Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but Good)

[Guest guest]

       I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32 " Enlightened

Selfishness "  and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts I make sure I

have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a group home

daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and three

teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

       Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an understatement. I

have been having panic attacks left and right and a racing mind that never turns

off which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get really tired and I have

been picking fights with my husband. I have been sick nonstop for a month. I

can't even imagine trying to cram working out in to my life. Where to put it

???? 3 am or 11 pm has been something I have been wondering.

        Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod  journey and I take deep

circle like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water near and

I take drinks if I need to.   

      Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. ( which

makes me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go back to

bed but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I had

asked some else to clean up.  Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had

also peed and pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a

nice chew mess with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have

not cleaned up the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the

only eight by five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled

myself together and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and

computer work. Checked the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic

attack. Try to balance the check book and plug things into the budget. After

two hours of that I started to clean up. It took me two hours to get the small

kitchen/ Dining room

and living room suitable for business today.

    I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my intent

for today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive intent and

restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My husband and I

talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five kids all day

due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and everything seems to

be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal time even with the

extra cleaning. 

    With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within five

min of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got to the

part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on my list

of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like my Mom

who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is hopeful

especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very happy, joyful

me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic  but also scared. This particular

journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to have it. My

day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and

went to excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the

next twelve years for me before I am 50. 

     I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two

years and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know

I am going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am

hopeful for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope

and with therpy and you all I know I might be fine.  

Hugs Constance In MI

 

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to reach out and tell you to hang in there!  It will get better

if you continue to expect it to.

From: Constance <kcblj5@...>

Subject: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but

Good)

weightloss

Date: Wednesday, February 2, 2011, 3:51 PM

 

       I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32

" Enlightened Selfishness "  and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts

I make sure I have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a

group home daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and

three teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

       Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an

understatement. I have been having panic attacks left and right and a racing

mind that never turns off which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get

really tired and I have been picking fights with my husband. I have been sick

nonstop for a month. I can't even imagine trying to cram working out in to my

life. Where to put it ???? 3 am or 11 pm has been something I have been

wondering.

        Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod  journey and I

take deep circle like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water

near and I take drinks if I need to.   

      Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. (

which makes me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go

back to bed but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I

had asked some else to clean up.  Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had

also peed and pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a

nice chew mess with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have

not cleaned up the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the

only eight by five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled

myself together and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and

computer work. Checked the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic

attack. Try to balance the check book and plug things into the budget. After

two hours of that I started to clean up. It took me two hours to get the small

kitchen/ Dining room

and living room suitable for business today.

    I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my

intent for today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive

intent and restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My

husband and I talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five

kids all day due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and

everything seems to be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal

time even with the extra cleaning. 

    With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within

five min of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got

to the part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on

my list of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like

my Mom who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is

hopeful especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very

happy, joyful me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic  but also scared. This

particular journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to

have it. My day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and

went to excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the

next twelve years for me before I am 50. 

     I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two

years and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know

I am going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am

hopeful for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope

and with therpy and you all I know I might be fine.  

Hugs Constance In MI

 

[Guest guest]

Constance,

Wow, your life is extremely busy.  I only want to say....please be good to

yourself.  Exercise is fine but I think sleep might be a bit more important. 

Healthy eating can make a difference as well.  I pray that you will find more

effectual help in the day to day business of running your business and home! 

Grrrrr....  At any rate just want to say put your needs first so that you can

really care for others in a way that is healthy for you and for them.

Good Luck....Keep going forward.

Jen

________________________________

From: Constance <kcblj5@...>

weightloss

Sent: Wed, February 2, 2011 2:51:34 PM

Subject: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but

Good)

 

       I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32

" Enlightened

Selfishness "  and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts I make sure

I

have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a group home

daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and three

teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

       Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an

understatement. I

have been having panic attacks left and right and a racing mind that never turns

off which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get really tired and I have

been picking fights with my husband. I have been sick nonstop for a month. I

can't even imagine trying to cram working out in to my life. Where to put it

???? 3 am or 11 pm has been something I have been wondering.

        Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod  journey and I

take deep

circle like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water near and

I take drinks if I need to.   

      Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. (

which

makes me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go back to

bed but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I had

asked some else to clean up.  Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had

also peed and pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a

nice chew mess with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have

not cleaned up the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the

only eight by five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled

myself together and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and

computer work. Checked the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic

attack. Try to balance the check book and plug things into the budget. After

two hours of that I started to clean up. It took me two hours to get the small

kitchen/ Dining room

and living room suitable for business today.

    I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my

intent

for today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive intent and

restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My husband and I

talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five kids all day

due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and everything seems to

be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal time even with the

extra cleaning. 

