Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosis

[Guest guest]

When we told my son and his sibs, we said that everyone has different things

their brain can do. My aspie is a math guy so we said he has a math brain. His

brother is a social so we said that he is a friend guy. My aspie helps his

brother with math and brother helps him learn how to make friends. Since

academically he is strong, as I'm sure yours is too, we just talk about how

everyone has something that they are good at and everyone has something that

needs extra help.

I recommend winner's books. I'd start with I'm a social

detective. It's written in a cartoon style so it's fun to read. I'm not home or

I'd send you her website. It's pretty easy to find.

We didn't call it Aspergers, we didn't think it was important. We just answer

the questions as they come.

Good luck! HTH!

Tera

[Guest guest]

Hello , I read your letter and was very touched by your

sensitivity and love towards your son and think you are on the right

track on this. I really don't know what I would do, when my son first

began to have problems it was so obvious to everybody he had serious

problems as he fell on the floor with seizures, and that sort of thing

that there was never a time or place we just told him he was different.

I'll tell you one thing, I believe that teacher is in the wrong to have

told OTHER parents, wow I think she must be breaking confidentiality

rules there for sure. I wonder what was her point to tell other parents,

might as well have a public announcement to the school in general,

otherwise it sounds like petty gossip to me and she is out of order

doing it. Being sarcastic about the public announcement thing...just

think when a child is only 6 perhaps it would be best to keep a lid on

it as things develop, might not ever have to " announce " he is different,

as he may not be that different in the long run, and if he is not then

the rumors will already be running amok..

My son had a horrible time growing up due to prejudice and stereotyping

and I don't think things have gotten any better since the 60s, as it is

human nature to be mean like that to somebody different no matter how we

wish it were not true. My son is 46 now and we have put up with a lot,

sure gave me an education. Well for starters the state wanted to lock

him up in their mental institution for the whole rest of his life when

he was only three, I know it sounds like a nightmare but none the less

is true, and that mentality is still around I'm sure as I have seen it.

In hashing this out here I would say not to make a big thing out of it

right now..why convince a kid who has lots of self confidence and is

happy with his life, to nope stop being so happy because you are

autistic... I don't think he should have to worry about what all that

means right now.

Actually I have a little grandson who is 6, Lucas, he is in first grade

in is a very quirky kid. So far he has not been diagnosed with anything

but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers wanted him diagnosed because he

didn't talk to them. Well now he talks well saying large words and he

can spell them and write them out, writes very neatly. But he does not

like toilets, will hold his pee all day long and when he gets over here

he has a ritual, I have to go in the bathroom with him and wait, there

can be no noise going on or previous flushes he can hear. I try to

figure out what is going on in his mind. He loves looking at toilets

also, when we are out shopping or at church he wants to go and look at

the toilets. If somebody is in there and flushes though out the door he

flies..

The other day I was sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for him

to pee his gallon or so he had stored, and he said, " Grandma lets get

out of here, I am done with this toilet experience. " I thought that was

pretty mature for a 6 year old, his comments really amaze me most of the

time....will tell you more in another letter after your comment.

Just got word from my daughter she is bringing him and his 10 year old

brother over, now there is a pair...Aaaaa!

Carolyn, mom and grandma in ORegon

SoCalVal wrote:

>

> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!

> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier

> diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been

> able to tell him yet.

> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we

> were just dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not

> classic at all so it's always had us confused until recently as I

> began to truly understand the spectrum and live by the quote " when

> you've met one child with aspergers....you've met ONE child with

> aspergers " . It's true that they all represent so differently.

> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum

> - LOL wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends

> is strong - but he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and

> more obvious in social settings. He is also quite confident of himself

> (or is it strong willed : ) but the reason I mention that is because I

> started to talk to my son about a friend of ours who is 7 and also has

> aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to attempt to tell him

> about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and that we are

> all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very

> delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I

> never did get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see

> that he is at all like his friend. I also read him a little book about

> it and asked him if he ever felt that way etc. and he says no! It

> could be part of the disorder (a little oblivious) but also his self

> image is strong, which is a great thing! Even despite all the mean

> people along the way that tried to squash it and make him feel bad

> about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is

> something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to

> not make him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....

> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP

> process at school and people are pulling him left and right to

> evaluate him and our pathetic teacher has told other parents about his

> diagnosis. So it's very possible other parents will tell their child

> and then come to school and say something to my son..... ugh!

> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.

> Thank you,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Personally, I wouldn't say ANYTHING. My son is 8 and he knows he has issues/ difficulties, but he doesn't know he's Autistic. All my children are followed by the same developmental Dr. My daughter is on watch for AD/HD but didn't respond well to meds for AD/HD. It's wierd how one child can respond with such benefits and the other such a negative reaction. ???

When he's older, I'll explain Autism in an abstract way, not specifically related to him. What classifies you to be Autistic, etc. Tuckersrt12780@...

From: Carolyn <charper777@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, December 27, 2010 2:52:09 PMSubject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosisHello , I read your letter and was very touched by your sensitivity and love towards your son and think you are on the right track on this. I really don't know what I would do, when my son first began to have problems it was so obvious to everybody he had serious problems as he fell on the floor with seizures, and that sort of thing that there was never a time or place we just told him he was different.I'll tell you one thing, I believe that teacher is in the wrong to have told OTHER parents, wow I think she must

be breaking confidentiality rules there for sure. I wonder what was her point to tell other parents, might as well have a public announcement to the school in general, otherwise it sounds like petty gossip to me and she is out of order doing it. Being sarcastic about the public announcement thing...just think when a child is only 6 perhaps it would be best to keep a lid on it as things develop, might not ever have to "announce" he is different, as he may not be that different in the long run, and if he is not then the rumors will already be running amok..My son had a horrible time growing up due to prejudice and stereotyping and I don't think things have gotten any better since the 60s, as it is human nature to be mean like that to somebody different no matter how we wish it were not true. My son is 46 now and we have put up with a lot, sure gave me an education. Well for starters the state wanted

to lock him up in their mental institution for the whole rest of his life when he was only three, I know it sounds like a nightmare but none the less is true, and that mentality is still around I'm sure as I have seen it.In hashing this out here I would say not to make a big thing out of it right now..why convince a kid who has lots of self confidence and is happy with his life, to nope stop being so happy because you are autistic... I don't think he should have to worry about what all that means right now.Actually I have a little grandson who is 6, Lucas, he is in first grade in is a very quirky kid. So far he has not been diagnosed with anything but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers wanted him diagnosed because he didn't talk to them. Well now he talks well saying large words and he can spell them and write them out, writes very neatly. But he does not like toilets, will hold his pee all

day long and when he gets over here he has a ritual, I have to go in the bathroom with him and wait, there can be no noise going on or previous flushes he can hear. I try to figure out what is going on in his mind. He loves looking at toilets also, when we are out shopping or at church he wants to go and look at the toilets. If somebody is in there and flushes though out the door he flies..The other day I was sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for him to pee his gallon or so he had stored, and he said, "Grandma lets get out of here, I am done with this toilet experience." I thought that was pretty mature for a 6 year old, his comments really amaze me most of the time....will tell you more in another letter after your comment.Just got word from my daughter she is bringing him and his 10 year old brother over, now there is a pair...Aaaaa!Carolyn, mom and grandma in

ORegonSoCalVal wrote:>> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier > diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been > able to tell him yet.> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we > were just dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not > classic at all so it's always had us confused until recently as I > began to truly understand the spectrum and live by the quote "when > you've met one child with aspergers....you've met ONE child with > aspergers". It's true that they all represent so differently.> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum > - LOL wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends > is strong - but he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and

> more obvious in social settings. He is also quite confident of himself > (or is it strong willed : ) but the reason I mention that is because I > started to talk to my son about a friend of ours who is 7 and also has > aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to attempt to tell him > about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and that we are > all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very > delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I > never did get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see > that he is at all like his friend. I also read him a little book about > it and asked him if he ever felt that way etc. and he says no! It > could be part of the disorder (a little oblivious) but also his self > image is strong, which is a great thing! Even despite all the mean > people along the

way that tried to squash it and make him feel bad > about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is > something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to > not make him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP > process at school and people are pulling him left and right to > evaluate him and our pathetic teacher has told other parents about his > diagnosis. So it's very possible other parents will tell their child > and then come to school and say something to my son..... ugh!> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.> Thank you,> > ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My son, who is 7 yrs. old, was just diagnosed officially right before

Christmas. We had suspected Aspergers for a while. He has always felt

different and the kids at school thought he was different as well. Ben is

gifted and he loves to tell people what he knows. He is our " Little Professor " .

