Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 I hear you, Avie... I got really slim in 2009 doing intermittent fasting. Never mind that I took it way to the extreme, but when I tried to eat " normally " again (i.e., three square meals a day when I felt hungry), I was totally freaked out that I would blimp up. Completely irrational because I was able to maintain a normal weight eating like that before I started fasting. > > Who told you as a young girl you were self centered? Why do you believe it? You love yourself and your children naturally - it shows in the concern I just read. Think about it. > > Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless > > > > Self Correcting > > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > > > > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > > > > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > > > > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > > > > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > > > > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > > > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > > > > > > > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > > > > > T > > > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > > > > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > > > > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 ((HUGS)) to you, Jen. Right now, please please focus on self-forgiveness and kindness. > > Tania, > > I hope today is easier. > > Self Correcting > > This morning I ate three donuts and felt just awful. I then proceeded to purge > and feel even more disgusting. My goal right now is to forgive myself, take > some time to reflect on the morning and do a redo in my mind. I am going to > visualize two scenarious. One where I eat the donuts and manage my emotions > with equanimity and kindness, sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come up > and do not purge. The second is where I eat one donut, feel satisfied, relaxed > and then focused on other things I want and need to get done.... > > I just put a healthy meal in the oven and plan on having a very heart healthy > dinner. I am going to visualize eating a healthy portion and visualize feeling > my stomach tell me it is full and leaving the table feeling good about being > satisfied. > > Wish me luck!!! > > Hugs all, > Jen > > > > ________________________________ > From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> > weightloss > Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 5:52:26 AM > Subject: Re: Self Correcting > > Wow. Wow. > > Jen, > > What a myriad of helpful info you have provided. Thank you so much. > talks about something similar in the podcasts...I just don't know which one. I > have to find it. Our dear guru has also given similar words of wisdom. > However, yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I think your pendant idea was a > good one, but what if nurturing isn't part of ones nature? > > > Nurturing doesn't come naturally for me. Not toward my babes or myself. I can > do it, but it takes a lot of focusing to do it. I have NEVER loved myself, so > it is an alien concept for me. > > > You were so right in saying that there are coping issues. When I pondered that > a bit, what came to me was the word " demands. " Prefamily, I was always a > self-centered person. Not arrogant (I have no reason to be so, right? lol), but > there weren't any problems in the world except mine. Typical youth thinking. > Now, rather than drowning myself in my own thoughts and focusing on making my > changes to better myself, I am forced to focus on the children's needs, the > needs of my hubby, and the needs of the home and business. Where is the time > for me? (More self-centered thinking). > > I have a vivid memory of my teenage years. I remember sitting in the car at a > red light watching the passing cars and seeing how each car contained another > world. The people in the cars seemed to be oblivious to the world and others > around them. Yet, in reality, each of those cars was part of a grander scheme. > I used to have theses silly introspective dialogues often. There is no time for > them and they are not practical at this stage in life. > > > I am stuck between who I was and who I am with no self love to help me > transition. How do you learn to love yourself? > > > The love that you illustrated in your handling of your inner child, I am not > sure that I am capable of the same. I am not empathetic or compassionate in my > parenting (although this is a problem that I am working on solving) or when it > comes to dealing with myself. I can say that I deserve the love that I do give > my babies, but I don't feel it. It isn't genuine. > > > How do we conceptualize and internalize self love as well as love for others? > > I am sorry this is so long. It was sort of a therapy session writing all this > out. Note to self: I love writing. Thank you for your wonderful words, Jen. > They really awoke something in me. Are you with this Avie? > > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > Self Correcting > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > ------------------------------------ > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > Groups Links > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Thank you, Viv. I'm so sorry about your mum. I want to appear strong too, and also I need to be here for my mom. Throughout my dad's illness, I was the one who had to be strong and look after both my parents. There was no one to help me shoulder the burden. I suppose you're right that I need to be kind to myself and rest. > > > > > > Tania > > > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > > > care of your body. > > > > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > > > Hugs, > > > Jen > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Thank you, Viv. I'm so sorry about your mum. I want to appear strong too, and also I need to be here for my mom. Throughout my dad's illness, I was the one who had to be strong and look after both my parents. There was no one to help me shoulder the burden. I suppose you're right that I need to be kind to myself and rest. > > > > > > Tania > > > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > > > care of your body. > > > > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > > > Hugs, > > > Jen > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Hi Jen, I understand what you're saying, about how the world goes on while you've suffered such a huge loss. It makes me angry sometimes when I think about it. It doesn't seem fair that the world goes on as if nothing happened. I'm only 30. It makes me so sad to think that if I live into my 60s, I'll have lived more of my life without my dad than with him. That hurts so much. :-( > > > > Tania > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with > >taking > > > > care of your body. > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > > > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met.  