Re: Success journal/gratitude list 11/21

[Guest guest]

grateful for my body. grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

grateful for my body. grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

To help in my relationships...especially the one with my mom I read and used the

principles advocated in the wonder book, " The Dance of Intimacy " by Harriet

Lerner.  It was pretty transmorative in changing the way I am in relationship

with my mother.  It is all about taking responsibility for our own feelings,

letting others have responsibility for theirs and choosing how we are going to

be in the relationship.  I loved the book.

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Sun, November 21, 2010 12:12:06 PM

Subject: Re: Success journal/gratitude list 11/21

grateful for my body.  grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

> 

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

when you think of something that's frustrates you about your mom....just try to

put yourself in her shoes...and where she is coming from...and just try to be

understanding. when I think of stuff...I just think I rather have her to be mad

at and to annoy me then to not have anything at all. I lovvvvvvvvvvvveee my mom

soooooooooo much...but we disagree most of the times. She has her way of

thinking because of how she grew up, and what her experiences were...bottom line

is...she wants the best for me...even if she doesn't know how and that's all

that matters :-)

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Sun, November 21, 2010 1:12:06 PM

Subject: Re: Success journal/gratitude list 11/21

grateful for my body. grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

when you think of something that's frustrates you about your mom....just try to

put yourself in her shoes...and where she is coming from...and just try to be

understanding. when I think of stuff...I just think I rather have her to be mad

at and to annoy me then to not have anything at all. I lovvvvvvvvvvvveee my mom

soooooooooo much...but we disagree most of the times. She has her way of

thinking because of how she grew up, and what her experiences were...bottom line

is...she wants the best for me...even if she doesn't know how and that's all

that matters :-)

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Sun, November 21, 2010 1:12:06 PM

Subject: Re: Success journal/gratitude list 11/21

grateful for my body. grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

That is terrific!! xo

In a message dated 11/21/2010 5:53:23 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

gailfromnyc@... writes:

I had half a banana tonight for my dessert.

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an

unhealthy bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as

an entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

[Guest guest]

That is terrific!! xo

In a message dated 11/21/2010 5:53:23 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

gailfromnyc@... writes:

I had half a banana tonight for my dessert.

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an

unhealthy bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as

an entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

[Guest guest]

I had half a banana tonight for my dessert.

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

[Guest guest]

I had half a banana tonight for my dessert.

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Avie,

I found it helped to look at when I was getting frustrated and angry. When I

could finally distill it to a " sound bite " , it was situations where she was

expecting me to react like I did when I was a teenager, without realizing that I

had grown beyond that.

ly, I was awful to my mother. I was mean, rude, angry. She'd say something

harmless, and I'd read 17 other levels into it. I would basically throw a

teenage tantrum. (Yes, I'm pretty sure that at least 10 of the layers were

there.... But still, the way I handled it was something I don't accept from my

daughters. Who don't react that way anyway--I got off sooooo easy!)

I went off to college in another state when I was 18. Since then, the closest

I've lived to home was one year when I was only a 10-hr drive away. This is good

if you want your emotional distance--but it's bad for creating adult

relationships. Because every time you visit, you're starting back from when you

lived together, not from where we've each evolved to.

When I really tried to resolve the issue, I started noticing that she was

cringing around me. She'd say something, qualify it with a dozen levels of " if

you want, if it's ok... " She was waiting for me to fly off the handle again. I

finally had to just say it out straight--I'm sorry for the way I treated you

then, but I am not that angry child any more.

Things have improved vastly since then.

This is, of course, an oversimplification. But it's a starting place. Look at

the interactions that bother you the most. Look at your reactions, which you can

control now. Look at your past reactions--to see if you can point out where

you've changed.

Try looking into the positive intent of her reactions, too. There's a series on

families, starting around #95, which might help. (Note to self: listen to this

before facing all the family next week! Yikes!) And maybe some relaxed intent?

Picturing how you want the interactions to go--and realizing that all will be

well if they don't go that way.

Hang in there, Avie. I'll send you positive maternal thoughts this week (as I'm

traveling with my own daughter, who used to go by Avi...)

In fact, sending them out to everyone.

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Sun, November 21, 2010 8:12:06 PM

Subject: Re: Success journal/gratitude list 11/21

grateful for my body. grateful for my mom even though she makes me very

frustrated and angry. any suggestions on how to get along with your mom??

success? i bought new bras yesterday and tried not to get too caught up in

the size. not feeling very successful. sorry.

avie

On Sun, Nov 21, 2010 at 11:21 AM, m <sparksmel@...> wrote:

>

>

> Ok..... here goes.....

>

> I successfully stop beating myself immediately up after having an unhealthy

> bread portion at dinner last night. Instead I ordered a lite salad as an

> entree.

> I am grateful that I got up early enough to work out before work

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521