TRAUMATIZED...confused...and ANGRY!!!

[Guest guest]

How can things go from semi-good to nightmarishly-horrible so fast??? I was

so thrilled at how the IEP went last week....now it seems to be the furthest

thing from my mind. As I had said, was doing pretty good since I took

her out of that hell-hole of a residential facility in Nov. But when she got

suspended from her school after she cussed out the staff in the office after

not being able to get a work-permit at that moment....she then seemed to be

slipping downward a bit in attitude and negativity at home. Nothing like she

was prior to residential though....but just enough to want to try and nip it in

the bud. Her psychiatrist had mentioned to 2 weeks ago about possibly

being hospitalized for a couple days to try and tweek her med's but

wanted no part of going into the hospital. Then yesterday we had a session

with her therapist and I mentioned how seemed to be slipping downward

since the suspension. exploded with how it seems everyone (school staff)

is against her....that they all hate her because of her history and how she

feels she doesn't stand a chance in regular school no matter what because of

her history prior to residential. She was hysterical crying that all she

wants to do is be normal and attend normal school and go to college and that

now

that she is suspended from regular school and has to attend what she refers

to as a " retard school " ....she feels that she doesn't stand a chance of

graduating on time or getting into college because of now having to go to a

" retard " school. She feels like her life is over and it's not even worth trying

with

school anymore and said she might as well just drop out. When I got home I

called her psychiatrist and we both decided that she needs to be stabilized on

her med's again and this needs to be done in the hospital. After trying to

calmly talk to about this...telling her it would only be a few days and

promising her that this does NOT mean she going back to residential....she

almost was fine with it until I told her that it has to be today though. Then

she freaked and went off on me, locking herself in the bathroom and screaming

some really scary things at me.....that led me to calling the police for my

safety as well as hers. She was able to calm down though and talk to them

relatively nicely....without cussing at them and calling them pigs like she had

in the past. She didn't end up in cuffs and dragged off by them either like

the past. They were able to talk her into going and we went and actually had

some decent conversation on the way about why it needs to take place in the

hospital and about her future and things. By the time we got there, she was

joking and being her silly self until we got into the ER and she got sort of

scared of this man that was laying on the floor in front of registration,

screaming, and moaning and shaking like he was convulsing or having drug

withdrawals or something....and the staff just walking around the guy ignoring

him.

Every time someone would say something to the staff they would say " yeah...we

know he's there....just ignore him. " It was scary. decided to wait

outside and I started worrying she may change her mind about going in but

thankfully she didn't. She came in and we went back and the nurse started

asking

what's going on. I knew it would be difficult to talk in front of and

tell

her exactly my concerns and why her psych. said to bring her here. Even

though I had wrote it all on the registration papers so maybe she wouldn't

repeat

it in front of ....but of course she did and the more the nurse would

ask me and with the terrible attitude the nurse had....it started getting

ugly with . So they took back and had me wait till they got her on

a bed and within 3 minutes she came back and got me and told me they had to

put in 4 point restraints....that kicked and spit on a nurse. I

never heard scream which they said she did and when I asked

what happened....she said she turned around to go get me and the nurse threw

her

against the wall....twisted 's finger and scratched her arm.

also had a bloody nose and later after they took the restraints off I was

shocked when I saw her arm!! It looked like intentional scratches on her

arm....as

though someone took their nails....4 rows of deep scratches the entire

length of her arm!! They were deep and bleeding badly. I was horrified!!

didn't even appear that angry like you would think she'd be after all that and

being tied down. And like I said...I never heard a scream and I was only 20

feet away around the corner. I was confused and the nurse that kicked

and spit at never even talked to me. d said she only kicked after the

nurse threw her against the wall and spit at her when the nurse dug her nails

down 's arm and then the nurse twisted 's finger. Her finger is

all black & blue too. Anyway.....we waited 6 hours before being brought to a

room and things got even weirder. As soon as we walked into the unit it got

ugly. quietly said " this is the retard unit " ....and the nurse went off on

her! You would think being an adolescent psych unit....they would know how

to talk to and try to calm kids anxiety....especially ones that you've been

told has a lot of fear....is diagnosed with anxiety....etc. Then the nurse

started yelling at the staff that brought up .....in front of

....talking about how stupid the ER staff is.....because they didn't bring

up the

right paperwork....and then she started going off on me saying " we can't keep

her here...we can't even touch her without a hold being on her. " I said they

put a hold on her in the ER...they told me. " She says we'll that's not what

the paperwork says....you'll have to take her home. We can't do anything. "

