Re: Suicides - very personal

[Guest guest]

OK, I guess my experience with a suicide attempt is as fresh as it

gets. I've had one of my oldest dearest friends here to care for me

since Last THurs. He's a chronic pain sufferer and I gave him the

Vicodin I was unable to take.

Sunday evening he ripped off my last two Darvocet. I discovered it at

my bedside while he was settled on the couch for the night. I knew that

if I confronted him, I'd be awake for hours, so I chose to wait til

morning.

Monday I got up and dressed and on my way out the door I told him I knew

what he'd done, I was very angry, and would be out for awhile. Upon my

return, I Had an urgent need for the bathroom. He asked me to stop and

let him tell me something 1st. I said I couldn't. I went in the

bathroom.

There on the sink lay a bloody boning knife. Written on the edge of the

tub in blood was " No more pain. " He insisted the wound was nothing, and

as I'm dialing 9-1-1 asks me not to. I stepped outside with the phone,

not knowing whether I should fear for my own safety.

12 years of 24/7 pain were too much. He was a paramedic and surely knew

what it would take to do himself in. They said he would require

stitches - but allowed him to walk to the ambulance. They had me

contact Mental Health to let them know I sImply couldn't have him return

here.

28 yrs of friendship, support, and unconditional love. I can't think of

it as a call for help - because he's spent years investigating every

possible avenue. Did he truly want it to end his life? I don't know.

I feel the pain.m,.

[Guest guest]

Bobbe

I'm so sorry that this has happened to both you and your dear

friend. Especially during a time that you are trying to heal.

I am so very grateful that you were strong enough not to listen to

him and you called for help despite his pleas not to. Perhaps now

he will be able to get the help that he needs.

I am also grateful that you felt you could come here and talk about

this with your friends.

Life can have some strange twists of fate...your friend was there to

help you through recovery and your helping to save his life.

Hugging you with my heart

Jo

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry you had to go through this.

Prayers go out to you and your friend in this rough time.

Much comfort.

Liz P.

[Guest guest]

Oh jeez, Bobbe! What an awful experience to go through! I'm so

sorry you experienced this! My heart goes out to you and also to

your friend who suffers from chronic pain.

Since I am married to a chronic pain sufferer, I've had some

experience with suicidal thoughts. My husband has mentioned them

once or twice. I've tried many times to get him to talk to a doctor

but he refuses. He says they'll just put him on medication that

will make him sick. (He also suffers from OCD and was treated very

badly by several neurologists in years past.) All I can do is

constantly tell him how much I love him and how I don't ever want to

live without him. I do my best to build up his self-esteem and

assure him he's not a loser simply because he can't work right now.

But, when all's said and done, it's up to him to convince himself

that suicide is not the answer. Don't get me wrong, he's not like

this all the time, or even some of the time. He's only mentioned it

once or twice and I keep a very close eye on his emotional well

being all the time. But, I also know that there's nothing I can do

if he chooses to believe his life isn't worth living.

One of the most difficult concepts I had to learn, but finally did,

is that sometimes I have no control over my day to day experiences,

but I always have control over how I react to them. It's make it so

much easier for me to deal with Andy's emotional problems. I used

to blame myself for so much that really had nothing to do with me.

Don't blame yourself in any way for what happened to your friend.

You did all you could. You loved and cared for him. The decision

was his.

Please e-mail me directly if you want to talk.

Hugs!

Tracey

> OK, I guess my experience with a suicide attempt is as fresh as it

> gets.