Re: I need to do something differently...

[Guest guest]

On Mon, Sep 20, 2010 at 2:43 PM, <lsageev@...> wrote:

> Ah! BORING is GOOD! Because that would help take some of the attraction away

> from eating.... Might be worth a try, anyway....

>

> About the table, well... I've been known to eat to avoid clutter--or the

feeling

> that I should be cleaning it up--or that I should be working on one of my

> unfinished projects. Probably just me, but....

>

So if you finished de-cluttering, you might eat less? That's an

interesting idea...<g>

Eldred

--

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I will give you a man who will

make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a

stock clerk.

-- J.C. Penney

[Guest guest]

Actually, yes. I mentioned FlyLady recently--it's pretty amazing how many people

join that list to figure out how to clean their house and end up losing weight

without trying...

I know when it clicked for me that there was a clear link between clutter and

weight--one evening the kitchen was a total mess. I was going to ignore it, and

went off to another room. Went to the kitchen to make tea, and immediately felt

like eating. But I knew I wasn't hungry, so I turned around instead. The farther

I got from the kitchen, the more the desire to eat dropped. Went back a little

later, and it happened again. And again.... Fortunately, this was one of those

times when I was Aligned about not wanting to eat when not hungry, because my

subconcsious and concious started conferring. I realized that the state of the

kitchen was really bothering me. I was worried about being in there to clean up

when  being in there made me want to eat, so I grabbed some gum or a whole

clove

or some such to keep my mouth busy. As I cleaned, the desire to eat dropped.

It was actually pretty funny. It felt like there was almost a force field by

the

kitchen--on one side, no hunger, on the other side, BINGE. It's not always so

clear (partly because my kitchen isn't always that messy! LOL!), but that day,

there was NO DOUBT why I wanted to eat when I wasn't hungry.

YYMV.

________________________________

From: Eldred Pickett <epickett@...>

weightloss

Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 2:31:41 AM

Subject: Re: Re: I need to do something differently...

 

On Mon, Sep 20, 2010 at 2:43 PM, <lsageev@...> wrote:

> Ah! BORING is GOOD! Because that would help take some of the attraction away

> from eating.... Might be worth a try, anyway....

>

> About the table, well... I've been known to eat to avoid clutter--or the

>feeling

> that I should be cleaning it up--or that I should be working on one of my

> unfinished projects. Probably just me, but....

>

So if you finished de-cluttering, you might eat less? That's an

interesting idea...<g>

Eldred

--

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I will give you a man who will

make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a

stock clerk.

-- J.C. Penney

[Guest guest]

Actually, yes. I mentioned FlyLady recently--it's pretty amazing how many people

join that list to figure out how to clean their house and end up losing weight

without trying...

I know when it clicked for me that there was a clear link between clutter and

weight--one evening the kitchen was a total mess. I was going to ignore it, and

went off to another room. Went to the kitchen to make tea, and immediately felt

like eating. But I knew I wasn't hungry, so I turned around instead. The farther

I got from the kitchen, the more the desire to eat dropped. Went back a little

later, and it happened again. And again.... Fortunately, this was one of those

times when I was Aligned about not wanting to eat when not hungry, because my

subconcsious and concious started conferring. I realized that the state of the

kitchen was really bothering me. I was worried about being in there to clean up

when  being in there made me want to eat, so I grabbed some gum or a whole

clove

or some such to keep my mouth busy. As I cleaned, the desire to eat dropped.

It was actually pretty funny. It felt like there was almost a force field by

the

kitchen--on one side, no hunger, on the other side, BINGE. It's not always so

clear (partly because my kitchen isn't always that messy! LOL!), but that day,

there was NO DOUBT why I wanted to eat when I wasn't hungry.

YYMV.

________________________________

From: Eldred Pickett <epickett@...>

weightloss

Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 2:31:41 AM

Subject: Re: Re: I need to do something differently...

 

On Mon, Sep 20, 2010 at 2:43 PM, <lsageev@...> wrote:

> Ah! BORING is GOOD! Because that would help take some of the attraction away

> from eating.... Might be worth a try, anyway....