    With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within

five

min of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got to the

part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on my

list

of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like my Mom

who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is hopeful

especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very happy,

joyful

me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic  but also scared. This particular

journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to have it. My

day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and

went to excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the

next twelve years for me before I am 50. 

     I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two

years and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know

I am going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am

hopeful for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope

and with therpy and you all I know I might be fine.  

Hugs Constance In MI

 

[Guest guest]

Constance,

Big High Five for you " I see a very happy, joyful me in less than a year. I am

so ecstatic but also scared. " and I want to say don't be afraid!

In the 10-Year Rule at the Art of Manliness web site, there is a great rule that

said to live life as such " Whenever you are presented with a choice, ask yourself

which option you would prefer to have taken in ten years. " As said in his

blog, " I'm going to guess in 95% of the

situations, yourself ten years from now will look back and be happy that you

took the chance/tried the class/made the change/etc.

I'm happy that you are doing something for you (therapy) and moving forward --

you CAN do it!!

Colleen

From: Constance <kcblj5@...>

weightloss

Cc:

Sent: Wednesday, February 2, 2011 12:51 PM

Subject: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but

Good)

I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32 " Enlightened

Selfishness " and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts I make sure I

have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a group home

daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and three

teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an understatement. I

have been having panic attacks left and right and a racing mind that never turns

off which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get really tired and I have been

picking fights with my husband. I have been sick nonstop for a month. I can't

even imagine trying to cram working out in to my life. Where to put it ???? 3 am

or 11 pm has been something I have been wondering.

Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod journey and I take deep

circle like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water near and I

take drinks if I need to.

Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. ( which

makes me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go back to

bed but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I had

asked some else to clean up. Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had also

peed and pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a nice

chew mess with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have not

cleaned up the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the only

eight by five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled myself

together and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and computer

work. Checked the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic attack. Try to

balance the check book and plug things into the budget. After two hours of that

I started to clean up. It took me two hours to get the small kitchen/ Dining

room

and living room suitable for business today.

I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my intent

for today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive intent and

restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My husband and I

talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five kids all day

due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and everything seems to

be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal time even with the

extra cleaning.

With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within five

min of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got to the

part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on my list

of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like my Mom

who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is hopeful

especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very happy, joyful

me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic but also scared. This particular

journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to have it. My

day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and went to

excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the next twelve years

for me before I am 50.

I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two

years and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know

I am going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am

hopeful for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope and

with therpy and you all I know I might be fine.

Hugs Constance In MI

[Guest guest]

Thanks!!!! it already has gotten better. I am using the " I Deserve " .......

what ever it is mantra ( Sleep, love, joy, calmness, beautiful skin) and it is

helping me. I am getting back 100x what I am putting in but I am putting

in pretty whole heartily. I even ate a double quarter ponder at 1am

yesterday. Usually the burger thing would trigger a whole next day of binge.

But 80/ 20 is good for me. I usually do eat really awesome so I did not feel

bad about myself for wanting a burger after an intense and active day. I feel

incredibly good today. That is the residual effect of three hours of swimming

and nine hours of intense,  " Out for the count " sleep. Seems I might have

forced myself into a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome complicating it with Arthritis,

Anxiety and other things.

Hugs Constance in Mi

  

From: Constance <kcblj5@...>

Subject: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but

Good)

weightloss

Date: Wednesday, February 2, 2011, 3:51 PM

 

       I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32

" Enlightened Selfishness "  and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts

I make sure I have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a

group home daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and

three teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

       Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an

understatement. I have been having panic attacks left and right and a racing

mind that never turns off which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get

really tired and I have been picking fights with my husband. I have been sick

nonstop for a month. I can't even imagine trying to cram working out in to my

life. Where to put it ???? 3 am or 11 pm has been something I have been

wondering.

        Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod  journey and I

take deep circle like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water

near and I take drinks if I need to.   

      Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. (

which makes me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go

back to bed but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I

had asked some else to clean up.  Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had

also peed and pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a

nice chew mess with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have

not cleaned up the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the

only eight by five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled

myself together and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and

computer work. Checked the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic

attack. Try to balance the check book and plug things into the budget. After

two hours of that I started to clean up. It took me two hours to get the small

kitchen/ Dining room

and living room suitable for business today.

    I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my

intent for today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive

intent and restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My

husband and I talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five

kids all day due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and

everything seems to be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal

time even with the extra cleaning. 

    With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within

five min of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got

to the part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on

my list of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like

my Mom who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is

hopeful especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very

happy, joyful me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic  but also scared. This

particular journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to

have it. My day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and

went to excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the

next twelve years for me before I am 50. 

