Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Sigh. I have the hardest time with things like this.DS acted up at school today and got hauled out of class. Then he goofed around doing his homework (basically guessing at the multiple choice instead of doing the work and lying to me about it). Now he's having a conniption because of the consequences. (I took away his "screens" (tv/ds/pc/wii). We talk about good behavior having rewards and poor choices having consequences ad nauseum. I realize some of the behavior is due to poor impulse control and his inability to think things through from beginning to end. But we also always tell him "Autism is an explanation, not an Excuse. You have to work harder than other people." Because it's NOT an excuse--he has to learn to function in the world.It just hurts my heart more to discipline him, because it feels a bit like kicking a puppy. sigh. I know it has to be done, but I have the hardest time doing it--even when I know it's right. I know I am not doing him any favors letting him skate on bad behavior. But it's tough.Sorry--just had to vent.Marilyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Good for You Marilyn. It's a good thing You're doing for him. Even puppies definitely know what not to do. And kids are experts at knowing what they shouldn't do. Speak with Him Thou for He hearest. Spirit with Spirit can speak. Closer is Love than breathing, Nearer than hands and feet. (with appreciation for Tennyson) Discipline and Autism Sigh. I have the hardest time with things like this. DS acted up at school today and got hauled out of class. Then he goofed around doing his homework (basically guessing at the multiple choice instead of doing the work and lying to me about it). Now he's having a conniption because of the consequences. (I took away his "screens" (tv/ds/pc/wii). We talk about good behavior having rewards and poor choices having consequences ad nauseum. I realize some of the behavior is due to poor impulse control and his inability to think things through from beginning to end. But we also always tell him "Autism is an explanation, not an Excuse. You have to work harder than other people." Because it's NOT an excuse--he has to learn to function in the world. It just hurts my heart more to discipline him, because it feels a bit like kicking a puppy. sigh. I know it has to be done, but I have the hardest time doing it--even when I know it's right. I know I am not doing him any favors letting him skate on bad behavior. But it's tough. Sorry--just had to vent. Marilyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 It will pay off eventually. I just got back from my son's appointment with his paediatrician. It was good (in a way) to see him squirm while she asked him why he didn't get his homework done, or why he didn't hand it in when he had it finished. At least he knows now that this matters to real people, not just to parents and teachers. My son spent the first 4 weeks of his Christmas holidays without "screens" because he was catching up on work he hadn't done during the year, and went one day for every mark hefailed any subject by. For the first time he realised that the consequences of not doing homework went beyond annoying teachers and parents. He has now had the paediatrician tell him he is achieving way below his ability and what was he going to do about it. I think he realises that she is not going to write a letter telling the school to ease off on him, but rather expects him to work out how to cope. Experts can be frustrating at times, but sometimes you really do love them On 25/02/2011 9:07 AM, marilyn wrote:  Sigh. I have the hardest time with things like this. DS acted up at school today and got hauled out of class. Then he goofed around doing his homework (basically guessing at the multiple choice instead of doing the work and lying to me about it). Now he's having a conniption because of the consequences. (I took away his "screens" (tv/ds/pc/wii). We talk about good behavior having rewards and poor choices having consequences ad nauseum. I realize some of the behavior is due to poor impulse control and his inability to think things through from beginning to end. But we also always tell him "Autism is an explanation, not an Excuse. You have to work harder than other people." Because it's NOT an excuse--he has to learn to function in the world. It just hurts my heart more to discipline him, because it feels a bit like kicking a puppy. sigh. I know it has to be done, but I have the hardest time doing it--even when I know it's right. I know I am not doing him any favors letting him skate on bad behavior. But it's tough. Sorry--just had to vent. Marilyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 My son spent most of his Christmas holidays without computers or games, and working on homework that either wasn't done or wasn't handed in. He was hoping to be allowed to work over the holidays, but that was vetoed on the grounds that you can't work when you're grounded. He got a big shock when I told him the school did not have to promote him from year 10 to year 11 when he had failed two (almost 3) subjects. The thought of repeating year 10 was almost too much for him. I get annoyed about homework not done, but even more when it is done but not handed in. What is the point of that??!! I think you need to work on this as early as possible. The hardest part I found was getting the school to let me know when there was a problem. Getting an email a week before the term ends with "Ben has not handed in any homework" is not useful. It needs to come early enough for the