Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I can only imagine how you are feeling---- my heart goes out to you and your little boy. I would have lots of questions for the school. If it were me, I would try to find out a) if one of the other kids put him up to it--- there have been a lot of discussions about that lately on this list and since the school is putting you on the defensive by asking if he does it at home, I would turn the tables on them and question (politely but menacingly) whether some adult at school could have acted inappropriately towards him. You need to protect yourself in this situation, and you need to protect your son. Just a couple of thoughts--- will send up some prayers too. On 1/26/2011 12:20 PM, SoCalVal wrote: > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 You need to write a letter documenting NOW. At 6 is your son in kinder? Just a sidebar, you should plan on documenting as a side job, trust me. Start now in that every interaction with school personnel about your son gets an email recounting what was said, promised, agreed upon, etc. Here's what you need to address and document in you letter (other veterans, please join in with any suggestions) .. why did the school wait until the following day to let you know the alleged incident occurred? .. Who witnessed the alleged event? .. Make a request to get a copy of witness accounts .. When were the witness accounts made? .. Are the " witness accounts " third party statements-- a child told a parent and a parent is passing on what they did not witness? .. Document that you don't think suspension is an appropriate response to a 6 year old's behavior that may or may not have occurred. .. WHERE WERE THE LUNCH LADIES? WAS ANY ADULT SUPERVISING THE LUNCHROOM??? You wrote that you're in the middle of IEP meeting right now, but I think this has to be addressed in some way, but you need more information. What did your son say about what happened? Did he say that someone coaxed him into it? Did he deny he did it? I would not want to take the school's input as factual until I had my own information gathering sessions. I would also call any parent that you trust with a child in this class that has lunch with your son. Ask them for a candid and confidential conversation on what their child may have told them. On Wed, Jan 26, 2011 at 3:20 PM, SoCalVal <socalval@...> wrote: Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 please see my sister's blog that includes the story I gave her about our recent run in with the school with my Aspberger's son... www.stackjourney.blogspot.com it is faster for you to read it there than for me to retype it! I feel your pain! Please note: message attached From: " SoCalVal " <socalval@...> Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: So Sad, So Shocked Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2011 20:20:20 -0000 Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is probably not much consolation, but your son is not the first to do something like this. The principal is most likely correct that it is not sexual in the sense of what adults mean by that, but it is in the sense that it is something males seem to be prone to at certain ages. My son was in trouble for similar behaviour at that age. His teacher spoke to me after school when it first happened, which seems more appropriate than waiting until the next morning. She had had similar behaviour from other boys with aspergers, and some without. It seems to be an impulse that strikes some boys at about age 6. The 5th grade teacher seems to face similar behaviour. Usually, just having a teacher and/or parent talk to them is sufficient to get them to stop. Both teachers thought it had something to do with male hormones, but they were only surmising from experience, not basing it on any scientific research. Boys usually learn fairly quickly that there is behaviour that other boys find extremely amusing that adults (and usually girls) don't, so they don't indulge in it when adults are around. I wouldn't discount the possibilty that he has seen some other boy do this and get a 'good' response, or that some other boy encouraged him. Boys with Aspergers can have a harder time working out that what is amusing among a small group of boys becomes very inappropriate in a public setting than 'normal' boys do - and some of them aren't that quick to learn either. When you are confused about why a boy would do something, one answer that is often accurate is simply "it seemed like a good idea at the time". Don't assume there was much, or in some cases any, thought put into the idea before reaching that conclusion. Just knowing/assuming it would amuse other males is often reason enough to do quite stupid things (in hindsight). It is an affliction that strikes most males a few times during their life. The consolation is that we don't know everything our kids get up to, just as our parents did not know everything we got up to. It's better that way. On 27/01/2011 7:20 AM, SoCalVal wrote:  Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Sorry you are having such a rough day. The treatment of waiting until you got to school before they told you what happened is inexcusable! Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "SoCalVal" <socalval@...>Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2011 20:20:20 -0000<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >Reply Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: So Sad, So Shocked Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Other than having to deal with the school and your son, I would be that upset, as one of my sixth-grade classmates confided in me that when she was a little younger than your son, and they lived in California and were at a restaurant, that she was having dinner with her parents when they commented that the movie star, Peck, was eating at a table nearby. promptly got up, walked over to the table and pulled her pants down! It became a family tale, that the family laughed about; and she told me with no shame at all. When my daughter was about 5, her younger brother got impatient waiting for the one bathroom we had at our farm, so he opened the door and pooped on the floor. All the rest of us were watching from the living room and the next sister up from my daughter walked over in disbelief to contemplate it. My son, turned, looked at all of us, and said "I don't know why J. did that on the floor, and he walked away. It was hilarious, although it didn't bode well for him taking responsibility. If he'd been the one with autism, we probably would have freaked. Kids do weird stuff, with or without asperger's. Francine Speak with Him Thou for He hearest. Spirit with Spirit can speak. Closer is Love than breathing, Nearer than hands and feet. (with appreciation for Tennyson) Re: So Sad, So Shocked This is probably not much consolation, but your son is not the first to do something like this. The principal is most likely correct that it is not sexual in the sense of what adults mean by that, but it is in the sense that it is something males seem to be prone to at certain ages. My son was in trouble for similar behaviour at that age. His teacher spoke to me after school when it first happened, which seems more appropriate than waiting until the next morning. She had had similar behaviour from other boys with aspergers, and some without. It seems to be an impulse that strikes some boys at about age 6. The 5th grade teacher seems to face similar behaviour. Usually, just having a teacher and/or parent talk to them is sufficient to get them to stop. Both teachers thought it had something to do with male hormones, but they were only surmising from experience, not basing it on any scientific research. Boys usually learn fairly quickly that there is behaviour that other boys find extremely amusing that adults (and usually girls) don't, so they don't indulge in it when adults are around. I wouldn't discount the possibilty that he has seen some other boy do this and get a 'good' response, or that some other boy encouraged him. Boys with Aspergers can have a harder time working out that what is amusing among a small group of boys becomes very inappropriate in a public setting than 'normal' boys do - and some of them aren't that quick to learn either. When you are confused about why a boy would do something, one answer that is often accurate is simply "it seemed like a good idea at the time". Don't assume there was much, or in some cases any, thought put into the idea before reaching that conclusion. Just knowing/assuming it would amuse other males is often reason enough to do quite stupid things (in hindsight). It is an affliction that strikes most males a few times during their life. The consolation is that we don't know everything our kids get up to, just as our parents did not know everything we got up to. It's better that way. On 27/01/2011 7:20 AM, SoCalVal wrote: Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Good suggestions- also what state r u in? In ohio a child with an iep can not be suspended more than 10 days in a school year- keep track and request to get a printed copy of his attendance - we have a district here that marks them as absent so it doesn't look like they were suspended. After 10 days there has to be a manifestation meeting. I would place this back on the school too- where were they??DebiSent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: <doyourecycle@...>Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2011 15:53:07 -0500<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >Reply Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: So Sad, So Shocked You need to write a letter documenting NOW. At 6 is your son in kinder? Just a sidebar, you should plan on documenting as a side job, trust me. Start now in that every interaction with school personnel about your son gets an email recounting what was said, promised, agreed upon, etc. Here's what you need to address and document in you letter (other veterans, please join in with any suggestions) . why did the school wait until the following day to let you know the alleged incident occurred?. Who witnessed the alleged event?. Make a request to get a copy of witness accounts. When were the witness accounts made?. Are the " witness accounts " third party statements-- a child told a parent and a parent is passing on what they did not witness?. Document that you don't think suspension is an appropriate response to a 6 year old's behavior that may or may not have occurred.. WHERE WERE THE LUNCH LADIES? WAS ANY ADULT SUPERVISING THE LUNCHROOM??? You wrote that you're in the middle of IEP meeting right now, but I think this has to be addressed in some way, but you need more information. What did your son say about what happened? Did he say that someone coaxed him into it? Did he deny he did it? I would not want to take the school's input as factual until I had my own information gathering sessions. I would also call any parent that you trust with a child in this class that has lunch with your son. Ask them for a candid and confidential conversation on what their child may have told them. On Wed, Jan 26, 2011 at 3:20 PM, SoCalVal <socalval@...