Ben's emotional state has been getting worse and worse and he really wanted to

understand what was happening in his mind. He calls it the " mysterious

feeling " . He couldn't understand why he feels the way he does. He was very

excited to go the the evaluation. He wanted answers. The doctor explained the

diagnoses to Ben after she talked to my husband and I. She told him that he

wasn't strange or weird even though some people will think that. She also told

him that the things he does to cope are not strange either. He needs to do

them. She told him that there is nothing wrong with him, he is just wired

differently than other people. She told him that he needs help with some skills

to handle being around people. She used the analogy of learning to play

basketball. Some people can get it right a way and others just can't. You

should have seen the smile and Ben's face when we left. He was so thankful to

finally put a name to what has been happening to him. He understands that he is

going to get help. He is excited about going back to the doctor.

Ben's doctor recommended a book called All Cats Have Aspergers. I haven't

gotten it yet, but she said it is a book to help children understand Aspergers.

Happy New Years!

-Ms. Teacher Lady

>

> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!

>

> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier

diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been able to

tell him yet.

>

> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we were just

dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not classic at all so

it's always had us confused until recently as I began to truly understand the

spectrum and live by the quote " when you've met one child with

aspergers....you've met ONE child with aspergers " . It's true that they all

represent so differently.

>

> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum - LOL

wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends is strong - but

he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and more obvious in social

settings. He is also quite confident of himself (or is it strong willed : ) but

the reason I mention that is because I started to talk to my son about a friend

of ours who is 7 and also has aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to

attempt to tell him about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and

that we are all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very

delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I never did

get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see that he is at all

like his friend. I also read him a little book about it and asked him if he ever

felt that way etc. and he says no! It could be part of the disorder (a little

oblivious) but also his self image is strong, which is a great thing! Even

despite all the mean people along the way that tried to squash it and make him

feel bad about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is

something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to not make

him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....

>

> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP process at

school and people are pulling him left and right to evaluate him and our

pathetic teacher has told other parents about his diagnosis. So it's very

possible other parents will tell their child and then come to school and say

something to my son..... ugh!

>

> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.

>

> Thank you,

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My son, who is 7 yrs. old, was just diagnosed officially right before

Christmas. We had suspected Aspergers for a while. He has always felt

different and the kids at school thought he was different as well. Ben is

gifted and he loves to tell people what he knows. He is our " Little Professor " .

Ben's emotional state has been getting worse and worse and he really wanted to

understand what was happening in his mind. He calls it the " mysterious

feeling " . He couldn't understand why he feels the way he does. He was very

excited to go the the evaluation. He wanted answers. The doctor explained the

diagnoses to Ben after she talked to my husband and I. She told him that he

wasn't strange or weird even though some people will think that. She also told

him that the things he does to cope are not strange either. He needs to do

them. She told him that there is nothing wrong with him, he is just wired

differently than other people. She told him that he needs help with some skills

to handle being around people. She used the analogy of learning to play

basketball. Some people can get it right a way and others just can't. You

should have seen the smile and Ben's face when we left. He was so thankful to

finally put a name to what has been happening to him. He understands that he is

going to get help. He is excited about going back to the doctor.

Ben's doctor recommended a book called All Cats Have Aspergers. I haven't

gotten it yet, but she said it is a book to help children understand Aspergers.

Happy New Years!

-Ms. Teacher Lady

>

> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!

>

> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier

diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been able to

tell him yet.

>

> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we were just

dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not classic at all so

it's always had us confused until recently as I began to truly understand the

spectrum and live by the quote " when you've met one child with

aspergers....you've met ONE child with aspergers " . It's true that they all

represent so differently.

>

> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum - LOL

wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends is strong - but

he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and more obvious in social

settings. He is also quite confident of himself (or is it strong willed : ) but

the reason I mention that is because I started to talk to my son about a friend

of ours who is 7 and also has aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to

attempt to tell him about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and

that we are all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very

delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I never did

get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see that he is at all

like his friend. I also read him a little book about it and asked him if he ever

felt that way etc. and he says no! It could be part of the disorder (a little

oblivious) but also his self image is strong, which is a great thing! Even

despite all the mean people along the way that tried to squash it and make him

feel bad about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is

something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to not make

him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....

>

> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP process at

school and people are pulling him left and right to evaluate him and our

pathetic teacher has told other parents about his diagnosis. So it's very

possible other parents will tell their child and then come to school and say

something to my son..... ugh!

