New Member waving hello

[Guest guest]

Hi all. As the header cheerfully points out I'm new here. I've been reading

through the messages - there's a lot of good info to digest.

A bit of backstory is due I guess: I'm on week 2 of the IOWL mp3s. I'm on the

downward side of 45. Female. 200+ lbs and the average 5'4 " tall. Despite a

family of overweight woment (all over 300 lbs) I never had a problem with my

weight as a young woman. Actually, not until a series of bad romances and a

return to my childhoom home and the addictive, destructive behaviors there. Add

in the metabolism shift as the 30's hit and away we go. I then married a man

with his own addictive behaviors and baggage and proceeded to spend 17 years in

a job where 60 hour weeks were the norm.

Somehow (let's pause and chuckle) I woke up and wow! I'm more than 50 lbs

overweight. Obese to be exact. How and when did this happen? My self image

needed a definite refocus - made a little difficult by the fact I'm now legally

blind and can no longer see what I REALLY look like. I also have additional

health problems and difficulty doing the one thing I always used to control my

weight: exercise.

I had tried WW ages ago in an effort to learn how to eat " properly " . I gained

weight. I've now tried mutiple weight loss programs and failed. I buy and read

weight loss books like other women buy shoes. I watch the television ads for

packaged meals and think well, maybe - but money is an issue as well. What will

happen when I stop the food program? Surely I can manage the food I put into my

own mouth?

I am now buried beneath a confusing mass of things I should and shouldn't do

when it comes to losing weight and can't make heads or tails out of any of it. I

no longer recognize my body, my self or how to read and understand the cues that

are bured somewhere beneath all the toxic fear and self-protection I believe my

excess weight to be.

Something has to give. Listening to program #1 and hearing the question - where

will I be in 5 years if nothing changes was an awesomely painful moment.

Here's to better tomorrows.