>

> About the table, well... I've been known to eat to avoid clutter--or the

>feeling

> that I should be cleaning it up--or that I should be working on one of my

> unfinished projects. Probably just me, but....

>

So if you finished de-cluttering, you might eat less? That's an

interesting idea...<g>

Eldred

--

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I will give you a man who will

make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a

stock clerk.

-- J.C. Penney

[Guest guest]

Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

know what to do, then what is left?

My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

I often eat to calm myself.

[Guest guest]

Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

know what to do, then what is left?

My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

I often eat to calm myself.

[Guest guest]

Corinna - I think a WHOLE LOT OF US could say that same last line! thanks for

putting it so well (it's all about what goes on in my head!)

why do I have the shoulds instead of taking action? I always wonder about that

Tony Robbins process that you have equate staying the same with pain in order to

change it because we as human kind from his studies change because of either

pain or pleasure. For most people it takes a lot of pain to get them going and

pleasure isn't enough of a motivator ... that was a scary thought for me!

________________________________

From: Corinna L Mulligan <corinna.mulligan@...>

weightloss

Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 9:34:07 AM

Subject: Re: I need to do something differently...

Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

know what to do, then what is left?

My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

I often eat to calm myself.

[Guest guest]

Corinna - I think a WHOLE LOT OF US could say that same last line! thanks for

putting it so well (it's all about what goes on in my head!)

why do I have the shoulds instead of taking action? I always wonder about that

Tony Robbins process that you have equate staying the same with pain in order to

change it because we as human kind from his studies change because of either

pain or pleasure. For most people it takes a lot of pain to get them going and

pleasure isn't enough of a motivator ... that was a scary thought for me!

________________________________

From: Corinna L Mulligan <corinna.mulligan@...>

weightloss

Sent: Tue, September 21, 2010 9:34:07 AM

Subject: Re: I need to do something differently...

Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

know what to do, then what is left?

My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

I often eat to calm myself.

[Guest guest]

All-

This is the conundrum of change, isn't it? That education is NOT sufficient for

change. Knowledge is not enough. Knowing math does not keep us out of dept, or

from over eating calories, etc. I think accepting this is hard, and accepting

that behavior is what need to change- knowing what to change is not enough---we

have to BEHAVE differently! Obviously easier said than done, but something to

keep in mind on the journey.

RJ

>

> Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

> realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

> am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

> fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

> etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

> Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

> know what to do, then what is left?

>

> My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

>

> I often eat to calm myself.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

All-

This is the conundrum of change, isn't it? That education is NOT sufficient for

change. Knowledge is not enough. Knowing math does not keep us out of dept, or

from over eating calories, etc. I think accepting this is hard, and accepting

that behavior is what need to change- knowing what to change is not enough---we

have to BEHAVE differently! Obviously easier said than done, but something to

keep in mind on the journey.

RJ

>

> Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

> realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

> am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

> fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

> etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

> Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

> know what to do, then what is left?

>

> My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

>

> I often eat to calm myself.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Very true.

Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and Medicine,

speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this science is

missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate metabolism, it is

about our behavior...

I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing wrong with

me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise insufficiently

equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I can change my

behaviors!

Jantje

> >

> > Eldred - Very good question! I think when I thought about it logically, I

> > realized that since I am an intelligent and curious woman. This means I

> > am well-read. I know about many calories in a pound of fat, how much

> > fibre I should eat daily, what the minimum and maximum servings per day,

> > etc etc.. I know how often I should ideally exercise and stretch, etc..

> > Yet I don't do all of these things. If I intellectually and logically

> > know what to do, then what is left?

> >

> > My being obese is not about food. It is about what goes on in my head.

> >

> > I often eat to calm myself.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

>

> Corinna - I think a WHOLE LOT OF US could say that same last line! thanks for

> putting it so well (it's all about what goes on in my head!)

>

>

> why do I have the shoulds instead of taking action? I always wonder about

that

> Tony Robbins process that you have equate staying the same with pain in order

to

> change it because we as human kind from his studies change because of either

> pain or pleasure. For most people it takes a lot of pain to get them going

and

> pleasure isn't enough of a motivator ... that was a scary thought for me!

