Homework

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Let me see if I can explain this. I am trying to figure out if this is OCD

or something else. Before I explain, let me say this problem JUST started and

that ,until this school year, it was not an issue. So I am considering the

teacher has something to do with it?

My dd is in 3rd grade. They have homework. It is only the math homework that

stems this (so far). She was in the gifted math program last year because

she scores way above average on math. Now all the sudden, she doesn't seem to

be able to comprehend it? But it is not quite that...here is what happens.

DD: Mom, can you help me with my math?

Me: Sure honey.

DD: I don't get what I am supposed to do here.

Me: Ok, let me look...well it says you should write the problem out and....

DD: NO NO NO that is NOT what the teacher said. We do it differently in

class!

Me: Ok, what does your teacher tell you?

DD: She says we have to make a line and draw an arrow (etc.).

Me: Ok, then do that.

DD: But I don't GET it, how am I supposed to DO that?

Me: Well, just like she showed you in class, let me show you..

DD: NO NO this is so stupid. It doesn't make any sense.

Me: Well honey, you just TOLD me how to do it, why can't you do what you

just said?

DD: Because I don't GET it. This is stupid.

Me: What don't you get?

DD: What I am supposed to do!

Me: But you just TOLD me what you are supposed to do.

DD: But I don't GET it. This is so stupid.

And then it goes on and on in circles until she starts crying, throws a fit

or whatever. She can explain it, show me, tell me, but cannot do it with her

actual homework. If I tell her to just " do her best " that is no good. She is

a perfectionist. she will start crying about getting bad grades (even tho

their homework does not even count for a grad) and she will say she just wants

to get it right. Sometimes she will get half way through her math paper before

suddenly being unable to finish. We call her teacher (we have her cell number

and she has said to call as much as we need to) and her teacher explains it

to me the same way I explained it to her and the teacher explains it to her

the same way again and she then thinks she can do it, only she starts to them

starts erasing and goes back to " I don't get it " . Sometimes she has done

practically the exact same thing in the previous section of her paper but they

change something slightly (like the format) and even tho the way to solve is

the same...she just cannot do it.

Often I throw my hands up in exasperation and tell her just NOT to do it

(unacceptable to her) and I will not help her. She yells at me, won't listen to

anything I say and seems not to have listened when she asks me how to do

something I JUST explained. After the 5th time explaining and the 5th time of

her

interrupting me to tell me I AM WRONG I just quit. I usually end up yelling

at her and regretting it, telling her she needs to LISTEN to me, why ask for

my help if she won't listen? I am in tears, she is in tears and the homework

is not done. Then after a few minutes...she quietly completes the paper as if

she always knew how to do it.

What IS this?? It seems, on the surface, as just a way of getting my

attention, but it is too complicated, the tears are very genuine and the

frustration

is, too. Looking from an OCD perspective (recall we have not had a diagnosis

yet) I see her obsessing with having to have it exactly right, but I don't

understand why she says she doesn't " get it " . I know she knows it, it is like

she is unable to proceed for some reason. She needs an impossible amount of

reassurance she is going to do it correctly. She ALWAYS has me check all her

work. I am to the point now I fear pointing out an error because of her

reaction.

I end practically every night saying to my husband (in private) " I cannot do

this. I am not going to survive this. " He asked me if I scheduled MY

appointment for after hers LOL.

These things are so hard to explain to people, how am I ever going to convey

the problem when we get to the appt? I have tried to write a list and

simplify it but there seems to be no way to.

~~Lori

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to

God.

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