RE: Cheating,Clothes and other stuff. kind of long.

[Guest guest]

Jenn,

I love hearing stories of achievement! You

know, our kid’s (Aspies) are going to do something they set out to do no matter

what! My son, 13 gifted-AS, ADHD has certainly his own style. He wants to be different;

he doesn’t want his cell phone that I bought last year for his bday so that I

could keep in contact of his whereabouts when needed. Most of the time I know

where he is- he usually can be found at his pc in our living room- I like

seeing what he is doing on there. But if he decided on a rare occasion to walk

to his friends house or go to a movie with a friend then the phone is handy. I

have to make him use it/take it with him.

He sports a long haired look, in his face

parted to the side and almost shoulder length. I’m so tired of seeing it in his

face, greasy- he say’s he washes nightly but I have no clue why it isn’t washed

appropriately. What am I to do? I can’t go in there while he showers any

longer. He locks the door and will stay in there for hours! What does he do for

so long? <scared> I threaten to cut his hair if he doesn’t start taking

better care of it. The last time we had a “trim” the woman cutting it was older

and had no idea of the style he was looking for. It was more than a trim and he

sat and cried in the chair and in the car when we left. I felt so bad!

His clothing line, he’s always looking

for something unique to himself. He likes to dress like his characters he plays

with online. Thankfully, these are not Far fetched clothing. He usually wears

jeans and a Tshirt. Others do not recognize what he is dressing like. He often

makes suggestions what he would like to wear, trench coat etc. I have bought

him stylish clothing, Aeroposle (I know I didn’t spell that right) only because

they were plain golf shirts and to hopefully get some type of socialization out

of the other kids at school. I guess that is the wrong term I want to use; I

don’t want him to stand out more than he already does. I think his uniqueness

is great, it’s all about individuality however, when you wear long greasy hair

it’s not good.

His shoes, he wears 24-7 crocks (generic

ones) I can’t afford to keep replacing the good ones. They are slip on, no ties

which he likes. Now I hear he fidgets taking his shoes off and on in class.

However, when it’s cold I beg him to wear socks-he refuses the majority of the

time. I pick my battles and it’s sometimes very hard and frustrating to do! Something’s

I just REFUSE for him to do, wear. Camouflage coats, pants etc. he loves and

again relating to his games. I hate the pc sometimes and sometimes it’s our

saving grace when he wants to; write a story, create etc .

He has asthma, hates sports and can’t really

do so if he wanted to. I love when he rides our go kart-which he wasn’t at all interested

in the beginning. He loves his pen pal who is located in another state-these

two create and chat like teenagers over the phone he would chat all night if I

let him. His love for his guitar I like to. He wants to form a band but can’t

seem to get it together. His friends have no equipment. Any time spent away

from his pc I encourage because I have reservations about to much time on pc.

We do have an program that logs him off at certain times but we can’t get him

to spend less time and honestly I don’t know what else he would do! He’s so

happy there, he laughs, creates etc. He involves all of his friends while

creating, last weekend I had three teenagers here gathered around the pc and of

course his pen pal whom attended by phone on the speaker. He get’s it honestly,

his step father is a big techno geek. We give more time for good deeds but do

not take it away, we can’t!

I recently cleaned out and organized his

room, we are about to paint with his input of what he wants his room to be. I’m

surprised so far of what he say’s he wanted. Flags- worldly flags and somehow a

70’s theme to. He thinks it would be cool to have a car seat as a desk chair-

one of our restaurants here has cars you can eat in and for casual seating

while waiting to be seated 50’s car seats. This he pointed out. So it’s really

taking the creative side of me for a loop too. While we cleaned out his room, I

removed World of War Craft cans and bottles that Mountain Dew has brought out

by the dozens. If it is from a different country, any wrapper he keeps-cookie

wrappers (his step father is from Australia),

his friend is from Germany-he

saved a chocolate bar wrapper that his friend gifted him with. I kept only a

few bottles and got rid of the rest. He is a pack rat! I somehow have got to

change this behavior. I wonder if it’s typical teenage behavior or related to

his aspie or a combination of the two. As I said, I like he celebrates his uniqueness,

I believe letting him grow and being himself, learning from his own self. However,

I have to draw the line somewhere, some how. I am open for any suggestions…

anyone?

