Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, you're only a mere human. > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, you're only a mere human. > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Tania I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking care of your body. My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be satisfied and full on life. You binged: eating disordered behavior You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour Skipped eating a healthy breakfast Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. Hugs, Jen ________________________________ From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> weightloss Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 6:08:15 PM Subject: Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Tania I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking care of your body. My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be satisfied and full on life. You binged: eating disordered behavior You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour Skipped eating a healthy breakfast Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. Hugs, Jen ________________________________ From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> weightloss Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 6:08:15 PM Subject: Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Boy Avie, I can relate to that! Jane In a message dated 3/5/2011 8:13:03 P.M. Pacific Standard Time, onewhorled@... writes: i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Boy Avie, I can relate to that! Jane In a message dated 3/5/2011 8:13:03 P.M. Pacific Standard Time, onewhorled@... writes: i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Jen, Thank you so much for your words-they helped me too- they are so insightful and touching. wow. it made me get a little teary eyed...in a good way. Thanks > > Tania > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > care of your body. > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > satisfied and full on life. > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > Hugs, > Jen > > > > > > > ________________________________ > From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> > weightloss > Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 6:08:15 PM > Subject: Self Correcting > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > ------------------------------------ > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > Groups Links > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Jen, Thank you so much for your words-they helped me too- they are so insightful and touching. wow. it made me get a little teary eyed...in a good way. Thanks > > Tania > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > care of your body. > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > satisfied and full on life. > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > Hugs, > Jen > > > > > > > ________________________________ > From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> > weightloss > Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 6:08:15 PM > Subject: Self Correcting > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > T > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > ------------------------------------ > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > Groups Links > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 I really believe it is about self love, Avie. I know your words are sincere and I appreciate them. It is always easier to be objective when we help others, but we find it difficult to be objective when we help ourselves. In other words, the words come easy. It is the actions that come hard. We will do this. God willing. T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Re: Re: Self Correcting i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 I really believe it is about self love, Avie. I know your words are sincere and I appreciate them. It is always easier to be objective when we help others, but we find it difficult to be objective when we help ourselves. In other words, the words come easy. It is the actions that come hard. We will do this. God willing. T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Re: Re: Self Correcting i'm going to try to do the same.. another binge for me! doesn't make my words to you all any less sincere.. sometimes it's easier to help you than it is to help myself. thanks, Avie On Sat, Mar 5, 2011 at 8:40 PM, Jayme <jaymestephens84@...> wrote: > > > I think you just created yourself an opportunity for self acceptance . > Its easy to love yourself when you're doing everything right, the trick is > continuing to do so when you mess up. Its ok , its just two bad days on a > calendar. You'll wake up tomorrow and start fresh. Go easy on yourself, > you're only a mere human. > > > > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, > thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something > besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was > such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two > Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to > dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and > emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel > good physically. > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > > -- Avie Linden University of Michigan - Anthropology Program in the Environment, History of Art 248.535.0521 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow, thank you so much, Jen. Those are amazing insights and I can completely relate. Just a year ago, I had all those same obsessions and they ruled my life. I felt so miserable, but it did help distract me from other things that were going on in my life. You're right that there is a difference between " self-correcting " and " making up " for overeating. I would