Re: Japan, my weight, and me

[Guest guest]

The Japanese word for love is ai(here's how to pronounce it -

http://japanese.about.com/library/bl50kanji_ai.htm). My son lives in Japan &

teaches english there - it is beautiful place (and so clean!)

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Thu, December 2, 2010 8:49:38 AM

Subject: Re: Japan, my weight, and me

hi there! so cool you are in JAPAN!! i really have a fascination with the

island and will go there one day

i am also in my early twenties (just turned 24) and know what it is like to

FEEL like you are not progressing. KNOW that you ARE in fact progressing

(just by emailing to this group, you are taking steps to better health!)..

we are all here to help and understand, and we do.

remember you are not alone. and, if you can, think of some success in your

recent journey (besides your email posting and five " good " days) that

might help you get in a more positive space, the space where we sincerely

feel like we deserve this amazing and intense internal work towards total

transformation.

with love (i wish i knew how to say that in japanese!),

Avie

On Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 6:06 PM, starsandcars <planetelex0@...> wrote:

>

>

> [bulleted to make it faster to read]

>

> *moving to Japan. First time alone, in a foreign country, and with a

> regular 9-5pm job

>

> *had anorexia and bulimia for years but have been in recovery for 2+ years.

> still struggle with food

>

> *I am at my highest weight ever. I feel insecure and unhappy (as well as

> tired and sluggish)

>

> *have been bingeing due to nerve and lack of a normal food environment

> (family is weird about food and bf is no longer living in the same city as

> me so i dont have a " food role model "

>

> *Japan has been a dream of mine for awhile but it stirs up a lot of issues

> that led to my eating disorders- mainly that i felt the need to be smaller

> like my japanese friends and to appear attractive to asian men (still feel

> that need regardless of my current happy relationship).

>

> *love clothing design and japanese designers but I realized I will barely

> fit into even the largest woman's size in japanese clothes-this has made me

> feel ridiculously insecure and depressed as japanese clothing design is a

> huge reason as to why i love japan and wanted to go in the first place.

>

> *recent attempts to lose weight have lead to weight gains instead due to

> bingeing. ive gone into hyper-planning mode lately as its now only a couple

> of months until my departure trying to figure out how to lose all the weight

> before i go to japan. i just binged again after being " good " for 5 days.

>

> *i am at a loss of how to healthfully lose this extra weight (its unhealhy

> affects are showing up in my fitness level and blood work so I'm not crazy,

> I have to lose this weight). i'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to

> view food or my body in a normal way ever again!

>

> *i keep promising to my bf that I'll lose X amount of weight by X time and

> when I fall through and inevitably binge it hurts our relationship. im

> afraid my mind games are going to hurt us more and more the longer i spend

> unable to " get over " my food issues.

>

> *i've put everything on hold in my life because of my weight for the

> millionth time in my life. i cant work, study, or even relax any more. all i

> think about is food and how im going to fix my problem.

>

> Each day I fight a war. One side is angry that I wasted all my teens and

> now early twenties being fat and miserable when I could have been thin and

> " enjoying " my life and the other side is angry that I've wasted so much

> sweat and tears and time and love on such an insignificant aspect of what it

> means to be me. Therapy has not solved this. Journaling has not solved this.

> Even when I was semi-normal with food I still had my desire to be thin and

> perfect resting in the corner waiting for me to finally fulfill my

> potential. I am simultaneously unwilling to suffer from ed while also

> unwilling to continue carrying all this weight and being unhappy and

> unhealthy.

>

> And to add to all that. I'm especially anxious of all this food and weight

> noise in my head because I'll be living on my own in Japan and it is the

> perfect opportunity for me to fall back into old behaviors yet again. This

> is the last thing that I want!

>

> tl;dr Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this kind of pressure

> and successfully living on your own in a healthy way?

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521