Debs

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of jennifer

Sent: Tuesday, November 23, 2010

2:57 PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject:

Cheating,Clothes and other stuff. kind of long.

I agree. I think it's admirable. My son is the

same way and if I tell him that something is ok to do because the

other kids are doing it (as long as its honest) He says " I don't care

about anyone else I'm not doing it " They certainly stand their ground.

How about your kids and the way they dress? My

son only wears tan long Dickie's shorts and black

shirts...fender,Gibson,Guitar center,Pink Floyd. That's it! Rain or shine.

For a few years everything had to be DC. Shirts shoes everything. At the

beginning of the school year we would go down to The DC store on Melrose and stock up.

It was expensive but just a one time thing since he wore them all year.

This year I said " No more DC, you wear what you have and we'll

get a few new things. Shoes and things like that. I took him to Tillys

and let him walk around by himself. To my surprise he came to me with a box

of Nikes. They are white with a bright green trim. I didn't skip a beat and

said " OK, nice " He wears them everyday.(BTW you can see him

coming a mile away in these shoes) I was more shocked that he spoke to

the young sales girl to get his size!! Something he would never had done just

a couple months ago. He really seemed to have matured alot over the summer.

He has been wanting an expensive guitar so his dad said he could go to work

with him and save the money. He did just that. He bought a limited edition

Les . That thing is his baby. No one is allowed to touch it. We put a

door on the living room so he could set up his amp and play. I was so proud

of for having the discipline to stay focused and keep his eye on the prize.

Sorry so long! Had a few min on my hands.

-Son B 15,ASP

Starting 10th grd in Sept

I'm all for raising awareness

and acceptance and understanding.

My Personal Favorite? " Autism is not a processing disorder, it is just a

different operating system " .

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

We have pretty much the same issues. Showers are also a problem. He wakes up and spends 30 min or more in there. sometimes he comes out and his hair is barely wet. I make him get back in. His hair also has to be a certain way. His dad and I have a different idea of how long is too long. I love nothing more than a buzz cut but NO WAY so I have surrendered the hair issue to his father.

.. I'm sure he would wear a trench coat if he could but they are banned from school because of weapons and things. As with almost anywhere there are gangs so schools prohibit alot of things. I'm to horrified to even enter his room so I just keep it shut. he has a snake named Rob in there and its getting bigger so I'm scared to death of that. he's also glued to the PC but he has one of those droid phones. We put parental blocking on it so he can't get into trouble. He has unlimited texting so we don't run up a huge bill.

All in all I think your son is a typical teenage boy. I think its great that he is able to socialize with more than one person at a time. Our son tends to stick with one at a time. He will go to parties once in a while and even there he usually ends up in another room playing guitars with someone.

-Son B 15,ASP Starting 10th grd in Sept

I'm all for raising awareness and acceptance and understanding.My Personal Favorite? "Autism is not a processing disorder, it is just a different operating system".

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

How old is your son Jenn? My son takes his

shower at night there is no way we could work that in the mornings! He’s so

hard to awake. I thought he had sleep apneia, so we went through that test and

it was negative to my surprise! I think what happens its hard for him to get

into that rim sleep until wee hours of the morning. Once he is there it’s hard

to get him out. I think that is what happens with me to so maybe it’s genetic?

How many times have we sent him back in

for a shower/washing hair session. The problem is, we thought by sending him

back in he would quickly learn it’s cutting into his pc time so he would

finally learn to do it right. Not hardly, he spends such a long time in the

shower I hate to send him back in! I have to repeat; go get shower, wash your

hair, not just once but several! This is the norm for anything I ask of him. He

goes more for his father, quicker that is. I don’t know why and this causes a

conflict between me and spouse. “Why doesn’t he do it for you, you have mother

hen wings”. <Sigh> Regardless, I have seen him come out with half of a

wet head. I have once thought too that the problem is, since he bites his nails

down he has no scrubbing method? I don’t know! A buzz cut would be out of the

question! I don’t mind it being long as long as it is clean and well groomed. My

parents on the other hand (as they are old school and older) think it’s

terrible. They tease him and say they will get him a hairbow. It’s all in good

fun. As of now, I can’t even get him to agree to a trim because of the latest

trim incident. Actually, it is a waste of money. I understand a trim is a good

thing, cutting off dead ends etc, but honestly, we are on a strict budget as my

husband is disabled. I think to myself why bother?

