Hello all!

[Guest guest]

Hello!

Finally I brought myself up to take a leap of faith and join this community. I

am 23 years old, an art student and art enthusiast. As far as I remember I have

been overweight, to the point that I don't even know what I would look like if I

were thin!

I am about 40 pounds overweight, standing at 176 lbs at 5'7 " . Though I carry my

weight well, meaning people can never guess how heavy I really am because I have

a small frame and I am pear shaped, I am extremely self concious about my thighs

and butt. They are jiggly and full of cellulite, and the thought of going to the

beach with my friends is out if the question. My waist to hip ratio is extreme;

I have a really tiny waist and a really big butt. It almost looks cartoony. Many

people might say that's a good thing and is feminine, but I just hate it, have

always hated it, was made fun of at school when I was a kid.. I can never find

pants that fit me right, and I don't want to imagine what I must look like from

behind. Especially with underwear or swimsuit, and no, I have never worn a

bikini in my life.

I have tried many diets in my life, the one that worked the best was Dr.

Elvebakk's diet (don't know if you guys no about her, she is the inventor of the

Food Tree) in which I was not allowed to have any kind of pasta, rica, bread,

potato, corn or any kind of processed sugar. My diet was simply eggs,

vegetables, meat and fruit, which is really really healthy. But I found it soooo

difficult to continue, and I quit after losing about 14 pounds. I started eating

bread and rice and before I know it my weight jumped back up, thought I have not

fully gained it all back, I gained about 8 lbs back. I am trying to get to my

ultimate body, the body that I would be proud of. Somewhere around 130 lbs. I

want to look good and feel good and be proportionate.

I have started listening to IOWL for the past week, and I must say I am very

excited. I even lost 2 lbs in this past week! One of my biggest bafflements is

that I am not craving all the sweets and stuff that I used to crave. Here's my

eating pattern: if there's food in front of me, and its slightly delicious, it

will end up inside of my mouth within seconds. I don't binge and purge, I never

eat untill i'm physically too uncomfortable (althought I may have a couple times

in my life) and basically all I need is to eat a little less, meaning I should

crave things a little less and not obsess about the thought of eating so much.

Today I did something good. I was craving a Mcs cheezeburger, (and mind

you, i don't eat fastfood, and last Mc I ate was probably a year ago) and

I was alone. There was a Mcs infront of me. I entered and waited in line,

it was 10 am, they were only serving breakfast. When I asked if they have

hamburgers and they said no, the old me would have gotten something else from

the menu that is slightly delicious. But instead I realized that I don't want

anything other than that cheezeburger, so I thanked and walked out. Went into

jamba juice to get a smoothie for breakfast. The clerk was trying to talk me

into getting this really rich creamy smoothie and talking about how delicious it

is and what a good breakfast it makes and how it's only 250 calories and such.

Then I asked about the nutritional values and he pointed at a book. I looked

through the book and found that that smoothie might by low calorie, but it

contained about 40 grams of pure sugar! Having done Dr. Elvebakk's Food Tree

diet for such a long time, I know that it is a terrible amount of sugar. So

instead i craved something better, notice the word; CRAVE.. I actually WANTED

something that is healthier for me. I went for a hot oatmeal without any brown

sugar and with fresh bananas on top. It was maybe a total of 140 calories all

together. I walked out with that and enjoyed it, it was not extremely delicious

(oatmeal is not that great even with sugar, and this was without any sugar!) I

enjoyed most of it and when I ran out of bananas to give it taste I threw the

rest away because I was full, and didn't want the rest of it. This is absolutely

a revolutionary road for me to start with a cheezeburger intention and end up

with a sugarless oatmeal. I feel like this program, or rather this way of

thinking, is my key to release my inner naturaly slender woman.

This experience today made me want to write to you all and share my experience.

I am very happy that I am talking about this with someone, because I am sure my

friends are sick of listening to me talk about all my different diets. This one

is between me, and you guys. It is personal, slightly secret, and all that

enjoyable. It is better than buying that Ritter sport chocolate when I am in

Walgreens, and it feels better than obsessing over that leftover cheesecake in

my refrigerator. I am ready to be the best that I can be, not only in my way of

thinking about my body, but also in my art and career.

Thank you all, and sorry if this is too long to read. I will write more

frequently and shorter throughout my journey.