Update (OT)

[Guest guest]

Well, I still am struggling quite a bit, but I am hanging in there.

I had a good session with my psychologist yesterday, who encouraged

me to totally end the relationship I have with my former boyfriend

(we have still kept in touch in the last year and a half). In her

words, she feels it is killing me. I believe she is right; however,

my idea of ending it is to just not call. Her idea of ending it is

to tell him that I can't talk to him anymore. That would be one of

the hardest things I have ever done, and I'm not sure I can do it.

Avoidance is much more attractive to me! LOL She says I will do it

when I am ready and ONLY when I am ready, which may not be today or

tomorrow, but will happen eventually. At the moment, I'm just more

into avoidance.

I am overwhelmed by a lot of things right now, and I keep trying to

force myself through each day. I haven't been eating right. I

haven't been exercising. For me, it's a challenge to make it through

the day. I have noticed that I can push myself through things and

make it, but I worry that I am ignoring my problems and not facing

them when I do that. It's hard to find the balance. That seems to

be the key for me with everything (being the all-or-nothing woman

that I am).

My brother's family is coming home for the weekend to work on my

parents' bathroom and hang out with me. He is bringing my adorable

nephew with him, and I am really holding out for that. Then, in a

couple of weeks, I leave to visit my parents in St. , an

island in the Carribean, after which, I will write my story, " How

Susi Got Her Groove Back. "

It's very frustrating to believe in Tae-Bo and WW so much and then

just fall flat on my face and not have the motivation to do either

when I KNOW they are both good for me. What gives, huh??

Susi