Guest guest Posted February 1, 2002 Report Share Posted February 1, 2002 Hi there - at least it's Friday! We went through something similar in second grade. My daughter spent a HUGE amount of time in the nurse's office or the principal's office because she was panicking. What solved the problem for us really was medication (Paxil), but what helped quite a bit was getting everyone at school on the same page. We told them that scolding her or embarassing her would make it much worse, and that drawing attention to it made it harder for her to return to class. We asked them to let her leave if she had to, go to the office and get distracted, but return within 15 minutes maximum. And she couldn't call me (after a while). She made it all through third grade with only a few episodes, and has only had one in fourth grade. We have stressed over and over that she has to just wait the feeling out - that the panicky feeling will ALWAYS go away (we explained it in terms of physiology and adrenaline, etc. She likes scientific explanations) and that each time she stays in class during one of these episodes it will get easier. And she discovered (amazing thing!) that we were right. I hope this helps.? Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2002 Report Share Posted February 1, 2002 Hi there - at least it's Friday! We went through something similar in second grade. My daughter spent a HUGE amount of time in the nurse's office or the principal's office because she was panicking. What solved the problem for us really was medication (Paxil), but what helped quite a bit was getting everyone at school on the same page. We told them that scolding her or embarassing her would make it much worse, and that drawing attention to it made it harder for her to return to class. We asked them to let her leave if she had to, go to the office and get distracted, but return within 15 minutes maximum. And she couldn't call me (after a while). She made it all through third grade with only a few episodes, and has only had one in fourth grade. We have stressed over and over that she has to just wait the feeling out - that the panicky feeling will ALWAYS go away (we explained it in terms of physiology and adrenaline, etc. She likes scientific explanations) and that each time she stays in class during one of these episodes it will get easier. And she discovered (amazing thing!) that we were right. I hope this helps.? Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2002 Report Share Posted February 1, 2002 Hi again! Forgive me, you probably said in another post, but WHERE does she go when she has to leave the classroom? Can't she take her work with her - social studies book to read, math, etc.? Although I know most of it has to be " taught. " I was just thinking if she can't stay in the classroom but stays at school somewhere, can the school not have an alternate place for her to do some of the work on her own? OR, is she like my 13 y/o who has trouble even DOING some of the work; like some days he can't do much writing and some days refuses to read? I have to admit he does MORE at school than at home. Don't feel bad about your outburst, couldn't have been any worse than mine have been, so get in line I've said the same thing and worse. That if I wasn't helping him out, he'd fail. That in future years he will fail as I can't keep doing this forever! He has GOT to begin overcoming some of this, even just one " problem " at a time. Oh, and much worse! So hang in there, and know you are NOT alone! > Hi all...... > My daughter went to school today. I asked her how it was and she > informed me that she made it to only one of her classes for 10 > minutes and that is it. She did not even try to go to any of her > other classes. I yelled at her and told her that if she does not > start to do for herself, nobody can do it for her, she has to try > harder to make herself go to her classes. She yelled back that she > was sick of me asking her to try harder. I then asked her how it > would feel to repeat 7th grade. She does not want to and understands > that is a possibility if she does not even try, but she says trying > is even hard. I suspect some of it may be that she is trying to see > how much she can get by with and that some of it is really ocd > related. I did not mean to yell, but did only after she asked if she > could go somewhere tonight. That set me off. Anyone else go through > this? What did you do? Any suggestions? After that and after she > knew I was going to stand my ground and not let her go anywhere, she > was fine, she did not argue....which shocked me. That had to have > been a first in a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 she goes to the student services department and can do some of her homework but she says that it is sometimes so bad she cant even concentrate on the task at hand. They are willing to work with her but we all are getting to the point of, if we cant make her understand that she has to want to help herself also, how can we force her to? Thanks for the input... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 Judy: I understand what you say, and I am sure that some of 's problems are " seeing what she can get by with " not all ocd (After all, she will be 13 next month and that is about the time I went thru the " attitude " with her older sister...) up until all of this happened, her and I were mother and daughter but also buddies, we did everything together. It's really wierd, one minute she will be in my room watching a movie with me or joking around or just talking and the next minute she acts like I have the plague. I am in an immobilizer from the top of my leg to almost my ankle and cannot drive right now and probably wont be able to for quite a while, and she even said to me that I should not have allowed myself to get hurt.....like I did it on purpose. Now she is " forced " into doing things for herself as I admit, I did alot for her, and she is not liking it too much. The therapist said that it could be a very good thing because it forces her to do some of the things I would otherwise would have done for her and have a hard time quitting doing for her and a good thing for me because I am forced now not to give in and do it for her. She is right I know, it just hurts to think I'm losing the battle in getting her better. Now that knows she has to do for herself, it is making her angry. I have noticed in the past week her symptom monitoring has seemed to act up a little more also. Could be from me being hurt??