Then I started getting mad....telling her 's doctor wants her

admitted....there IS a hold on her and after spending 6 hours downstair's...I'm

NOT

taking her home. " All this going on right in front of !! So of course

started acting up....not wanting to give them her jewelery or other

belongings. They were making threats on if she doesn't comply....blah

blah

blah......just argueing. Meanwhile we still don't even know if they're KEEPING

! I ended up having to call 's psychiatrist at 1 am....and tell

her what's going on. The nurse was saying they can't keep her without a

hold....my doctor saying put a hold on her then....the nurse saying " we

can't...they

have to do that in the ER unless the mother wants to " ....I interruped

" WHAT??????? I already told you that!!!!! You said I COULDN " T DO THAT!! " I was

so

damn confused!!!!!!!! It was the freakin weirest thing ever!! It was like the

nurse was psycho!! So then after a few more threats on giving up her

belongings and threatening with a shot to knock her out knowing full

well that keeps saying she just wants off med's and that she hates how

they make her feel different.....they just kept threatening with this

shot. It was like they were antaginizing her trying to get her to freak out

more than she already was!! When everyone finally calmed down and they were

getting in her room....I went to the bathroom. They were trying to get

me to leave but I said not until I know she's OK about my leaving. So I'm in

the bathroom and hear and about 10 people screaming an yelling. I come

out and there are like 6 security guards holding down on the bed, a

few other men I have no idea who they were, and the nurse unzipping 's

pants and having her hand in 's pants and trying to pull them off her. I

yelled " what the hell is going on? " She said " she has stuff in her pockets

she can't have and things down her pants. If you don't want me taking her pants

off you do it and you need to feel down around her crotch for stuff. " I

yelled " that's crazy....in front of these security guys all starring at

her....who the hell are they....they're not medical staff??!! " So the nurse

throws a

blanket and said " then do it under the blanket....she needs to take everything

off. " I could see that had put her makeup in her pants which I could

easily get out...and she had 4 pins in her pocket which I got out....and then

the nurse quickly pulled the blanket up and moved her underwear to look

inside....with the freakin security guys right there. I was so freakin livid

about the whole thing. I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if I

wa

sn't there. I stayed with until 3 am calming her, talked her into

taking a pill to sleep....and just talked to her calmly till she was pretty

much

out. I went out to my car at 3:30 and it like blew up when I started

it....smoke inside....smelled like fire....amazing. Had to call my husband to

come all

the way to the hospital to get me...and have the car towed home. Got home at

5:30 this morning, my husband was late leaving for work...layed down for an

hour and then had to get my stepdaughter up for school....then the phone

hasn't stopped ringing. I've had no sleep.... is upset I couldn't make it

back for visiting at noon....but I'll be there for the 6 pm visit. So far

has just pretty much stayed in her room there....hasn't gone to any

groups

or anything. She sounds very groggy. I'm sure she's emotionally drained as

well as physically. I need to talk to her psychiatrist and tell her about

everything that happened. I'm not sure what is acceptable of the staff....I'm

so

confused. I just know the attitudes were horrible last night. And I'm SO

PISSED that it wasn't anywhere as bad with when I brought her in as it

had

gotten while we were there. Something just isn't right.....I feel I failed

again....like I did when I moved her to the second rotten residential

place. Are any of the people in this mental illness field of medicine " normal "

people?????? Or are they all whacked themselves???????? I'm SO confused,

depressed, drained....I can't even function. I need to go..........sorry this

is

so long. I really needed to vent.

/CA

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