Guest guest Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 thank you! I will! On Sun, Feb 14, 2010 at 4:00 AM, Iris <solsken.iris@...> wrote: > > > > > hi avie, > i was just listening to the IOWL 029: Plateau Breakthroughs. > maybe you should hear it again and it will help you... > my english is not that good so i can´t tell you all my thoughts about it, > but listen at it... > love, iris > > > > > > > Hello fellow travelers and new friends. Perhaps it is worthwhile to tell > you > > all a little bit of my " story " . > > > > I am 23 and didn't really have an issue with food until I got to college. > > There I lost my " freshman 15 " by over-exercising (training for an > extended > > camping trip) and eating what I thought was a healthy diet (aka not > enough > > food)... I wasn't happy at that small, unhealthy size... I became > obsessed > > with the scale and I watched that number go down, down down... I remember > > loving it and loving people's reactions to my new body. > > > > I gained all the weight back and more on my month-long camping trip in > the > > summer of 2006 (which I went on to please an ex-boyfriend probably). I > > remember hating myself and my body for being " fat " , knowing that the > > compulsive-eating behavior was starting and that it was unusual. > > > > My compulsive eating continued in my sophomore year and I was > miserable... > > At that point, I started talking to a social worker and I always > complained > > to her about food. She suggested I start Overeaters Anonymous (OA). I > > hesitated, but was desperate and, at 15 pounds overweight, I attended my > > first OA meeting and kept coming back for a year. > > > > That year was an interesting one. I tend to dive whole-heartedly into > > anything I pursue, so I did not wait too long to get a sponsor, work > steps, > > be active, and attend meetings regularly. I was (am?) a compulsive > > overeater, powerless over food... etc etc. As suggested in program, I > went > > to a nutritionist who gave my food exchanges for the day. I became > obsessed > > with perfecting that information (weighing and measuring to a T) and it > was > > then that I started counting calories (because I didn't trust the > > nutritionist)! > > > > There are a lot of amazing things about OA and twelve-step programs. They > > teach you to live by spiritual principles and to essentially heal from > the > > inside out (a lot of what talks about corresponds to the 12 steps). > I > > met amazing people and did feel like I was making progress. I lost the > > excess weight in program and did find some serenity, but I left because I > > became convinced that there exists other ways to recover from ED. I was > > shameful of the fact that I was in 12-steps, especially around food. > > > > Since program, I must admit I have not been doing the greatest job on my > own > > (although I am very demanding of myself)... In this last year, I have > > started relationships with professionals to get to the core of my issues, > > searched for books to read on the subject, exercised, insisted on > counting > > calories (on paper or in my head), and really just continued to live in > the > > binge/purge cycle (just to clarify: for me, purging consists of drinking > > water, exercising and not eating for an extended period of time like 24 > > hours or whenever I am hungry again). > > > > I am grateful to have found 's podcasts because I do feel serene > when > > listening to them. I know that recovery is about ACTION and that > continuing > > improvement is possible. But, after bingeing three times in the last two > > days, you all can understand that I might be feeling angry, frustrated, > sad, > > self-pitying, and whatever else. Really, I am scared... scared to change, > > scared to be and feel beautiful, scared to think about what I do want to > do > > in my life. ED has been a pretty reliable friend over the years, but I do > > realize that ED is not serving me. > > > > I am probably only about 12 pounds overweight now (I try not to weigh > myself > > too much anymore) and I am ready to change. I know that patience is > really > > important, but I am soooooo wanting to get passed this point and really > make > > a sustainable turn for the better. I know it is not about the weight, but > > I'm still pretty vain. > > > > Again, I am scared and frustrated. I think about going back to OA, but > > really don't want to (because I am still ashamed?)... > > > > I am so wanting ED to drop that tug-of-war rope and get on board with me! > > Feeling desperate. Thanks for reading. > > > > Any thoughts? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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