Good health to you all

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I was diagnosed in 88, a few minor OI's over the years (thrush and the such),

around 1995 t-cells were 14 therefore I was officially dx w/ AIDS (really, can

this be happening?), pancreatitis, with much reluctance had to go on disability

in 1995 after 20+ years with the same employer (one of the bigger losses of

life) and at the same time lost my LTR (5 yrs) (boy, that one put me down and

out for several years!). As a result I haven't had an " intimate " (when it comes

to the heart) relationship since him. I went through the whole gambit of HAART

due to side effects and so on, my doctor of 16+ years dropped me along with all

his patients to move on to something better (I understand but the losses just

keep on coming). I CANNOT remember anything which is so very aggravating, being

unable to carry on a smooth conversation due to not being able to find the word

I'm looking for and always having to say, " oh, never mind " . Now, all the lipo

changes plus the aging process itself are taking their toll. The family loves me

but only at a distance, they just don't want to know what it is I am going

through. My fault as well since it is hard for me to bring it up.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw a man that I hardly recognize so

much anymore. Thinning silver hair, a gaunt and tired looking face and a lonely

person. The happy thoughts are fewer in between; getting to be bitchy and

negative about crap. Feeling shunned from the gay society because I am over 25.

I am in tears as I write this, guess just one of the feeling " yuk " days but not

to worry (in therapy and on meds), I am in control of my emotions. I use my time

constructively as I possibly can, volunteering, exercising.

I am not sure why I feel the need to write all this but if anything I hope the

young people that are ignoring the facts and still getting infected will read

this and realize this disease is no piece of cake. True, I had all the more

toxic cocktails over the years and suffer their results and the newer HAART

might not be so hard on the body for the newly diagnosed but…but you will never

feel the same, or see your self as you did and you will wish you had not taken

" that " chance even after being told so many times that AIDS is a long and hard

disease to tolerate.

Good health to you all.

[Guest guest]

"I am not sure why I feel the need to write all this but if anything I hope the young people that are ignoring the facts and still getting infected will read this and realize this disease is no piece of cake. True, I had all the more toxic cocktails over the years and suffer their results and the newer HAART might not be so hard on the body for the newly diagnosed but…but you will never feel the same, or see your self as you did and you will wish you had not taken "that" chance even after being told so many times that AIDS is a long and hard disease to tolerate.Good health to you all."It is a tough world out there, and that realization that you are suddenly "invisible" to many young guys is painful. With ageing and lipo, we've all seen it.It sounds like you are doing some of the right things, therapy, volunteering........I hope they get you out and about in environments that are more supportive than bars with kids.If you are able to do anything about lipo in the face, I would strongly encourage you to do it. You deserve to look like yourself.Best of luckJB