Re: Spending quality time with my other children

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/26/2007 2:17:08 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

candicekadikoff@... writes:

I'm just wondering how other parents manage to split their time with

the other children when the problems and challenges of one child can

take up so much time and energy?

-

EXCELLENT question!!! Not only that - but, to put one more guilt trip on

the plate, I always worried about how it was all affecting my son (non-ocd'r).

Luckily my kids were older when OCD interrupted our lives.... so my son was

understanding & patient. He was already at that teen-age when going to your

room, shutting the door and being by yourself for the rest of the evening was

actually preferred to spending time with parents!

You have a great idea about the recess & lunch time with your dd. What a

great way to spend some time with her. You do have to set aside specific times

or it won't happen. Good for you for doing that!

LT

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[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how to say this the right way but sometimes in life one child

does get more attention than the others. It's a terrible truth. I know that

there are times when it is impossible for me to do what I need to do let

alone what I want to do or should do. I have two kids with OCD (and have it

myself.) One of my kids has narcolepsy and the other has Aspergers. My

husband

works nights seven days a week and we don't have any benefits. To get

insurance for myself and the kids, I take three classes at our local university

and

buy the insurance. I also work as a substitute teacher. I feel like I

spend all of my time sorting pills (we take a total of nineteen pills a day)

and

taking people to appointments. Sometimes I don't give my kids the time they

need but I try. My husband and I do try to have " dates " with the kids. To

make it easier, we will each have a date with a kid at the same time. He'll

take while I take Hannah and then we'll do the opposite the next time.

Before my oldest daughter, Hannah, was diagnosed with OCD and then later

narcolepsy, I used to tell her that I was sorry that took up so much time

and that I knew it didn't seem fair but that everyone has different needs. If

had cancer or something like that I don't think I would have felt so

guilty. I think that because our OCD kids can be so demanding and so

unreasonable, we feel like they are somehow taking something they shouldn't

have.

You know what I mean? Life was no picnic for with all of her issues and

I wanted Hannah to understand that wasn't just being selfish. I know I

sound a little cold but I'm tired and am having trouble finding the right

words. Some kids get more attention because they experience more pain. Know

what I mean? Kelley in NV

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[Guest guest]

Boy, that's the $64,000 question! I've got 4 kids - 3 at home. My

oldest has ADHD, the twins have OCD/Aperger's and OCD/Tourette's.

They follow me around like little chicks, " mom MOM mom Mom MOM MOOOOM

mom mom mom mom mommom MOMMM... I try to take them in order. There

doesn't seem to be enough time to be and enjoy with all the crises,

upsets, emergencies, etc.

Fortunately, everyone has a wicked sense of humor so they connect and

laugh on that level. We may cry a lot but we laugh a lot too.

[Guest guest]

Kelley

I do know what you mean, it just breaks my heart that my sweet little girl

isn't getting from me what my first daughter got. I played dolls, and colored,

dressup and tea parties. My little one is 5 now, and I feel like I never see

her, and when I do, I'm making snacks, meals, running tubs, and putting them to

bed. No bedtime stories, just a goodnite kiss. Its sad.

kelleydinkins@... wrote:

I'm not sure how to say this the right way but sometimes in life one

child

does get more attention than the others. It's a terrible truth. I know that

there are times when it is impossible for me to do what I need to do let

alone what I want to do or should do. I have two kids with OCD (and have it

myself.) One of my kids has narcolepsy and the other has Aspergers. My husband

works nights seven days a week and we don't have any benefits. To get

insurance for myself and the kids, I take three classes at our local university

and

buy the insurance. I also work as a substitute teacher. I feel like I

spend all of my time sorting pills (we take a total of nineteen pills a day) and

taking people to appointments. Sometimes I don't give my kids the time they

need but I try. My husband and I do try to have " dates " with the kids. To

make it easier, we will each have a date with a kid at the same time. He'll

take while I take Hannah and then we'll do the opposite the next time.

Before my oldest daughter, Hannah, was diagnosed with OCD and then later

narcolepsy, I used to tell her that I was sorry that took up so much time

and that I knew it didn't seem fair but that everyone has different needs. If

had cancer or something like that I don't think I would have felt so

guilty. I think that because our OCD kids can be so demanding and so

unreasonable, we feel like they are somehow taking something they shouldn't

have.