>

>

I guess it's like that old joke:

A salesman walks up on a farmer's porch. While giving his pitch to the farmer,

the farmer's dog who is lying on the porch, starts howling.

The salesman asks, " Why is he howling like that? "

Farmer: " He's lying on a nail "

Salesman: " Well, why doesn't he MOVE? "

Farmer: " I guess it just doesn't hurt him enough yet... "

Eldred

[Guest guest]

>

> Corinna - I think a WHOLE LOT OF US could say that same last line! thanks for

> putting it so well (it's all about what goes on in my head!)

>

>

> why do I have the shoulds instead of taking action? I always wonder about

that

> Tony Robbins process that you have equate staying the same with pain in order

to

> change it because we as human kind from his studies change because of either

> pain or pleasure. For most people it takes a lot of pain to get them going

and

> pleasure isn't enough of a motivator ... that was a scary thought for me!

>

>

I guess it's like that old joke:

A salesman walks up on a farmer's porch. While giving his pitch to the farmer,

the farmer's dog who is lying on the porch, starts howling.

The salesman asks, " Why is he howling like that? "

Farmer: " He's lying on a nail "

Salesman: " Well, why doesn't he MOVE? "

Farmer: " I guess it just doesn't hurt him enough yet... "

Eldred

[Guest guest]

never heard that joke -- but I think you are right on with it!

 

 

________________________________

From: EldredP <epickett@...>

weightloss

Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 6:02:30 AM

Subject: Re: I need to do something differently...

 

>

> Corinna - I think a WHOLE LOT OF US could say that same last line! thanks for

> putting it so well (it's all about what goes on in my head!)

>

>

> why do I have the shoulds instead of taking action? I always wonder about that

> Tony Robbins process that you have equate staying the same with pain in order

>to

>

> change it because we as human kind from his studies change because of either

> pain or pleasure. For most people it takes a lot of pain to get them going and

> pleasure isn't enough of a motivator ... that was a scary thought for me!

>

>

I guess it's like that old joke:

A salesman walks up on a farmer's porch. While giving his pitch to the farmer,

the farmer's dog who is lying on the porch, starts howling.

The salesman asks, " Why is he howling like that? "

Farmer: " He's lying on a nail "

Salesman: " Well, why doesn't he MOVE? "

Farmer: " I guess it just doesn't hurt him enough yet... "

Eldred

[Guest guest]

>

> Very true.

>

> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and Medicine,

speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this science is

missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate metabolism, it is

about our behavior...

>

> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing wrong

with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I can

change my behaviors!

>

> Jantje

>

Checking back in:

I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm still

confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me by being

overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried about

attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for women to

notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing ANY benefit

to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at doing it. I can't

seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts mentioned a listener who

felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the same way. But as I said, I

don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I was at a healthy weight until

probably close to 30. So it isn't anything from my childhood. I also don't

have any fear of being hungry. I've never had a time in my LIFE where I was

starving. What else can I look at to end this trend?

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

>

> Very true.

>

> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and Medicine,

speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this science is

missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate metabolism, it is

about our behavior...

>

> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing wrong

with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I can

change my behaviors!

>

> Jantje

>

Checking back in:

I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm still

confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me by being

overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried about

attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for women to

notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing ANY benefit

to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at doing it. I can't

seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts mentioned a listener who

felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the same way. But as I said, I

don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I was at a healthy weight until

probably close to 30. So it isn't anything from my childhood. I also don't

have any fear of being hungry. I've never had a time in my LIFE where I was

starving. What else can I look at to end this trend?

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Try to think of what you think about in the nanosecond before you think " I

want to eat...... " . That will give a little clue about what the gift of

overeating is giving you. Or do the " what do I want instead? " Question.

You said you would like the opposite sex to notice you. Do you eat when you

feel lonely? Do you eat because you need some comfort? Or just because you

want to feel good? Those are some pretty good reasons to eat.

Patti

On Oct 7, 2010 11:49 AM, " EldredP " <epickett@...> wrote:

>

>

>

>>

>> Very true.

>>

>> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and

Medicine, speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this

science is missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate

metabolism, it is about our behavior...

