yelling, and fire

[Guest guest]

My daughter is doing wonderfully. However, there have been times when I have had to just stand there and pray for something bigger than myself. . . Or for the strength and courage not to hold her down, restrain her, and get her to an ER to be checked into a psych hospital asap. Which for me, I hope she never has to go there. . . I need the few minutes to run thru my mind where that will go. . . then in the midst of all of that, I am heartbroken to think how they'd treat her! That she'd probably never be the same again, emotionally. . .

Interesting also that

For me, I am thankful for the people who remind me, " It's just autism " and stand up for her. And I think also that it's interesting you are angry at the younger child for getting him going. If only society understood why we don't want them upset, and all we've learned to do to keep from getting there as much as possible, the point where they fall apart. . .

It bothers me somedays, that the 2 of us just don't look too together, out in public, something I try to be very careful about. . . And I tell myself on those days, " If they had had the day I had. . . " or they have no idea what kind of day I've had. . . " or they should try putting in my day! "

I've read that it helps to transition to return from work (I've been fortunate to work for myself. . . but I do hate that feeling where I sense my time is slipping away from me regarding something that needs to be done, while we go thru one of these!) by thinking of them warmly, things they did that are cute and sweet, things they said, and to make a mental practice before you're about 30 m from the house to put aside work stuff. Look them in the eye when you get home. . . Take a deep breath when you walk thru the door. . .

Our kids are highly sensitive to our own stresses. It short circuits their brains. They want it all to come out in the open. And it is a discipline on my part to be able to present to mine that " everything is going to be okay! " And, " we'll think of a way. "

Regarding the mom who wrote it's what she can't supervise that creates fire problems, I haven't done it yet. But I'm determined at some point to put lock boxes in my house-- for things like house insect spray, matches, sharps, etc. Once I woke up from a nap to find mine was trying to figure out how to set off the flea sprays I'd bought to fumigate the house! Then there are about 6000 book articles printed, that have been put entirely her own order. Can't download some of them anymore, or they were free and now cost money. (It's not that I'm just compulsive! It's for a book.) Illustrations no longer with the abstract. . . and can you imagine someone putting together page 2, matched from article # at the bottom or something. . . I'm going to hire an organizer someday. Thank goodness I was already so far along. . .

But it's been a long time since a full-blown bipolar episode, so I love her dearly again! And as an outsider, I can try to remember how intensified sound and emotions are to their ears. When we yell. Mine understands me a lot better when I don't yell. What was that Steve movie, single dad with large black woman as housekeeper. And he had to go in, at her advice, and listen to his teen daughter recount what all happened to her when she snuck out to a party the night before. And he didn't scream till he got back out. But before he closed the door, she told him how surprised and pleased she was how good he'd handled what he told her. And she couldn't wait for another time to " tell him the rest?! " Oh, the practiced calm face. . .

I love the sight on facebook, " You Know You're the Mother of an Autism Child When. . . "

Nina

On Wed, 07 Jul 2010 09:04 +1000, " Riley " <klriley@...> wrote:

You're not the only one. I doubt there are many here who have never done that. We all have our limits beyond which our patience just doesn't stretch.

On 6/07/2010 11:56 PM, leazmozhi wrote:

Please tell me that I am not the only parent who has lost her patience and gotten so angry and frustrated that she has screamed and yelled and stormed out of the house. My nerves are just shot. Dealing with my son who has ADHD and Aspergers is hard enough but when my 11 year old daughter, who is starting that pre-teen attitude stuff, does whatever she can to push his buttons, which is not hard, and they are both fighting, tattling and whining and well...., you get the picture. And my husband is no help at all. So after screaming at them all, I just grab my keys and storm out of the house and go for a long drive. My husband makes me feel like a bad parent because I lose my patience or leave. But he doesn't work because he is disabled so he doesn't have the stress of a job like I do. And I am the one that stresses over money, bills etc. Some days I just don't think I can go through all this anymore. Do any of you have a really good coping skills you can share with me! ?

Anyway, I just really needed to vent and thank you all for being here to listen.

Thanks !! Lesa

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Nina Forest

autismlearning@...