Yeah, it’s the same here as far as a

trench coat goes with school. I never fulfilled this wish and do not plan to. I’m

laughing about your statement of being scared of his room. I was too but it’s

my own issues that I couldn’t stand it no more so I bit the bullet and said; Im

going in! In all reality he should have been the one to do this, he did help

however, it was frustrating he wanted to get rid of things he shouldn’t have! I

thought he needs to learn how to organize. He has so many executive functioning

problems especially in school it drives me crazy. I have begged, pleaded, been

to court in hopes to install something in school for this reason. I had no

choice but to give this up and now I can only hope he brings it to himself.

A SNAKE? NO WAY! OMG! I couldn’t see my son taking

care of anything without me standing over him stating over and over, feed your

pet. So we only have two cats and that’s enough! I’m sure he wouldn’t be

opposed to having some type of pet in his room. At one point I thought of a

dog, for therapy reasons but it never happened because it wasn’t in our area at

the time and my daughter would be so jealous! Our home is to small for two cats

and two dogs.

Socializing with more than one person was

not as great as it sounded. I think the only reason why it happened is because

they each have their own “issues”. They bickered, they brainstormed, chatted

until I had to leave our Living room. It was cool but I can only stand so much.

I always want to jump in and correct him, it drives me crazy. The girl that

came over; he counted on his friend the pen pal to be at home ready to

brainstorm over the phone. When he wasn’t at home this threw him off. The girl

was like, we don’t need him, lets go ahead…my son wasn’t able to do that. So

she went ahead and played with my daughter in between time. <sigh>

Sometimes I wished he would stick to only one but this was a project. Depends

on whom/which “friend” it is and what he wants to do. I think its cool he can

socialize with more than one to. In fact, my husband looked at me that day and

said; and you say he’s not social, our boy is very social. I said yes he is

but; look at who is around and it is noticeable they each have their own

problems or weaknesses, like we all do. Yet, I can tell each one of these kids

are not the typical teenager. They to stand out in the crowd however I think it’s

very cool they have developed such a friendship no matter how they interact. I

so encourage it. My son has matured quite a bit and I hope it continues. I have

a lot to be thankful for this season.

Debs

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of jennifer

Sent: Tuesday, November 23, 2010

5:21 PM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: RE:

Cheating,Clothes and other stuff. kind of long.

We have pretty much the same issues. Showers are

also a problem. He wakes up and spends 30 min or more in there. sometimes he

comes out and his hair is barely wet. I make him get back in. His hair also

has to be a certain way. His dad and I have a different idea of how long is

too long. I love nothing more than a buzz cut but NO WAY so I have

surrendered the hair issue to his father.

.. I'm sure he would wear a trench coat if he could

but they are banned from school because of weapons and things. As with

almost anywhere there are gangs so schools prohibit alot of things.

I'm to horrified to even enter his room so I just keep it shut. he has

a snake named Rob in there and its getting bigger so I'm scared to death

of that.

he's also glued to the PC but he has one of those droid phones. We put

parental blocking on it so he can't get into trouble. He has unlimited

texting so we don't run up a huge bill.

All in all I think your son is a typical

teenage boy. I think its great that he is able to socialize with more than

one person at a time. Our son tends to stick with one at a time. He will

go to parties once in a while and even there he usually ends up in another

room playing guitars with someone.

-Son B 15,ASP

Starting 10th grd in Sept

I'm all for raising awareness

and acceptance and understanding.

My Personal Favorite? " Autism is not a processing disorder, it is just

a different operating system " .