>>

>> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing

wrong with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I

can change my behaviors!

>>

>> Jantje

>>

>

> Checking back in:

> I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm

still confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me

by being overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried

about attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for

women to notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing

ANY benefit to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at

doing it. I can't seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts

mentioned a listener who felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the

same way. But as I said, I don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I

was at a healthy weight until probably close to 30. So it isn't anything

from my childhood. I also don't have any fear of being hungry. I've never

had a time in my LIFE where I was starving. What else can I look at to end

this trend?

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Try to think of what you think about in the nanosecond before you think " I

want to eat...... " . That will give a little clue about what the gift of

overeating is giving you. Or do the " what do I want instead? " Question.

You said you would like the opposite sex to notice you. Do you eat when you

feel lonely? Do you eat because you need some comfort? Or just because you

want to feel good? Those are some pretty good reasons to eat.

Patti

On Oct 7, 2010 11:49 AM, " EldredP " <epickett@...> wrote:

>

>

>

>>

>> Very true.

>>

>> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and

Medicine, speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this

science is missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate

metabolism, it is about our behavior...

>>

>> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing

wrong with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I

can change my behaviors!

>>

>> Jantje

>>

>

> Checking back in:

> I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm

still confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me

by being overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried

about attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for

women to notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing

ANY benefit to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at

doing it. I can't seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts

mentioned a listener who felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the

same way. But as I said, I don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I

was at a healthy weight until probably close to 30. So it isn't anything

from my childhood. I also don't have any fear of being hungry. I've never

had a time in my LIFE where I was starving. What else can I look at to end

this trend?

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Eldred,

Maybe we are overthinking this a little. It doesn't necessarily have to be about

trauma or unwanted advances from the opposite sex. what are you doing when or

just before you are over-eating? How do you feel? You have a pretty long

commute, could it be stress or a desperate need for a break. I have been known

to eat so I can avoid things such as cleaning, writing a grant application etc.

Hope it helps.

Jantje

> >>

> >> Very true.

> >>

> >> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and

> Medicine, speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this

> science is missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate

> metabolism, it is about our behavior...

> >>

> >> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing

> wrong with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

> insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I

> can change my behaviors!

> >>

> >> Jantje

> >>

> >

> > Checking back in:

> > I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm

> still confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me

> by being overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried

> about attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for

> women to notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing

> ANY benefit to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at

> doing it. I can't seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts

> mentioned a listener who felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the

> same way. But as I said, I don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I

> was at a healthy weight until probably close to 30. So it isn't anything

> from my childhood. I also don't have any fear of being hungry. I've never

> had a time in my LIFE where I was starving. What else can I look at to end

> this trend?

> > Thanks.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Eldred,

Maybe we are overthinking this a little. It doesn't necessarily have to be about

trauma or unwanted advances from the opposite sex. what are you doing when or

just before you are over-eating? How do you feel? You have a pretty long

commute, could it be stress or a desperate need for a break. I have been known

to eat so I can avoid things such as cleaning, writing a grant application etc.

Hope it helps.

Jantje

> >>

> >> Very true.

> >>

> >> Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and

> Medicine, speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this

> science is missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate

> metabolism, it is about our behavior...

> >>

> >> I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing

> wrong with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

> insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I

> can change my behaviors!

> >>

> >> Jantje

> >>

> >

> > Checking back in:

> > I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm

> still confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me

> by being overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried

> about attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for

> women to notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing

> ANY benefit to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at

> doing it. I can't seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts

> mentioned a listener who felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the

> same way. But as I said, I don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I

> was at a healthy weight until probably close to 30. So it isn't anything

> from my childhood. I also don't have any fear of being hungry. I've never

> had a time in my LIFE where I was starving. What else can I look at to end

> this trend?

> > Thanks.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Eldred,

I had a frying pan moment the other day about my weight, and I thought it might

help you. I don't think that my issue is yours, but it seems like such a small

thing. . .that I never would have realized it had such a big impact.

