Re: Drinkin or not

[Guest guest]

I quick drinking three years, because I don't want a big belly like people get when they get bad. Mine is larger than before. But I don't want to look PG.

Oh yea zanax are bad for us. I take ever so often just to sleep. My girl friend gives to me. Let me know. G..............

[Guest guest]

Gail... sorry guys...it's long... I can only speak for myself. Choice was not an option I could see, or embrace. WHenI was 13, at a friends house, playing football in the front yard, we all went in to get a drink ofwater. I was last in line and everyone else was gone. I saw a 1/2 bottle of recorked white wine...never having ANY alcohol in our house, maybe Isopropal, I wanted to explore.. I smelled it and had a sense of well being, warmth, and it just seemed GOOD! I intended on taking a just a swig, and as soon as it hit my mouth, I almost started sucking on the bottle, and chugged it straight down, When I removed the bottle from my lips, though unbeknowst to me at the time,I was breathing deeply and heavily, having just injested the best tasting anything I had ever tasted in my young life!It not only tasted good, but my lost this'craving feeling I'd had many times before. It was , like i just had the greatest sex. I was

euphoric. I didn't realize then that I had a physical dependacy, an already destined need for alcohol. Any time I could, I would go out and chug a quart of beer. Not because it tasted like beer, or wine, It was more (for me) that the beer and the wine made the alcohol go down easier, like a buffer. I wanted the alcohol.not the beer. That coupled with personal issues concerning self esteem, (whole 'nother story) basically overcame any rational thinking at this young age, and I pulled it off til I was 18, then I moved from outa' the house, from Ohio to Texas, and didn't have to pull it of anymore. From there it's the age old classic story of one thing lead to another.. I had a hangover once..I think.. and that was from being dehydrated, and passing out in the desert. I didn't get hangovers...and whether I somehow unknowingly planned this for my life, my jobs were always condusive to drinking. My insecurities

were held at bay, I felt accepted by truly esteemed colleagues, I was funny, they were always wanting to hear my jokes, and basically known around the world in 900 ports, within our company, as the guy the entertainment business lost to the Shipping Business. Thus....by my insecure and sick mind, I'm great, accepted, respected not only for the job I did, but making others comfortable and laugh. I was the most requested HO, so to speak.. ya' know .. the bigwigs would want confirmation I could show the around..and I ate it up, like a starved DINGO, because I never allowed my self any normal sized bites, regularly, in my entire life..A VOID in my heart and mind, was being falsley filled. False . But I was wearing a mask, knowing I would be found out, that I was a faker, and I had to bolster my thoughts about myself EVERY morning, to go to the car and go to the office, and try to act"normal".It was along life of self doubt, self pity,

insecurities. Now here I am, over thirty years later, trying to be who I am... and after thirty + years of denial, abusing something that is a known depressant, coupled with my mental state, any time someone was nice to me, or Iwas awarded accolades..whatever, I thought this was me.As this may sound wierd to some, I am in a way thankfull for my plight with hEPC and ESLD. For I would give anything, which I've already given' quite a bit , to put my demons at rest. The possibly fatal disease's I have, cause me to reflect, and realize that for me, this may be the whole show. I would like to do a little production now that Ihave half a clue as to what is important, and what's not. I was doing pretty well with keeping the post's a little shorter, but not this time. Maybee next! Deliman Deliman gail

<gaila@...> wrote: I could never understand why a person drank when you get such a bad hang over.It sure reduced the amount of times I drank cause I didn't like how I felt next day. Gail Re: Drinkin Gin and coke, vodka and ANYTHING, esp a harvey wall banger!! Rum with Anything... Jack and coke. My drinking stint Started in High school and lasted til I was nearly 22, when I woke up one morning and went to the fridge and got a beer. I realized then where I was headed. I dumped out that beer and gave away 3 more cases. Not 12 packs, Cases. AHHH Thank god I don't have hangovers any more lol. dPat McBride

<pmcbride1satx (DOT) rr.com> wrote: Del, youve been in too many texas beer joints!!!Haaa!!...I drank gin once..YUCK!..The beer was always good..lol...hugs, Pat . The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with

troubles. -Bernard M. Baruch Everyone is raving about the all-new .

Access over 1 million songs - Music Unlimited.

[Guest guest]

I’m

still fightin’ demons, too. True confession time. I’m

better now, please don’t be too hard on me. Last month, I had a

week of overindulging in xanax that culminated in a Friday night of beer

drinking in bars. I probably had 6 beers total. I know it was a bad

choice. I took my reminiscing too far. God help us all with our

demons.