> wrote: Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Hi, I have a few questions and comments. How long is the so called suspension for? Such a dramatic word to use I think, suspended in 1st grade! Wow, a little harsh as he is only 6 and 6 year old kids can do real do real goofy things sometimes. If little kids are suspended for that then what will they ever do for the BAD stuff I wonder. I can see a junior high boy, now he SHOULD be suspended.. So what are they going to do now? Seems to me that somebody in authority the boy respects needs to talk to him kindly and let him explain himself, why did he do it, maybe the pants were really bothering him or something who knows. Then the teachers or whoever needs to be assigned to keep an eye on him and if he goes for his pants to be on him with a " No no you cannot do that... " and march him off to the principals office or time out or something.. And I think somebody is getting waaaay carried away with the fondling part, wonder what they meant by that? Who decided that I wonder? Little girls who have been trained by their moms to look out for guys fondling themselves because those kind of people are perverts? Anyway I have a grandson who is 6 who sometimes says outlandish things, like " I hate you I am going to kill you...I hate school I am going to blow it up with a bomb. " The first time I heard him I was shocked, but attribute it to the movies he watches, some quite violent his mom lets him watch. Also he has a big brother and sister who talk mean to one another. I have told him he is not to talk that way and he does try to control himself better now. I doubt he had terrorism tendencies as some might jump to, he seems really sweet and lovable most of the time and can be downright cuddly. Just my rambling thoughts but I've found humor works much better and have been at this for quiiiiiite some time..and went through some really intense things. I would give this advice; Lighten up! Humor is a good quality that I would highly recommend..also love kindness gentleness and patience, and let the child know you are on his side. I'll just bet he had a reason. Carolyn OR ;o) SoCalVal wrote: > > > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting > silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this > before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning > when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The > principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several > parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does > that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I > laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She > kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think > he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either > way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be > glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to > find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to > school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thank you to all who responded. This is all great advice. And thanks for the prayers as well! We are in California. My son is in 1st grade. He was evaluated by the school and we have had 3 IEP meetings so far. We should finish up next week. We have the school psychologist, the resource specialist, the speech pathologist, the o.t., the school counselor, the principal, the gen. ed. teacher AND the Director of Special Education at the meetings. She was brought in when they heard I was bringing an advocate. When my son first started exibiting some problems (Sept) the pricipal requested the IEP evaluations. We had also just learned of my sons diagnosis. At that time the principal felt my son would fit better in all day special ed school. That's when I started to panic. I learned that the principal didn't know what she was talking about and she was either ignorent (not the least restrictrive environment) about the law or trying to trick us to leave the school. My son is not behind academically at all. The Director of Education has offered a private behavioral specialist to come in and evaluate which is great but I know they are offering that because there are several boys in this class that each have some issues - none of them diagnosed. The teacher is going crazy. Next week we should find out what placement they recommend.To make it worse we are out of district on a special transfer request to this school. In a way I don't want to stay at this school. Will all the 2nd grade teachers run if my son is in their class? I'm not feeling the love! And they are clueless. I don't feel the teachers have any experience with kids, let alone, kids on the spectrum. But now with the specialist coming in - the school will learn so much and get a system in place. I hate to think of going to a different school next year to go through all of this again. Re: So Sad, So Shocked You need to write a letter documenting NOW. At 6 is your son in kinder? Just a sidebar, you should plan on documenting as a side job, trust me. Start now in that every interaction with school personnel about your son gets an email recounting what was said, promised, agreed upon, etc. Here's what you need to address and document in you letter (other veterans, please join in with any suggestions) .. why did the school wait until the following day to let you know the alleged incident occurred? .. Who witnessed the alleged event? .. Make a request to get a copy of witness accounts .. When were the witness accounts made? .. Are the "witness accounts" third party statements-- a child told a parent and a parent is passing on what they did not witness? .. Document that you don't think suspension is an appropriate response to a 6 year old's behavior that may or may not have occurred. .. WHERE WERE THE LUNCH LADIES? WAS ANY ADULT SUPERVISING THE LUNCHROOM??? You wrote that you're in the middle of IEP meeting right now, but I think this has to be addressed in some way, but you need more information. What did your son say about what happened? Did he say that someone coaxed him into it? Did he deny he did it? I would not want to take the school's input as factual until I had my own information gathering sessions. I would also call any parent that you trust with a child in this class that has lunch with your son. Ask them for a candid and confidential conversation on what their child may have told them. On Wed, Jan 26, 2011 at 3:20 PM, SoCalVal <socalval@...