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Re: My Fat Suit

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> There is nothing I can do about her behavior or how she feels about me. I

wish

> that it didn't bother me, especially since I know that i am not doing anything

> wrong just different.

>

I could have written those sentences. I have a complicated relationship with my

mother myself. She has been suffering from depression for a long time, but after

she initially got help, she felt that after a psychoanalysis she didn't need any

more professional help. Instead, she has used me as her best friend and

confidante- since I was 6 years old... And since I left home and tried to get

out of this role, we have had a lot of tension and conflict...

Lately she is trying very hard, but whenever she feels overwhelmed she lashes

out at whoever is around, often me. In any case, I have come to the realization

that she won't change. The only thing I can control how I deal with her. She is

not doing very well lately, having a lot o health issues and I don't want to

deal with the guilt of not being in touch with her. So, I decided to keep in

touch with her, but I will only do it in way that I am comfortable with. Still,

it helps me to remember that she loves me and just doesn't know how to show it.

She didn't have a happy childhood and as a consequences has not learned how to

let people " in " - not even her children...

Jantje

BTW, sometimes it feels like my mother is jealous of me and the life that I

lead...

>

> Jantie,

>

> I have talked to my mother about how her disapproval hurts me. She tries

harder

> not to show it now, but I still see it there. The really sad thing is that

> nothing that she disapproves of is anything that I have done wrong, it is just

> choices that I have made that are different from the ones she would have made.

> My mother is a soft, subtle person and I tend to be more bold and dynamic. So

> some of it is just personality differences.

>

> I know that you are right and her disapproval is because she loves me and

wants

> to keep me safe. She was in an abusive relationship for 25 years (I was there

> for 14 of those) and drawing any kind of attention to ones self was not

> conducive to being safe in that relationship. I have been through a lot of

> counseling and done a ton of internal work to work past that and enjoy being

> myself. I wish she would go through some similar therapy.

>

>

> There is nothing I can do about her behavior or how she feels about me. I

wish

> that it didn't bother me, especially since I know that i am not doing anything

> wrong just different.

>

> Annie

>

>

>

>

>

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