2010 College Asperger Syndrome Talk & Speech

[Guest guest]

2010 College Asperger Syndrome Talk & Speech

By: Tara Kimberley Torme

Good afternoon, my name is Tara Kimberley Torme and I have Asperger Syndrome.

On Friday March 2, 2001 at about 9am my life changed – I had just been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Bewildered and stunned I did not know how to deal with my newly found diagnosis. I could not believe that I had been placed on the autism spectrum disorder nor did I quite fully understand what it was. I felt I had nowhere to turn and no one to talk to and so I became angry at myself and at the world for being so different from everybody else. Is that why I did not fit in? I needed to connect to others who were like me and who processed information in the same manner as I did.

I discovered that I had a Neurological Disorder that set me apart from other people. What a relief, I was one of thousands and not alone and things started to make sense to me.

I don't have a "medical condition".

I don't have a mental illness.

I do not have a personality disorder.

I don't have Hamburger's Syndrome.

I don't have Asparagus Syndome.

I have Asperger Syndrome.

I am wired differently.

It is a neurological disorder.

Please don't be afraid to say "neurological disorder" to me.

It is a word.

It won't hurt me and others like me.

At this point I had to concentrate on my final exams for UBC – I graduated in May 2001. Following my graduation, I set out to research all material I could find about Asperger Syndrome. I was amazed at the awareness already out there especially from other parts of the world. And then I wondered why I had not been diagnosed earlier. Only one teacher in grade 3 mentioned in passing that I was “specialâ€. My mother, of course, already knew that because I already knew all my letters by age 2 from Sesame Street and at age 3 I would read all the billboards when we were traveling by car. She praised me on my accomplishments and encouraged me to work harder on my weak points.

My father left us shortly after my 3rd birthday and my mother was a busy career woman. I started my schooling in Montreal. I entered nursery school at age 3 and have loved attending school since then. After 2 years at the bilingual Montessorri school I attended French Kindergarden at Notre Dame De Grace. My only negative memory is on April fool’s day when I was asked to pin the poisson d’avril on another person. I kind of freaked out because I did not understand the purpose of this and I did not think it was funny. Actually, I still don’t get it – I am an Aspie. We have a different sense of humor and often we are unable to laugh along with the group at jokes we do not comprehend.

I attended Academie Michele Provost, a private French Catholic school from Grades 1 – 3. I loved that school. We wore uniforms and there were clear cut rules and directions. We were assigned homework as of the first week in grade 1. The homework assignments were long, but I did not mind. I liked the structure at the school. We Aspies love to work with clear and precise directives and structure. I still remember the workbooks in math where students were allowed to work at their own pace. Once we finished one book we moved on to the next one. I do not recall being stressed out even though homework assignments often took up to two hours to complete.

We started cursive writing in grade 1 on printed European style cursive writing paper with special pens. I thought that was very elegant and romantic. In grade 2 when we started to write on regular paper my writing deteriorated and my teacher assured my mother that my chances of getting into University were slim unless I improved my penmanship. Only a few years later I was diagnosed with motor skill problems. Lately I have noticed that most of my Asperger friends have equally poor handwriting.

At Academie Michele Provost I played with my classmates and made some friends. We played at recess and during lunch hour. I especially liked grade 2 when I was pensionnaire – I slept over at the school from Monday to Friday. After we had finished our homework and supper we watched movies and played games. I enjoyed it because of the structure and the predictability of the environment. There were rules in place and everyone followed them. It was a calm and protected environment. There I also started ballet lessons, Judo – I worked up to my yellow belt - and tennis – which lasted 1 lesson – my hands were too small to hold the racquet and to this day I still have very poor hand-eye

coordination.

Lunches were also fun after I was moved into the hot lunch program. I found it hard to eat my lunch while the aromas of other peoples’ food kept wafting my way. I still have difficulty dealing with warm cold cut smells – they are that offensive to me. Many people with Asperger’s have very finely tuned senses and are susceptible to smell, touch, taste, hearing and sight. Hot lunches were great – we helped ourselves to pre - served meals. The best part were the brussel sprouts and looking for my #27 glass. After lunch there was play time and everybody brushed their teeth before afternoon class.