often skip meals to " make up " for binging. But then skipping meals would lead to more binges and thus the vicious cycle continued. BTW, I'm Yuna. Hello everybody! I've been a lurker for a while and although you guys don't know me, I feel like I know you and that we are making those journey together. Although I made a lot of progress since I found 's podcast (back in August), I feel completely undone. My dad passed away at the end of January after spending months in the hospital battling strokes and heart disease. In the days after his death, I had absolutely no eating issues whatsoever. I didn't think about food unless I felt hungry. I stopped well before I go to being full. In other words, I was " naturally slender. " But then I thought to myself, this isn't right. It feels SO wrong that I resolved my eating issues when my dad died. Well, within two days, I so felt the urge to binge and purge, which I had NEVER felt once since August. I don't know what to do with myself now. I miss my dad so much, but I feel like if I move forward and continue on this journey, it's like saying I'm okay that he's gone, which is totally not true! > > Tania > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > care of your body. > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > satisfied and full on life. > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > Hugs, > Jen > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow, thank you so much, Jen. Those are amazing insights and I can completely relate. Just a year ago, I had all those same obsessions and they ruled my life. I felt so miserable, but it did help distract me from other things that were going on in my life. You're right that there is a difference between " self-correcting " and " making up " for overeating. I would often skip meals to " make up " for binging. But then skipping meals would lead to more binges and thus the vicious cycle continued. BTW, I'm Yuna. Hello everybody! I've been a lurker for a while and although you guys don't know me, I feel like I know you and that we are making those journey together. Although I made a lot of progress since I found 's podcast (back in August), I feel completely undone. My dad passed away at the end of January after spending months in the hospital battling strokes and heart disease. In the days after his death, I had absolutely no eating issues whatsoever. I didn't think about food unless I felt hungry. I stopped well before I go to being full. In other words, I was " naturally slender. " But then I thought to myself, this isn't right. It feels SO wrong that I resolved my eating issues when my dad died. Well, within two days, I so felt the urge to binge and purge, which I had NEVER felt once since August. I don't know what to do with myself now. I miss my dad so much, but I feel like if I move forward and continue on this journey, it's like saying I'm okay that he's gone, which is totally not true! > > Tania > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > care of your body. > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > satisfied and full on life. > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > Hugs, > Jen > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow. Wow. Jen, What a myriad of helpful info you have provided. Thank you so much. talks about something similar in the podcasts...I just don't know which one. I have to find it. Our dear guru has also given similar words of wisdom. However, yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I think your pendant idea was a good one, but what if nurturing isn't part of ones nature? Nurturing doesn't come naturally for me. Not toward my babes or myself. I can do it, but it takes a lot of focusing to do it. I have NEVER loved myself, so it is an alien concept for me. You were so right in saying that there are coping issues. When I pondered that a bit, what came to me was the word " demands. " Prefamily, I was always a self-centered person. Not arrogant (I have no reason to be so, right? lol), but there weren't any problems in the world except mine. Typical youth thinking. Now, rather than drowning myself in my own thoughts and focusing on making my changes to better myself, I am forced to focus on the children's needs, the needs of my hubby, and the needs of the home and business. Where is the time for me? (More self-centered thinking). I have a vivid memory of my teenage years. I remember sitting in the car at a red light watching the passing cars and seeing how each car contained another world. The people in the cars seemed to be oblivious to the world and others around them. Yet, in reality, each of those cars was part of a grander scheme. I used to have theses silly introspective dialogues often. There is no time for them and they are not practical at this stage in life. I am stuck between who I was and who I am with no self love to help me transition. How do you learn to love yourself? The love that you illustrated in your handling of your inner child, I am not sure that I am capable of the same. I am not empathetic or compassionate in my parenting (although this is a problem that I am working on solving) or when it comes to dealing with myself. I can say that I deserve the love that I do give my babies, but I don't feel it. It isn't genuine. How do we conceptualize and internalize self love as well as love for others? I am sorry this is so long. It was sort of a therapy session writing all this out. Note to self: I love writing. Thank you for your wonderful words, Jen. They really awoke something in me. Are you with this Avie? Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow. Wow. Jen, What a myriad of helpful info you have provided. Thank you so much. talks about something similar in the podcasts...I just don't know which one. I have to find it. Our dear guru has also given similar words of wisdom. However, yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I think your pendant idea was a good one, but what if nurturing isn't part of ones nature? Nurturing doesn't come naturally for me. Not toward my babes or myself. I can do it, but it takes a lot of focusing to do it. I have NEVER loved myself, so it is an alien concept for me. You were so right in saying that there are coping issues. When I pondered that a bit, what came to me was the word " demands. " Prefamily, I was always a self-centered person. Not arrogant (I have no reason to be so, right? lol), but there weren't any problems in the world except mine. Typical youth thinking. Now, rather than drowning myself in my own thoughts and focusing on making my changes to better myself, I am forced to focus on the children's needs, the needs of my hubby, and the needs of the home and business. Where is the time for me? (More self-centered thinking). I have a vivid memory of my teenage years. I remember sitting in the car at a red light watching the passing cars and seeing how each car contained another world. The people in the cars seemed to be oblivious to the world and others around them. Yet, in reality, each of those cars was part of a grander scheme. I used to have theses silly introspective dialogues often. There is no time for them and they are not practical at this stage in life. I am stuck between who I was and who I am with no self love to help me transition. How do you learn to love yourself? The love that you illustrated in your handling of your inner child, I am not sure that I am capable of the same. I am not empathetic or compassionate in my parenting (although this is a problem that I am working on solving) or when it comes to dealing with myself. I can say that I deserve the love that I do give my babies, but I don't feel it. It isn't genuine. How do we conceptualize and internalize self love as well as love for others? I am sorry this is so long. It was sort of a therapy session writing all this out. Note to self: I love writing. Thank you for your wonderful words, Jen. They really awoke something in me. Are you with this Avie? Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Who told you as a young girl you were self centered? Why do you believe it? You love yourself and your children naturally - it shows in the concern I just read. Think about it. Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Who told you as a young girl you were self centered? Why do you believe it? You love yourself and your children naturally - it shows in the concern I just read. Think about it. Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Tania, A couple of things in your post just really hit me hard. So much sounds like where I am or where I have been. You said that nurturing and loving your children doesn't come naturally for you. I used to beat myself up over that a lot. It was actually very recently that I realized (from reading Carol Tuttle's " It's Just My Nature " ) that I thought I had to be a certain personality type to be a good mom. I thought that love and nurturing were supposed to be these mushy, gushy, super-sweet feelings and I didn't have them. Just letting go of that idea of what love should look like has let me realize that I do love my kids very much. Even if my experience isn't true for you, I bet you do love your kids. You would be very sad if something bad happened to one of your kids, therefor you must love your kids. The next thing that caught my attention in your post was that you talk about being self-centered. A friend and I were discussing this the other day. . .What is actually wrong with being self-centered? I know our society says that we shouldn't be self centered. We grew up hearing things like " Jesus first, others second, and yourself last " but so many times that ends up really meaning that you never get to yourself. It is an all or nothing mentality. ..we think that if we allow ourselves to be the least bit concerned about ourselves that we will suddenly be consumed with thoughts of ourselves and everything else will be completely neglected. The FlyLady says that it is all about balance. calls it enlightened selfishness. Rushton calls it filling your pitcher so that you have something to give to your family, your job, etc. They are all right. If you don't take some time for you, you will crash and burn. You will end up running on empty. You will end up like Bilbo " thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. " Yes your family has needs that you have to attend to, but if you don't take time every day to pull away and fill up your own cup what do you have to give them? When you are taking good care of yourself then your cup will start to overflow and you will have good to give to your whole family. You know we take better care of our cars than ourselves? We fill our cars up with gas; we take them in for service if they seem to not be running quite right; sometimes we even vacuum them out or take them to the car wash so they will look extra pretty. With ourselves we either don't eat or give ourselves bad fuel (food) and then when we can't run we just yell at ourselves. It would be silly to see someone out in the parking lot yelling at their car, " You stupid, lazy piece of car! You are leaving me stranded again! You are completely worthless! " and the only reason their car won't run is because they didn't put any gas in the tank. We have 3 tanks to fill our body, our mind, and our spirit. And if any one of those are running on empty we are going to be sitting there like the guy out in the parking lot yelling at his car because he didn't fill it up with gas. When our car is making funny noises or just doesn't seem to be running right we take it in to the shop. But when we don't feel like we are running right we get out our Inner Mean Person and start yelling. I'm not saying that we necessarily need to go to the doctor, a lot of times we can self diagnose. " Oh, I'm not