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 Yes, she is going to start to do for herself around here. We have a schedule worked out where they have to do things that I cannot do (Which right now, the only things I can do is go to the bathroom, the bed or couch). This, they understand, could possibly go on for many many weeks or months. (I crushed my leg in an industrial accident. It is not broken, but the ligaments in my knee are gone and I cannot even stand on the leg and go for the MRI results Monday. IF the results are as bad as we think they are going to be, I could be laid off for anywhere from 6 to 18 weeks or so, depending on how involved the surgery will be.) There is a possibility that if the damage is as serious as it very well might be, I could even have to stay in the hospital for a day or two, which will leave her lost. (The safety net of me.) So, she will hopefully become more self sufficient, and less angry. The therapist said, too bad for me, but this could be a blessing in disguise. Will see how this all plays out in a week or two and hope the anger subsides. I also think I want to get her on different meds (Or a higher dose) as paxil did not work in any way, shape or form and she is now on zoloft and after 6 weeks, she is a little better, but nothing to write home about. Docs say that finding the right meds are hit and miss, but possibly upping the dosage might help. It seems to work but a little more may be what she needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 , thanks. I just talked to her about your email which sounds like an excellent idea, about going back to class after a max. of 15 minutes of leaving, she at first looked at me like I had two heads and then said, Mom you know I really dont want to be like this. I thank you for your suggestion and I am going to run it by the guidance counselor on Monday, they may think she is causing disruption enough, but this could work if they agree to enforce it with me. > Hi there - at least it's Friday! > We went through something similar in second grade. My daughter spent a HUGE > amount of time in the nurse's office or the principal's office because she > was panicking. What solved the problem for us really was medication (Paxil), > but what helped quite a bit was getting everyone at school on the same page. > We told them that scolding her or embarassing her would make it much worse, > and that drawing attention to it made it harder for her to return to class. > We asked them to let her leave if she had to, go to the office and get > distracted, but return within 15 minutes maximum. And she couldn't call me > (after a while). She made it all through third grade with only a few > episodes, and has only had one in fourth grade. We have stressed over and > over that she has to just wait the feeling out - that the panicky feeling > will ALWAYS go away (we explained it in terms of physiology and adrenaline, > etc. She likes scientific explanations) and that each time she stays in class > during one of these episodes it will get easier. And she discovered (amazing > thing!) that we were right. > I hope this helps.? Good luck! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 Hi! might be getting angry right now but as you will be " laid up " for a while and has to do for herself, I'll bet the anger eases up. IMO, the anger is related to the OCD in a way. gets soooo tense and sometimes I can see the anger building up in him too when I hassle him about doing for himself, or TRYING to, or I hold back FROM helping him (which I shouldn't even do anyway). And this is from the one child of my 3 that practically never showed any anger for years, my most laidback, patient, calm, sensible, GOOD child. When he first had the OCD so severely, I remember how he had just the previous months started showing a little bit of a short temper. And also started finally standing up for himself with his brothers. I had thought that all the years of " taking it " from them without fighting back or saying anything to their taunts or picking on him had finally taken its toll and he was fed up. And maybe so. But now that we have lived with his OCD for about 1 1/2 yrs. and I see him show anger towards " me " when his anxiety builds up, I see that a lot of it is from the anxiety that his OCD produces. And then again, he has been going thru puberty too. Heck, if I didn't have to work ( & I don't actually want to break a leg), I'd go buy a cast and sit for 6 weeks and see how he'd do when I can't do anything for him. He'd come home from school and I could say " guess what, I broke my leg today! You'll all have to help me out. " I'm sure he'd be in a VERY bad mood for the first 2-3 weeks and also his OCD behaviors would last longer but it would have to ease up, I think. One of the things that has bothered me about and his OCD is that even tho I KNOW he is trying in his own way to get thru each " episode " in the shortest amount of time, " I " am still too involved in it at times. Anyway, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF as your body has been through what had to be a shock to it, get plenty of rest and HEAL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2002 Report Share Posted February 3, 2002 I agree entirely here Judy. It has not been so hard for me to understand my daughter, since I had similar struggles (but does not mean I've aways been patient either!) but tough for my husband to understand. He has learned to be calm but it did not take many confrontations (with yelling at her) before she developed an animosity and avoidance (almost phobic)towards him that, even now, doing better,she distrusts him, avoids him and is not open about her feelings. In part this is due I think to the extra sensitive nature that I beleive people with OCD can have, they take slights very hard and ruminate on it. It is hard to balance challenging the fears and/or avoidance with remaining compassionate, especially when the child is only too willing to blame the parents or scape goat (thus avoiding recognition of the true problem). That can happen if the parent doesn't try to stay calm and cool most of the time! It pays to keep communication open as possible. nancy grace > Certainly I have been through this (and continue to go thru it from time to > time). I have learned that yelling is counter