After failing grade 3 math I moved into the public school system. The private school could not accommodate someone who was unable to follow the entire program and it was decided that I should attend an English school. Our language in the house is English and Roslyn Elementary School was the best school in the neighborhood and the closest to our home. Unfortunately the Quebec Government had just changed the rules of eligibility to attend English Schools. One parent of the child had to have attended English elementary school in Canada for that child to be eligible for English or bilingual schooling. My father was educated in

French. My mother arrived in Canada at age 14 and was already in high school. She now had to apply for a certificate of eligibility for me and in order to comply with government rules I had to be branded as special needs person. After lengthy and costly psychological assessments – none of which identified me as having Asperger’s - and bureaucratic delays the system decided to place me into a special needs program – a 20 minute car ride from my home. As the school year had already started I attended the special needs school for the first 6 weeks while my mother fought the bureaucrats so that I could attend Roslyn Elementary School in the bilingual

stream. The minister of Education finally gave in after she threatened to go public with her story.

At Roslyn it was decided that I repeat grade 3 due to my challenges with math and being one of the youngest in the class. Grade 3 was a breeze – I loved my teachers and the workload was much lighter. Some children at school were teasing me. One day at lunchtime I threw my umbrella at the brick wall in frustration and accidentally hit one of the bullies in the head with it. I was at risk of being suspended for this incident, but since I was not a person who was prone to outbursts the matter was put to rest. In order to get away from the lunch crowd I joined the choir and the chess club. I especially loved the choir because we put on many public

performances. I did not mind that most lunch hours were taken up with rehearsals and I loved the structure, discipline and work that were required. There I was an equal member with my peers.

My grade 3 English stream teacher introduced us to the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle Series by Betty Macdonald. She read the stories aloud in class and encouraged us to read more at home. Looking back she was the first teacher who actually encouraged me to move forward and explore new things and she opened my eyes to new literature. My mother always provided me with books and pushed me out of my comfort zone of re-reading my much read baby books to start reading Heidi. People with Asperger’s are not always eager to embark on new things – they like the comfort of routines. However, once we get over the initial bump of change we can really enjoy new experiences.

In grade 4 my new English stream teacher was very encouraging and once again I was exposed to new books. In her class everyone worked together and was treated equally. That year I also expanded my extra-curricular activities. I moved to the senior choir and also started taking violin lessons after school. There I formed a friendship with one of my classmates. We would often play after school and visit each other’s homes. Unfortunately my French stream teacher did not seem to like me. For some unexplainable reason she told my friend’s mother that I was a bad influence and therefore I was not invited to her class birthday party that year. Her family, however, included me in her family birthday celebrations. To this day I still question that teacher’s inappropriate behavior. Most of my classmates referred to me as “miss goody two shoes†because I always tried to follow the rules. In spite of that, around Easter time the same teacher sent me to the principal’s office because I had drawn pink bunnies. Our project was to paint a picture with bunnies and I had colored mine pink – my favorite color. I still do not understand why she was so angry at me. When my mother was summoned to school on this matter, the teacher apparently broke out in tears trying to insist that there were no pink bunnies. My mother maintained that in art anything is possible and that she did not understand the teacher’s reaction. I was truly traumatized by this event and doubted my own creativity in art from then on for many years to

come.

For grade 5 my mother decided to move me into the all English stream where the curriculum was more comprehensive than in the bilingual stream. There I was fortunate to have my all time favorite teacher. He opened our eyes to current events by bringing in newspapers into class. For those of us who were challenged in math he made himself available for after school tutoring at his home and would not accept any rewards for this. In his class everybody was equal - pettiness was not encouraged. When I had a high score on one of my math tests, he was so proud that he made me call my mother at work to share the good news. The birthday parties and dances always included the entire class – there were no exclusions. Even though we were not all close friends outside the classroom, we worked as a group and stuck

together.