>

> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.

>

> Thank you,

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with your advice. I think telling a child they have some diagnosis just opens the flood gates for them to fall back on excuses. My child already says 'this is too hard for me' and that might well be the case, but just because something is hard doesn't mean you can't do it or try.Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: " R. Tucker" <srt12780@...>Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2010 06:32:58 -0800 (PST)<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >Reply Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosis Personally, I wouldn't say ANYTHING. My son is 8 and he knows he has issues/ difficulties, but he doesn't know he's Autistic. All my children are followed by the same developmental Dr. My daughter is on watch for AD/HD but didn't respond well to meds for AD/HD. It's wierd how one child can respond with such benefits and the other such a negative reaction. ??? When he's older, I'll explain Autism in an abstract way, not specifically related to him. What classifies you to be Autistic, etc. Tuckersrt12780@... From: Carolyn <charper777@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, December 27, 2010 2:52:09 PMSubject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosisHello , I read your letter and was very touched by your sensitivity and love towards your son and think you are on the right track on this. I really don't know what I would do, when my son first began to have problems it was so obvious to everybody he had serious problems as he fell on the floor with seizures, and that sort of thing that there was never a time or place we just told him he was different.I'll tell you one thing, I believe that teacher is in the wrong to have told OTHER parents, wow I think she mustbe breaking confidentiality rules there for sure. I wonder what was her point to tell other parents, might as well have a public announcement to the school in general, otherwise it sounds like petty gossip to me and she is out of order doing it. Being sarcastic about the public announcement thing...just think when a child is only 6 perhaps it would be best to keep a lid on it as things develop, might not ever have to "announce" he is different, as he may not be that different in the long run, and if he is not then the rumors will already be running amok..My son had a horrible time growing up due to prejudice and stereotyping and I don't think things have gotten any better since the 60s, as it is human nature to be mean like that to somebody different no matter how we wish it were not true. My son is 46 now and we have put up with a lot, sure gave me an education. Well for starters the state wantedto lock him up in their mental institution for the whole rest of his life when he was only three, I know it sounds like a nightmare but none the less is true, and that mentality is still around I'm sure as I have seen it.In hashing this out here I would say not to make a big thing out of it right now..why convince a kid who has lots of self confidence and is happy with his life, to nope stop being so happy because you are autistic... I don't think he should have to worry about what all that means right now.Actually I have a little grandson who is 6, Lucas, he is in first grade in is a very quirky kid. So far he has not been diagnosed with anything but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers wanted him diagnosed because he didn't talk to them. Well now he talks well saying large words and he can spell them and write them out, writes very neatly. But he does not like toilets, will hold his pee allday long and when he gets over here he has a ritual, I have to go in the bathroom with him and wait, there can be no noise going on or previous flushes he can hear. I try to figure out what is going on in his mind. He loves looking at toilets also, when we are out shopping or at church he wants to go and look at the toilets. If somebody is in there and flushes though out the door he flies..The other day I was sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for him to pee his gallon or so he had stored, and he said, "Grandma lets get out of here, I am done with this toilet experience." I thought that was pretty mature for a 6 year old, his comments really amaze me most of the time....will tell you more in another letter after your comment.Just got word from my daughter she is bringing him and his 10 year old brother over, now there is a pair...Aaaaa!Carolyn, mom and grandma inORegonSoCalVal wrote:>> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier > diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been > able to tell him yet.> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we > were just dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not > classic at all so it's always had us confused until recently as I > began to truly understand the spectrum and live by the quote "when > you've met one child with aspergers....you've met ONE child with > aspergers". It's true that they all represent so differently.> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum > - LOL wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends > is strong - but he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and> more obvious in social settings. He is also quite confident of himself > (or is it strong willed : ) but the reason I mention that is because I > started to talk to my son about a friend of ours who is 7 and also has > aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to attempt to tell him > about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and that we are > all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very > delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I > never did get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see > that he is at all like his friend. I also read him a little book about > it and asked him if he ever felt that way etc. and he says no! It > could be part of the disorder (a little oblivious) but also his self > image is strong, which is a great thing! Even despite all the mean > people along theway that tried to squash it and make him feel bad > about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is > something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to > not make him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP > process at school and people are pulling him left and right to > evaluate him and our pathetic teacher has told other parents about his > diagnosis. So it's very possible other parents will tell their child > and then come to school and say something to my son..... ugh!> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.> Thank you,> > ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I think it depends on the child. My son was diagnosed at age 7. He knew he was different and being able to put a label on it really helped him to understand why he was different. Of course we applauded those differences and pointed out that everyone is different but that his differences had a name (aspergers) That being said, we don't let him use the diagnosis as a reason not to do things. He has always had to do everything we know he's capable of! He's 13 now and has learned more about aspergers and has come to realize the benefits of his diagnosis - like why he understands math so easily, why he is always picked to run the sound equipment at school concerts and other performances - his ability to "hyper-focus" on certain things make him an expert on certain things and the school has recognized this and has found ways for him to be helpful using his talents! (I love our school!)

