rest assured with the added security of spyware protection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 Hi everyone, Just wanted to say a quick hi to our new members and let everyone needing prayers; , Laurie, , , Gayle, Tony, , Kanta, , Estrella, Kim, , Nan and anyone else I missed, that I'm praying for strength and courage, peace and love for you all. , Laurie, , Kanta, heartfelt thank you for your messages. Liane and this game sounds like fun! Thank you. I'll give it a go! We all walk our own path in life, but we find we are never alone. Thank you all for being here with me on this part of my journey. I believe exciting things are about to happen for me. The worst has got to be over! I'm also a dreamer and sometimes prone to delusions of granduer, but....... Well, we all have to have something to believe in and something to look forward to. Works for me Love and Light to all, and with Love, Rhondie ----- Original Message ----From: <lesliesangeleyes@...> Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 9:59:10 AMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Rhonda for you words. It shows me I am indeed on the right path. I do take today as it comes and do my best not to dwell on the past. The past is what shapes me today. It's hard because my dad is the "typical" christian. He doesn't believe in angels; he thinks it's all a bunch of bull. He feels because I believe in angels that I don't believe in God and keeps saying God wants you hot or cold NOT luke warm. My dad is always criticizing me for the choices I made and make. He believes if I find a good church home that I will meet a nice person (I'm thinking just because someone goes to church doesn't make them a nice person). There are a lot of things I cannot discuss with my dad, he just doesn't understand. Even if I did explain the process of an abusive relationship he would find something to criticize about the situation. I also have seen that men in general do not understand verbal abuse (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just expressing what I have seen). Yes, I made a mistake; I'm human. Just because I believe in angels and energy doesn't mean I have no faith. My faith is stronger today then it was a year ago. I spend a lot of time in prayer. Blessings! ~A~ Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: Rhonda Rance <rhonda_rance>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 2:56:44 AMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Hi , I just wanted to say hi and see if I can help at all. I know it's hard to look back at some of the choices we've had to make in life due to circumstances or whatever the situation, and not criticize oursleves for making what we (and usually our parents) call "mistakes". Our path is our own in life and each decision we make is "right" (whether it feels that way at the time is another thing!) for our progress as spirit souls. We have no need to explain ourselves, our choices, or anything we do to those who will never understand and who lack the wisdom anyway to see our progress and evolution through life. Try and focus your energy on the present and yourself and begin with ...."from this moment on" "Today's the first day of the rest of my life" sometimes get me back to working with what I need to do NOW. I can't change the past, the only thing I can do is learn from it. God know's I don't want to have to repeat some of those experiences again! This is what I think to myself about things I cant change. Ok, what have I learned? I always come to some conclusion about these things making who I am now. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are right now in this moment. You are forever evolving and will not be the same person again tomorrow. Same for us all. We are an ever evolving expression of unconditional love and all that embraces is what we ultimately strive for in this physical world. The power of God within us and God's expression through us. God is Love. Think of things that fill your heart with joy, and learning to forgive ourselves helps also, right in this moment, then we can truly forgive others and love more freely. Through each and every experience, we evolve to become more and more aware of our personal power as a spirit soul and I'm glad to hear you're not a victim anymore! Go girl. Take it back - it's yours!! Love & Light Rhonda ----- Original Message ----From: <lesliesangeleyes>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 4:57:12 PMSubject: Re: [] Re: New to group Thank you Liane! It means a lot. Right now I'mnot in too good a place. Feeling kinda down about some choices I made in my past. And I am not sure how to "let go" of the negativity surrounding these situations. I don't want to be a victim any longer. And it's difficult to explain to my family (especially my dad) why I made those choices. He just doesn't seem to understand. In fact he takes the opposite approach and tells me I ask to be treated the way I've been. He doesn't take any responsability for why I made those decisions. He is an ordained minister. I love church and having faith, however my dad tells me I'm not doing enough and reminds me of the mistakes I made and feels I had the choice to change what happened. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to either. I was in an abusive marriage. This man isolated me from all of my friends and family, made it seem like all I had was him and his parents. I have 2 children from a previous marraige and untill Jan '04 I had custody. Now, because of the 2nd husband I have monitored visits and my children's father moved to a different state making visitation pretty difficult. Right now I am feeling so lost and a like a complete failure. That's the condensed version of my brokenness. I want to be whole, don't want to "plot" (in my head) ways to get even with my childrens father. I just want to live, have a life and if my children come home then that's a bonus! Thanks for listening. Blessings Domestic Violence is a Crime! Be silent NO more! Be safe & Blessed! ~A~ ----- Original Message ----From: lianeqrz_legey <butterflygris@ gmail.com>Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:09:14 AMSubject: [] Re: New to group Hello , Welcome to our family...it is great to see you here , and we are all here to learn with each other's experiences and support. Please feel free to post your questions, thoughts , and any thing you think it is inspirational, (including jokes, because humor and laughs are always welcome here.It is just great that you start talking with us. One more time, welcome to our little "growing" family. A big welcome hug for you Love and blessings, Liane >> Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I wanted to say that so far I > love this site and what it represents. I have been through many things > in life that has blocked me from following the correct path. I still > struggle from those issues today. For now I take things one day at a > time. Blessings. ~A~> Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links. Got a little couch potato? Check out fun summer activities for kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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