De (gotta

quit crying & go to work)

Re:

Drinkin or not

Gail... sorry guys...it's long...

I can only speak for myself. Choice was not an option

I could see, or embrace.

WHenI was 13, at a friends house, playing football in

the front yard, we all went in to get a drink ofwater. I was last in line

and everyone else was gone. I saw a 1/2 bottle of recorked white wine...never

having ANY alcohol in our house, maybe Isopropal, I wanted to explore.. I

smelled it and had a sense of well being, warmth, and it just seemed GOOD!

I intended on taking a just a swig, and as soon as it hit my mouth, I almost

started sucking on the bottle, and chugged it straight down, When I removed the

bottle from my lips, though unbeknowst to me at the time,I was breathing deeply

and heavily, having just injested the best tasting anything I had ever

tasted in my young life!It not only tasted good, but my lost this'craving

feeling I'd had many times before. It was , like i just had the greatest

sex. I was euphoric. I didn't realize then that I had a physical dependacy, an

already destined need for alcohol. Any time I could, I would go out and chug a

quart of beer. Not because it tasted like beer, or wine, It was more (for me)

that the beer and the wine made the alcohol go down easier, like a buffer. I

wanted the alcohol.not the beer.

That coupled with personal issues concerning self

esteem, (whole 'nother story)

basically overcame any rational thinking at this young

age, and I pulled it off til I was 18, then I moved from outa' the house, from

Ohio to Texas, and didn't have to pull it of anymore. From there it's the age

old classic story of one thing lead to another..

I had a hangover once..I think.. and that was from

being dehydrated, and passing out in the desert. I didn't get hangovers...and

whether I somehow unknowingly planned this for my life, my jobs were always

condusive to drinking. My insecurities were held at bay, I felt

accepted by truly esteemed colleagues, I was funny, they were always wanting to

hear my jokes, and basically known around the world in 900 ports, within our

company, as the guy the entertainment business lost to the Shipping Business.

Thus....by my insecure and sick mind, I'm great, accepted, respected not

only for the job I did, but making others comfortable and laugh. I was the

most requested HO, so to speak.. ya' know .. the bigwigs would want

confirmation I could show the around..and I ate it up, like a starved DINGO,

because I never allowed my self any normal sized bites, regularly, in my entire

life..A VOID in my heart and mind, was being falsley filled. False

. But I was wearing a mask, knowing I would be found out, that I was

a faker, and I had to bolster my thoughts about myself EVERY morning, to

go to the car and go to the office, and try to act " normal " .It

was along life of self doubt, self pity, insecurities. Now here I am, over

thirty years later, trying to be who I am... and after thirty + years of

denial, abusing something that is a known depressant, coupled with my mental

state, any time someone was nice to me, or Iwas awarded accolades..whatever,

I thought this was me.As this may sound wierd to some, I am in a way

thankfull for my plight with hEPC and ESLD. For I would give

anything, which I've already given' quite a bit , to put my demons at

rest. The possibly fatal disease's I have, cause me to reflect, and realize

that for me, this may be the whole show. I would like to do a little

production now that Ihave half a clue as to what is important, and what's

not. I was doing pretty well with keeping the post's a little shorter, but

not this time.

Maybee next!

Deliman

[Guest guest]

Glenda.. I s the (what I call it) Bowling Ball Belly caused by past drinking, drinking still, or is it caused by Liver Disease, which may have been caused by drinking years ago?? Delglendajohn25@... wrote: I quick drinking three years, because I don't want a big belly like people get when they get bad. Mine is larger than before. But I don't want to look PG. Oh yea

zanax are bad for us. I take ever so often just to sleep. My girl friend gives to me. Let me know. G..............

Check out the all-new beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster.

[Guest guest]

My mother was an alcholic so I am glad I never had much tolerance for alcohol.It was a blessing for my kids.

Gail

Re: Drinkin

Gin and coke, vodka and ANYTHING, esp a harvey wall banger!! Rum with Anything... Jack and coke. My drinking stint Started in High school and lasted til I was nearly 22, when I woke up one morning and went to the fridge and got a beer. I realized then where I was headed. I dumped out that beer and gave away 3 more cases. Not 12 packs, Cases. AHHH Thank god I don't have hangovers any more lol.

dPat McBride <pmcbride1satx (DOT) rr.com> wrote:

Del, youve been in too many texas beer joints!!!Haaa!!...I drank gin once..YUCK!..The beer was always good..lol...hugs, Pat

..

