group activities, young adults, bullying/inclusion, homeopathy

[Guest guest]

My daughter, now almost 21, is from a generation, as I mentioned, when children with asperger's were diagnosed later in their lives. I had a former career in a field where over 15 years, I'd dealt with maybe 2 children with autism & 1 with severe asperger's and OCD. Looking back, a 3rd one was probably misdiagnosed. And they were so severe. . . it would never have crossed my mind to carry their diagnosis over to my daughter. I found for myself that when I didn't compare her levels of accomplishment and abilities to a standard of other children, she did better; and she felt more loved. Thrived better, performed better. . . We just worked longer and harder on things that others got quicker; and I knew to break things down into smaller steps, fortunately.

I loved the ideas for music class. She never could sit thru being read to in a small group setting, though she participated in many fun small group activities, with me there. Looking back, she was more active during the reading time, probably not being able to understand the words. So what I did was take her to the back behind everyone, where she learned at least quietly to pace up and down. Sometimes, I gave her a small item to play with. In movies, we had a spot in the back right corner that we were fortunate to have an area just below our seats that had a railing around it. We sat alone, and I commented on the movie throughout to her. Now she does movies very well, can sit thru them, though I still tell her about the movie throughout. Questions or comments like, " Look how big her head is! (Alice in Wonderland) " Or " Isn't she mean! " and " Look, they like each other! They will want to kiss, it looks like! " And I always snuck in her own snacks! and water. She needed to nibble throughout the movie, while using up a lot of brain glucose. And then, in art classes, I sat next to her. And she'd do a part; then I'd add or arrange something so it looked like something. Then she'd do another part. And I spoke to other kids for her, commented on their pictures, handed them stuff, etc. I remember when she had a 1:1 the private school wanted paid to be there, as a reward to her; but she just couldn't engage with Fawn. Wanted Fawn to make her the center, not Fawn. And she didn't do anything to help Fawn with art, just sat there and talked-- and Fawn's art work looked absolutely like nothing you could figure out! The way we did it, Fawn got to enjoy impressionist classes, Carnegie Science art and science classes, making a model of a garden for 4-H, etc., etc. Many wonderful classes over the years.

To the mother who posted about her daughter with a 2 year old and boyfriend,. . . did she or is she going to have a wedding? Fawn was just invited by her Asperger's friend, thriving, to be her bridesmaid. And we are so complimented. First, we know Fawn's can't wear a scratchy or polyester dress. We have that covered. But we don't think she could stand thru a ceremony. In her own wedding, it makes her think she and groom should sit down after a few minutes. I've heard that one autism couple had someone else read the vows; and they just nodded in agreement. I happen to know Fawn couldn't wear a ring. I don't know if that's autism, or problems she has with her hands. I know she's never done necklaces or braceletts well. (They develop as they get older, often, a hump at the back of their neck, with their head kind of leaning forward.) And she had plastic play rings (metal would break her out) like spiders for Halloween but didn't keep them on for long. So we are looking into a pin, when the time comes. And we're thinking of something like this Irish heart ring I've had friends own in the past. Fresh flowers in her hair might be light enough, not a veil. . I don't know whether she'd rather shut people out-- though they'd all be her friends. She'd probably want to see that. . . Music. She does okay with someone singing, but not piano/organ/etc. I'll have to experiment with what she can experience in person. . . And of course we'll have her companion cats. We can have them in carriers. I know at parties, she takes forever carefully unwrapping presents. And I have to tell everyone her not showing any emotional at all means she's terribly excited. And she'll go over every detail of what each person said and did, to me, later, all excited.

For more inclusion, and to stop bullying-- I used to say to children who thought this or that was strange, like as I pushed her on the swing, there are all different ways to do things in the world. We had trouble at her private school, at first, which meant she could get into a meltdown. And that made things worse. We used an empty room next door for calming down. In all situations-- youth group things, etc., I am the mom who volunteers-- to bring food, to contribute, to drive, to make things ahead of time, to decorate, to make calls. It's a lot of work. But in others' (small) minds, it makes it very worth having us there. I do these even for paid activities. (Someday, society needs to get that we're already working so hard as mothers, we shouldn't be asked to do more!) The thing that did it for us in private school, was someone was leaving. And her mother let her take a video camera to school. And film activities. And everyone who sat next to Fawn wanted to be shown being nice to her! So, after that, I did a video about each of them helping Fawn with activities and made it into a school movie. And somehow, that did it for us. . . Plus all that volunteering.

Now, I need some homeopathic goldenseal. And I can't find it online, in Indiana, or in West Virginia. Does anyone know if you have it in your tray in a healthfood store in your state, that I could call? I know about the herb. But it's the homeopathic form I want. Has become hard to get.

We want to put it in water for one of our cats.

Thanks!

Nina

--

Nina Forest

autismlearning@...