productive. And I try to > give him the benefit of the doubt even if I suspect he may be trying to get > away with something under the guise of OCD. There is nothing quite so > demoralizing as to be blamed for your problems--I know from personal > experience with ADD. Nothing makes Dan give up and quit trying as much as > being told he is not trying hard enough. We cannot possibly know how hard > they are trying. Just because it would be easy for us to do something (like > attend class), that doesn't mean our child is not trying hard because he/she > can't. They have to learn ways to gain the ability to do these extremely > difficult (for them) things, and that they learn through carefully guided > ERP. > > If your child believes that you believe in her, trust her, and empathize > with her pain, that will go a long way toward giving her more confidence in > herself and her ability to overcome her severe anxieties through therapy and > medication. > > I know it's hard to be patient, but it pays off in more help for your child > and a better relationship between the two of you. > > Judy > bad day at school > > > Hi all...... > My daughter went to school today. I asked her how it was and she > informed me that she made it to only one of her classes for 10 > minutes and that is it. She did not even try to go to any of her > other classes. I yelled at her and told her that if she does not > start to do for herself, nobody can do it for her, she has to try > harder to make herself go to her classes. She yelled back that she > was sick of me asking her to try harder. I then asked her how it > would feel to repeat 7th grade. She does not want to and understands > that is a possibility if she does not even try, but she says trying > is even hard. I suspect some of it may be that she is trying to see > how much she can get by with and that some of it is really ocd > related. I did not mean to yell, but did only after she asked if she > could go somewhere tonight. That set me off. Anyone else go through > this? What did you do? Any suggestions? After that and after she > knew I was going to stand my ground and not let her go anywhere, she > was fine, she did not argue....which shocked me. That had to have > been a first in a long time. > > > Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., > and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, > Joye, Kathy Mac, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , > Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions > may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@y... or > louisharkins@h... . > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 3, 2002 Report Share Posted February 3, 2002 I agree entirely here Judy. It has not been so hard for me to understand my daughter, since I had similar struggles (but does not mean I've aways been patient either!) but tough for my husband to understand. He has learned to be calm but it did not take many confrontations (with yelling at her) before she developed an animosity and avoidance (almost phobic)towards him that, even now, doing better,she distrusts him, avoids him and is not open about her feelings. In part this is due I think to the extra sensitive nature that I beleive people with OCD can have, they take slights very hard and ruminate on it. It is hard to balance challenging the fears and/or avoidance with remaining compassionate, especially when the child is only too willing to blame the parents or scape goat (thus avoiding recognition of the true problem). That can happen if the parent doesn't try to stay calm and cool most of the time! It pays to keep communication open as possible. nancy grace > Certainly I have been through this (and continue to go thru it from time to > time). I have learned that yelling is counter productive. And I try to > give him the benefit of the doubt even if I suspect he may be trying to get > away with something under the guise of OCD. There is nothing quite so > demoralizing as to be blamed for your problems--I know from personal > experience with ADD. Nothing makes Dan give up and quit trying as much as > being told he is not trying hard enough. We cannot possibly know how hard > they are trying. Just because it would be easy for us to do something (like > attend class), that doesn't mean our child is not trying hard because he/she > can't. They have to learn ways to gain the ability to do these extremely > difficult (for them) things, and that they learn through carefully guided > ERP. > > If your child believes that you believe in her, trust her, and empathize > with her pain, that will go a long way toward giving her more confidence in > herself and her ability to overcome her severe anxieties through therapy and > medication. > > I know it's hard to be patient, but it pays off in more help for your child > and a better relationship between the two of you. > > Judy > bad day at school > > > Hi all...... > My daughter went to school today. I asked her how it was and she > informed me that she made it to only one of her classes for 10 > minutes and that is it. She did not even try to go to any of her > other classes. I yelled at her and told her that if she does not > start to do for herself, nobody can do it for her, she has to try > harder to make herself go to her classes. She yelled back that she > was sick of me asking her to try harder. I then asked her how it > would feel to repeat 7th grade. She does not want to and understands > that is a possibility if she does not even try, but she says trying > is even hard. I suspect some of it may be that she is trying to see > how much she can get by with and that some of it is really ocd > related. I did not mean to yell, but did only after she asked if she > could go somewhere tonight. That set me off. Anyone else go through > this? What did you do? Any suggestions? After that and after she > knew I was going to stand my ground and not let her go anywhere, she > was fine, she did not argue....which shocked me. That had to have > been a first in a long time. > > > Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., > and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, > Joye, Kathy Mac, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , > Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions > may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@y... or > louisharkins@h... . > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.