     I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two

years and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know

I am going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am

hopeful for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope

and with therpy and you all I know I might be fine.  

Hugs Constance In MI

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks ..... the first time I did it I was like 19/20 on the list of

things. The third time I did this lesson I was third which is not acceptable

either but a major improvement for me so I using the ( Gray ) not all is black

and white thought about it right now. That is why I had to share It was so

emotional and WOW to me. Defiantly needed the counseling. If I can give anyone

advice I would say "  don't wait if you think you need it/ get it ......life is

too short to be miserable " Enjoy Greece for me : )! I hope to be in Italy for 14

days in about 18 months if I have my way for my 20th wedding aniversary.

Hugs Constance

 

 

From: Colleen <collrobinson@...>

Subject: Re: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long

but Good)

" weightloss " <weightloss >

Date: Friday, February 4, 2011, 6:46 AM

 

Constance,

Big High Five for you " I see a very happy, joyful me in less than a year. I am

so ecstatic but also scared. " and I want to say don't be afraid!

In the 10-Year Rule at the Art of Manliness web site, there is a great rule that

said to live life as such " Whenever you are presented with a choice, ask yourself

which option you would prefer to have taken in ten years. " As said in his

blog, " I'm going to guess in 95% of the

situations, yourself ten years from now will look back and be happy that you

took the chance/tried the class/made the change/etc.

I'm happy that you are doing something for you (therapy) and moving forward --

you CAN do it!!

Colleen

From: Constance <kcblj5@...>

weightloss

Cc:

Sent: Wednesday, February 2, 2011 12:51 PM

Subject: Enlightened Selfishness OMGosh!( Sorry Long but

Good)

I just had to write an email about this Ipod Journey #32 " Enlightened

Selfishness " and my journey today. When I listen to my pod-casts I make sure I

have about 35 min for myself. Which is really hard..... I run a group home

daycare with nine families that use me. I have three assistants and three

teenagers, a husband, two dogs and five cats. My life is busy from 4am to

midnight that is needless to say.

Well lately,to say I have been overwhelmed is kinda an understatement. I have

been having panic attacks left and right and a racing mind that never turns off

which causes me to not be able to sleep. I get really tired and I have been

picking fights with my husband. I have been sick nonstop for a month. I can't

even imagine trying to cram working out in to my life. Where to put it ???? 3 am

or 11 pm has been something I have been wondering.

Anyway I close my eyes and I listen to the Ipod journey and I take deep circle

like breaths trying to sit calm and collected. I have water near and I take

drinks if I need to.

Well today was amazing. I woke at 2am when my husband came to bed. ( which makes

me crazy) I came out of the bedroom to go pee and I was set to go back to bed

but the living room was trashed. Coats everywhere,Little kids toys I had asked

some else to clean up. Burger King wrappers strew by cats that had also peed and

pooped in the kitchen.Our nine month old St Bernard had made a nice chew mess

with his tire..... Not the dogs fault but geez could they have not cleaned up

the mess and taken the industrial vacuum for two min across the only eight by

five piece carpet in the living room.I started to cry. I pulled myself together

and then decided I would do 30 min worth of paperwork and computer work. Checked

the checking ( Bouncing) which set off a huge panic attack. Try to balance the

check book and plug things into the budget. After two hours of that I started to

clean up. It took me two hours to get the small kitchen/ Dining room

and living room suitable for business today.

I was still upset and angry and fighting tears. I decided to set my intent for

today ( I do about 10 to 20 deep breaths ) and set my positive intent and

restate my new positive self belief. I did and I felt better. My husband and I

talked.I had a good chat with the first parent and only have five kids all day

due to serious snow. I did some extra cleaning.Everyone and everything seems to

be going smooth and I made it to Ipod Journey #32 at normal time even with the

extra cleaning.

With my breathing I started to have tears streaming down my face within five min

of The Ipod session. I keep going it was hard but I kept going. I got to the

part of the journey where I had to look out and see myself where I am on my list

of importance in the future. I don't see myself ( I am gone) just like my Mom

who died two weeks before her 50 birthday. But the journey back is hopeful

especially since I just started therapy last week and I see a very happy, joyful

me in less than a year. I am so ecstatic but also scared. This particular

journey was very vivid and very shocking to me and I am so glad to have it. My

day had started with me just wishing I didn't have to be anymore and went to

excited to see all the changes and good things to come in the next twelve years

for me before I am 50.

I am sorry this is so long. I have been dabbling in ISOW for almost two years

and this is only the second or third break through I have ever had.I know I am

going to start adding exercise back as well as some other things.I am hopeful

for the first time in months.I can feel that little flame of hope and with

therpy and you all I know I might be fine.

Hugs Constance In MI