> wrote: Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3404 - Release Date: 01/26/11 07:34:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thank you Carolyn, I agree with you, I think it is quite harsh. Last week my son hit a boy who came out to the playground to gather all the balls. My son misinterpreted the situation and felt threatned and the boy and his friends were attacking him. Well, the boy that he hit is the son of a teacher - so I'm sure there are people that want to see some sort of action agaisnt my son. And yes the word fondling... give me a break. We talked to my son and took away computer for the day but other than that we understand him and love him and are just trying to decide how to our heads up high tomorrow when we return to school. It's not too surprising it's mostly mother's that don't have sons that are shocked by this and were the ones giving me dirty looks this morning. Re: So Sad, So Shocked > Hi, I have a few questions and comments. How long is the so called > suspension for? Such a dramatic word to use I think, suspended in 1st > grade! Wow, a little harsh as he is only 6 and 6 year old kids can do > real do real goofy things sometimes. If little kids are suspended for > that then what will they ever do for the BAD stuff I wonder. I can see a > junior high boy, now he SHOULD be suspended.. > > So what are they going to do now? Seems to me that somebody in authority > the boy respects needs to talk to him kindly and let him explain > himself, why did he do it, maybe the pants were really bothering him or > something who knows. Then the teachers or whoever needs to be assigned > to keep an eye on him and if he goes for his pants to be on him with a > " No no you cannot do that... " and march him off to the principals office > or time out or something.. > > And I think somebody is getting waaaay carried away with the fondling > part, wonder what they meant by that? Who decided that I wonder? Little > girls who have been trained by their moms to look out for guys fondling > themselves because those kind of people are perverts? > > Anyway I have a grandson who is 6 who sometimes says outlandish things, > like " I hate you I am going to kill you...I hate school I am going to > blow it up with a bomb. " The first time I heard him I was shocked, but > attribute it to the movies he watches, some quite violent his mom lets > him watch. Also he has a big brother and sister who talk mean to one > another. I have told him he is not to talk that way and he does try to > control himself better now. > > I doubt he had terrorism tendencies as some might jump to, he seems > really sweet and lovable most of the time and can be downright cuddly. > > Just my rambling thoughts but I've found humor works much better and > have been at this for quiiiiiite some time..and went through some really > intense things. > > I would give this advice; Lighten up! Humor is a good quality that I > would highly recommend..also love kindness gentleness and patience, and > let the child know you are on his side. > > I'll just bet he had a reason. > > Carolyn OR ;o) > > > > SoCalVal wrote: >> >> >> Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. >> Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting >> silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this >> before. >> >> I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning >> when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The >> principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several >> parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does >> that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I >> laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She >> kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think >> he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either >> way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be >> glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to >> find some humor in this. >> >> We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to >> school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. >> >> > > > ------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thank you - I started to read your sister's blog. It was great so far! As you can imagine things have been hectic today with a suspendee on my hands at home! So I will finish reading it tonight. Thanks for posting it. Re: So Sad, So Shocked please see my sister's blog that includes the story I gave her about our recent run in with the school with my Aspberger's son...www.stackjourney.blogspot.comit is faster for you to read it there than for me to retype it!I feel your pain! Please note: message attachedFrom: "SoCalVal" <socalval@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: So Sad, So ShockedDate: Wed, 26 Jan 2011 20:20:20 -0000 No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3404 - Release Date: 01/26/11 07:34:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Well i have to say my son was suspended from school when is was 6 years old also for head butting a teacher and at the time he was the only autistic student in the school. The day before i had gone to the school the day before inserving the staff that you cannot touch him or he will swing or try to headbutt you and they didnt listen. So he got suspended for 3 days and the teacher got nothing . >>> Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school.> Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting > silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this > before.>> I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning > when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The > principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several > parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does > that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I > laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She > kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think > he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either > way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be > glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to > find some humor in this.>> We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to > school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful.>> ------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 We're in California too--- I recently learned that our school district has a couple of options that could have served us well--- a homestead program through which I could homeschool while receiving special services like speech / OT etc. , and an open classroom in which grade schoolers learn in a Montessori like environment. Have you checked into options like this? They might be more welcoming than a typical classroom. Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3404 - Release Date: 01/26/11 07:34:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011  Hi , wow, that sounds great. I don't know anything about that. Can you give me any more info on this? Especially the open classroom! What part of CA are you in? We are in San Diego. We homeschooled last year but the once a week classroom visits weren't enough for my very social boy. I am racking my brain this week trying to think of the perfect solution. I would homeschool again if he could participate in a regular class a little more often. I want the best of both worlds. Thanks for posting. Re: So Sad, So Shocked We're in California too--- I recently learned that our school district has a couple of options that could have served us well--- a homestead program through which I could homeschool while receiving special services like speech / OT etc. , and an open classroom in which grade schoolers learn in a Montessori like environment. Have you checked into options like this? They might be more welcoming than a typical classroom. Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3404 - Release Date: 01/26/11 07:34:00 No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3404 - Release Date: 01/26/11 07:34:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify that Kindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the " naked dance'. Usually it is done in the boys bathroom and gets a big laugh from the other boys. Boys this age also may touch themselves causing erections which to young boys are interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may not realize this was not the place, he may have been encouraged by another child, he may have been impulsive. I have heard teachers address their kindergarten class candidly about what is appropriate behavior and not in the school bathroom. The fact that the school didn't think to tell or do anything about it till the next day after other parents complained may indicate that they did not plan to make a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seen other boys doing this in the bathroom. Hopefully the other kids and their parents will forget while your son is at home.It is a teaching opportunity. > > > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 As someone said, it is often the mothers of girls who insist that things like this be taken seriously. Most mothers with boys (and fathers, and teachers) simply shake their heads and move on. I have discovered that women who grew up in all girl households often have no idea what is normal for boys. My wife had two sisters, no brothers, and she used to often say "but my father never did anything like that", but as she has heard more stories of what her father did do when he was a boy - from him and from his friends - she has stopped saying that and taken to simply shaking her head and saying "he's a boy - you deal with it". Most of the stupid things boys do are simply that - stupid things. Teach them that such behaviour is not appropriate in certain places and just be patient. They will grow out of *most* of these things - eventually. On 29/01/2011 12:17 PM, gal220gal wrote:  I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify that Kindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the "naked dance'. Usually it is done in the boys bathroom and gets a big laugh from the other boys. Boys this age also may touch themselves causing erections which to young boys are interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may not realize this was not the place, he may have been