Re: Find My Woman

[Guest guest]

Good luck Susie and be careful. Enjoy the person's company but don't

lose yourself.

[Guest guest]

thanks, i will not lose lmao, i will put this effect in getting to know her. Susie

Good luck Susie and be careful. Enjoy the person's company but don't lose yourself. -- My private email address: susie4uk2006@...My group email: susannah2005uk@...My Website at:

http://susie4uk2005.tripod.com/

[Guest guest]

Don't rush into anything.

One month without a significant other is not forever. Personally, I

think people ought to take a year off between dating. But that is

just me.

Good luck.

Tom

Administrator

Hello All,

I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I find a woman that i

finally clicked with about 5 mins ago since i returend from

opticians. Her name is Vicky and thats very sweet of her, she send

me a rose in a message asking me to be hers, I told her yes after

reading the profile.

Me and her have things in common and I just clicked with her right

away containing a long message to her, she send me a long email and

thats what i'm looking for is a chatty woman in Leicester, shes from

the same city as me and hopefully i can meet her oneday.

Now i can forget about my samantha ex gf lol, because all she did is

ignored me and she didn't keep that promise, so i'm moving on now

its gone over a month, thats too long, i cannot wait for another

month, noway lmao, so vicky sounds nice to click with lol and have a

connection with.

I also got to have new glasses and i will collect them when they are

ready and they ring me, so it will be ready to pick up after that

call. Anyway thats all 4 now and my update. Susie

[Guest guest]

Tom wrote: " Don't rush into anything. One month without a

significant other is not forever. Personally, I think people ought to

take a year off between dating. But that is just me. Good luck. "

I have to agree here. It's not that I've had many relationships

before my current one (three to be exact ... two boyfriends and an ex-

husband) but I have always taken long periods of time to be with

myself after each situation.

Mind you, the period of time between my marriage and my current

relationship was about ten years which may seem excessive to some,

but during that time I was able to heal from the devastations of the

relationship and to re-centre myself so I was solid in the knowledge

of who I am.

People ask me if I was every lonely during those years and the answer

was that occasionally I was. But then again, I have known people who

are in relationship and who are lonely from time to time as well. It

is not a unique experience of those who are without a companion.

I must say, however, that while I was occasionally lonely I was more

often involved in activities that made me grow as an individual and

that more than outweighed the few times I was lonely.

Rest assured that there is also a huge difference between being alone

and being lonely. And while I have no difficulty with either

situation (alone or lonely), it is important to remember that they

are not the same feeling.

I honestly believe that if I had jumped into new relationships as

each of the three had just ended, I would not be as emotionally

strong as I am today and I would have made far more mistakes in my

personal life than I have.

This has allowed me to reflect on what I thought each person brought

to my life and to reflect on the reality of what each person brought

to my life. In doing so, I have been able to figure out what I

really had been seeking and that I thought each individual was

bringing that would fill those needs. And in identifying what all of

that was, I was then able to go out into the world and fill those

needs for myself making me more self-reliant and stronger.

I would not be involved in the relationship I am currently in had it

not been for those long periods of time when I became reflective and

moved to action to do what was needed to be the person I am and the

person I was meant to be as I traveled along this path. Now I have

found the person with whom I resonate best and in this regard, all

the disastrous relationships in my past have been well worth the

heart ache. Without them, I would never have grown as I did.

In this way, it is also easy to forgive them for the negativity they

brought to the relationship and it is easy to forgive myself for what

I did that was not correct. And it is easy to see the good in those

with whom I work or who are part of my inner circle.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

no thats too long to wait for a year lol, I cannot just keep on hold coz of samantha, i feel its time to move on and she will never get in contact now if she didn't then. Susie

Don't rush into anything. One month without a significant other is not forever. Personally, I think people ought to take a year off between dating. But that is just me.Good luck.Tom