That year I still continued with my choir, violin and chess. I also joined the computer and science clubs. All these activities were made possible by the parents advisory committee of which my mother was an active member. The lunch time programs were run by teachers. The after school programs related to music and sports activities were instructed by professionals on school premises for a fee. All interested students were encouraged to sign up for their preferred activities. The costs were nominal and the students could access them on their own right after classes had finished. I liked to be in charge of choosing my activities and to attend them by myself. It made me feel almost grown up.

Grade 6 was my final year in elementary school in Montreal – high school there starts as of grade 7. We were still the same group in our class as the previous year and continued to work as a collective. It was my happiest year. We had a substitute teacher all year as our regular teacher was on an extended sick leave. In math my greatest challenges were with word problems and for that I had an outside tutor. My favorite project that year was the book fair. We each wrote, illustrated and bound our books. Our creations were then offered up for sale and the proceeds went to the literacy project. We also recorded in our book logs and my classmates were amazed at the number of books I was reading. I was singled out with a

prize for having read the most books and raising the largest sum of funds for the MS read-a-thon. I had also canvassed the largest number of people in our neighborhood to raise these funds and I took great pride in that.

Our graduation from Roslyn Elementary was a fun event. I was not on the graduation committee but I helped out with the decorations and balloons. I felt like I was part of the group. My favorite part was the dance the following weekend at Westmount Hall. Some of the girls wore heels and adult dresses trying to emulate Pretty Woman, the movie that came out that year. I was not yet ready for that but I still had a great time at the dance. I actually did not get to see the movie until years later. Emotionally I was still attached to my Ninja Turtles. Most Aspies tend to mature at a slower rate. We have our teenage

crisis in our twenties.

Following a great summer I entered grade 7 at Westmount High. This is where I discovered that I really did not fit in. Most of my previous classmates had gone to private schools or a much coveted French immersion school – Montreal West. Neither the administration nor the teachers protected me or other students at risk from the bullies. There were incidents of students placing thumbtacks on my seat, stealing my wallet, vandalizing my books and name calling. At the school they had a special program for students with Downs and I became a buddy to two of those girls. Judy was higher functioning and I had crossed paths with her at Westmount Community Centre. She came

to my house after school and I was invited to her country house as well. On a school ski trip the students were poking fun at Judy and me for being with her. Some of them even tried to bump me off the slopes. No teachers seemed to pay attention to any of these incidents. I was not very comfortable in that environment.

My favorite parts were choir and drama. There once again we worked together as a group under the direction of very enthusiastic teachers. Our music teacher taught us Gospel and music history. We also learned to play the recorder. Not everyone was keen to participate but there was no bullying. Our drama teacher made our classes very interesting. Everyone was engaged in his lessons of improv. The whole class participated when we discussed our creative plays. One teacher that year taught math, geography and shop – he was equally motivating in all three. That year, I actually passed math without outside help and enjoyed the class. I liked geography then, even though in later years, I showed no aptitude for it. In shop he made me feel

as if I had created a piece of art with my first dustpan – I am actually quite challenged when it comes to manual dexterity. Our history teacher brought the study of ancient Egypt to life. I remember traveling back in time when learning how to write my name with Hieroglyphs. In her class I was not aware of any other distractions.

Phys. Ed has never been my strong point. I am not very coordinated and therefore unable to be good at most sports activities. This is a common weakness for most people with Asperger Syndrome. Ball games are definitely out of my sphere and therefore I was always the last one to be picked for any teams. Even though I knew that I did not like the game I wanted to be included. Only in grade 7 we were offered a program where all students participated equally. The activities offered were cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, laps, and learning basketball. Since we had no competitive teams each student learned at their own level of ability and I felt included even though I may not have been very good at any of the challenges. In later years I performed poorly in most P.E. classes because I was unable to compete with my higher

performing classmates. This also kept me from learning many rudimentary game skills as I spent many classes on the exercise bike instead. I still think that there may be value in having two Phys Ed streams at schools. One stream should accommodate the highly competitive talented athletes. Another should be geared for students with limited abilities and motor coordination. We do not want to be inert. When others run, let us walk.

