Guest guest Posted September 21, 2010 Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 > There is nothing I can do about her behavior or how she feels about me. I wish > that it didn't bother me, especially since I know that i am not doing anything > wrong just different. > I could have written those sentences. I have a complicated relationship with my mother myself. She has been suffering from depression for a long time, but after she initially got help, she felt that after a psychoanalysis she didn't need any more professional help. Instead, she has used me as her best friend and confidante- since I was 6 years old... And since I left home and tried to get out of this role, we have had a lot of tension and conflict... Lately she is trying very hard, but whenever she feels overwhelmed she lashes out at whoever is around, often me. In any case, I have come to the realization that she won't change. The only thing I can control how I deal with her. She is not doing very well lately, having a lot o health issues and I don't want to deal with the guilt of not being in touch with her. So, I decided to keep in touch with her, but I will only do it in way that I am comfortable with. Still, it helps me to remember that she loves me and just doesn't know how to show it. She didn't have a happy childhood and as a consequences has not learned how to let people " in " - not even her children... Jantje BTW, sometimes it feels like my mother is jealous of me and the life that I lead... > > Jantie, > > I have talked to my mother about how her disapproval hurts me. She tries harder > not to show it now, but I still see it there. The really sad thing is that > nothing that she disapproves of is anything that I have done wrong, it is just > choices that I have made that are different from the ones she would have made. > My mother is a soft, subtle person and I tend to be more bold and dynamic. So > some of it is just personality differences. > > I know that you are right and her disapproval is because she loves me and wants > to keep me safe. She was in an abusive relationship for 25 years (I was there > for 14 of those) and drawing any kind of attention to ones self was not > conducive to being safe in that relationship. I have been through a lot of > counseling and done a ton of internal work to work past that and enjoy being > myself. I wish she would go through some similar therapy. > > > There is nothing I can do about her behavior or how she feels about me. I wish > that it didn't bother me, especially since I know that i am not doing anything > wrong just different. > > Annie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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