feeling super great today, could it be because the baby kept me up all night? Yep. Ok, let's take a look at the to-do list for today and see what really does have to be done today and if I can plan for a nap this afternoon to help me get caught up. " Or " I'm feeling sad today.. .maybe I can call a friend and chat for awhile or maybe it would just feel good to sit outside with a big cup of coffee or. . .. " Sometimes it is time to go in to the Doctor, or the councelor, or the spiritual advisor. But we don't do any of that for ourselves. . ..we wait until we have neglected the problems too long and our car has left us stranded on the side of the road. And then we yell at ourselves, like that is really going to help. Don't even let me get started on vacuuming the car out every once in awhile to make it pretty. Cause honestly I am not doing good to do the first two that are already on here, and I think those are foundational before we start looking at beautifying. It is kind of like having a counter full of dirty dishes and trying to cover it with christmas lights. How do you learn to love yourself? I think it is a lot like loving your spouse when you just really don't feel like it. Some seasons in life you just say to yourself, I promised to love this man until death do us part. I don't feel like loving him today, he is being a turkey, but I am just going to do it anyway. So I guess that is the fake it until you make it mentality. It is kind of like when I was seeking advice from a friend on what to do when you are hungry (really, truly, stomach growling hungry) and you don't know what you want to eat. Her answer was to use my mind until my stomach would step in and take it's job back. She said to look through my house and find the healthiest, most reasonable thing that I could make to eat and then to give myself a reasonable portion of it. I think that is what we have to do with loving ourselves. I think we have to use our heads and not our emotions (our emotions lead us to things like eating disordered behaviors), and come up with what is reasonable to do to love and take care of ourselves. Some of it is the foundational stuff like getting enough sleep, eating enough nutritious food, and drinking plenty of water. Then there is getting a little time to pull away and be quiet for a little while (even 10 minutes will make a huge difference), some people read their Bible during that time, others just sit outside with a mug of something warm, maybe for you it is locking the bathroom and having a nice soak in the tub. Whatever it is. . .just a few minutes to get away and refresh and refuel. Then there are the little things that don't take much time, but over time give you an atmosphere of loving yourself (these will be different for every person). Maybe for you it is wearing a bit of perfume or using a special shower jell that you like; maybe it is wearing jeans instead of sweats; maybe it is keeping your kitchen cleaned up so that it is enjoyable to cook there; maybe it is going outside to take pictures of the beautiful purple flowers; or wearing your glasses so that your eyes don't feel tired and scratchy. .. .what are those things for you? I guess that I wrote this as much for me as for you. I do love myself more now that I did 10 years ago, but I can't really say that I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I still have some eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. Jen is so right that those are going to stay around until I replace them with loving and caring for myself. I know that when I am doing the FlyLady system I have less eating disordered behavior. Loving yourself isn't going to happen overnight, but you can start developing the habits today. There are the action habits that we talked about, but don't forget the thought habits. If you wouldn't yell something at a stranger, you don't get to say it to yourself. Treat yourself to some enlightened selfishness today. Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Tania, A couple of things in your post just really hit me hard. So much sounds like where I am or where I have been. You said that nurturing and loving your children doesn't come naturally for you. I used to beat myself up over that a lot. It was actually very recently that I realized (from reading Carol Tuttle's " It's Just My Nature " ) that I thought I had to be a certain personality type to be a good mom. I thought that love and nurturing were supposed to be these mushy, gushy, super-sweet feelings and I didn't have them. Just letting go of that idea of what love should look like has let me realize that I do love my kids very much. Even if my experience isn't true for you, I bet you do love your kids. You would be very sad if something bad happened to one of your kids, therefor you must love your kids. The next thing that caught my attention in your post was that you talk about being self-centered. A friend and I were discussing this the other day. . .What is actually wrong with being self-centered? I know our society says that we shouldn't be self centered. We grew up hearing things like " Jesus first, others second, and yourself last " but so many times that ends up really meaning that you never get to yourself. It is an all or nothing mentality. ..we think that if we allow ourselves to be the least bit concerned about ourselves that we will suddenly be consumed with thoughts of ourselves and everything else will be completely neglected. The FlyLady says that it is all about balance. calls it enlightened selfishness. Rushton calls it filling your pitcher so that you have something to give to your family, your job, etc. They are all right. If you don't take some time for you, you will crash and burn. You will end up running on empty. You will end up like Bilbo " thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. " Yes your family has needs that you have to attend to, but if you don't