AdministratorHello All,I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I find a woman that i finally clicked with about 5 mins ago since i returend from opticians. Her name is Vicky and thats very sweet of her, she send me a rose in a message asking me to be hers, I told her yes after reading the profile. Me and her have things in common and I just clicked with her right away containing a long message to her, she send me a long email and thats what i'm looking for is a chatty woman in Leicester, shes from the same city as me and hopefully i can meet her oneday. Now i can forget about my samantha ex gf lol, because all she did is ignored me and she didn't keep that promise, so i'm moving on now its gone over a month, thats too long, i cannot wait for another month, noway lmao, so vicky sounds nice to click with lol and have a connection with. I also got to have new glasses and i will collect them when they are ready and they ring me, so it will be ready to pick up after that call. Anyway thats all 4 now and my update. Susie -- My private email address: susie4uk2006@...My group email: susannah2005uk@...My Website at:

http://susie4uk2005.tripod.com/

[Guest guest]

To say this u probably had long term relationships thats why lol, its not like with samantha i was with, i was only with her for 6 months and it didn't got serious, so i'm not that heartbroken, so i'm ready to move on now

Susie

Tom wrote: " Don't rush into anything. One month without a significant other is not forever. Personally, I think people ought to take a year off between dating. But that is just me. Good luck. "

I have to agree here. It's not that I've had many relationships before my current one (three to be exact ... two boyfriends and an ex-husband) but I have always taken long periods of time to be with myself after each situation.Mind you, the period of time between my marriage and my current relationship was about ten years which may seem excessive to some, but during that time I was able to heal from the devastations of the relationship and to re-centre myself so I was solid in the knowledge of who I am.People ask me if I was every lonely during those years and the answer was that occasionally I was. But then again, I have known people who are in relationship and who are lonely from time to time as well. It is not a unique experience of those who are without a companion.I must say, however, that while I was occasionally lonely I was more

often involved in activities that made me grow as an individual and that more than outweighed the few times I was lonely.Rest assured that there is also a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. And while I have no difficulty with either situation (alone or lonely), it is important to remember that they are not the same feeling.I honestly believe that if I had jumped into new relationships as each of the three had just ended, I would not be as emotionally strong as I am today and I would have made far more mistakes in my personal life than I have.This has allowed me to reflect on what I thought each person brought to my life and to reflect on the reality of what each person brought to my life. In doing so, I have been able to figure out what I really had been seeking and that I thought each individual was bringing that would fill those needs. And in identifying what all of that was, I was then able to go out into the world and fill those needs for myself making me more self-reliant and stronger.I would not be involved in the relationship I am currently in had it not been for those long periods of time when I became reflective and moved to action to do what was needed to be the person I am and the person I was meant to be as I traveled along this path. Now I have found the person with whom I resonate best and in this regard, all the disastrous relationships in my past have been well worth the heart ache. Without them, I would never have grown as I did.

In this way, it is also easy to forgive them for the negativity they brought to the relationship and it is easy to forgive myself for what I did that was not correct. And it is easy to see the good in those with whom I work or who are part of my inner circle.RavenCo-Administrator

-- My private email address: susie4uk2006@...My group email: susannah2005uk@...My Website at:

http://susie4uk2005.tripod.com/

[Guest guest]

If one month can even seem like forever, then both of you must find

relationships easy enough to form that you must have some skill for

reading when and how to do it.

Nobody has ever explained to me a puzzle I have raised in many

places. Either they think I'm joking or they think I can just find

out the answer with practice - well, I can't, so there. The puzzle:

How can any relationship/partnership ever start, without one of the

couple having to make a risky first move, either proposing

relationship or expressing love, which carries 3 risks that appear to

me unacceptable:

1. the humiliation of getting a no

2. they laugh at you

3. they accuse you of impropriety, then your character is under a big-

time taint

and if this happens with someone you are on good friendly terms with -

and who else sensibly are you going to consider? - then you have

lost that friendship too.

Seriously, in the present era of a strong moral line against

harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must loom over every

relationship start that evcr happens, so how does any relationship

ever start?

" Don't rush into anything. One month without a

> significant other is not forever.

[Guest guest]

maurice wrote: " ... <snip> ... How can any relationship/partnership

ever start, without one of the couple having to make a risky first

move, either proposing relationship or expressing love, which carries

3 risks that appear to me unacceptable:

1. the humiliation of getting a no

2. they laugh at you

3. they accuse you of impropriety, then your character is under a big-

time taint and if this happens with someone you are on good friendly

terms with -- and who else sensibly are you going to consider? - then

you have lost that friendship too. "

Here's my take on things, maurice. If you wish to involve yourself

in a relationship with someone, you first have to be good and true

friends. True friends do not humiliate you; true friends do not

laugh at you. In this regard, the first two risks are non-issues.