encouraged by another child, he may have been impulsive. I have heard teachers address their kindergarten class candidly about what is appropriate behavior and not in the school bathroom. The fact that the school didn't think to tell or do anything about it till the next day after other parents complained may indicate that they did not plan to make a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seen other boys doing this in the bathroom. Hopefully the other kids and their parents will forget while your son is at home.It is a teaching opportunity. > > > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 When my son was in First Grade, he needed to go potty. First Grade is the first year there was no bathroom attached to the classroom (unlike pre-school and K). You have to walk down the hall to the loo. Well, he decides to drop trou right in the middle of the hallway enroute to the bathroom (he used to do that at home a lot). Got me a phone call from the principal ;-/ However, fortunately since he'd been in the system since he was 3, the school was fine about it--we just talked to him about appropriate behavoir.Sometimes it really is hard to tell what is an Aspie or Autism thing, vs what is just a boys-being-boys thing. My daughter moans about her brother all the time and sometimes I have to remind her that he's a 9 year old boy, acting like a 9 year old boy (ie telling disgusting booger jokes, etc). I think the school who would suspend a K or 1st for exposure is a rather clueless school. Of course it is inappropriate behavior but it's not malicious at that age. MarilynFrom: Riley <klriley@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Fri, January 28, 2011 8:31:48 PMSubject: Re: Re: So Sad, So Shocked As someone said, it is often the mothers of girls who insist that things like this be taken seriously. Most mothers with boys (and fathers, and teachers) simply shake their heads and move on. I have discovered that women who grew up in all girl households often have no idea what is normal for boys. My wife had two sisters, no brothers, and she used to often say "but my father never did anything like that", but as she has heard more stories of what her father did do when he was a boy - from him and from his friends - she has stopped saying that and taken to simply shaking her head and saying "he's a boy - you deal with it". Most of the stupid things boys do are simply that - stupid things. Teach them that such behaviour is not appropriate in certain places and just be patient. They will grow out of *most* of these things - eventually. On 29/01/2011 12:17 PM, gal220gal wrote: I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify that Kindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the "naked dance'. Usually it is done in the boys bathroom and gets a big laugh from the other boys. Boys this age also may touch themselves causing erections which to young boys are interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may not realize this was not the place, he may have been encouraged by another child, he may have been impulsive. I have heard teachers address their kindergarten class candidly about what is appropriate behavior and not in the school bathroom. The fact that the school didn't think to tell or do anything about it till the next day after other parents complained may indicate that they did not plan to make a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seen other boys doing this in the bathroom. Hopefully the other kids and their parents will forget while your son is at home.It is a teaching opportunity. > > > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 My son did the same thing this year in K because the bathrooms are not in the classroom anymore (like pre K) but down the long hallway of a 'scary', 'big' 'new' school. Sometimes I think the expectations are too much for such little ones. They can't always be expected to know what is appropriate in every situation...that is why they are growing and learning.Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: marilyn <onebusytwinmom@...>Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2011 18:10:03 -0800 (PST)<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >Reply Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Re: So Sad, So Shocked When my son was in First Grade, he needed to go potty. First Grade is the first year there was no bathroom attached to the classroom (unlike pre-school and K). You have to walk down the hall to the loo. Well, he decides to drop trou right in the middle of the hallway enroute to the bathroom (he used to do that at home a lot). Got me a phone call from the principal ;-/ However, fortunately since he'd been in the system since he was 3, the school was fine about it--we just talked to him about appropriate behavoir.Sometimes it really is hard to tell what is an Aspie or Autism thing, vs what is just a boys-being-boys thing. My daughter moans about her brother all the time and sometimes I have to remind her that he's a 9 year old boy, acting like a 9 year old boy (ie telling disgustingbooger jokes, etc). I think the school who would suspend a K or 1st for exposure is a rather clueless school. Of course it is inappropriate behavior but it's not malicious at that age. MarilynFrom: Riley <klriley@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Fri, January 28, 2011 8:31:48PMSubject: Re: Re: So Sad, So Shocked As someone said, it is often the mothers of girls who insist thatthings like this be taken seriously. Most mothers with boys (andfathers, and teachers) simply shake their heads and move on. I havediscovered