I was not overweight (no matter what my parents or the height/weight charts

said) until after I had my first child. It wasn't that I stayed overweight

after my first pregnancy, either. I actually lost down to slightly smaller than

my pre-pregnancy size without much effort within a couple of months after my dd

was born. I am not sure what happened about 6 months later, but I ballooned up

several sizes larger. I actually stayed this size very comfortably for several

years. I am still not sure what caused that one. . . .I am hoping that I will

discover that one here soon.

About 4 years ago I went up another 30 pounds and about 3 sizes. Again I have

stayed there with very little variation since then. I have, a couple of times,

worked really hard to get lower than that . ..but I came right back up to that

size very quickly when I let up just a little bit on that. So what happened

that caused that second balloon. . .I just discovered it the other day. A

mentor of mine came to visit me for a couple of weeks. We used to live really

close to each other and were very good friends but hadn't seen each other in

several years. She told me while she was visiting that I was a bad mom because

one of my children did not trust me. Her reasoning for this was because this

particular 3 year old did not like being picked up and spun around. I look back

and realize that that is just this particular child's personality type. He

likes to be in control of himself, it had nothing to do with not trusting me.

But part of me decided that I needed to be softer and more gentle because my

child didn't trust me. So I became softer on the outside by gaining more weight

and used food to stuff down my natural personality because I thought it would

make me a better mom.

I am sure that this isn't your issue. But it may be something in your life that

is that simple, that small. . .that you haven't even thought about for years.

Hopefully there is something in here helpful to someone,

Annie

________________________________

From: Nixe708 <jantje.gerdes@...>

weightloss

Sent: Thu, October 7, 2010 4:21:58 PM

Subject: Re: I need to do something differently...

Hey Eldred,

Maybe we are overthinking this a little. It doesn't necessarily have to be about

trauma or unwanted advances from the opposite sex. what are you doing when or

just before you are over-eating? How do you feel? You have a pretty long

commute, could it be stress or a desperate need for a break. I have been known

to eat so I can avoid things such as cleaning, writing a grant application etc.

Hope it helps.

Jantje

[Guest guest]

Eldred,

I had a frying pan moment the other day about my weight, and I thought it might

help you. I don't think that my issue is yours, but it seems like such a small

thing. . .that I never would have realized it had such a big impact.

I was not overweight (no matter what my parents or the height/weight charts

said) until after I had my first child. It wasn't that I stayed overweight

after my first pregnancy, either. I actually lost down to slightly smaller than

my pre-pregnancy size without much effort within a couple of months after my dd

was born. I am not sure what happened about 6 months later, but I ballooned up

several sizes larger. I actually stayed this size very comfortably for several

years. I am still not sure what caused that one. . . .I am hoping that I will

discover that one here soon.

About 4 years ago I went up another 30 pounds and about 3 sizes. Again I have

stayed there with very little variation since then. I have, a couple of times,

worked really hard to get lower than that . ..but I came right back up to that

size very quickly when I let up just a little bit on that. So what happened

that caused that second balloon. . .I just discovered it the other day. A

mentor of mine came to visit me for a couple of weeks. We used to live really

close to each other and were very good friends but hadn't seen each other in

several years. She told me while she was visiting that I was a bad mom because

one of my children did not trust me. Her reasoning for this was because this

particular 3 year old did not like being picked up and spun around. I look back

and realize that that is just this particular child's personality type. He

likes to be in control of himself, it had nothing to do with not trusting me.

But part of me decided that I needed to be softer and more gentle because my

child didn't trust me. So I became softer on the outside by gaining more weight

and used food to stuff down my natural personality because I thought it would

make me a better mom.

I am sure that this isn't your issue. But it may be something in your life that

is that simple, that small. . .that you haven't even thought about for years.

Hopefully there is something in here helpful to someone,

Annie

________________________________

From: Nixe708 <jantje.gerdes@...>

weightloss

Sent: Thu, October 7, 2010 4:21:58 PM

Subject: Re: I need to do something differently...

Hey Eldred,

Maybe we are overthinking this a little. It doesn't necessarily have to be about

trauma or unwanted advances from the opposite sex. what are you doing when or

just before you are over-eating? How do you feel? You have a pretty long

commute, could it be stress or a desperate need for a break. I have been known

to eat so I can avoid things such as cleaning, writing a grant application etc.