With the first two risks out of the way, the one possible concern may

be that it will somehow harm the relationship but if you are truly

good and true friends, then even this risk is severely minimized and

completely dependent on how good and true a friend you are to the

person for whom you are expressing interest.

maurice wrote: " ... <snip> ... Seriously, in the present era of a

strong moral line against harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must

loom over every relationship start that evcr happens, so how does any

relationship ever start? "

One cannot be accused of harassment for asking a good and true friend

if they are interested in pursuing a relationship beyond friendship.

Asking once should be enough. The answer will either be yes (yay!

for the person asking and the person accepting) or it will be no, in

which case the question need not be asked again unless the other

person has a change of heart.

If people would begin with friendship and grow from there, all this

angst at the beginning of a relationship would be lessened and there

would no need to worry about the 3 risks you mentioned to the degree

that you feel one need worry about these 3 risks.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

maurice wrote: " ... <snip> ... How can any relationship/partnership

ever start, without one of the couple having to make a risky first

move, either proposing relationship or expressing love, which carries

3 risks that appear to me unacceptable:

1. the humiliation of getting a no

2. they laugh at you

3. they accuse you of impropriety, then your character is under a big-

time taint and if this happens with someone you are on good friendly

terms with -- and who else sensibly are you going to consider? - then

you have lost that friendship too. "

Here's my take on things, maurice. If you wish to involve yourself

in a relationship with someone, you first have to be good and true

friends. True friends do not humiliate you; true friends do not

laugh at you. In this regard, the first two risks are non-issues.

With the first two risks out of the way, the one possible concern may

be that it will somehow harm the relationship but if you are truly

good and true friends, then even this risk is severely minimized and

completely dependent on how good and true a friend you are to the

person for whom you are expressing interest.

maurice wrote: " ... <snip> ... Seriously, in the present era of a

strong moral line against harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must

loom over every relationship start that evcr happens, so how does any

relationship ever start? "

One cannot be accused of harassment for asking a good and true friend

if they are interested in pursuing a relationship beyond friendship.

Asking once should be enough. The answer will either be yes (yay!

for the person asking and the person accepting) or it will be no, in

which case the question need not be asked again unless the other

person has a change of heart.

If people would begin with friendship and grow from there, all this

angst at the beginning of a relationship would be lessened and there

would no need to worry about the 3 risks you mentioned to the degree

that you feel one need worry about these 3 risks.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

they were never really interested in been friends in the first place.

Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

friends like that those friendships don't last either.

" ... <snip> ... Seriously, in the present era of a

> strong moral line against harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must

> loom over every relationship start that evcr happens, so how does

any

> relationship ever start? "

>

> One cannot be accused of harassment for asking a good and true

friend

> if they are interested in pursuing a relationship beyond

friendship.

> Asking once should be enough. The answer will either be yes (yay!

> for the person asking and the person accepting) or it will be no,

in

> which case the question need not be asked again unless the other

> person has a change of heart.

>

> If people would begin with friendship and grow from there, all this

> angst at the beginning of a relationship would be lessened and

there

> would no need to worry about the 3 risks you mentioned to the

degree

> that you feel one need worry about these 3 risks.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

they were never really interested in been friends in the first place.

Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

friends like that those friendships don't last either.

" ... <snip> ... Seriously, in the present era of a

> strong moral line against harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must

> loom over every relationship start that evcr happens, so how does

any

> relationship ever start? "

>

> One cannot be accused of harassment for asking a good and true

friend

> if they are interested in pursuing a relationship beyond

friendship.

> Asking once should be enough. The answer will either be yes (yay!

> for the person asking and the person accepting) or it will be no,

in

> which case the question need not be asked again unless the other

> person has a change of heart.

>

> If people would begin with friendship and grow from there, all this

> angst at the beginning of a relationship would be lessened and

there

> would no need to worry about the 3 risks you mentioned to the

degree

> that you feel one need worry about these 3 risks.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Maurice,

Try to imagine two trains heading toward each other on the same

track. They are not to collide. Merely to join.

