Hi- new to group- and also bringing up a few challenges- (namely anger)

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

my name is Ellie and I just discovered iowl about a month ago. I have been

listening to the podcasts very intently, right before I go to sleep. As someone

who has struggled with food addiction and bulimia for YEARS- I do feel hopeful

that I can change.

Just recently I had a baby with a man to whom I am engaged. we had been

together for two years and I got pregnant (which completely spiraled my eating

out of anxiety) and I gained almost 60 pounds during my pregnancy. Our

relationship has always been tumultuous but lately, I have really felt

unfulfilled in so many ways and that he isn't able to be a person I want to be

with. He can be very rude and mean and I have become very angry towards him. I

have this anger that I am periodically carrying around that is very toxic, but I

want to stay with him for a while to see if we can work through our issues (we

are in counseling). But, I feel I am not in internal ailgnment about being in

this relationship. Maybe I should work through that in the same way I would

work through the want to be skinny and the other part of me that wants to stay

fat so I can protect myself...(funny, I was just about to write, need to stay

fat)

When I am stressed about the relationship, this causes SERIOUS binging. When I

am angry, I don't know how to deal without a huge fight, a huge binge, lying in

bed or all of the above. Obviously this is totally dysfunctional.

Anyone else out there dealing with something similar or have any suggestions?

Thanks!