therapist values

[Guest guest]

If a therapist's personal values and choices are contrary to your own

but you've kept an open mind or disregarded it b/c T's are supposed

to remain neutral, but you begin to think, based on seemingly

critical or complaining questions she asks you, that she views you or

perhaps your values as part of the child's problem, and she is trying

to " free " your daughter from you as a mother (my d is being treated

for her eating disorder, which I believe stems directly from ocd)

what would you do? What if your d was willing to work with only this

T?

Though my d is 15, and intellectually advanced, I don't think she is

like any other 15 yr old teen in her readiness to " individuate " , seek

independence etc, she is more dependent and immature than others her

age (she would hate to hear me say that). So the T thinking she is

behind b/c of me controlling or sheltering her is misguided too I

think.

For some time I was going along b/c my dd will at least see and

speak to this woman, (others have been rejected or she goes mute) but

at the last meeting the T gave my dd a calendar with politically

oriented (anti-our family's values) messages from an organization

which has beliefs and practices antithetical to what we teach

(admittedly we are a bit out of the mainstream but not drastically

so).

The T has to know this is so and the calendar would be offensive. Did

she think I would not see it? Or does she want me to see it and hang

it up? Confused.....it just seems like maybe that is going a bit too

far. She is not my dd's parent or character and values instructor.

It has been hard working with an eating disorder therapist b/c they

have a very different approach than do T's who do ERP. Plus the world

of eating disorders is more media, culturally, politically involved

than is ocd. (I don't really buy into the so called media influence

in my d's case, or dieting peers, or desire to be thin etc b/c her

eating disorder started with bizarre ocd beliefs-but it seems eating

disorder therapists tend to think alike and treat alike).

I have also looked into Maudsley for my daughter (home-based, parent-

led, exposure-oriented refeeding) and even though there is evidence

and research on the method, the T has pooh-poohed it and I think she

disrespects me for even considering it, b/c it is too " controlling "

(and that has obviously been my problem, i.e controlling my dd).

We began seeing this T b/c my dd's psychiatrist (whom we are fine

with) referred us since she has worked with this T and dietician

before. If we leave her though I feel like we will be adrift b/c it

is very hard to gt my dd to see anyone. At least she is getting

weighed each week this way. I feel like even bringing up my concerns

will just cement the view of me as repressive and controlling. She

also wants to meet my family and do family therapy and must be

owndering why I don't comply. I just feel like I am in limbo as

usual.

nancy grace