that women who grew up in all girl households often haveno idea what is normal for boys. My wife had two sisters, nobrothers, and she used to often say "but my father never didanything like that", but as she has heard more stories of what herfather did do when he was a boy - from him and from his friends -she has stopped saying that and taken to simply shaking her head andsaying "he's a boy - you deal with it". Most of the stupid thingsboys do are simply that - stupid things. Teach them that suchbehaviour is not appropriate in certain places and just be patient. They will grow out of *most* of these things - eventually.On 29/01/2011 12:17 PM, gal220gal wrote: I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify thatKindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the"naked dance'. Usually it is done in the boys bathroom andgets a big laugh from the other boys. Boys this age alsomay touch themselves causing erections which to young boysare interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may notrealize this was not the place, he may have beenencouraged by another child, he may have been impulsive. Ihave heard teachers address their kindergarten classcandidly about what is appropriate behavior and not in theschool bathroom. The fact that the school didn't think totell or do anything about it till the next day after otherparents complained may indicate that they did not plan tomake a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seenother boys doing this in the bathroom. Hopefully the otherkids and their parents will forget while your son is athome.It is a teaching opportunity. >> > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers wassuspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled hispants down acting silly and fondled himself in front ofeverybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waiteduntil this morning when we arrived to class and told us togo to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tellme what happened and that several parents called. Then sheasked my son - serveral times - if he does that athome.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - Ilaughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would dosomething like that. I think he was doing to get a goodlaugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's notappropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I beglad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'mtrying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just sohard to send him to school when he doesn't have anysupport or tools yet to be successful.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 I can relate! Very true!!Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: Riley <klriley@...>Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Sat, 29 Jan 2011 12:31:48 +1100<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >Reply Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Re: So Sad, So Shocked As someone said, it is often the mothers of girls who insist thatthings like this be taken seriously. Most mothers with boys (andfathers, and teachers) simply shake their heads and move on. I havediscovered that women who grew up in all girl households often haveno idea what is normal for boys. My wife had two sisters, nobrothers, and she used to often say "but my father never didanything like that", but as she has heard more stories of what herfather did do when he was a boy - from him and from his friends -she has stopped saying that and taken to simply shaking her head andsaying "he's a boy - you deal with it". Most of the stupid thingsboys do are simply that - stupid things. Teach them that suchbehaviour is not appropriate in certain places and just be patient. They will grow out of *most* of these things - eventually.On 29/01/2011 12:17 PM, gal220gal wrote: I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify thatKindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the"naked dance'. Usually it is done in the boys bathroom andgets a big laugh from the other boys. Boys this age alsomay touch themselves causing erections which to young boysare interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may notrealize this was not the place, he may have beenencouraged by another child, he may have been impulsive. Ihave heard teachers address their kindergarten classcandidly about what is appropriate behavior and not in theschool bathroom. The fact that the school didn't think totell or do anything about it till the next day after otherparents complained may indicate that they did not plan tomake a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seenother boys doing this in the bathroom. Hopefully the otherkids and their parents will forget while your son is athome.It is a teaching opportunity. >> > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers wassuspended from school. > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled hispants down acting silly and fondled himself in front ofeverybody. He's never done this before. > > I don't like how the school handled it. They waiteduntil this morning when we arrived to class and told us togo to the office. The principal (female) proceeded to tellme what happened and that several parents called. Then sheasked my son - serveral times - if he does that athome.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's sexual - Ilaughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would dosomething like that. I think he was doing to get a goodlaugh or someone asked him to do it. Either way it's notappropriate - I know. But we are sad today. Should I beglad that this time it wasn't because he hit someone? I'mtrying to find some humor in this. > > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just sohard to send him to school when he doesn't have anysupport or tools yet to be successful.