take time every day to pull away and fill up your own cup what do you have to give them? When you are taking good care of yourself then your cup will start to overflow and you will have good to give to your whole family. You know we take better care of our cars than ourselves? We fill our cars up with gas; we take them in for service if they seem to not be running quite right; sometimes we even vacuum them out or take them to the car wash so they will look extra pretty. With ourselves we either don't eat or give ourselves bad fuel (food) and then when we can't run we just yell at ourselves. It would be silly to see someone out in the parking lot yelling at their car, " You stupid, lazy piece of car! You are leaving me stranded again! You are completely worthless! " and the only reason their car won't run is because they didn't put any gas in the tank. We have 3 tanks to fill our body, our mind, and our spirit. And if any one of those are running on empty we are going to be sitting there like the guy out in the parking lot yelling at his car because he didn't fill it up with gas. When our car is making funny noises or just doesn't seem to be running right we take it in to the shop. But when we don't feel like we are running right we get out our Inner Mean Person and start yelling. I'm not saying that we necessarily need to go to the doctor, a lot of times we can self diagnose. " Oh, I'm not feeling super great today, could it be because the baby kept me up all night? Yep. Ok, let's take a look at the to-do list for today and see what really does have to be done today and if I can plan for a nap this afternoon to help me get caught up. " Or " I'm feeling sad today.. .maybe I can call a friend and chat for awhile or maybe it would just feel good to sit outside with a big cup of coffee or. . .. " Sometimes it is time to go in to the Doctor, or the councelor, or the spiritual advisor. But we don't do any of that for ourselves. . ..we wait until we have neglected the problems too long and our car has left us stranded on the side of the road. And then we yell at ourselves, like that is really going to help. Don't even let me get started on vacuuming the car out every once in awhile to make it pretty. Cause honestly I am not doing good to do the first two that are already on here, and I think those are foundational before we start looking at beautifying. It is kind of like having a counter full of dirty dishes and trying to cover it with christmas lights. How do you learn to love yourself? I think it is a lot like loving your spouse when you just really don't feel like it. Some seasons in life you just say to yourself, I promised to love this man until death do us part. I don't feel like loving him today, he is being a turkey, but I am just going to do it anyway. So I guess that is the fake it until you make it mentality. It is kind of like when I was seeking advice from a friend on what to do when you are hungry (really, truly, stomach growling hungry) and you don't know what you want to eat. Her answer was to use my mind until my stomach would step in and take it's job back. She said to look through my house and find the healthiest, most reasonable thing that I could make to eat and then to give myself a reasonable portion of it. I think that is what we have to do with loving ourselves. I think we have to use our heads and not our emotions (our emotions lead us to things like eating disordered behaviors), and come up with what is reasonable to do to love and take care of ourselves. Some of it is the foundational stuff like getting enough sleep, eating enough nutritious food, and drinking plenty of water. Then there is getting a little time to pull away and be quiet for a little while (even 10 minutes will make a huge difference), some people read their Bible during that time, others just sit outside with a mug of something warm, maybe for you it is locking the bathroom and having a nice soak in the tub. Whatever it is. . .just a few minutes to get away and refresh and refuel. Then there are the little things that don't take much time, but over time give you an atmosphere of loving yourself (these will be different for every person). Maybe for you it is wearing a bit of perfume or using a special shower jell that you like; maybe it is wearing jeans instead of sweats; maybe it is keeping your kitchen cleaned up so that it is enjoyable to cook there; maybe it is going outside to take pictures of the beautiful purple flowers; or wearing your glasses so that your eyes don't feel tired and scratchy. .. .what are those things for you? I guess that I wrote this as much for me as for you. I do love myself more now that I did 10 years ago, but I can't really say that I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I still have some eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. Jen is so right that those are going to stay around until I replace them with loving and caring for myself. I know that when I am doing the FlyLady system I have less eating disordered behavior. Loving yourself isn't going to happen overnight, but you can start developing the habits today. There are the action habits that we talked about, but don't forget the thought habits. If you wouldn't yell something at a stranger, you don't get to say it to yourself. Treat yourself to some enlightened selfishness today. Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Hi Yuna I am just sending you some love. My mum died in October last year. The hurt goes on for ages, I'm sorry. You must just get used to missing them, I suppose. I have been trying to get myself back into balance since then, and I think I might almost be there. So please, please just be kind to yourself - not necessarily indulgent and letting everything go, but really really kind. Reduce your expectations of yourself. I wanted to appear strong, but I loved my mum, so that fact that I am crushed by losing her is right - sod strong! With love Viv > > > > Tania > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > > care of your body. > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > Hugs, > > Jen > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Hi Yuna I am just sending you some love. My mum died in October last year. The hurt goes on for ages, I'm sorry. You must just get used to missing them, I suppose. I have been trying to get myself back into balance since then, and I think I might almost be there. So please, please just be kind to yourself - not necessarily indulgent and letting everything go, but really really kind. Reduce your expectations of yourself. I wanted to appear strong, but I loved my mum, so that fact that I am crushed by losing her is right - sod strong! With love Viv > > > > Tania > > > > I may be totally of track here but....I have some thoughts about your behavior > > and I only have them because in some ways they are like mine. > > > > I am not sure I know exactly how to put this but it seems to me that most of > > your behaviors here are coping stratagies and have very little to do with taking > > care of your body. > > > > > > My therapist once told me that my eating disorder would stick around until I > > stepped in and started to care of my body in a responsbile way. Afterall, even > > in its screwed up way my body was trying to get my needs met. Even if it was > > not exactly healthy to eat a bowl of cookies i was my body's way of trying to > > protect me from what it knew was coming, what was always coming -- the not > > eating and starving. In addition it was psyche's way of trying to protect me > > from dealing with the deeper issues in my life. If I spent so much time > > thinking about what to eat, when to eat and beating myself up for eating or not > > eating or obsessing about how much weight I lost or the size of my arms or the > > boniness of my rib cage or alternately stressing over how much weight I had > > gained or how fat my thighs were or wether or not I had exercised and how I > > could make up for " bad food behavior " or be angry at myself for > > purging......then I would not have to deal with the pain of dealing with the > > stalling in my own life and my inability to figure out what I needed to be > > satisfied and full on life. > > > > You binged: eating disordered behavior > > You exercied to make up for the binge for one hour: eating disordered behaviour > > Skipped eating a healthy breakfast > > Skipped dinner tonight: eating disordered behavior > > > > I wonder if maybe instead of trying to " make up " for behavior that you feel was > > bad or wrong you could forgive yourself, love yourself and treat yourself to > > something you reall want (and I am not talking about food or exercise). > > Something that makes you happy that has absolutely nothing to do with your > > body. After that possibly take some time to evaulate what the binge may have > > been about -- dont stress about it -- believe that your psyche will let you know > > when you are ready to hear it--but be open to anything that comes up. If > > something does come up think about ways you might be able to meet your needs in > > a healthy way. Finally practise a redo and do not self correct by hurting > > yourself. Instead do what is good and kind for yourself and your body. Do not > > skip dinner, excercise if you feel your body needs it (not to make up for extra > > calories) and spend time doing things that are important to you. > > > > Finally, I have a little trick to help me know how to treat myself with love. > > I visualize myself as an infant and I give myself what I know would be healthy > > for my child -- I try to give myself what I would want to give to my little > > one. I try to understand her behavior. I do not yell at her. I do not > > penalize her for eating to much. I try to make her feel loved and heal her > > hurt. I teach her to care for her body with healthy food. I let her enjoy her > > beautiful little body and her pudgy little feet and fat little thighs and marvel > > at her ability to love and be so aware of everthing in her own skin. I actually > > created for myself a heart pendant with a child in utero in it the center as a > > way to remind myself that I too deserve to love myself and that I DO KNOW how to > > be loving to myself. I do KNOW what is healthy and right. > > > > Hugs, > > Jen > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 hey y'all. i skimmed through all this... it's often too much for me to read (i think i'm a slow reader).. anyways, i'm here.. love the REDO.. and, have a i ever mentioned that i love myself? reading a book right now about " normal " eating and how to get there (i.e. naturally slender).. this book suggests we first identify our irrational beliefs around food, eating, weight, and body in order to reframe them... interesting. here's a belief that i need to start believing: " eating when hungry and stopping when full will not make me gain weight over the long run! " thanks, Avie On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 10:02 AM, <paulandme1112@...> wrote: > Who told you as a young girl you were self centered? Why do you believe it? You love yourself and your children naturally - it shows in the concern I just read. Think about it. > Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless > > Self Correcting > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 hey y'all. i skimmed through all this... it's often too much for me to read (i think i'm a slow reader).. anyways, i'm here.. love the REDO.. and, have a i ever mentioned that i love myself? reading a book right now about " normal " eating and how to get there (i.e. naturally slender).. this book suggests we first identify our irrational beliefs around food, eating, weight, and body in order to reframe them... interesting. here's a belief that i need to start believing: " eating when hungry and stopping when full will not make me gain weight over the long run! " thanks, Avie On Sun, Mar 6, 2011 at 10:02 AM, <paulandme1112@...