Feeling Alone in Desolation

August 14, 2007

Since I know others on this list may be in this place, or have been

there, I feel safe to write about the desolation I am feeling.

Our son, 16, LD/OCD/Bipolar(?), continues to be aggressive and we had

another incident where he grabbed and threatened me. ly, this

episode terrified my. After not sleeping all night I called a help

line and explained my feelings of fear and futility. We ended up

taking our son to emerg under police escort. Things were handled

well, police had training(I alerted them to our situation), thank

God. I did not want to go this route, and was very concerned how it

would be.

At that time, both my husband and I had decided we would refuse to

take our son home, to force 'the system' to find a residential

placement for our son. We have been advised by several sources to do

this if we felt desperate, and felt we could no longer deal with our

situation.

In the end we brought our son home and are waiting to hear if he

meets criteria to be admitted to residential treatment at our mental

health hospital. If they decide he does not, we are left with calling

the police and going to emerg as needed, until they decide to take

him, or we decide to leave him. I cannot believe that this is what

we are left with. Before he turned 16, one health worker actually

suggested placing him with Children's Aid, and again this time the

same suggestion, only at 16 that option is gone - not that I ever

wanted to use it!!!

As difficult as this has all been, if it gets our son a spot in a

residential treatment program and they are able to help him, it will

all be worth it... He will not go willingly, and I know will view

this as us " locking him away " . The things he says now are very

concerning and I feel whatever illnessis manifesting(Bipolar is

suspected)is progressing.

It is a terrible thing to be afraid of one's own child. I can't

believe this is our life. I am so afraid we are losing our son to

this illness and no one seems able to help us. I am more afraid for

my own safety, so feel there is no choice anymore, someone has to

listen, a place must be found, we can't do this anymore.

Thank you for listening/reading, it helps to feel less alone.

Barb

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