The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles. -Bernard M. Baruch

Everyone is raving about the all-new .

Access over 1 million songs - Music Unlimited.

[Guest guest]

I will be 62 next month and as old as I am I remember what happened when my mother was an alcoholic.I didn't want those kind of memories for my children.

Gail

RE: Drinkin or not

I’m still fightin’ demons, too. True confession time. I’m better now, please don’t be too hard on me. Last month, I had a week of overindulging in xanax that culminated in a Friday night of beer drinking in bars. I probably had 6 beers total. I know it was a bad choice. I took my reminiscing too far. God help us all with our demons.

De (gotta quit crying & go to work)

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ] On Behalf Of Del ComptonSent: Friday, November 10, 2006 4:06 AMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: Re: Drinkin or not

Gail... sorry guys...it's long...

I can only speak for myself. Choice was not an option I could see, or embrace.

WHenI was 13, at a friends house, playing football in the front yard, we all went in to get a drink ofwater. I was last in line and everyone else was gone. I saw a 1/2 bottle of recorked white wine...never having ANY alcohol in our house, maybe Isopropal, I wanted to explore.. I smelled it and had a sense of well being, warmth, and it just seemed GOOD! I intended on taking a just a swig, and as soon as it hit my mouth, I almost started sucking on the bottle, and chugged it straight down, When I removed the bottle from my lips, though unbeknowst to me at the time,I was breathing deeply and heavily, having just injested the best tasting anything I had ever tasted in my young life!It not only tasted good, but my lost this'craving feeling I'd had many times before. It was , like i just had the greatest sex. I was euphoric. I didn't realize then that I had a physical dependacy, an already destined need for alcohol. Any time I could, I would go out and chug a quart of beer. Not because it tasted like beer, or wine, It was more (for me) that the beer and the wine made the alcohol go down easier, like a buffer. I wanted the alcohol.not the beer.

That coupled with personal issues concerning self esteem, (whole 'nother story)

basically overcame any rational thinking at this young age, and I pulled it off til I was 18, then I moved from outa' the house, from Ohio to Texas, and didn't have to pull it of anymore. From there it's the age old classic story of one thing lead to another..

I had a hangover once..I think.. and that was from being dehydrated, and passing out in the desert. I didn't get hangovers...and whether I somehow unknowingly planned this for my life, my jobs were always condusive to drinking. My insecurities were held at bay, I felt accepted by truly esteemed colleagues, I was funny, they were always wanting to hear my jokes, and basically known around the world in 900 ports, within our company, as the guy the entertainment business lost to the Shipping Business. Thus....by my insecure and sick mind, I'm great, accepted, respected not only for the job I did, but making others comfortable and laugh. I was the most requested HO, so to speak.. ya' know .. the bigwigs would want confirmation I could show the around..and I ate it up, like a starved DINGO, because I never allowed my self any normal sized bites, regularly, in my entire life..A VOID in my heart and mind, was being falsley filled. False . But I was wearing a mask, knowing I would be found out, that I was a faker, and I had to bolster my thoughts about myself EVERY morning, to go to the car and go to the office, and try to act"normal".It was along life of self doubt, self pity, insecurities. Now here I am, over thirty years later, trying to be who I am... and after thirty + years of denial, abusing something that is a known depressant, coupled with my mental state, any time someone was nice to me, or Iwas awarded accolades..whatever, I thought this was me.As this may sound wierd to some, I am in a way thankfull for my plight with hEPC and ESLD. For I would give anything, which I've already given' quite a bit , to put my demons at rest. The possibly fatal disease's I have, cause me to reflect, and realize that for me, this may be the whole show. I would like to do a little production now that Ihave half a clue as to what is important, and what's not. I was doing pretty well with keeping the post's a little shorter, but not this time.

Maybee next!