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

Deb, Our son is 15. Studies have shown that teenagers don't reach rem sleep until the wee hours of the morning. That's why it's hard to get them up in the morning. There was some brief talk about pushing the school day back to 10 am.

As for the snake, I do have to always remind him to feed it. I make him go into the pet store to buy the food. I can't look at that either

.. I think it's great that you open up your home to all the kids. I kind of feel the same way. I would rather him here so I can keep an eye on all of them. But stocking up the fridge with snacks isn't cheap!

-Son B 15,ASP Starting 10th grd in Sept

I'm all for raising awareness and acceptance and understanding.My Personal Favorite? "Autism is not a processing disorder, it is just a different operating system".

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

I know ….right Jenn? It’s not cheap at

all! Especially growing boys who want to snack LARGE quantities. My son is a vegetarian.

He got this all by himself and IM sure researched himself. “Mom have you seen

what they do to chickens?” It’s so hard trying to get all his protein in yet he

will eat fish. Tonight we had Salmon patties, peas and potatoes and corn on the

cob. I had to fix his separately without onion but I wonder if he knows these

are made with eggs? I am normally separating his that is fixing something other

than meat to go along with our veggies. Who knows he will probably out live us

all. His doc say’s it’s perfectly healthy! None of the rest of our family is

vegetarians.

I’m so excited; we had an IEP meeting

today at school. We heard great reports. They are now replacing the SAT testing

with Explore. They reviewed this testing with us and my son is in the 90% in

the USA!

I’m very pleased! They also revealed the part of the test of what career field

they would be great in: Medical Diagnosis, Arts-all types here. IM so proud and

so is his school/teachers! They said he was prepared for college right now with

one exception, his math. LOL this doesn’t surprise me at all however, they said

they are in hopes that he will do much better in math in high school due to the

geometry that’s required. He just doesn’t try hard enough. I heard all types of

“off task” from his teachers but they did say although it appears he doesn’t

focus he can ace the tests they give. They have to re direct ongoing and he has

to have a clear desk so that he isn’t easily distracted. He’s come a LONG ways.

He was there for this meeting and he said “it’s much better this year than last

year”. I told his teachers that now they have him figured out, they don’t give

him homework any longer-they don’t think it’s highly necessary-FINALLY after

all these years, I TOLD THEM SO! What scares me is high school next year, another

transition. I’m teasing him this afternoon and calling him Dr.

I had no idea that there have been studies

to show that teenagers don’t reach rem sleep until the wee hours of the

morning. Thanks for sharing. I did tell them this at the meeting today as well

and they said perhaps for next year first period could be chosen so he can become

awake quicker. He spoke up and said; he’s fine after he gets to school. I told

them that he was able to make his own descisions because I believe this is

critical for himself to learn to advocate for himself instead of mom and dad

doing so.

Girl, if a snake was in my house and it

needed to eat-it would starve if it was up to me to feed it! Perhaps my son and

yours can converse over the phone? Let me know what you think he does this with

another friend whom I met through a group online and ever since they speak

daily-it’s going on four years-maybe longer! I wouldn’t worry about your son

wanting what others have. I know it can be expensive, just like my son wanting

to buy all his band members the equipment. I say, work for it! They do want to

have a car wash but they wanted it the next day! LOL

Happy Thanksgiving!

Deb’s

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of jennifer

Sent: Wednesday, November 24, 2010

10:31 AM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: RE:

Cheating,Clothes and other stuff. kind of long.

Deb, Our son is 15. Studies have shown that

teenagers don't reach rem sleep until the wee hours of the morning. That's

why it's hard to get them up in the morning. There was some brief talk about

pushing the school day back to 10 am.

As for the snake, I do have to always remind him to

feed it. I make him go into the pet store to buy the food. I can't look at

that either

.. I think it's great

that you open up your home to all the kids. I kind of feel the same way. I

would rather him here so I can keep an eye on all of them. But stocking up

the fridge with snacks isn't cheap!

-Son B 15,ASP

Starting 10th grd in Sept

I'm all

for raising awareness and acceptance and understanding.

My Personal Favorite? " Autism is not a processing disorder, it is

just a different operating system " .

Marilyn