From the engineers' cabs of each of these trains, they cannot

actually see the noses of the engines very well, so it is a

judgement call as to how to get the two to actually join.

They slow down and stop a safe distance from one another and each

edges slowly closer. One stops and lets the other make the final

move so that they can both get hooked.

Most people think that hooking up is the first step, but it is

actually the last in a series of them.

I think an actual example of this would be where two people meet

through circumstance (a party or class), and then further meetings

may be either planned or circumstantial (more parties, more classes,

coffee, study groups, etc.).

Somewhere during all of this, they begin to be less formal and more

personal and discover they have things in common. So they begin to

do things together that are outside of parties and outside of

classes or whatever.

Soon they discover that they have a lot in common and want to know

more about each other.

As time passes, they may develop a physical attraction for one

another, or, if they already have this attraction, they may begin to

flirt.

If this keeps up long enough, maybe one or the other of them

realizes they are attracted to the other. He or she will guage the

other one and then state openly what they feel.

There is always the risk that one will get rejected after professing

feelings for the other, but I think this is a good thing, since it

means you can stop wasting energy trying to pick up someone who is

not interested in you and apply your energies to finding someone who

is.

Tom

Administrator

How can any relationship/partnership ever start, without one of the

couple having to make a risky first move, either proposing

relationship or expressing love, which carries 3 risks that appear to

me unacceptable:

1. the humiliation of getting a no

2. they laugh at you

3. they accuse you of impropriety, then your character is under a

big- time taint

and if this happens with someone you are on good friendly terms

with - and who else sensibly are you going to consider? - then you

have lost that friendship too.

Seriously, in the present era of a strong moral line against

harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must loom over every

relationship start that evcr happens, so how does any relationship

ever start?

[Guest guest]

Maurice,

Try to imagine two trains heading toward each other on the same

track. They are not to collide. Merely to join.

From the engineers' cabs of each of these trains, they cannot

actually see the noses of the engines very well, so it is a

judgement call as to how to get the two to actually join.

They slow down and stop a safe distance from one another and each

edges slowly closer. One stops and lets the other make the final

move so that they can both get hooked.

Most people think that hooking up is the first step, but it is

actually the last in a series of them.

I think an actual example of this would be where two people meet

through circumstance (a party or class), and then further meetings

may be either planned or circumstantial (more parties, more classes,

coffee, study groups, etc.).

Somewhere during all of this, they begin to be less formal and more

personal and discover they have things in common. So they begin to

do things together that are outside of parties and outside of

classes or whatever.

Soon they discover that they have a lot in common and want to know

more about each other.

As time passes, they may develop a physical attraction for one

another, or, if they already have this attraction, they may begin to

flirt.

If this keeps up long enough, maybe one or the other of them

realizes they are attracted to the other. He or she will guage the

other one and then state openly what they feel.

There is always the risk that one will get rejected after professing

feelings for the other, but I think this is a good thing, since it

means you can stop wasting energy trying to pick up someone who is

not interested in you and apply your energies to finding someone who

is.

Tom

Administrator

How can any relationship/partnership ever start, without one of the

couple having to make a risky first move, either proposing

relationship or expressing love, which carries 3 risks that appear to

me unacceptable:

1. the humiliation of getting a no

2. they laugh at you

3. they accuse you of impropriety, then your character is under a

big- time taint

and if this happens with someone you are on good friendly terms

with - and who else sensibly are you going to consider? - then you

have lost that friendship too.

Seriously, in the present era of a strong moral line against

harrassment, appalling risk number 3 must loom over every

relationship start that evcr happens, so how does any relationship

ever start?

[Guest guest]

I've encountered a different sort of problem with friends generally.

By way of example, there was a woman friend I used to work with (same

one who had the robotic lawn mower, in fact) who switched from her old

job to a new one, and began finding faults with her employer which I

really didn't think were there.

I asked her if maybe she was perceiving things wrong based on her

experiences with her old job and she has not called me back since.

This was about three years ago when this happened.

Apparently, I offended her.

My thought is, if we are friends, so what? I was not going to

apologize for giving her an honest point of view, but I did tell her I

was sorry if I offended her, and admitted that maybe I wasn't seeing

things as well as she was. But that was not enough for her. That I

would even suggest that maybe her perception was off was apparently

too much for her and she didn't want to have anything else to do with

me from that point onward.