Deliman

[Guest guest]

WWD - Honey Thank You for sharing and being open and honest with us in group. Some of our members are struggling with their own demons and having a rough time of it alone and out of group. There are no angels among us here in group as members and we all make mistakes. It's realizing our mistakes - why - how we handle it - taking responsibility for it that makes all the difference in the world. We need to be honest with ourselves for our

own support and for other members not just substance abuse but realizing - accepting and out of denial of our HCV and all it can do and has done to us. I feel we need to keep reminding members especially new 1's that we have no clique here just active members that now know each other very well from sharing in and out of group and we have made very close supportive friendships from it. We try very hard not to judge people but we are very honest in our replies out of the goodness of our hearts many times from our own experiences and for the support of others. Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members. We are like Vegas without the personal contact. Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us. People let's hear from you. We are a HCV Support Group and don't know and can't help and support if you don't share and tell us about you. We are just about the most abby normal honest supportive bunch online. Don't worry cause believe me we have heard and dealt with it all or have been there ourselves. Remember please keep it clean before and members complain and than we all have to deal with it. Take Care. Love and Hugs. Deb

[Guest guest]

Ya' KNOW WHAT???? I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS>>>>>>> DelDeb <posttransplant@...> wrote: WWD - Honey Thank You for sharing and being open and honest with us in group. Some of our members are struggling with their own demons and having a

rough time of it alone and out of group. There are no angels among us here in group as members and we all make mistakes. It's realizing our mistakes - why - how we handle it - taking responsibility for it that makes all the difference in the world. We need to be honest with ourselves for our own support and for other members not just substance abuse but realizing - accepting and out of denial of our HCV and all it can do and has done to us. I feel we need to keep reminding members

especially new 1's that we have no clique here just active members that now know each other very well from sharing in and out of group and we have made very close supportive friendships from it. We try very hard not to judge people but we are very honest in our replies out of the goodness of our hearts many times from our own experiences and for the support of others. Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members. We

are like Vegas without the personal contact. Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us. People let's hear from you. We are a HCV Support Group and don't know and can't help and support if you don't share and tell us about you. We are just about the most abby normal honest supportive bunch online. Don't worry cause believe me we have heard and dealt with it all or have been there ourselves. Remember please keep it clean before and members complain and than we all have to deal with it. Take Care. Love and Hugs. Deb

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

[Guest guest]

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper

funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

At 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in

group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and

confidentiality of our members.

We are like Vegas without the

personal contact.

Dick we need our Vegas Group

Trip. Now that would stay just among

us.

[Guest guest]

Thanks,

Del. I really love y’all, too. I mean, REALLY. I couldn’t keep

going without y’all.

De

Re:

RE: Drinkin or not

Ya' KNOW WHAT????

I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS>>>>>>>

Del

[Guest guest]

Now, That's what I'm talking about! That's a deal!

Dick

At 07:23 PM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Listen guy

if I win the lottery the whole group will get plane tickets to Las Vegas

and their hotel room paid for for a wk.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or

not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this

point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

At 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in group

and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and

confidentiality of our members.

We are like Vegas without the personal

contact.

Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip.

Now that would stay just among us.

[Guest guest]

The hotel would have so much fun with us, they would comp

another week for our stay.

Dick

At 07:51 PM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

I wonder if

a hotel would last after our group was there.It would be fun though.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or

not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this

point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

[Guest guest]

Listen guy if I win the lottery the whole group will get plane tickets to Las Vegas and their hotel room paid for for a wk.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery? DickAt 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members. We are like Vegas without the personal contact. Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us.

[Guest guest]

We Wuv ya too!...

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

Ya' KNOW WHAT????

I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS>>>>>>>

DelDeb <posttransplant@...> wrote:

WWD - Honey Thank You for sharing and being open and honest with us in group.

Some of our members are struggling with their own demons and having a rough time of it alone and out of group.

There are no angels among us here in group as members and we all make mistakes. It's realizing our mistakes - why - how we handle it - taking responsibility for it that makes all the difference in the world.

We need to be honest with ourselves for our own support and for other members not just substance abuse but realizing - accepting and out of denial of our HCV and all it can do and has done to us.

I feel we need to keep reminding members especially new 1's that we have no clique here just active members that now know each other very well from sharing in and out of group and we have made very close supportive friendships from it.

We try very hard not to judge people but we are very honest in our replies out of the goodness of our hearts many times from our own experiences and for the support of others.

Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members.

We are like Vegas without the personal contact.

Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us.

People let's hear from you.

We are a HCV Support Group and don't know and can't help and support if you don't share and tell us about you.

We are just about the most abby normal honest supportive bunch online.

Don't worry cause believe me we have heard and dealt with it all or have been there ourselves.

Remember please keep it clean before and members complain and than we all have to deal with it.

Take Care.

Love and Hugs.

