Re: Depression and School (long)

[Guest guest]

Hi, just quick thoughts (I'm on break at work!).

I agree if the French Immersion is stressful and she's willing, go

back to the English. (I thought Immersion was required?) Reduce

the stress from that.

As to schoolwork and homework - and this idea is coming from what my

son and I had to do back in middle school - would it actually be

easier on her if she brought home the schoolwork and/or homework and

did it with mom/dad? That is, mom/dad would do all the writing, she

would just have to dictate. This also give you a way to prompt her

for answers, get her started by asking a question.... This also

worked with math (I'd write the problem down, he'd tell me the

steps; although my son would do math in his head sometimes and all

I'd have to write down were the answers! he couldn't say the

steps). I even read aloud his chapters/stories to him.

What we eventually did was have him do short assignments/answers

like fill-in-the-blank or some short sentence answers and work

toward his taking the longer writing ones back. But at first I

filled in all, even writing down and looking up vocabulary word

definitions (to which I made him listen and repeat back).

As I said, just quick thoughts. He'd have got nothing done without

my help and it was rough on me each night too, taking up my time,

etc. I'm very glad to hear the school is being so accommodating

though, I know our's wouldn't have allowed that.

(North Carolina)

>

> Dd12 has been having more and more difficulty at school. At first

we accommodated her

> anxiety by saying she didn't have to do her homework (teacher

agreed). Then she was

> falling behind and started " feeling stupid " . So we had an IEP

(which we're still finalizing,

> hence this question) and as of Tuesday (she missed Monday,

[Guest guest]

Thanks Chris. This actually all started when she became unable to do

work at home. She doesn't respond well to having to do homework. She

actually LOVES writing, and when she is well, or better, that is

mostly what she does, write stories. She won a scholarship amongst

all the participants at a writing camp last summer to attend again

this year for free because they singled her out as so talented

(didn't make her feel good about herself though).

She doesn't have trouble with the writing. I don't really know what

the problem is, and maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time

coming up with a solution. She doesn't take direction well from Me

or dh, and at school, it's too overwhelming in the classroom. She'd

probably do well one-on-one with a tutor or helper, but doesn't do

well completely self-directed either.

She told dh this morning (after I left) that she wants to continue

working in the library and isn't ready to go back to class yet,

though she did have a meltdown last night because she feels she

isn't learning anything and she's stupid and doesn't get it the way

other kids do.

Theresa (in Vancouver, Canada)

> >

> > Dd12 has been having more and more difficulty at school. At

first

> we accommodated her

> > anxiety by saying she didn't have to do her homework (teacher

> agreed). Then she was

> > falling behind and started " feeling stupid " . So we had an IEP

> (which we're still finalizing,

> > hence this question) and as of Tuesday (she missed Monday,

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sinead. I think it's the difficulty with school itself for her that's

causing the anxiety.

I met yesterday with her psychiatrist and psychologist (I'm psyched out LOL),

and the

psychologist is going to look into getting a psychoeducational assessment for

dd.

I figure that, because dd has such high verbal skills, she has done well in

school because

she writes so well (she is gifed in that area). But this year, being French

Immersion, she

can't rely on her strong English skills, so her real abilities come through, and

they're not as

strong as was thought, especially in math. So instead of being at the head of

the class, she

was just average, which was too stressful for her, then she started falling

behind,

homework became a battleground, OCD became unmanageable, we let homework go

(with

teacher's approval), she fell further and further behind, felt stupid...

The compromise we've reached is that she spends most of her time in the library,

writing

and reading. She does the fun things with her class and chooses whether or not

to do

them. She does lament that she isn't learning anything, but we'll take it one

step at a time.

She does go to class where the teacher is doing a unit on worrying (for the

whole class)

and she's enjoying that. Did I mention that the school was very supportive :-).

I'm hoping the school will find an aide for her, but since it's mid-year, they

may not have

the funding for it, but there will definitely be funding for next year (grade

7), and the

pieces will be in place for her to get help in high school. I may look at hiring

a private tutor

or getting a high school student to work with her at school. Oh, and the way she

handles it

socially now is to say that she's doing a special writing program and that's why

she's

working in the library. We will have to deal next with the question of how much

to share

with her peers, as she's a very social kid and has (had?) a lot of friends, and

people who

like her as she has a quirky sense of humour and likes to make people laugh, but

she's

lost friends lately because of her excessive reassurance-seeking.

The melatonin is helping with sleep onset, so that's good, considering she had

originally

had a bad reaction to it.

So, things have settled down a bit. I've stepped up the firmness about bedtime

(with big-

time resistance from both dd and dh), and this morning, she actually came

upstairs after I

woke her up without needing more than one reminder and wasn't groggy.

Baby steps. One day at a time. And my constant mantra is " take care of yourself

and you'll

have the energy to take care of your kids. " I spoke with my boss yesterday, just

to make

her aware of the struggles I'm facing at home, so she knows if things are

slipping, there's

a reason, and she was VERY supportive. Deep breath in...slow breath out. I've

started yoga

too.

Theresa (in Vancouver, Canada)

dd12 OCD 12.5mg Prozac, 6.25 mg Seroquil, 3mg Melatonin; ds9; dd5

> > >

> > > Dd12 has been having more and more difficulty at school. At

> first

> > we accommodated her

> > > anxiety by saying she didn't have to do her homework (teacher

> > agreed). Then she was

> > > falling behind and started " feeling stupid " . So we had an IEP

> > (which we're still finalizing,

> > > hence this question) and as of Tuesday (she missed Monday,

> >

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>