Estevan, SK

Canada

-- Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosisHello , I read your letter and was very touched by your sensitivity and love towards your son and think you are on the right track on this. I really don't know what I would do, when my son first began to have problems it was so obvious to everybody he had serious problems as he fell on the floor with seizures, and that sort of thing that there was never a time or place we just told him he was different.I'll tell you one thing, I believe that teacher is in the wrong to have told OTHER parents, wow I think she must be breaking confidentiality rules there for sure. I wonder what was her point to tell other parents, might as well have a public announcement to the school in general, otherwise it sounds like petty gossip to me and she is out of order doing it. Being sarcastic about the public announcement thing...just think when a child is only 6 perhaps it would be best to keep a lid on it as things develop, might not ever have to "announce" he is different, as he may not be that different in the long run, and if he is not then the rumors will already be running amok..My son had a horrible time growing up due to prejudice and stereotyping and I don't think things have gotten any better since the 60s, as it is human nature to be mean like that to somebody different no matter how we wish it were not true. My son is 46 now and we have put up with a lot, sure gave me an education. Well for starters the state wanted to lock him up in their mental institution for the whole rest of his life when he was only three, I know it sounds like a nightmare but none the less is true, and that mentality is still around I'm sure as I have seen it.In hashing this out here I would say not to make a big thing out of it right now..why convince a kid who has lots of self confidence and is happy with his life, to nope stop being so happy because you are autistic... I don't think he should have to worry about what all that means right now.Actually I have a little grandson who is 6, Lucas, he is in first grade in is a very quirky kid. So far he has not been diagnosed with anything but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers wanted him diagnosed because he didn't talk to them. Well now he talks well saying large words and he can spell them and write them out, writes very neatly. But he does not like toilets, will hold his pee all day long and when he gets over here he has a ritual, I have to go in the bathroom with him and wait, there can be no noise going on or previous flushes he can hear. I try to figure out what is going on in his mind. He loves looking at toilets also, when we are out shopping or at church he wants to go and look at the toilets. If somebody is in there and flushes though out the door he flies..The other day I was sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for him to pee his gallon or so he had stored, and he said, "Grandma lets get out of here, I am done with this toilet experience." I thought that was pretty mature for a 6 year old, his comments really amaze me most of the time....will tell you more in another letter after your comment.Just got word from my daughter she is bringing him and his 10 year old brother over, now there is a pair...Aaaaa!Carolyn, mom and grandma in ORegonSoCalVal wrote:>> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier > diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been > able to tell him yet.> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we > were just dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not > classic at all so it's always had us confused until recently as I > began to truly understand the spectrum and live by the quote "when > you've met one child with aspergers....you've met ONE child with > aspergers". It's true that they all represent so differently.> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum > - LOL wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends > is strong - but he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and > more obvious in social settings. He is also quite confident of himself > (or is it strong willed : ) but the reason I mention that is because I > started to talk to my son about a friend of ours who is 7 and also has > aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to attempt to tell him > about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and that we are > all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very > delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I > never did get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see > that he is at all like his friend. I also read him a little book about > it and asked him if he ever felt that way etc. and he says no! It > could be part of the disorder (a little oblivious) but also his self > image is strong, which is a great thing! Even despite all the mean > people along the way that tried to squash it and make him feel bad > about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is > something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to > not make him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP > process at school and people are pulling him left and right to > evaluate him and our pathetic teacher has told other parents about his > diagnosis. So it's very possible other parents will tell their child > and then come to school and say something to my son..... ugh!> Please share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.> Thank you,> > ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

,

I have to disagree with the others. We found out when he was 14 so he attends all meetings. When they first started the services, we were in a meeting and he went into one of his fits when the words special education were mentioned. We had to calm him down and explain to him that he would not be moved to a seperate class. When we got the diagnosis, I sat him down and explained everything to him. He has ADHD since Kindergarden and he knew as soon as we got that diagnosis too. I feel that they should know because it concerns them, plus when they get older they may have to sit in during the meetings. He has never used his diagnosis as an excuse so I am very grateful for that.