Deb

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users.It has removed 882 spam emails to date.Paying users do not have this message in their emails.Try SPAMfighter for free now!

[Guest guest]

Im still waitin on the city of san antonio lotto(as the cop at the accident put it)...

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery? DickAt 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members. We are like Vegas without the personal contact. Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us.

I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users.It has removed 882 spam emails to date.Paying users do not have this message in their emails.Try SPAMfighter for free now!

[Guest guest]

I wonder if a hotel would last after our group was there.It would be fun though.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

At 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members.

We are like Vegas without the personal contact.

Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us.

[Guest guest]

I wonder if a hotel would last after our group was there.It would be fun though.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

At 10:06 AM 11/10/2006, you wrote:

Whatever is said in group stays in group and we value greatly our groups integrity and the privacy and confidentiality of our members.

We are like Vegas without the personal contact.

Dick we need our Vegas Group Trip. Now that would stay just among us.

[Guest guest]

De Honey I'm Glad You Told Us That. About 8 Months Ago I Was Ready To Give In To

One Of My Demons. Somehow Thru Venting In My Blog I Kept The Demon Out. But It

Was Hard. Anyway We Are Here To Help Kick Them Demons Down. But As We All Know

We Can't Do It For You, But We Can And Will Cheer You On Every Step Of The

Journey:) Love D

[dmotley@...] wrote:

I'm still fightin' demons, too. True confession time. I'm better now,

please don't be too hard on me. Last month, I had a week of overindulging

in xanax that culminated in a Friday night of beer drinking in bars. I

probably had 6 beers total. I know it was a bad choice. I took my

reminiscing too far. God help us all with our demons.

De (gotta quit crying & go to work)

Re: Drinkin or not

Gail... sorry guys...it's long...

I can only speak for myself. Choice was not an option I could see, or

embrace.

WHenI was 13, at a friends house, playing football in the front yard, we all

went in to get a drink ofwater. I was last in line and everyone else was

gone. I saw a 1/2 bottle of recorked white wine...never having ANY alcohol

in our house, maybe Isopropal, I wanted to explore.. I smelled it and had a

sense of well being, warmth, and it just seemed GOOD! I intended on taking a

just a swig, and as soon as it hit my mouth, I almost started sucking on the

bottle, and chugged it straight down, When I removed the bottle from my

lips, though unbeknowst to me at the time,I was breathing deeply and

heavily, having just injested the best tasting anything I had ever tasted in

my young life!It not only tasted good, but my lost this'craving feeling I'd

had many times before. It was , like i just had the greatest sex. I was

euphoric. I didn't realize then that I had a physical dependacy, an already

destined need for alcohol. Any time I could, I would go out and chug a quart

of beer. Not because it tasted like beer, or wine, It was more (for me) that

the beer and the wine made the alcohol go down easier, like a buffer. I

wanted the alcohol.not the beer.

That coupled with personal issues concerning self esteem, (whole 'nother

story)

basically overcame any rational thinking at this young age, and I pulled it

off til I was 18, then I moved from outa' the house, from Ohio to Texas, and

didn't have to pull it of anymore. From there it's the age old classic story

of one thing lead to another..

I had a hangover once..I think.. and that was from being dehydrated, and

passing out in the desert. I didn't get hangovers...and whether I somehow

unknowingly planned this for my life, my jobs were always condusive to

drinking. My insecurities were held at bay, I felt accepted by truly

esteemed colleagues, I was funny, they were always wanting to hear my jokes,

and basically known around the world in 900 ports, within our company, as

the guy the entertainment business lost to the Shipping Business. Thus....by

my insecure and sick mind, I'm great, accepted, respected not only for the

job I did, but making others comfortable and laugh. I was the most requested

HO, so to speak.. ya' know .. the bigwigs would want confirmation I could

show the around..and I ate it up, like a starved DINGO, because I never

allowed my self any normal sized bites, regularly, in my entire life..A VOID

in my heart and mind, was being falsley filled. False . But I was wearing a

mask, knowing I would be found out, that I was a faker, and I had to bolster

my thoughts about myself EVERY morning, to go to the car and go to the

office, and try to act " normal " .It was along life of self doubt, self pity,

insecurities. Now here I am, over thirty years later, trying to be who I

am... and after thirty + years of denial, abusing something that is a known

depressant, coupled with my mental state, any time someone was nice to me,

or Iwas awarded accolades..whatever, I thought this was me.As this may sound

wierd to some, I am in a way thankfull for my plight with hEPC and ESLD. For

I would give anything, which I've already given' quite a bit , to put my

demons at rest. The possibly fatal disease's I have, cause me to reflect,

and realize that for me, this may be the whole show. I would like to do a

little production now that Ihave half a clue as to what is important, and

what's not. I was doing pretty well with keeping the post's a little

shorter, but not this time.