Hope it helps.

Jantje

[Guest guest]

Eldred, there's a part missing here. In the guided journey, asks us to try

to identify that PART of the body that is giving us " problems " and then ask IT

what gift IT is trying to give us. Not the whole body. I was lucky that my

" part " was immediately obvious- my pesky stomach that always demands that I eat

NOW and A LOT. It wants to give me a GIFT??? Yeah right, I know it just wants

to sabotage me, to keep me eating everything in sight. What a surprise when I

" heard " the answer: " Comfort, all I ever wanted to do was comfort you. " Now that

has made me think about a lot of things but the big change was in how I view my

formerly pesky stomach. When I " saw " it during the meditation it was nothing

more than a little pink baby that wanted to be loved. So now I comfort my

stomach, I ask it if IT is hungry, not just my eye-hunger or brain-hunger. I ask

it if it approves of what I have selected to eat and the quantity. Of course I

know I'm just talking to myself yet talking to Lily, as I have named my stomach,

calms me and gives me space to rethink my hasty decisions.

Sometimes, from your posts, I think you are fighting this program that you

" refuse " to grasp the simplicity, that you are " different " and it can't work for

you. Hang in there, let go of some control and " play " with the program. If it

ain't fun it ain't gonna work.

> >

> > Very true.

> >

> > Recently I heard Sidney Brenner, Nobel laureate in Physiology and Medicine,

speak about the genetics of obesity. And he said that all this science is

missing the point: it is not about the genes that regulate metabolism, it is

about our behavior...

> >

> > I think that's what I find so liberating about IOWL: There is nothing wrong

with me personally, it is not because I am weak willed or otherwise

insufficiently equipped. The essence of me is good. And, most importantly, I can

change my behaviors!

> >

> > Jantje

> >

>

> Checking back in:

> I've gone back and listened to a bunch of the older podcasts, and I'm still

confused. I don't understand what 'gift' my body is trying to give me by being

overweight. I don't have any trauma in my past, and I'm not worried about

attention from the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'd *like* for women to

notice me. I can't find the positive intent here. I'm not seeing ANY benefit

to overeating and being overweight. Yet, I'm *very* good at doing it. I can't

seem to tell WHAT my body needs. One of the podcasts mentioned a listener who

felt 'numb'. I would probably consider myself the same way. But as I said, I

don't have any abuse or trauma in my past. And, I was at a healthy weight until

probably close to 30. So it isn't anything from my childhood. I also don't

have any fear of being hungry. I've never had a time in my LIFE where I was

starving. What else can I look at to end this trend?

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

> I am sure that this isn't your issue. But it may be something in your life

that

> is that simple, that small. . .that you haven't even thought about for years.

>

>

Because I can't recall when I started gaining weight, I can't even come up with

an event, person, or whatever triggered overeating. I've also discovered that I

don't have any pictures of myself to compare with. I was just recently sent

pictures from when I was in a rock band, but I had a jacket on so I still can't

tell. That was 1988-1990, so I'm guessing I was in shape then. But I can't

think of what might have happened since then.

Eldred

[Guest guest]

>

> Eldred, there's a part missing here. In the guided journey, asks us to

try to identify that PART of the body that is giving us " problems " and then ask

IT what gift IT is trying to give us. Not the whole body. I was lucky that my

" part " was immediately obvious- my pesky stomach that always demands that I eat

NOW and A LOT. It wants to give me a GIFT??? Yeah right, I know it just wants

to sabotage me, to keep me eating everything in sight. What a surprise when I

" heard " the answer: " Comfort, all I ever wanted to do was comfort you. " Now that

has made me think about a lot of things but the big change was in how I view my

formerly pesky stomach. When I " saw " it during the meditation it was nothing

more than a little pink baby that wanted to be loved. So now I comfort my

stomach, I ask it if IT is hungry, not just my eye-hunger or brain-hunger. I ask

it if it approves of what I have selected to eat and the quantity. Of course I

know I'm just talking to myself yet talking to Lily, as I have named my stomach,

calms me and gives me space to rethink my hasty decisions.