As far as the teacher goes, I don't think she had a right to do that and you should at least contact the principal. The teacher over stepped her bounds on that one.

Littlepage"The past is the same, but the present has no boundary."

From: "amandaakp@..." <amandaakp@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Cc: Sent: Wednesday, December 29, 2010 7:18:06 PMSubject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosis

I agree with your advice. I think telling a child they have some diagnosis just opens the flood gates for them to fall back on excuses. My child already says 'this is too hard for me' and that might well be the case, but just because something is hard doesn't mean you can't do it or try.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

From: " R. Tucker" <srt12780@...>

Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2010 06:32:58 -0800 (PST)

<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >

ReplyAutism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosis

Personally, I wouldn't say ANYTHING. My son is 8 and he knows he has issues/ difficulties, but he doesn't know he's Autistic. All my children are followed by the same developmental Dr. My daughter is on watch for AD/HD but didn't respond well to meds for AD/HD. It's wierd how one child can respond with such benefits and the other such a negative reaction. ???

When he's older, I'll explain Autism in an abstract way, not specifically related to him. What classifies you to be Autistic, etc. Tuckersrt12780@...

From: Carolyn <charper777@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, December 27, 2010 2:52:09 PMSubject: Re: How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers diagnosisHello , I read your letter and was very touched by your sensitivity and love towards your son and think you are on the right track on this. I really don't know what I would do, when my son first began to have problems it was so

obvious to everybody he had serious problems as he fell on the floor with seizures, and that sort of thing that there was never a time or place we just told him he was different.I'll tell you one thing, I believe that teacher is in the wrong to have told OTHER parents, wow I think she must be breaking confidentiality rules there for sure. I wonder what was her point to tell other parents, might as well have a public announcement to the school in general, otherwise it sounds like petty gossip to me and she is out of order doing it. Being sarcastic about the public announcement thing...just think when a child is only 6 perhaps it would be best to keep a lid on it as things develop, might not ever have to "announce" he is different, as he may not be that different in the long run, and if he is not then the rumors will already be running amok..My son had a horrible time growing up due to prejudice

and stereotyping and I don't think things have gotten any better since the 60s, as it is human nature to be mean like that to somebody different no matter how we wish it were not true. My son is 46 now and we have put up with a lot, sure gave me an education. Well for starters the state wanted to lock him up in their mental institution for the whole rest of his life when he was only three, I know it sounds like a nightmare but none the less is true, and that mentality is still around I'm sure as I have seen it.In hashing this out here I would say not to make a big thing out of it right now..why convince a kid who has lots of self confidence and is happy with his life, to nope stop being so happy because you are autistic... I don't think he should have to worry about what all that means right now.Actually I have a little grandson who is 6, Lucas, he is in first grade in is a very quirky kid.

So far he has not been diagnosed with anything but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers wanted him diagnosed because he didn't talk to them. Well now he talks well saying large words and he can spell them and write them out, writes very neatly. But he does not like toilets, will hold his pee all day long and when he gets over here he has a ritual, I have to go in the bathroom with him and wait, there can be no noise going on or previous flushes he can hear. I try to figure out what is going on in his mind. He loves looking at toilets also, when we are out shopping or at church he wants to go and look at the toilets. If somebody is in there and flushes though out the door he flies..The other day I was sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for him to pee his gallon or so he had stored, and he said, "Grandma lets get out of here, I am done with this toilet experience." I thought that was pretty

mature for a 6 year old, his comments really amaze me most of the time....will tell you more in another letter after your comment.Just got word from my daughter she is bringing him and his 10 year old brother over, now there is a pair...Aaaaa!Carolyn, mom and grandma in ORegonSoCalVal wrote:>> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!> I would love to hear how you went about telling your child about thier > diagnosis. My son was officially diagnosed in Aug. but we haven't been > able to tell him yet.> His aspergers is very mild, in fact for several years I thought we > were just dealing with SPD and maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are not > classic at all so it's always had us confused until recently as I > began to truly understand the spectrum and live by the quote "when > you've met one child with aspergers....you've met ONE child with > aspergers".

