some what of a down day for me ( sorry long because of thinking and being mad and depresed right now)

[Guest guest]

Hello all well today is kind of a downer for me. I am missing my kids big time

and again as normal for some years now my daughter dose not even say hi or any

thing and today being my 49th birthday it really is getting to me mentally.

She and I were very close before the ex pulled her stuff and then divorced me.

When I would go to see her and my son (700 miles away from Me.) her mother would

all of a sudden have to take her shopping or some thing so that I could not see

her. (There mother was also very very jealous of how close the kids and I were

she used to say things like “I loved them more then her.” .this would happen if

I just showed up or if I let them know weeks a head of time. I do have

visitation rights but there a joke also the court ordered them like this. WHEN,

WERE, AND HOW THE MOTHER SAYS IT IS TO BE. that is actually how the court

ordered them if you can believe that so you know how often I see my daughter or

did my son tell he turned 18 in fact from

divorce final to today not at all tell 18 but one time the first year and only

for a half day period .some time after that my daughter was even afraid to be

alone with me. Her mom has some how brain washed her and made her scared of me

with a big part of it being my having stills (she tells them things like “you

can not be in a car with him because what if some thing happened or what would

you do if his medication made him try to hurt you because it made him crazy and

you know he is now crazy because of the stills look how he sleeps all the time

or how he has passes out from the meds if he dose that with you it could kill

you.. Or what if he kidnaps you and will not let you come home or try's to kill

you to get at me. I know this as my son tape recorded it secretly one time and

let me hear it. Can you even believe some one telling there kids things like

this and yet in an emergency you’re the first one the mother calls yet even

before her husband give me a break.) Also

the reason I was divorced or I would say the biggest part like 90 %. Hell my

daughter comes to calif a few times a year three miles from my mother’s house

and yet ever she has not seen or heard from my daughter as long as I have not.

there mother is sick mentally I believe (I say this from also living with her)

Yet the courts basically gave me no right with my kids to speak of and just made

me a pay check as in child support’ I still believe support should be tied to

visits if you do not get them then you also do not get any money. By the way I

hate the feminist movement as bad as my mother and wife do. I feel it did more

harm to families and relationships then it did and good. Now days it is all

about me not an I am part of a family or such... it seams Christmas, her b day

mine and father’s day hit me really hard. Right now being so broke we are

letting all bills go past due just trying to keep food and a house running with

utility and rent paid is taxing us beyond our

means. I am selling my motorcycle on of the few joys I have and also my fishing

boat a little one man pontoon thing just so we can make it. Just seams that the

more and harder I try to work things out the more down I am getting. no were

near were I was when I first got stills and then divorced when I tried to do the

world a favor by taking my self out of this place no nothing like that just

feeling down and well hurt . the last works my daughter said to me over 4 years

ago now was this " dad I am so sorry you have been hurt so bad .No one should be

hurt like you have no one .I am sorry I have hurt you. " this was left on my

phone and like I said I have not heard on word from then on .the hurt just keeps

going and in some ways I know it hurts my wife as she knows how much I love my

kids and her kids and well like a good partner in life she feels my pain as I

feel hers in things

Sorry just needed to talk some to others besides laying it on my wife all the

time. Thanks for listing and being here I love ya all and glad you’re all part

of my bigger family

Hugs

Marty the sad calif redneck.

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