problem to be dealt with. I think we are making progress, but it really has been a slow process. I wish you luck with getting through to your son a little sooner than we have. KEvin On 25/02/2011 11:12 AM, Eleanor Oster wrote:  One of the things we have emphasized with Isaac since he was VERY young was the whole concept of "actions consequences" which upset some folks (he was born in Berkeley CA where folks don't believe in anything that might "crush the child's spirit", oh give me a MOFO break!). We've been struggling with that this week, since there's a lot of his homework that apparently never got turned in! Let's just say the fit is hitting the shan, and he's been mostly confined to his room this week (no school because of break). I pointed out I've been getting mail about summer daycamps which he's REALLY enjoyed in the past, but I am NOT willing to spend hundreds of dollars on that if he can't get his stuff together enough to turn in his homework! I admit, I'm a firm believer in the whole concept of it being easier to train a twig than a tree. If I don't like where a certain behavior is likely to lead, I tend to step on it when it first appears, rather than waiting until it's a habit. Don't even get me STARTED on the folks who know all about how to raise a kid, because they babysat a couple of times, and that's NT kids! If they were in charge of MY kid, he'd fit in very well with the Berkeley street people, but nowhere else, and his wonderful brilliant potential would be totally wasted. What's the current PC belief about wasting natural resources? Eleanor, San , CA Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old On 02/24/2011 14:07 , marilyn wrote: > Sigh. I have the hardest time with things like this. > > DS acted up at school today and got hauled out of class. Then he goofed > around doing his homework (basically guessing at the multiple choice > instead of doing the work and lying to me about it). Now he's having a > conniption because of the consequences. (I took away his "screens" > (tv/ds/pc/wii). > > We talk about good behavior having rewards and poor choices having > consequences ad nauseum. I realize some of the behavior is due to poor > impulse control and his inability to think things through from beginning > to end. But we also always tell him "Autism is an explanation, not an > Excuse. You have to work harder than other people." Because it's NOT an > excuse--he has to learn to function in the world. > > It just hurts my heart more to discipline him, because it feels a bit > like kicking a puppy. sigh. I know it has to be done, but I have the > hardest time doing it--even when I know it's right. I know I am not > doing him any favors letting him skate on bad behavior. But it's tough. > > Sorry--just had to vent. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Fortunately our school district has an online webpage where we can check not just Isaac's grades, but the individual assignments. I created a shared file (on Google documents) that Isaac, my husband and I can look at to see what assignments have not been turned in, or what assignments need to be redone because he only did part of it. Right now, Isaac's little hiney is in his room working on all those assignments he hasn't turned in. I admit, there are times when I do get tired of being the, um, Queen female dog, but for the most part, that's ok. I know what's at stake, since I lived almost the same kinda life as a kid, but didn't get yanked back into reality. I didn't reach my own potential. I am DETERMINED that if Isaac doesn't meat his potential, it will NOT be because I didn't do everything in my power to get him on the right track! Darn, I do get tired sometimes though! By the way, the website our school district uses is something called PowerSchool. The copyright info at the bottom says Pearson Education. Eleanor, San , CA Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old Eleanor Oster, San , CA 2008 white Cabriolet w/silver trim, named Pearl picked up 04/26/2008 On 02/24/2011 17:54 , Riley wrote: > My son spent most of his Christmas holidays without computers or games, > and working on homework that either wasn't done or wasn't handed in. He > was hoping to be allowed to work over the holidays, but that was vetoed > on the grounds that you can't work when you're grounded. He got a big > shock when I told him the school did not have to promote him from year > 10 to year 11 when he had failed two (almost 3) subjects. The thought > of repeating year 10 was almost too much for him. I get annoyed about > homework not done, but even more when it is done but not handed in. > What is the point of that??!! > > I think you need to work on this as early as possible. The hardest part > I found was getting the school to let me know when there was a problem. > Getting an email a week before the term ends with " Ben has not handed in > any homework " is not useful. It needs to come early enough for the > problem to be dealt with. I think we are making progress, but it really > has been a slow process. I wish you luck with getting through to your > son a little sooner than we have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Eleanor-- Yes, where do they train these perfect babysitters for NT kids? Perhaps we should send out kids to them "for a week and they'd be straightened out," right? Isn't that what they say?. Send him to my house for a week and he won't do that anymore.......uh huh, ok? Just like my son's 2nd grade teacher who dug her heals into the ground claiming she was going to get Tom to toe the line......ok hon, you do that, you go right ahead, you