Even if it was > > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > > > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered > >behaviour > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > > > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you > >know > > > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > > > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > > > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > > > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > > > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > > > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and > >marvel > > > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I > >actually > > > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how > >to > > > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > Hugs, > > Jen > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 thanks for sharing. Success Journal (S.J.): 1. slept a lot again today!! 2. ate what i wanted when hungry without fear of disappointing others by my choices. thanks, Avie On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 6:39 PM, ylesca12 <ylesca12@...> wrote: > > > ((HUGS)) to you, Jen. Right now, please please focus on self-forgiveness > and kindness. > > > > > > > Tania, > > > > I hope today is easier. > > > > Self Correcting > > > > This morning I ate three donuts and felt just awful. I then proceeded to > purge > > and feel even more disgusting. My goal right now is to forgive myself, > take > > some time to reflect on the morning and do a redo in my mind. I am going > to > > visualize two scenarious. One where I eat the donuts and manage my > emotions > > with equanimity and kindness, sit with the uncomfortable feelings that > come up > > and do not purge. The second is where I eat one donut, feel satisfied, > relaxed > > and then focused on other things I want and need to get done.... > > > > I just put a healthy meal in the oven and plan on having a very heart > healthy > > dinner. I am going to visualize eating a healthy portion and visualize > feeling > > my stomach tell me it is full and leaving the table feeling good about > being > > satisfied. > > > > Wish me luck!!! > > > > Hugs all, > > > Jen > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> > > weightloss > > Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 5:52:26 AM > > > Subject: Re: Self Correcting > > > > Wow. Wow. > > > > Jen, > > > > What a myriad of helpful info you have provided. Thank you so much. > > > talks about something similar in the podcasts...I just don't know which > one. I > > have to find it. Our dear guru has also given similar words of > wisdom. > > However, yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I think your pendant idea > was a > > good one, but what if nurturing isn't part of ones nature? > > > > > > Nurturing doesn't come naturally for me. Not toward my babes or myself. > I can > > do it, but it takes a lot of focusing to do it. I have NEVER loved > myself, so > > it is an alien concept for me. > > > > > > You were so right in saying that there are coping issues. When I > pondered that > > a bit, what came to me was the word " demands. " Prefamily, I was always a > > self-centered person. Not arrogant (I have no reason to be so, right? > lol), but > > there weren't any problems in the world except mine. Typical youth > thinking. > > Now, rather than drowning myself in my own thoughts and focusing on > making my > > changes to better myself, I am forced to focus on the children's needs, > the > > needs of my hubby, and the needs of the home and business. Where is the > time > > for me? (More self-centered thinking). > > > > I have a vivid memory of my teenage years. I remember sitting in the car > at a > > red light watching the passing cars and seeing how each car contained > another > > world. The people in the cars seemed to be oblivious to the world and > others > > around them. Yet, in reality, each of those cars was part of a grander > scheme. > > I used to have theses silly introspective dialogues often. There is no > time for > > them and they are not practical at this stage in life. > > > > > > I am stuck between who I was and who I am with no self love to help me > > transition. How do you learn to love yourself? > > > > > > The love that you illustrated in your handling of your inner child, I am > not > > sure that I am capable of the same. I am not empathetic or compassionate > in my > > parenting (although this is a problem that I am working on solving) or > when it > > comes to dealing with myself. I can say that I deserve the love that I > do give > > my babies, but I don't feel it. It isn't genuine. > > > > > > How do we conceptualize and internalize self love as well as love for > others? > > > > I am sorry this is so long. It was sort of a therapy session writing all > this > > out. Note to self: I love writing. Thank you for your wonderful words, > Jen. > > They really awoke something in me. Are you with this Avie? > > > > > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > Self Correcting > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks > > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides > > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such > a > > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > > > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or > > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in > check? > > > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights > reserved. > > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 You go girl! On the way to positive change! Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Self Correcting > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks > > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides > > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such > a > > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > > > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or > > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in > check? > > > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights > reserved. > > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Hi and Welcome Yuna I'm glad you posted and were acknowledged, I have found many here come, post once and disappear because nobody says 'Hi' which can be hard when you have plucked up courage to step into the discussion. I have made it a goal to make any newbies feel glad they posted! I'm sorry for your loss. Jilly X From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...> Subject: Re: Self Correcting weightloss Date: Sunday, March 6, 2011, 11:35 AM  Wow, thank you so much, Jen. Those are amazing insights and I can completely relate. Just a year ago, I had all those same obsessions and they ruled my life. I felt so miserable, but it did help distract me from other things that were going on in my life. You're right that there is a difference between " self-correcting " and " making up " for overeating. I would often skip meals to " make up " for binging. But then skipping meals would lead to more binges and thus the vicious cycle continued. BTW, I'm Yuna. Hello everybody! I've been a lurker for a while and although you guys don't know me, I feel like I know you and that we are making those journey together. Although I made a lot of progress since I found 's podcast (back in August), I feel completely undone. My dad passed away at the end of January after spending months in the hospital battling strokes and heart disease. In the days after his death, I had absolutely no eating issues whatsoever. I didn't think about food unless I felt hungry. I stopped well before I go to being full. In other words, I was " naturally slender. " But then I thought to myself, this isn't right. It feels SO wrong that I resolved my eating issues when my dad died. Well, within two days, I so felt the urge to binge and purge, which I had NEVER felt once since August. I don't know what to do with myself now. I miss my dad so much, but I feel like if I move forward and continue on this journey, it's like saying I'm okay that he's gone, which is totally not true! > > Tania > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > care of your body. > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met.  Even if it was > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > satisfied and full on life. > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > Hugs, > Jen > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Avie, #2 sounds really major!! Great job! ________________________________ From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...> weightloss Sent: Mon, March 7, 2011 4:10:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Self Correcting thanks for sharing. Success Journal (S.J.): 1. slept a lot again today!! 2. ate what i wanted when hungry without fear of disappointing others by my choices. thanks, Avie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Amen.. thanks y'all. Avie On Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 2:35 AM, Jilly C <jillyc72@...> wrote: > > > Hi and Welcome Yuna > > I'm glad you posted and were acknowledged, I have found many here come, > post once and disappear because nobody says 'Hi' which can be hard when you > have plucked up courage to step into the discussion. I have made it a goal > to make any newbies feel glad they posted! > > I'm sorry for your loss. > > Jilly X > > > > From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...> > Subject: Re: Self Correcting > weightloss > Date: Sunday, March 6, 2011, 11:35 AM > > > > Wow, thank you so much, Jen. Those are amazing insights and I can > completely relate. Just a year ago, I had all those same obsessions and they > ruled my life. I felt so miserable, but it did help distract me from other > things that were going on in my life. > > You're right that there is a difference between " self-correcting " and > " making up " for overeating. I would often skip meals to " make up " for > binging. But then skipping meals would lead to more binges and thus the > vicious cycle continued. > > BTW, I'm Yuna. Hello everybody! I've been a lurker for a while and although > you guys don't know me, I feel like I know you and that we are making those > journey together. > > Although I made a lot of progress since I found 's podcast (back in > August), I feel completely undone. My dad passed away at the end of January > after spending months in the hospital battling strokes and heart disease. In > the days after his death, I had absolutely no eating issues whatsoever. I > didn't think about food unless I felt hungry. I stopped well before I go to > being full. In other words, I was " naturally slender. " > > But then I thought to myself, this isn't right. It feels SO wrong that I > resolved my eating issues when my dad died. Well, within two days, I so felt > the urge to binge and purge, which I had NEVER felt once since August. > > I don't know what to do with myself now. I miss my dad so much, but I feel > like if I move forward and continue on this journey, it's like saying I'm > okay that he's gone, which is totally not true! > > > > > > > > > Tania > > > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your > behavior > > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most > of > > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with > taking > > > care of your body. > > > > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around > until I > > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. > Afterall, even > > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if > it was > > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of > trying to > > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the > not > > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to > protect me > > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating > or not > > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms > or the > > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I > had > > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how > I > > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with > the > > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to > be > > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered > behaviour > > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you > feel was > > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself > to > > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with > your > > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may > have > > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let > you know > > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your > needs in > > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct > by hurting > > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. > Do not > > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for > extra > > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with > love. > > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would > be healthy > > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my > little > > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal > her > > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her > enjoy her > > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and > marvel > > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I > actually > > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center > as a > > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW > how to > > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > > > Hugs, > > > Jen > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I had to start at the beginning about ten years ago. ( My mom died) I litterly was not bathing more than once a week or brushing my teeth once in a couple day spans.  ( Yuck) so it was a start of a success journal where I write down everything thing I do for myself and others. I try to do one thing for me: for every three or four things I do for others. Ten years later I do my hair, put on makeup and eat and do meditation, listen to inspiring pod casts, taught myself to knit, play classical guitar, read and more reading,respond and read email, .......... now for me I am trying to add in exercises ( For me..... Not my family and definitely not for the world) For me. Start small and add to it each week that is how you learn to love and accept yourself. Forgiveness for my flaws and mistakes and forgiving others is really helping me as well. I feel lighter each time. Hugs and Positive thoughts from Constance From: Annie <mom2scs@...> Subject: Re: Self Correcting weightloss Date: Sunday, March 6, 2011, 10:05 AM  Tania, A couple of things in your post just really hit me hard. So much sounds like where I am or where I have been. You said that nurturing and loving your children doesn't come naturally for you. I used to beat myself up over that a lot. It was actually very recently that I realized (from reading Carol Tuttle's " It's Just My Nature " ) that I thought I had to be a certain personality type to be a good mom. I thought that love and nurturing were supposed to be these mushy, gushy, super-sweet feelings and I didn't have them. Just letting go of that idea of what love should look like has let me realize that I do love my kids very much. Even if my experience isn't true for you, I bet you do love your kids. You would be very sad if something bad happened to one of your kids, therefor you must love your kids. The next thing that caught my attention in your post was that you talk about being self-centered. A friend and I were discussing this the other day. . .What is actually wrong with being self-centered? I know our society says that we shouldn't be self centered. We grew up hearing things like " Jesus first, others second, and yourself last " but so many times that ends up really meaning that you never get to yourself. It is an all or nothing mentality. ..we think that if we allow ourselves to be the least bit concerned about ourselves that we will suddenly be consumed with thoughts of ourselves and everything else will be completely neglected. The FlyLady says that it is all about balance. calls it enlightened selfishness. Rushton calls it filling your pitcher so that you have something to give to your family, your job, etc. They are all right. If you don't take some time for you, you will crash and burn. You will end up running on empty. You will end up like Bilbo " thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. " Yes your family has needs that you have to attend to, but if you don't take time every day to pull away and fill up your own cup what do you have to give them? When you are taking good care of yourself then your cup will start to overflow and you will have good to give to your whole family. You know we take better care of our cars than ourselves? We fill our cars up with gas; we take them in for service if they seem to not be running quite right; sometimes we even vacuum them out or take them to the car wash so they will look extra pretty. With ourselves we either don't eat or give ourselves bad fuel (food) and then when we can't run we just yell at ourselves. It would be silly to see someone out in the parking lot yelling at their car, " You stupid, lazy piece of car! You are leaving me stranded again! You are completely worthless! " and the only reason their car won't run is because they didn't put any gas in the tank. We have 3 tanks to fill our body, our mind, and our spirit. And if any one of those are running on empty we are going to be sitting there like the guy out in the parking lot yelling at his car because he didn't fill it up with gas. When our car is making funny noises or just doesn't seem to be running right we take it in to the shop. But when we don't feel like we are running right we get out our Inner Mean Person and start yelling. I'm not saying that we necessarily need to go to the doctor, a lot of times we can self diagnose. " Oh, I'm not feeling super great today, could it be because the baby kept me up all night? Yep. Ok, let's take a look at the to-do list for today and see what really does have to be done today and if I can plan for a nap this afternoon to help me get caught up. " Or " I'm feeling sad today.. .maybe I can call a friend and chat for awhile or maybe it would just feel good to sit outside with a big cup of coffee or. . .. " Sometimes it is time to go in to the Doctor, or the councelor, or the spiritual