It's true that they all represent so differently.> My son is 6, very sensitive & sweet (when he's not throwing a tantrum > - LOL wink, wink) he is very outgoing and his desire to have friends > is strong - but he is lacking those skills and it is becoming more and > more obvious in social settings. He is also quite confident of himself > (or is it strong willed : ) but the reason I mention that is because I > started to talk to my son about a friend of ours who is 7 and also has > aspergers. I thought this would be my approach to attempt to tell him > about his diagnosis. We talked about people in general and that we are > all similar in some ways but different in other ways ... being very > delicate along the way of course! But it didn't go as I planned and I > never did get to that point of telling him! Basically he doesn't see > that he is at all like his friend.

I also read him a little book about > it and asked him if he ever felt that way etc. and he says no! It > could be part of the disorder (a little oblivious) but also his self > image is strong, which is a great thing! Even despite all the mean > people along the way that tried to squash it and make him feel bad > about himself. But I'm having a hard time telling him that he is > something that he doesn't believe he is. I want to be so careful as to > not make him feel different... I don't want to shake his confidence ....> I do feel it's important to tell him because we started the IEP > process at school and people are pulling him left and right to > evaluate him and our pathetic teacher has told other parents about his > diagnosis. So it's very possible other parents will tell their child > and then come to school and say something to my son..... ugh!> Please

share with me your experiences and/or any suggestions.> Thank you,> > ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

We've had the same experience with our son.  Not knowing what was

wrong with him was far worse than knowing.  Most of the kids in his

class know, and that's never been a problem.  I think it does depend

a lot on the kid and the situation they are in.

On 30/12/2010 1:20 PM, & Godfrey wrote:

 

I think it depends on the child. My son

was diagnosed at age 7. He knew he was

different and being able to put a label on

it really helped him to understand why he

was different. Of course we applauded those

differences and pointed out that everyone is

different but that his differences had a

name (aspergers) That being said, we don't

let him use the diagnosis as a reason not to

do things. He has always had to do

everything we know he's capable of! He's 13

now and has learned more about aspergers and

has come to realize the benefits of his

diagnosis - like why he understands math so

easily, why he is always picked to run the

sound equipment at school concerts and other

performances - his ability to "hyper-focus"

on certain things make him an expert on

certain things and the school has recognized

this and has found ways for him to be

helpful using his talents! (I love our

school!)

 

Estevan, SK

Canada 

 

 

 

 

-------Original

Message-------

 

From:

amandaakp@...

Date:

29/12/2010 7:44:53 PM

To:

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject:

Re: How to tell 6 yr

old of his Aspergers diagnosis

 

 

I agree with your advice. I think telling

a child they have some diagnosis just

opens the flood gates for them to fall

back on excuses. My child already says

'this is too hard for me' and that might

well be the case, but just because

something is hard doesn't mean you can't

do it or try.

Sent on the Sprint� Now Network from my

BlackBerry�

From: " R. Tucker"

<srt12780@...>

Sender: Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2010 06:32:58

-0800 (PST)

<Autism and Aspergers Treatment >

ReplyAutism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re:

How to tell 6 yr old of his Aspergers

diagnosis

 

Personally, I wouldn't say

ANYTHING.  My son is 8 and he knows he

has issues/ difficulties, but he

doesn't know he's Autistic.  All my

children are followed by the same

developmental Dr.  My daughter is on

watch for AD/HD but didn't respond

well to meds for AD/HD.  It's wierd

how one child can respond with such

benefits and the other such a negative

reaction.  ??? 

 

When he's older, I'll explain

Autism in an abstract way, not

specifically related to him.  What

classifies you to be Autistic, etc. 

 

Tucker

srt12780@...

 

 

From:

Carolyn

<charper777@...>

To:

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Sent: Mon,

December 27, 2010 2:52:09 PM

Subject: Re:

How to tell 6

yr old of his Aspergers diagnosis

Hello , I read your letter

and was very touched by your

sensitivity and love towards your

son and think you are on the right

track on this. I really don't know

what I would do, when my son first

began to have problems it was so

obvious to everybody he had serious

problems as he fell on the floor

with seizures, and that sort of

thing

that there was never a time or place

we just told him he was different.

