Family courts and AS/Autism?

[Guest guest]

Has anyone here ever had experience with the family courts and

AS/Autism? We have recently had some situations that have just

astounded me, including sessions with 3 separate attorneys who have

told us things such as, " The courts feel that Autism is being over-

diagnosed. If we walk into the court room asking for changes based

upon Autism needs, they'll throw us out, " and, " The judges consider

Asperger's to be a bogus diagnosis, and will make no concessions for

the child's special needs. "

So how did we come to this? I'm going to be a little vague here,

because we have an going legal situation, and I'm not looking to

inflame things by puttig our full-blown story on a public

baord....but I seriosuly need some input!

My spouse has residential custody of my 12 year old stepchild, who

has AS, among other issues (ADHD, TS, and emotional problems). The

non-custodial parent pops in and out of the child's life, has been

diagnosed with two chronic mental illnesses, has joint legal custody

with standard visitation, all the usual rights to consult and confer

with doctors, school officials, etc. It has been this way for 11-1/2

years now.

Over the years, we have fought many of the same kinds of battles with

the school district that many of you here have. But at the same

time, we have also had to fight to keep this child from being put in

inappropriate situations with the Non-[residential]Custodial Parent

(NCP). The child's psychologist, prescribing psychiatrist,

pediatrician, and various school officials have all repeatedly

indicated their concern for the child's emotional health with regards

to influences from, and time spent with, the non-custodial parent.

We do recognize and appreciate that the child does need time with

both families, and have tried to support that, despite the myriad

problems that accompany that relationship. But all the work we spend

our lives doing on behalf of this child is repeatedly undone in just

a few moments with the NCP.

Imagine if you will what it is like to fight like heck with your

local school district to get services for your child, year after

year, only to have a another person who is not at all educated or

interested in your child's disorder or special needs come in and

disrupt the process, make inappropriate demands, and generally

attempt to subvert the process in whatever ways possible. That is

the life we lead here.

This past school year, the district has finally recognized that A) we

aren't going away or giving up on getting what this child needs; and

the non-custodial parent is not a credible parent acting in the

child's best interests. In the course of the re-evaluation at

school, well-qualified evaluators told my spouse and I that the child

had divulged the fact that s/he has been routinely allowed to do

various things while in the care of the NCP which the evaluators felt

were wholly unsafe and inappropriate for this child, especially given

the child's mental/emotional/social capacities. Attorneys told us

that unless or until the child is actually physically harmed, the

court will do nothing to force the NCP to better supervise the child,

or force appropriate activities. We were told, " Only after the

trainwreck occurs will the courts allow the installation of a

crossing gate. "

So, realizing the futility of that fight, we went on and fought for

what we could get from the school district. Finally, services and

supports were enacted, including additional summer services.

However, the non-custodial parent refused to allow the child's

participation during their periods of vistation/possession this

summer, causing the child to miss 1/2 of the available program time.

The school district was very upset about this, but again, three

different attorneys told us that we had not a leg to stand on, and

one even felt that merely the fact that we had discussed with the

school the idea of sending the child to a program which occured on

the NCP's visitation time could be enough to have us held in contempt

of the custody order. So, there was nothing that we could do about

it.

Instead, the non-custodial parent chose not to spend the visitation

time with the child, but rather to send the child to a summer program

out-of-state that was in no way equipped to deal with the child's

special needs. The child has gone to this out-of-state program, and

another similar program, for several sumemrs now, and it always ends

with the child being kept in isolation in the infirmary, because the

program is unable to handle the child. Yet they are always to happy

to take the money and accept the child again, claiming it will be

fine...until it isn't. When the child returns home, it takes weeks

or months to get the child back onto an emotional and social track

that allows the child to function properly in social environments.

Last summer, the child's pediatrician and pscyhiatrist would not

clear the child for this program, because the child was having

terrible reactions to medication, and we could not be assured of

qualified medical staff being on hand at the program. But the court

allowed the child to be sent there anyway, saying that we and the

doctors had no right to interfere in the NCP's visitation plans.

In short, we battle constantly to keep this child safe, and to get

this child the help that s/he needs, and are subverted at every

turn. We are nearly bankrupt from all the medical and legal costs.

Friends, family members, and school officials constantly express

their shock and disappointment that all of this continues to happen

unabated. We really felt that we finally had a very strong case this

time with the school's recommendations, but instead were told that

Autism is unworthy of the court's time and attention, especially in

comparison to the rights of the NCP. I have truly come to believe

that " best interests of the child " is only interpreted by our family

courts as, " enforcing the rights of the bioparents. "

Has anyone else gone through anything like this?? Any ideas at all?

We just constantly feel trapped and stymied!