>

> Sometimes, from your posts, I think you are fighting this program that you

" refuse " to grasp the simplicity, that you are " different " and it can't work for

you. Hang in there, let go of some control and " play " with the program. If it

ain't fun it ain't gonna work.

>

>

>

I'm not *refusing* to grasp it, but I'm just not seeing it. I just don't hear

what my body is telling me.

Eldred

[Guest guest]

OK, Eldred,

This reply ended up being longer and a little more... straightforward?... than I

originally intended. I don't ask that you agree with any of it--just that you

keep the critic under the stairs until you've read it through at least once.....

> >I am sure that this isn't your issue. But it may be something in your life

>that

>

>> is that simple, that small. . .that you haven't even thought about for years.

> >

> >

> Because I can't recall when I started gaining weight, I can't even

> come up with an event, person, or whatever triggered overeating. I've also

> discovered that I don't have any pictures of myself to compare with. I was

> just recently sent pictures from when I was in a rock band, but I had a

jacket

>

> on so I still can't tell. That was 1988-1990, so I'm guessing I was in shape

> then. But I can't think of what might have happened since then.

For starters, 20 years have happened.

Me, well, I was in " Pretty Plus " by the time I was 6. Knew I overate

compulsively by the time I was 8, knew I was an emotional overeater by the time

I was in my teens.

But my husband was one of those really skinny people until he hit the age of 30,

and 30 hit back.He had to learn to find a balance between his changing

metabolism, the food he wanted to eat, and the amount of time he had for

exercise. It took some work--but mostly on the external side (intake vs output),

not the internal " what is the gift " side.

So, maybe you're the same. You're not an emotional eater. Maybe there's no event

besides natural aging and being stuck in a car 3 hours a day and eating to

relieve boredom that are causing the issues. So--don't worry about finding the

deep, dark underlying causes.

Focus on what is stopping you from making changes--even small changes--to try

something else.

If you go back to podcast #3, there's a discussion of the Disney method for

achieving goals. Dream it, plan it, critique it.

Have you done this with weight loss? Do you actually " dream " or want weight

loss? Can you picture it? If not, maybe this isn't the right time and you can

give up the struggle. It's not the same as quitting--it's realizing that you

don't want to be in the game.

Have you planned? Do you pack reasonable foods for your commute? Do you think of

semi-healthy snacks that are available at the gas station instead of the

non-healthy snacks you'd usually buy? Do you schedule time for even light

exercise? Maybe there's a park on the way between home and work, where you can

stop and walk for 15 min? Maybe you can walk around the building, or up and down

the stairs, for 10 minutes before clocking in and 10 minutes after work? Do you

do pre-dos and re-dos for getting through typical situations?

Do you let the critic out from under the stairs too early? Seems to me that

every time someone gives you suggestions, you're very quick to point out why

they won't work. What have you actually tried?

Well, you have mentioned trying finding the gift (podcast 4), and not feeling

where it is. One thing I've noticed is that I have a tendency to say " oh, that

can't be the spot, because it hurt earlier because of.... " But if I just go with

it--with that spot that hurt earlier--I get better results. And if you really

really really don't feel anything anywhere--just let your hand go somewhere at

random. Anywhere on your torso. (Yes, anywhere.) And just go with a

free-association, first thing that pops in your head for the gift. Don't try to

over-analyze...

And now to completely contradict myself and go back to over-analyzing--maybe

metabolic changes aren't the only things that have happened in the last 20

years.

It's possible to go through life with no noticeable traumatic events, but with a

long, slow series of erosions of the soul. Compromises that lead to lost

opportunities. Little plans, little dreams that slip by unclaimed, unnoticed.

Like your band. Why did you stop? You mentioned recently that it's been a long

time since you played. Maybe that's the one small step you can start with. Maybe

that's more important than whether you sit at the table and eat your

carefully-measured serving of cheese-puffs off the fine china. Maybe just

pulling out your guitar and strumming along while you're watching TV in the

evening will awaken something that's been numbed out all these years....

What do you have to lose, by trying?