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Yes that sounds like a little boy in a hurry. My grandson in 1st grade holds it all day long and refuses to go in the boys bathroom there at all. He is afraid of toilets. I think it might have something to do with watching the Nemo movie because he once explained that when the water flushes it goes to the ocean. It is amazing to me how long he can hold it. I have been with him a couple of times though like once at his sister's volleyball game and he was fidgeting around because he had to go. He walked with me to the bathroom ok but would not get on a toilet so I just swooped him up and sat him down and he screamed bloody murder but he went in the toilet. Poor little guy his heart was beating so hard I felt it since I was holding him down so he really was afraid the toilet would suck him down. There was a couple of little girls in there who just stared at us in disbelief. Oh well. Carolyn marilyn wrote: > > When my son was in First Grade, he needed to go potty. First Grade is > the first year there was no bathroom attached to the classroom (unlike > pre-school and K). You have to walk down the hall to the loo. Well, he > decides to drop trou right in the middle of the hallway enroute to the > bathroom (he used to do that at home a lot). Got me a phone call from > the principal ;-/ However, fortunately since he'd been in the system > since he was 3, the school was fine about it--we just talked to him > about appropriate behavoir. > > Sometimes it really is hard to tell what is an Aspie or Autism thing, > vs what is just a boys-being-boys thing. My daughter moans about her > brother all the time and sometimes I have to remind her that he's a 9 > year old boy, acting like a 9 year old boy (ie telling disgusting > booger jokes, etc). > > I think the school who would suspend a K or 1st for exposure is a > rather clueless school. Of course it is inappropriate behavior but > it's not malicious at that age. > > Marilyn > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > *From:* Riley <klriley@...> > *To:* Autism and Aspergers Treatment > *Sent:* Fri, January 28, 2011 8:31:48 PM > *Subject:* Re: Re: So Sad, So Shocked > > > > As someone said, it is often the mothers of girls who insist that > things like this be taken seriously. Most mothers with boys (and > fathers, and teachers) simply shake their heads and move on. I have > discovered that women who grew up in all girl households often have no > idea what is normal for boys. My wife had two sisters, no brothers, > and she used to often say " but my father never did anything like > that " , but as she has heard more stories of what her father did do > when he was a boy - from him and from his friends - she has stopped > saying that and taken to simply shaking her head and saying " he's a > boy - you deal with it " . Most of the stupid things boys do are simply > that - stupid things. Teach them that such behaviour is not > appropriate in certain places and just be patient. They will grow out > of *most* of these things - eventually. > > > > On 29/01/2011 12:17 PM, gal220gal wrote: > >> >> >> >> I have worked at a school for 5 years and can verify that >> Kindergarten and first grade boys are known to do the " naked dance'. >> Usually it is done in the boys bathroom and gets a big laugh from the >> other boys. Boys this age also may touch themselves causing erections >> which to young boys are interesting as well. Having Asperger's he may >> not realize this was not the place, he may have been encouraged by >> another child, he may have been impulsive. I have heard teachers >> address their kindergarten class candidly about what is appropriate >> behavior and not in the school bathroom. The fact that the school >> didn't think to tell or do anything about it till the next day after >> other parents complained may indicate that they did not plan to make >> a big deal out of it. I would ask if he has seen other boys doing >> this in the bathroom. Hopefully the other kids and their parents will >> forget while your son is at home.It is a teaching opportunity. >> >> >> > >> > >> > Today my little boy (6yrs) who has aspergers was suspended from >> school. >> > Apparently yesterday at lunch recess he pulled his pants down >> acting silly and fondled himself in front of everybody. He's never >> done this before. >> > >> > I don't like how the school handled it. They waited until this >> morning when we arrived to class and told us to go to the office. The >> principal (female) proceeded to tell me what happened and that >> several parents called. Then she asked my son - serveral times - if >> he does that at home.????? wth? She said she doesn't think it's >> sexual - I laughed and said well no I don't think it would be at 6 >> years old. She kept trying to figure out why he would do something >> like that. I think he was doing to get a good laugh or someone asked >> him to do it. Either way it's not appropriate - I know. But we are >> sad today. Should I be glad that this time it wasn't because he hit >> someone? I'm trying to find some humor in this. >> > >> > We're in the middle of IEP meetings. It's just so hard to send him >> to school when he doesn't have any support or tools yet to be successful. >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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