I have not regretted this parting of the ways. My reasoning is, if she

is willing to terminate a friendship on such a shallow basis, she is a

friend not worth having.

I have cut people out of my life, but usually because they have

crossed some moral or ethical boundary that I cannot accept. But

generally I am not willing to let friends go very easily because

people should not be seen as something to be used, or considered

disposable.

I don't get how some people can go in and out of friendships so easily

(sometimes saying they are " best " friends one month and " enemies " the

next.

Tom

Administrator

Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

they were never really interested in been friends in the first place.

Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

friends like that those friendships don't last either.

[Guest guest]

I've encountered a different sort of problem with friends generally.

By way of example, there was a woman friend I used to work with (same

one who had the robotic lawn mower, in fact) who switched from her old

job to a new one, and began finding faults with her employer which I

really didn't think were there.

I asked her if maybe she was perceiving things wrong based on her

experiences with her old job and she has not called me back since.

This was about three years ago when this happened.

Apparently, I offended her.

My thought is, if we are friends, so what? I was not going to

apologize for giving her an honest point of view, but I did tell her I

was sorry if I offended her, and admitted that maybe I wasn't seeing

things as well as she was. But that was not enough for her. That I

would even suggest that maybe her perception was off was apparently

too much for her and she didn't want to have anything else to do with

me from that point onward.

I have not regretted this parting of the ways. My reasoning is, if she

is willing to terminate a friendship on such a shallow basis, she is a

friend not worth having.

I have cut people out of my life, but usually because they have

crossed some moral or ethical boundary that I cannot accept. But

generally I am not willing to let friends go very easily because

people should not be seen as something to be used, or considered

disposable.

I don't get how some people can go in and out of friendships so easily

(sometimes saying they are " best " friends one month and " enemies " the

next.

Tom

Administrator

Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

they were never really interested in been friends in the first place.

Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

friends like that those friendships don't last either.

[Guest guest]

Mmmmmmmm you make it sound so easy :-)

To quote Shrek 'Yeah right, like that'll ever happen' :-)

Yep I think I getting more cynical with age.

" There is always the risk that one will get rejected after professing

feelings for the other, but I think this is a good thing, since it

means you can stop wasting energy trying to pick up someone who is

not interested in you and apply your energies to finding someone who

is. "

I'm to the point (Mmmmmmm maybe I've been here before?) where what is

the point - one might as well just get on with their life, goals,

plans etc - if someone comes along I guess that could be an added

bonus; but personally I think far too many view intimate

relationships way too idealistically rather than realistically.

>

> Maurice,

>

> Try to imagine two trains heading toward each other on the same

> track. They are not to collide. Merely to join.

>

> From the engineers' cabs of each of these trains, they cannot

> actually see the noses of the engines very well, so it is a

> judgement call as to how to get the two to actually join.

>

> They slow down and stop a safe distance from one another and each

> edges slowly closer. One stops and lets the other make the final

> move so that they can both get hooked.

>

> Most people think that hooking up is the first step, but it is

> actually the last in a series of them.

>

> I think an actual example of this would be where two people meet

> through circumstance (a party or class), and then further meetings

> may be either planned or circumstantial (more parties, more

classes,

> coffee, study groups, etc.).

>

> Somewhere during all of this, they begin to be less formal and more

> personal and discover they have things in common. So they begin to

> do things together that are outside of parties and outside of

> classes or whatever.

>

> Soon they discover that they have a lot in common and want to know

> more about each other.

>

> As time passes, they may develop a physical attraction for one

> another, or, if they already have this attraction, they may begin

to

> flirt.

>

> If this keeps up long enough, maybe one or the other of them

> realizes they are attracted to the other. He or she will guage the

> other one and then state openly what they feel.

>

> There is always the risk that one will get rejected after

professing

> feelings for the other, but I think this is a good thing, since it

> means you can stop wasting energy trying to pick up someone who is

> not interested in you and apply your energies to finding someone

who

> is.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

I was thinking about this below post and also just how confusing some

relationships/friendships can be for instance; I think if a friend

does or says something to offend one just to tell them, clear things

up and then just get on with things - I find often it is

misunderstandings anyway. Or alternatively if I do something that

upsets/offends a friend I would rather know and try clear things up.

