Guest guest Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I totally relate to what you have been through. I lost my husband in April 2005 too. Cancer. My life has totally changed since losing my husband. I had no income at all for 3 yrs and I am so grateful my daughters were able to help me through that time. I no longer have a home of my own, and am living with my family. Through all the emotional stuff I have not taken very good care of my own needs, even though I am taking care of others. When will we learn that we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first and take care of ourselves before we can truly be of any real use to or for others. God help us all, Thank you for sharing, keep on keeping on one day at a time, Barbara from Florida Lonely and confused Prior to the death of my husband in 2005, I was fifty pounds lighter, going to the gyn at least three times a week and my diet was great. I am now a workaholic, eating on the go, most times in the car or alone at home, would love to get back into the dating scene, but because of the weight gain, I am not feeling all that great with myself. I have not been in the gyn in the last three years or more, is not dating and to make matters worse, I have started smoking cigarettes agains. I am professional who love my work, because it allows me to assist families with social needs and direct them to agencies that offer a variety of services that their family need to survive. I am a medical social worker, for over twenty five years. You may ask, how can I help others and neglect myself? It is much easier for me to be objective when it concern others, than to reconize my own shortcomings. I know what I need to do, the motivation is not there. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 For some reason, your post reminds me of a friend of mine who was widowed at a very young age (mid-thirties) and left with three young children (the youngest was around 18 mos). As an Orthodox Jew, my friend started covering her hair when she married. When her husband died, she kept covering her hair, because it didn't feel right not to. After several years (at least 5), she started thinking it was time to move on. She consulted with her rabbi to be sure it was appropriate--and then started going out with her head uncovered. Immediately she was inundated with offers from friends and neighbors to set her up with someone, since everyone took this as a sign that she was " looking. " I wonder if your weight is playing the same role that her hat was playing? It allowed her to adjust to her new situation in life without being pushed or pressured into a new relationship. Maybe you felt that if you had more weight on you, you wouldn't have to deal with dating pressure until you were ready? I wonder if you also feel like you need... maybe not permission, but confirmation that it's OK to move on? Not that I have any authority to say so, but in my opinion--Yes. It's OK to live your life. You can do this without denying what you had with your husband, without forgetting him. It is not a betrayal of his memory to be happy.... If you think there's an element of this holding you back, maybe you can find or create some ritual that will let you set aside some time for him? Something you do on the anniversary of his death--or birth, if it seems more appropriate? Are you ready to be back in the dating scene? For my friend, the offers came, well, at the drop of a hat. (Not that she actually wanted it.) Maybe it's a good thing that the weight won't come off quite as fast. It'll give you time to adjust. You can start reconnecting with yourself as you start caring for yourself more--in little ways, you know? Like eating at a table instead of in the car. Consider it practice for dating--you'd expect more of a date than a drive-through, right? You can extend yourself the same courtesy. Oh, and I don't know if any of us would ask how you can help others and neglect yourself. Quite the opposite--so many of us find our way to IOWL because we do exactly that. So seeing what you wrote is a great reminder that we need to take care of ourselves, too. Wishing you joy on your journey, ________________________________ From: yp_geraldine_baltimore <gerrialdridge@...> weightloss Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 5:16:20 AM Subject: Lonely and confused Prior to the death of my husband in 2005, I was fifty pounds lighter, going to the gyn at least three times a week and my diet was great. I am now a workaholic, eating on the go, most times in the car or alone at home, would love to get back into the dating scene, but because of the weight gain, I am not feeling all that great with myself. I have not been in the gyn in the last three years or more, is not dating and to make matters worse, I have started smoking cigarettes agains. I am professional who love my work, because it allows me to assist families with social needs and direct them to agencies that offer a variety of services that their family need to survive. I am a medical social worker, for over twenty five years. You may ask, how can I help others and neglect myself? It is much easier for me to be objective when it concern others, than to reconize my own shortcomings. I know what I need to do, the motivation is not there. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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