I'll tell you one thing, I believe

that teacher is in the wrong to have

told OTHER parents, wow I think she

must be breaking confidentiality

rules there for sure. I wonder what

was her point to tell other parents,

might as well have a public

announcement to the school in

general,

otherwise it sounds like petty

gossip to me and she is out of order

doing it. Being sarcastic about the

public announcement thing...just

think when a child is only 6 perhaps

it would be best to keep a lid on

it as things develop, might not ever

have to "announce" he is different,

as he may not be that different in

the long run, and if he is not then

the rumors will already be running

amok..

My son had a horrible time growing

up due to prejudice and stereotyping

and I don't think things have gotten

any better since the 60s, as it is

human nature to be mean like that to

somebody different no matter how we

wish it were not true. My son is 46

now and we have put up with a lot,

sure gave me an education. Well for

starters the state wanted to lock

him up in their mental institution

for the whole rest of his life when

he was only three, I know it sounds

like a nightmare but none the less

is true, and that mentality is still

around I'm sure as I have seen it.

In hashing this out here I would say

not to make a big thing out of it

right now..why convince a kid who

has lots of self confidence and is

happy with his life, to nope stop

being so happy because you are

autistic... I don't think he should

have to worry about what all that

means right now.

Actually I have a little grandson

who is 6, Lucas, he is in first

grade

in is a very quirky kid. So far he

has not been diagnosed with anything

but when he was 3 and 4 the teachers

wanted him diagnosed because he

didn't talk to them. Well now he

talks well saying large words and he

can spell them and write them out,

writes very neatly. But he does not

like toilets, will hold his pee all

day long and when he gets over here

he has a ritual, I have to go in the

bathroom with him and wait, there

can be no noise going on or previous

flushes he can hear. I try to

figure out what is going on in his

mind. He loves looking at toilets

also, when we are out shopping or at

church he wants to go and look at

the toilets. If somebody is in there

and flushes though out the door he

flies..

The other day I was sitting there on

the side of the tub waiting for him

to pee his gallon or so he had

stored, and he said, "Grandma lets

get

out of here, I am done with this

toilet experience." I thought that

was

pretty mature for a 6 year old, his

comments really amaze me most of the

time....will tell you more in

another letter after your comment.

Just got word from my daughter she

is bringing him and his 10 year old

brother over, now there is a

pair...Aaaaa!

Carolyn, mom and grandma in ORegon

SoCalVal wrote:

>

> Hi everyone and Happy Holidays!

> I would love to hear how you

went about telling your child about

thier

> diagnosis. My son was

officially diagnosed in Aug. but we

haven't been

> able to tell him yet.

> His aspergers is very mild, in

fact for several years I thought we

> were just dealing with SPD and

maybe mild ADHD. His symptoms are

not

> classic at all so it's always

had us confused until recently as I

> began to truly understand the

spectrum and live by the quote "when

> you've met one child with

aspergers....you've met ONE child

with

> aspergers". It's true that they

all represent so differently.

> My son is 6, very sensitive

& sweet (when he's not throwing

a tantrum

> - LOL wink, wink) he is very

outgoing and his desire to have

friends

> is strong - but he is lacking

those skills and it is becoming more

and

> more obvious in social

settings. He is also quite confident

of himself

> (or is it strong willed : ) but

the reason I mention that is because

I

> started to talk to my son about

a friend of ours who is 7 and also

has

> aspergers. I thought this would

be my approach to attempt to tell

him

> about his diagnosis. We talked

about people in general and that we

are

> all similar in some ways but

different in other ways ... being

very

> delicate along the way of

course! But it didn't go as I

planned and I

> never did get to that point of

telling him! Basically he doesn't

see

> that he is at all like his

friend. I also read him a little

book about

> it and asked him if he ever

felt that way etc. and he says no!

It

> could be part of the disorder

(a little oblivious) but also his

self

> image is strong, which is a

great thing! Even despite all the

mean

> people along the way that tried

to squash it and make him feel bad

> about himself. But I'm having a

hard time telling him that he is

> something that he doesn't

believe he is. I want to be so

careful as to

> not make him feel different...

I don't want to shake his confidence

.....

> I do feel it's important to

tell him because we started the IEP

> process at school and people

are pulling him left and right to

> evaluate him and our pathetic

teacher has told other parents about

his

> diagnosis. So it's very

possible other parents will tell

their child

> and then come to school and say

something to my son..... ugh!

> Please share with me your

experiences and/or any suggestions.

> Thank you,

>

>

------------------------------------