In the eighties Asperger Syndrome was not really on the radar. Neither my doctors nor other health care professionals identified me as being on the autism spectrum. My only known diagnosed weakness was my motor coordination which explained my difficulties with certain manual tasks. My mother always told me to try my best even if I was not the best in the group. She also advised me I should enjoy the journey, not just the destination. There may have been some value in my late diagnosis. In general, I lived a normal childhood even though I did not always perceive it to be so. Most importantly, I was not always labeled, and therefore for the most part found myself included with my peers.

I spent many summers at summer camps – some of my fondest memories. My mother took me skiing at age 6 and I enjoyed many winters on the ski slopes. I learned to ice skate, and roller skate, the latter resulting in a broken arm – so you understand they are not my favorite activities. From grades 3 – 7 I also joined the Westmount Drama Club, and, later teen jazz. There, I learned to perform on stage for audiences. I really liked being part of the cast even though I played minor roles. We Aspies really have a great need to be recognized and often envision ourselves as lead characters even though we may lack the actual ability to perform at that

level. We are really frustrated with our shortcomings due to our lack of coordination our awkward social skills.

In high school in Vancouver I learned to play tennis and practiced with a friend who was also not a great athlete, but more skilled than I was. I joined the curling team and took part in some tournaments and I really enjoyed watching Olympic curling. I took part in a leadership training course where I learned to canoe. To earn my certificate I survived a weekend canoe trip at Stave Lake in b-l-i-s-t-e-r-i-n-g cold April rain. I defied the odds and my teacher’s predictions of being unfit and climbed Black

Tusk with my class - I came home with both feet in blisters, but I did it. To my mother’s surprise I walked the Sun Run in p-o-u-r-i-n-g rain and I was not the slowest walker. Grouse Grind was a challenge for me but I did finish.

Seven years ago my Asperger’s friend from England and I took the BigFoot tours to the Rockies together and it is one of my most memorable experiences. We also toured and I took him sightseeing all over Vancouver. That summer I felt like a regular person. and I connected on the internet through an autism e-mail list and he decided to take a holiday in Vancouver for one month. We are still good friends and communicate at intervals. He is currently an operations manager with Autism works in England. We support each other with our respective work to further the awareness of Aspergers.

I am sure that you have all led lives filled with activities and experiences – some good some not so good. You are neurotypical, that means “regular folk†and I have Asperger’s. I am neurologically different. I have Aspergers the most invisible of all invisible disabilities. I do not have an illness nor am I ashamed of being an Aspie, but I benefit from some additional help and consideration. We put ramps in front of buildings to accommodate people in wheelchairs, but we treat the same people as intellectual equals. People with Asperger’s require invisible ramps so that they can function as equals in society. We do need your support, understanding and acceptance so that we can contribute to our fullest potential. We do display

some idiosyncrasies which may make you somewhat uncomfortable and yet I see people with green and purple hair and facial piercings holding down good jobs – and I find that weird.

Currently I have a part-time job with CLBC where I do clerical work. I like my boss and supportive co-workers, but I feel underemployed. With the current economic situation and government budget cuts I do not feel comfortable to “rock the boatâ€. My previous job was a full time position as fact checker with Constructive Media. My work dried up within a couple of days, my contract was renewed, but the company failed to secure the contract for which I was hired. As my techie skills are very limited I could not be transferred into another department and found myself looking for new work. It took me 9 months to find another job.

Actually I worked for the ministry as a baby-sitter in high school. In the summer I had difficulty finding camp counselor jobs and spent many summers volunteering for them instead. I worked as a telephone interviewer for 4 years while I attended University. I have excellent typing skills – 50 wpm – and yet a temp company turned me down because I sighed once during one of their tests. I had disclosed to them that I had Aspergers and my sighing must have sent alarm bells off in their head. My test results - I found out later - were excellent.

I started my post-secondary studies at Langara College in 1996. On my school counselor’s advice I opted for the College-University transfer program. My GPA in college and University was better than in high school. After 2 years at Langara I continued my studies at UBC and graduated with a B.A. in English. My original goal was to teach English at High School level, but I was dissuaded from that path because one of my advisors thought that I would be “eaten alive†as she thought I was “too gentle of a soulâ€. At University I joined the English Student Society and I was part of a radio play that never aired. My social

life there was non-existent – I did not join my classmates at the pub. In some of my social forays to clubs I felt excluded, because I am not a drinker. Everybody was having a good time and started to be boisterous and I just wanted to go home.