However sometimes I have managed to offend people without even been

aware and if people don't tell me - just how am I supposed to know?

Sometimes in off line situations people think I am avoiding them, for

example if I meet them in low key familiar surroundings, or have

gotten used to them I can interact fairly well, but then in another

situation if there are too many people I tend to withdraw and then

the person that I had been able to interact with in another setting

then thinks I am avoiding them etc, but they don't often tell me -

they just tell others.

I have to wonder why some take things so personally when if they

looked at things logically they would realize it not personal against

them, that I withdrawing from the situation and too many people.

To be honest sometimes I feel I bodering on paranoia, where I feel I

have to be careful of every thing I say and do lest I offend someone.

It seems when I am my most relaxed, most natural, I automatically end

up inserting my foot in my mouth and it not intentional - I just seem

to have the habit of saying the wrong thing and often in the wrong

way.

>

> I've encountered a different sort of problem with friends generally.

>

> By way of example, there was a woman friend I used to work with

(same

> one who had the robotic lawn mower, in fact) who switched from her

old

> job to a new one, and began finding faults with her employer which

I

> really didn't think were there.

>

> I asked her if maybe she was perceiving things wrong based on her

> experiences with her old job and she has not called me back since.

> This was about three years ago when this happened.

>

> Apparently, I offended her.

>

> My thought is, if we are friends, so what? I was not going to

> apologize for giving her an honest point of view, but I did tell

her I

> was sorry if I offended her, and admitted that maybe I wasn't

seeing

> things as well as she was. But that was not enough for her. That I

> would even suggest that maybe her perception was off was apparently

> too much for her and she didn't want to have anything else to do

with

> me from that point onward.

>

> I have not regretted this parting of the ways. My reasoning is, if

she

> is willing to terminate a friendship on such a shallow basis, she

is a

> friend not worth having.

>

> I have cut people out of my life, but usually because they have

> crossed some moral or ethical boundary that I cannot accept. But

> generally I am not willing to let friends go very easily because

> people should not be seen as something to be used, or considered

> disposable.

>

> I don't get how some people can go in and out of friendships so

easily

> (sometimes saying they are " best " friends one month and " enemies "

the

> next.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I have to wonder why some take things so personally when if they

looked at things logically they would realize it not personal against

them, that I withdrawing from the situation and too many people. "

Social people tend to be emotionally fragile. That is not meant as

an insult. Merely as fact. They have an over-reliance on external

opinion, and if you are perceived to be avoiding them, then they

assume your opinion is that there is something wrong with them.

" To be honest sometimes I feel I bodering on paranoia, where I feel I

have to be careful of every thing I say and do lest I offend someone.

It seems when I am my most relaxed, most natural, I automatically end

up inserting my foot in my mouth and it not intentional - I just seem

to have the habit of saying the wrong thing and often in the wrong

way. "

Yes, well, think about how they would feel if we ran the world.

They'd have to fill up their heads with facts, logic, and book

learning to survive, and their brains are really probably incapable

of that just like ours are incapable of social interaction.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I have to wonder why some take things so personally when if they

looked at things logically they would realize it not personal against

them, that I withdrawing from the situation and too many people. "

Social people tend to be emotionally fragile. That is not meant as

an insult. Merely as fact. They have an over-reliance on external

opinion, and if you are perceived to be avoiding them, then they

assume your opinion is that there is something wrong with them.

" To be honest sometimes I feel I bodering on paranoia, where I feel I

have to be careful of every thing I say and do lest I offend someone.

It seems when I am my most relaxed, most natural, I automatically end

up inserting my foot in my mouth and it not intentional - I just seem

to have the habit of saying the wrong thing and often in the wrong

way. "

Yes, well, think about how they would feel if we ran the world.

They'd have to fill up their heads with facts, logic, and book

learning to survive, and their brains are really probably incapable

of that just like ours are incapable of social interaction.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

>

> Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

> male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

> making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

> romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

> they were never really interested in been friends in the first

place.

>

> Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

> assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

> friends like that those friendships don't last either.