> wrote: > Who told you as a young girl you were self centered? Why do you believe it? You love yourself and your children naturally - it shows in the concern I just read. Think about it. > Sent from my BlackBerry device from Cincinnati Bell Wireless > > Self Correcting > > > > First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! > > As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks > > God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides > > eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a > > relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews > > today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or > > BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? > > Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. > > > > > > Success: not gorging myself when I binged > > > > T > > Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. > > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2011 Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 Jen, Thanks for sharing!! I loved seeing your redo thoughts. That helps a great deal. I hope you enjoy your heart healthy dinner!   Tonya http://www.cedarshop.net/ Bringing the Gifts of the Mediterranean to the World ________________________________ From: Livingston <jenniferpl@...> weightloss Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 12:52:06 PM Subject: Re: Self Correcting  Tania, I hope today is easier. Self Correcting This morning I ate three donuts and felt just awful. I then proceeded to purge and feel even more disgusting. My goal right now is to forgive myself, take some time to reflect on the morning and do a redo in my mind. I am going to visualize two scenarious.  One where I eat the donuts and manage my emotions with equanimity and kindness, sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come up and do not purge. The second is where I eat one donut, feel satisfied, relaxed and then focused on other things I want and need to get done.... I just put a healthy meal in the oven and plan on having a very heart healthy dinner. I am going to visualize eating a healthy portion and visualize feeling my stomach tell me it is full and leaving the table feeling good about being satisfied. Wish me luck!!! Hugs all, Jen ________________________________ From: " tania_khalil@... " <tania_khalil@...> weightloss Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 5:52:26 AM Subject: Re: Self Correcting Wow. Wow. Jen, What a myriad of helpful info you have provided. Thank you so much. talks about something similar in the podcasts...I just don't know which one. I have to find it. Our dear guru has also given similar words of wisdom. However, yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I think your pendant idea was a good one, but what if nurturing isn't part of ones nature? Nurturing doesn't come naturally for me. Not toward my babes or myself. I can do it, but it takes a lot of focusing to do it. I have NEVER loved myself, so it is an alien concept for me. You were so right in saying that there are coping issues. When I pondered that a bit, what came to me was the word " demands. " Prefamily, I was always a self-centered person. Not arrogant (I have no reason to be so, right? lol), but there weren't any problems in the world except mine. Typical youth thinking. Now, rather than drowning myself in my own thoughts and focusing on making my changes to better myself, I am forced to focus on the children's needs, the needs of my hubby, and the needs of the home and business. Where is the time for me? (More self-centered thinking). I have a vivid memory of my teenage years. I remember sitting in the car at a red light watching the passing cars and seeing how each car contained another world. The people in the cars seemed to be oblivious to the world and others around them. Yet, in reality, each of those cars was part of a grander scheme. I used to have theses silly introspective dialogues often. There is no time for them and they are not practical at this stage in life. I am stuck between who I was and who I am with no self love to help me transition. How do you learn to love yourself? The love that you illustrated in your handling of your inner child, I am not sure that I am capable of the same. I am not empathetic or compassionate in my parenting (although this is a problem that I am working on solving) or when it comes to dealing with myself. I can say that I deserve the love that I do give my babies, but I don't feel it. It isn't genuine. How do we conceptualize and internalize self love as well as love for others? I am sorry this is so long. It was sort of a therapy session writing all this out. Note to self: I love writing. Thank you for your wonderful words, Jen. They really awoke something in me. Are you with this Avie? Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® Self Correcting First, congrats to all of us who are self correcting today! As you know, I had a binge yesterday, but I self corrected last night, thanks God. Someone mentioned " mad dancing " as a means of doing something besides eating and I translated that into exercise for a solid hour. It was such a relief and release. Yet, I still woke up and ate crap and drank two Dews today. In self correcting tonight, I skipped dinner and will TRY to dance or BodyRock later. My point is why can't I get my hormones and emotions in check? Even though I self corrected last night, I don't feel good physically. Success: not gorging myself when I binged T Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry® ------------------------------------ Copyright 2005-2007. A. s. All worldwide rights reserved. Groups Links    Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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