Maybee next!

Deliman

[Guest guest]

One thing for sure.They would never forget us.

Gail

Re: RE: Drinkin or not

The Dummies Vegas Tour is just waiting for the proper funding at this point. Isn't someone scheduled to win the lottery?

Dick

[Guest guest]

Hugs d....Be Good to yourself, be strong and go on..Ive had one beer at very special occasions, I also drank 2 last new years with my good nieghbor June Bug....My Bday, new years...and I know I shouldnt, it will never control me again....luv ya, pat

RE: Drinkin or not

I’m still fightin’ demons, too. True confession time. I’m better now, please don’t be too hard on me. Last month, I had a week of overindulging in xanax that culminated in a Friday night of beer drinking in bars. I probably had 6 beers total. I know it was a bad choice. I took my reminiscing too far. God help us all with our demons.

De (gotta quit crying & go to work)

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ] On Behalf Of Del ComptonSent: Friday, November 10, 2006 4:06 AMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: Re: Drinkin or not

Gail... sorry guys...it's long...

I can only speak for myself. Choice was not an option I could see, or embrace.

WHenI was 13, at a friends house, playing football in the front yard, we all went in to get a drink ofwater. I was last in line and everyone else was gone. I saw a 1/2 bottle of recorked white wine...never having ANY alcohol in our house, maybe Isopropal, I wanted to explore.. I smelled it and had a sense of well being, warmth, and it just seemed GOOD! I intended on taking a just a swig, and as soon as it hit my mouth, I almost started sucking on the bottle, and chugged it straight down, When I removed the bottle from my lips, though unbeknowst to me at the time,I was breathing deeply and heavily, having just injested the best tasting anything I had ever tasted in my young life!It not only tasted good, but my lost this'craving feeling I'd had many times before. It was , like i just had the greatest sex. I was euphoric. I didn't realize then that I had a physical dependacy, an already destined need for alcohol. Any time I could, I would go out and chug a quart of beer. Not because it tasted like beer, or wine, It was more (for me) that the beer and the wine made the alcohol go down easier, like a buffer. I wanted the alcohol.not the beer.

That coupled with personal issues concerning self esteem, (whole 'nother story)

basically overcame any rational thinking at this young age, and I pulled it off til I was 18, then I moved from outa' the house, from Ohio to Texas, and didn't have to pull it of anymore. From there it's the age old classic story of one thing lead to another..

I had a hangover once..I think.. and that was from being dehydrated, and passing out in the desert. I didn't get hangovers...and whether I somehow unknowingly planned this for my life, my jobs were always condusive to drinking. My insecurities were held at bay, I felt accepted by truly esteemed colleagues, I was funny, they were always wanting to hear my jokes, and basically known around the world in 900 ports, within our company, as the guy the entertainment business lost to the Shipping Business. Thus....by my insecure and sick mind, I'm great, accepted, respected not only for the job I did, but making others comfortable and laugh. I was the most requested HO, so to speak.. ya' know .. the bigwigs would want confirmation I could show the around..and I ate it up, like a starved DINGO, because I never allowed my self any normal sized bites, regularly, in my entire life..A VOID in my heart and mind, was being falsley filled. False . But I was wearing a mask, knowing I would be found out, that I was a faker, and I had to bolster my thoughts about myself EVERY morning, to go to the car and go to the office, and try to act"normal".It was along life of self doubt, self pity, insecurities. Now here I am, over thirty years later, trying to be who I am... and after thirty + years of denial, abusing something that is a known depressant, coupled with my mental state, any time someone was nice to me, or Iwas awarded accolades..whatever, I thought this was me.As this may sound wierd to some, I am in a way thankfull for my plight with hEPC and ESLD. For I would give anything, which I've already given' quite a bit , to put my demons at rest. The possibly fatal disease's I have, cause me to reflect, and realize that for me, this may be the whole show. I would like to do a little production now that Ihave half a clue as to what is important, and what's not. I was doing pretty well with keeping the post's a little shorter, but not this time.

Maybee next!

Deliman

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