>

>

Actually I was thinking the same thing friendship with a male sans

the desire for physical interaction means no friendship. I never had

a male friend that could stay a friend. unless we were in the same

working environment but that wasn't really friendship as much as

mutual consumption of space. By and large men are not interested in

friendship as they are in sex (I do find that however this is an NT

world construct) and one of the things I like about this place. I

have always preferred communication with men (but in this forum women

as well) suprise! But it is only with Aspies that I have felt safe.

Most men scare me(physical and mental agression) with a bent toward

subservience (they don't like them too smart either) But I am

supposed to be thankful that some ape likes me. Um woo hoo

Not being lesbian I was sure I would remain alone, as most NT males

are completely unacceptable with 99% being scary or imbiciles or

exibiting confidence they could not back up with intelligence. I

know makes me look scary: but often I am insulted, by the audacity of

meager attempts.

mutual respect and discussion are the more likely ways to start a

relationship. women can know when somone likes them and are able to

send a go light. If that doesn't work you just might get told.

[Guest guest]

>

> Mmmmmmmm okay, from a slightly different perspective here, I've had

> male friends off line and I haven't noticed that they have been

> making advances and then when I have said I not interested in a

> romantic relationship - bye bye friendship :-( which makes me think

> they were never really interested in been friends in the first

place.

>

> Then there are some guys that seem to want friendship with what I

> assume they consider 'perks' well since I don't fool around with my

> friends like that those friendships don't last either.

>

>

Actually I was thinking the same thing friendship with a male sans

the desire for physical interaction means no friendship. I never had

a male friend that could stay a friend. unless we were in the same

working environment but that wasn't really friendship as much as

mutual consumption of space. By and large men are not interested in

friendship as they are in sex (I do find that however this is an NT

world construct) and one of the things I like about this place. I

have always preferred communication with men (but in this forum women

as well) suprise! But it is only with Aspies that I have felt safe.

Most men scare me(physical and mental agression) with a bent toward

subservience (they don't like them too smart either) But I am

supposed to be thankful that some ape likes me. Um woo hoo

Not being lesbian I was sure I would remain alone, as most NT males

are completely unacceptable with 99% being scary or imbiciles or

exibiting confidence they could not back up with intelligence. I

know makes me look scary: but often I am insulted, by the audacity of

meager attempts.

mutual respect and discussion are the more likely ways to start a

relationship. women can know when somone likes them and are able to

send a go light. If that doesn't work you just might get told.

[Guest guest]

>

Tom your description is that of an Aspie relationship. a sensical

one. no fair. From a female perspective, a woman is approached by a

boorish, inflated, ignoramous. immidately sex is asked for, and the

woman has to make a split decision. Say no, if she has any intrest she

likely has to offer some physical offering just to find out if she

should club or speak to him. NT men tend to rush everything. Aspie

men are too afraid of fickle women that want displays of muscle over

intelligence. relationships in this time tend to be shoot first and

ask questions later. I agree with your rendition and that would be my

preference but my experience is very different as others have also

recounted. I wish your description were commonplace and mine were not

mimi

[Guest guest]

>

Tom your description is that of an Aspie relationship. a sensical

one. no fair. From a female perspective, a woman is approached by a

boorish, inflated, ignoramous. immidately sex is asked for, and the

woman has to make a split decision. Say no, if she has any intrest she

likely has to offer some physical offering just to find out if she

should club or speak to him. NT men tend to rush everything. Aspie

men are too afraid of fickle women that want displays of muscle over

intelligence. relationships in this time tend to be shoot first and

ask questions later. I agree with your rendition and that would be my

preference but my experience is very different as others have also

recounted. I wish your description were commonplace and mine were not

mimi

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I asked her if maybe she was perceiving things wrong based on her

> experiences with her old job and she has not called me back since.

> This was about three years ago when this happened.

>

> Apparently, I offended her.

>

How dare you be honest! what were you thinking, didn't you know that

friendship means agreeing with any stupid thing someone complains

aboout. why would anyone ever solve a problem. Seesh

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I asked her if maybe she was perceiving things wrong based on her

> experiences with her old job and she has not called me back since.

> This was about three years ago when this happened.

>

> Apparently, I offended her.

>

How dare you be honest! what were you thinking, didn't you know that

friendship means agreeing with any stupid thing someone complains

aboout. why would anyone ever solve a problem. Seesh