advisor. But we don't do any of that for ourselves. . ..we wait until we have neglected the problems too long and our car has left us stranded on the side of the road. And then we yell at ourselves, like that is really going to help. Don't even let me get started on vacuuming the car out every once in awhile to make it pretty. Cause honestly I am not doing good to do the first two that are already on here, and I think those are foundational before we start looking at beautifying. It is kind of like having a counter full of dirty dishes and trying to cover it with christmas lights. How do you learn to love yourself? I think it is a lot like loving your spouse when you just really don't feel like it. Some seasons in life you just say to yourself, I promised to love this man until death do us part. I don't feel like loving him today, he is being a turkey, but I am just going to do it anyway. So I guess that is the fake it until you make it mentality. It is kind of like when I was seeking advice from a friend on what to do when you are hungry (really, truly, stomach growling hungry) and you don't know what you want to eat. Her answer was to use my mind until my stomach would step in and take it's job back. She said to look through my house and find the healthiest, most reasonable thing that I could make to eat and then to give myself a reasonable portion of it. I think that is what we have to do with loving ourselves. I think we have to use our heads and not our emotions (our emotions lead us to things like eating disordered behaviors), and come up with what is reasonable to do to love and take care of ourselves. Some of it is the foundational stuff like getting enough sleep, eating enough nutritious food, and drinking plenty of water. Then there is getting a little time to pull away and be quiet for a little while (even 10 minutes will make a huge difference), some people read their Bible during that time, others just sit outside with a mug of something warm, maybe for you it is locking the bathroom and having a nice soak in the tub. Whatever it is. . .just a few minutes to get away and refresh and refuel. Then there are the little things that don't take much time, but over time give you an atmosphere of loving yourself (these will be different for every person). Maybe for you it is wearing a bit of perfume or using a special shower jell that you like; maybe it is wearing jeans instead of sweats; maybe it is keeping your kitchen cleaned up so that it is enjoyable to cook there; maybe it is going outside to take pictures of the beautiful purple flowers; or wearing your glasses so that your eyes don't feel tired and scratchy. .. .what are those things for you? I guess that I wrote this as much for me as for you. I do love myself more now that I did 10 years ago, but I can't really say that I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I still have some eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. Jen is so right that those are going to stay around until I replace them with loving and caring for myself. I know that when I am doing the FlyLady system I have less eating disordered behavior. Loving yourself isn't going to happen overnight, but you can start developing the habits today. There are the action habits that we talked about, but don't forget the thought habits. If you wouldn't yell something at a stranger, you don't get to say it to yourself. Treat yourself to some enlightened selfishness today. Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 WOW! thank you for that ________________________________ From: Livingston <jenniferpl@...> weightloss Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 8:12:18 PM Subject: Re: Self Correcting Tania I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking care of your body. My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be satisfied and full on life. You binged: eating disordered behavior You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour Skipped eating a healthy breakfast Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. Hugs, Jen ________________________________ From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> weightloss Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 6:08:15 PM Subject: Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 My eating habits have slipping recently. I haven't been planning my meals, which is leading me to graze a lot and make poor choices. I've been waiting until quite late in the afternoon to begin eating. Then I'm so hungry that I beeline for whatever is easiest and most filling (hello pasta). I end up eating heavy filling foods towards the end of the day, so when I wake up in the morning I'm not hungry for breakfast and the cycle starts all over again. This morning I had toast and strawberries for breakfast, hoping I could break the cycle. But right now it's lunchtime and while part of my stomach is saying it's hungry, a different part is saying it's still full. I have no idea which part to listen to... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 what about adding healthy fats at breakfast (and lunch)? I try to eat toast with almond butter/avocado and yogurt or something similar and find that it helps me stay fuller. or make your lunch you biggest meal of the day so by evening you are not so ravenous. i have SAME issue and have found when I make small changes like more healthy fats I feel better. it does require I prep a bit and have good, healthy (fats) and food on hand. scrambled egg with cheese on a day I plan enough to have a few mins to cook. > > My eating habits have slipping recently. I haven't been planning my meals, which is leading me to graze a lot and make poor choices. > > I've been waiting until quite late in the afternoon to begin eating. Then I'm so hungry that I beeline for whatever is easiest and most filling (hello pasta). I end up eating heavy filling foods towards the end of the day, so when I wake up in the morning I'm not hungry for breakfast and the cycle starts all over again. > > This morning I had toast and strawberries for breakfast, hoping I could break the cycle. But right now it's lunchtime and while part of my stomach is saying it's hungry, a different part is saying it's still full. I have no idea which part to listen to... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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