prove me wrong!! More power to ya!! I just don't disipline him correctly, right? Is that all it is? I just need to be consistant, that's all!! From: Eleanor Oster <pearl@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Thu, February 24, 2011 7:12:30 PMSubject: Re: Discipline and Autism One of the things we have emphasized with Isaac since he was VERY young was the whole concept of "actions consequences" which upset some folks (he was born in Berkeley CA where folks don't believe in anything that might "crush the child's spirit", oh give me a MOFO break!).We've been struggling with that this week, since there's a lot of his homework that apparently never got turned in! Let's just say the fit is hitting the shan, and he's been mostly confined to his room this week (no school because of break). I pointed out I've been getting mail about summer daycamps which he's REALLY enjoyed in the past, but I am NOT willing to spend hundreds of dollars on that if he can't get his stuff together enough to turn in his homework!I admit, I'm a firm believer in the whole concept of it being easier to train a twig than a tree. If I don't like where a certain behavior is likely to lead, I tend to step on it when it first appears, rather than waiting until it's a habit.Don't even get me STARTED on the folks who know all about how to raise a kid, because they babysat a couple of times, and that's NT kids! If they were in charge of MY kid, he'd fit in very well with the Berkeley street people, but nowhere else, and his wonderful brilliant potential would be totally wasted. What's the current PC belief about wasting natural resources?Eleanor, San , CAAspie son Isaac, 10.5 years oldOn 02/24/2011 14:07 , marilyn wrote:> Sigh. I have the hardest time with things like this.>> DS acted up at school today and got hauled out of class. Then he goofed> around doing his homework (basically guessing at the multiple choice> instead of doing the work and lying to me about it). Now he's having a> conniption because of the consequences. (I took away his "screens"> (tv/ds/pc/wii).>> We talk about good behavior having rewards and poor choices having> consequences ad nauseum. I realize some of the behavior is due to poor> impulse control and his inability to think things through from beginning> to end. But we also always tell him "Autism is an explanation, not an> Excuse. You have to work harder than other people." Because it's NOT an> excuse--he has to learn to function in the world.>> It just hurts my heart more to discipline him, because it feels a bit> like kicking a puppy. sigh. I know it has to be done, but I have the> hardest time doing it--even when I know it's right. I know I am not> doing him any favors letting him skate on bad behavior. But it's tough.>> Sorry--just had to vent.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 Isaac has been off school this week because of some sort of spring break. He's been spending most of the time in his room sitting at his desk catching up on all those past due assignments. Earlier today I pointed out that I've been getting email about summer camp, which is something he really enjoys. The discount period ends March 1, but I told him if he hadn't caught up by bedtime tomorrow (Saturday), he was gonna be out of luck! I think my husband is also Aspie, but figured out on his own how to make it work for him. For him, homework was never a problem, did well in school, got his BS at Harvard and a Masters in Computer Science from Princeton. He's been a programmer for probably thirty years now, and works for a little company called Google. I pointed out to Isaac that his father is very fortunate to have a job he loves that happens to pay him quite well. But I also pointed out that made that possible by doing so well in school, so that he was accepted by Harvard and Princeton. So Isaac has seen the benefits of doing well in school, and he's also seen the other side, namely me. I might be Aspie too, but never figured out how to get stuff done. Tasks tend to be overwhelming, and I frequently leave stuff partially done. So Isaac has both kinds of examples. And I am DETERMINED not to let Isaac make the same mistakes I did. Of course, when I was a kid, there wasn't any awareness of things like AS. Heck, if someone were dyslexic, it was a miracle if that got diagnosed! Eleanor, San , CA Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old On 02/24/2011 17:54 , Riley wrote: > My son spent most of his Christmas holidays without computers or games, > and working on homework that either wasn't done or wasn't handed in. He > was hoping to be allowed to work over the holidays, but that was vetoed > on the grounds that you can't work when you're grounded. He got a big > shock when I told him the school did not have to promote him from year > 10 to year 11 when he had failed two (almost 3) subjects. The thought > of repeating year 10 was almost too much for him. I get annoyed about > homework not done, but even more when it is done but not handed in. > What is the point of that??!! > > I think you need to work on this as early as possible. The hardest part > I found was getting the school to let me know when there was a problem. > Getting an email a week before the term ends with " Ben has not handed in > any homework " is not useful. It needs to come early enough for the > problem to be dealt with. I think we are making progress, but it really > has been a slow process. I wish you luck with getting through to your > son a little sooner than we have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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