After graduation I was dealing with my diagnosis of being an Aspie and researched all the support groups that I could find in Vancouver.

ANCA – required a substantial upfront payment before I could even check them out.

Gastown Vocational Services – provided me with assessments. They also funded my publishing/editing at Langara College and they also had daily job search sessions. The individual sessions were very helpful in assessing my strengths and weaknesses. In the group sessions I was the only Aspie and the other members suffered other mental illnesses. Eventually I was sent to many “volunteer†positions and given good reviews, but no paid work. They were the ones who initially referred me to Dress For Success for the free clothing for work.

Burnaby Day Program – I was referred to this group to improve my social skills, but found myself among many intellectually challenged people managing their medications.

Theo BC – offered me a woodworking course.

I.A.M. Cares initially turned me down for funding because I had too much education, but a few years later helped me to secure work at Constructive Media and liaise with my employer. There, at Constructive Media, my contract was renewed once, but the company did not secure the contract for which I had been hired. I lacked the high tech skills to remain a productive member of the company. I was initially put on board for my English and editing background.

S.U.C.C.E.S.S. referred me to Sante Wage Subsidy which led to my current position at CLBC.

As I was having difficulties finding work, Gastown Vocational Services helped me to get funding for the Publishing Program at Langara. It took me 2 years to complete the program, but I was not able to secure work in that field either. I did volunteer for some BC publishers but they were not in a position to hire me.

Currently I volunteer for the Vancouver Opera – this also allows me to enjoy the performances for free. About 4 years ago I took up embroidery to improve my motor skills and to learn how to stitch. I am a member of the Vancouver Guild Of Embroiders as well as various international online stitching groups. I love the monthly meetings and courses with the Guild. There I am the youngest member and I have the support and guidance of my many grannies. In my online groups we have many stitchy exchanges and much social interaction via e-mail. This is easier than having to deal with neurotypicals face to face.

Some years ago I also started my own Asperger Social Support Group in order to meet others like me and to have a social life. We meet once a month for casual talk over coffee or hot chocolate. A couple of us have become friends and we enjoy other social activities as well. and I went to the PNE Fright Nights last weekend. Tim and I get together for movies once in awhile. A larger group of us also attended the fireworks together. We are planning a bowling afternoon in the near future.

My friend made a wonderful presentation titled “A Vulcan In The Classroom†and I have a couple of copies for you to look at. Let me share with you how you can identify a child with Aspergers and then provide them with the help we need to flourish in the classroom:

Children with Asperger Syndrome can appear as outsiders to other pupils and teachers because they may not fully grasp all communications as they take things too literally. They will also respond very honestly to inquiries and thus may be marked as “tattletales†by their peers.

Some students excel in math, others in languages but do not expect them to be like Rainman.

There are children who will display repetitive behaviour or wanting to repeat favorite projects over and over again. Some are also very detail-oriented.

Many children with Aspergers have trouble making eye contact and may be accused of being untruthful because of that. Their eyes will move from side to side or they just may look down altogether.

Aspies are not able to read facial expressions and therefore may react in an inappropriate manner in non-verbal situations. Some children may smile when being frowned at or just stare back with a blank expression regardless of the expression directed at them.

People with Aspergers must be taught empathy - it is not natural to them.

Children with Aspergers want to be high achievers and are frustrated when they do not measure up to their peers. It is very hurtful for them when they are not compared favorably with others.

Aspies are very distracted by noises and smells – they will often move away from those and isolate themselves.

Children with Aspergers will also display a slower social development and they are more naïve. As they get older they will stand apart more from those who mature faster.

Most Aspies find it easier to communicate via the written word as they find verbal communication more challenging – they are not fast thinkers, they cannot turn on a dime, they need more time to reflect on their responses.

