Wow. . .I'm feeling so. . .embraced!

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who replied to " My First Post! " I think I wrote

from a place similar to sending out a prayer, you know? We send it to

out to the Universe and wait for life to give us a reply. . . I think

part of me didn't expect to really *get* replies. . .WOW. . .I feel so

listened to, really heard and understood. . .THANK YOU for that!!!!

In my career, I'm very used to " giving " suggestions and support, and

am finding that I'm one of the most resistant people I know when it

comes to doing more than " letting people know how I'm doing " or

" what's new " . . . I'm not very good at saying, " I need help. . . "

One of you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the perception

of BL being a " vacation from life to work on yourself, " and the allure

of having your own personal Jillian in your ear/face and Bob the

cheerleader giving you the " yay's " along the way. . .

I think that's a big piece of it for me, and where the jealousy steps

in. . . I think I have tremendous expectations of myself, that I'm

very perfectionistic (and highly motivated by Instant Gratification),

which leads to massive procrastination (who mentioned HOUSEWORK????

you peered into my soul--yes, that's another thorn in my side!!!!),

because my standards for myself are so high, I don't think I can

possibly live up to them and so maybe rather than FAIL (= not do it

enough, not do it right, not get results that are dramatic enough,

soon enough) I just DON'T DO????

Another " lie " I think I tell myself somewhere in the depths of my

belief system is that " everyone else has it so much easier than I

do. " Boy, talk about the child within!!!! But I really think that's

in there somewhere-- " nobody has as much to lose as I do, " " nobody has

to do it while nursing a partner back from heart failure, " " nobody has

to do it with a special needs kiddo, " " nobody has to do it when they

have to take care of the world " Wah, Wah, Wah!!! LOL. . .and what

follows that is, " I could do it if. . . I had four months for me, " " I

could do it if. . . I had a trainer and a personal cooking coach, " " I

could do it if. . . I were independently wealthy and worked only when

I wanted, " " I could do it if. . . " Poor me. . . followed by the BIG

RATIONALE FOR DOING NOTHING: BUT I DON'T, SO I CAN'T

POSSIBLY. . .well, Maybe I'll try. . .on MONDAY. . . :-)

I have to figure out how to stop that reel from running. . .I'm such a

positive person in life--I'm all about optimism and positive intent,

and attraction. . .but I'm expressing my secret confessions of the

story that plays out in my head where my weight is concerned, and the

reality it has become for my life--it's like my " one bad thing " you

know? (I recognize that as being one of the " gifts " the weight has

given me--it has served as my visible imperfection, perhaps taking the

heat for those much less " apparent " ??).

Dealing with that part of myself as the child that clearly it is, is

wonderful advice. . .perhaps I can become more patient with myself,

too. . .stop " should-ing " all over the place. . .

I am SO GLAD that I took the leap from " lurker " to " participant. " I

can't wait to take a peek at the book you all referred me to. . .Last

night I was poking around on one of 's sites, and found a link to

the CHAMP methodology, which resonates with me. Mindfulness, I know I

can do--and it's completely unrelated to that PhD in Diet Science that

I have. . .LOL!!!

So, surrounded by all of your positive intent, and truly feeling

whispers in my ear of " you can do it, " I am approaching things

differently. . . and I'm honestly feeling a bit excited--a little like

the night before the first day of school. . .what feels different

though, is there's a whisper in my own mind saying, " maybe I can. "

.. . .Wow. . .embraced.