At school the Asperger’s child will do best in an inclusive environment. Most recognized disabilities are visible – ours are mostly invisible. Most people with Asperger Syndrome appear normal at first glance but will show certain marked behaviour or motor ticks and these often mark them as being “mentalâ€. Among the simple motor ticks you will find:

Eye blinking

Facial grimacing

Nose twitching

Lip pouting

Shoulder shrugging

Arm jerking

Head nodding

Tongue protrusion

Throat clearing

Sniffing

Grunting

Whistling

Coughing

Snorting

Barking

Sucking sound

The complex motor ticks are:

Hopping

Twirling

Touching objects

Biting lip

Facial gestures

Licking

Pinching (self and others)

Waving both arms, bent at the elbow, like bird wings

Mutter under the breath

Animal noises

Repetition of word or phrase just uttered

Complex breathing patterns

These ticks can be caused by a sudden feeling of intense sadness, anger or anxiety but they make the onlooker feel uncomfortable. Many of these manifest themselves as the person gets older. In many cases, with family support, these behaviours can be held in check. Most high functioning Aspies do not display any of these early on.

Children with Aspergers are super sensitive to being teased and carry those memories into adulthood. Most of all, they want to be included with their peers. Today we protect the children with peanut allergies, and schools have banned all peanut related products. In the last 50 years society has expanded its tolerance of people who are different from the majority. Most of us no longer judge others by the color of their skin. Great strides have been made to embrace those with physical disabilities. We now need educate everyone to accept those with “invisible disabilities†that set them apart from the majority. Do not all children deserve to live in a bully free environment?

Currently autism is a popular news subject and yet there are still many people who view autism as an illness. Many parents are being sold expensive remedies that are supposed cure autism. Some parents are ill-prepared with the challenges of raising a child who does not fit the mold known as normal. They find themselves being judged by their family, peers and society at large. There is not sufficient support in the system to allow them to raise their children to their fullest potential. Please remember: we do not have a medical condition. We have a neurological disorder and we are wired differently. Please DON’T cure us – just accept us as we are, but give us the additional support and direction we need to fit in.

As Ari Ne’eman wrote, “we live in a world that is geared only to a particular kind of personâ€. People with Aspergers need support and inclusion – they are not ill. He also wrote, “We need a world that is much more inclusive of a broader range of individuals.†The challenges that people with autism face are social, not medical. People with autism, even though they appear socially inept or different have the same ability to learn and perform as their peers. We are not stupid – many people with Aspergers are intellectually superior to their neurotypical peers in their field of expertise or interest. However, they will appear clumsy in social settings.

Now on a personal note let me share with you how I feel with my poem:

Asperger Poem

It seems that other people don't care

That Aspergers is everywhere

People who just don't seem to fit in

And are told they belong in a trash bin

My brain works differently from yours

We both take different-separate doors

Sounds are much louder for me -

Mere baby crying is not ecstasy!

Textures & tastes wreck havoc with my system

What you tolerate - is torture in addition

Making friends is a pure mystery for me

It's like figuring out the birds & the bees

Aspergers takes over my life -

I've been cut into two with a knife

Sometimes I'm good and know how to behave

And then my other half takes over - with a wave

Sometimes I'm quiet & calm as a squire

Other times I'll rage out like an out of control fire

Insignificant actions, gestures and words

Will make me angrier than a flock of wild birds

Aspergers - I sometimes wonder - why me?

Yet this is the best way to be.

Thank you for listening and I also want to thank my friend in England for his input, and materials as well as Tony Attwood for his book The Complete Guide To Asperger’s Syndrome and Ari Ne’eman for his article.

To Contact Author: AspergerGalAspieSocial@... & AspergerGal@...

Tara Kimberley TormeOnline Blogs: http://taratorme.multiply.com/http://tktorme.multiply.com/"The Silent Meow": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAUV4RZPN9kThe Asperger's Difference: http://www.aspires-relationships.com/writings_tara__Torme.htm"A Series Of Short Stories & Poems" by T K Torme: www.amazon.comAsperger_Social_Support email list:Group home page: Asperger_Social_Support Group email address: Asperger_Social_Support Asperger Social email list:Group home page: http://groups.google.com/group/asperger-social?hl=en Group email address: asperger-socialgooglegroups