You know what I mean? Life was no picnic for with all of her issues and

I wanted Hannah to understand that wasn't just being selfish. I know I

sound a little cold but I'm tired and am having trouble finding the right

words. Some kids get more attention because they experience more pain. Know

what I mean? Kelley in NV

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

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[Guest guest]

it ain't easy and i'm glad ocd is giving up some power as it really

was affected the whole family badly sad to say it was helpful but sad

to have the others all younger saying it's ocd, she's stuck again etc

or us saying it's not you it's the ocd that won't let your sis play

with you etc- so sad!!!glad it's better for now

eileen

:-)Quoting candicekadikoff <candicekadikoff@...>:

> Hi All,

> Seems like our lives rotate around my son's OCD. Good day/Bad day,

> often depends on how much time I have to spend fighting OCD.

> Last night I went to bed feeling like I didn't get any quality time in

> with my littlest daughter. She is 5, and is in school all day, every

> day. (monday-friday) So, today being monday, I went to the school and

> had lunch and recess with her. It was so sweet. I've gone for lunch

> many times with her, and recess, but never both at the same visit.

> It's hard to be everything for everyone. I'm going to try to make

> lunch and recess part of my monday morning routine.

> I'm just wondering how other parents manage to split their time with

> the other children when the problems and challenges of one child can

> take up so much time and energy?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

enjoy those special moments with her as often as you can with no

mention of brother/ocd - she needs a break too I'm sure

eileen

Quoting jtlt@...:

>

> In a message dated 3/26/2007 2:17:08 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> candicekadikoff@... writes:

>

> I'm just wondering how other parents manage to split their time with

> the other children when the problems and challenges of one child can

> take up so much time and energy?

>

>

> -

>

> EXCELLENT question!!! Not only that - but, to put one more guilt trip on

> the plate, I always worried about how it was all affecting my son

> (non-ocd'r).

> Luckily my kids were older when OCD interrupted our lives.... so my son was

> understanding & patient. He was already at that teen-age when going to your

> room, shutting the door and being by yourself for the rest of the

> evening was

> actually preferred to spending time with parents!

>

> You have a great idea about the recess & lunch time with your dd. What a

> great way to spend some time with her. You do have to set aside

> specific times

> or it won't happen. Good for you for doing that!

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on my birthday and

mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not the others -

really should though - also I started family game night most fri

evenings

eileen

Quoting c ward <cward_ri@...>:

> Hi ,

> I have five children, with my ocd'er being the oldest at 11. I

> know how overwhelming everything gets and I truly understand feeling

> like you're neglecting everyone else!

>

> With the help of Dr. Wagner's book, I learned about the importance

> of YAMA (you and me alone) time. I give them each 20 minutes of

> totally uninterrupted time, where we play a game or just talk. I do

> this 3x week for each child. It has been a tremendous blessing and

> has helped ease everyone's tensions.

>

> in TN

>

> candicekadikoff <candicekadikoff@...> wrote:

> Hi All,

> Seems like our lives rotate around my son's OCD. Good day/Bad day,

> often depends on how much time I have to spend fighting OCD.

> Last night I went to bed feeling like I didn't get any quality time in

> with my littlest daughter. She is 5, and is in school all day, every

> day. (monday-friday) So, today being monday, I went to the school and

> had lunch and recess with her. It was so sweet. I've gone for lunch

> many times with her, and recess, but never both at the same visit.

> It's hard to be everything for everyone. I'm going to try to make

> lunch and recess part of my monday morning routine.

> I'm just wondering how other parents manage to split their time with

> the other children when the problems and challenges of one child can

> take up so much time and energy?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Bored stiff? Loosen up...

> Download and play hundreds of games for free on Games.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Eileen,

Your game night sounds like a great idea! Good for

you. Don't feel too bad. Now that my youngest is 7, I

finally felt like all three were independent enough to

give me a break, so I started isolating a bit and

spending more time with the computer than the kids.

Before I knew it, my middle kid started with the OCD

stuff. Guess that teaches me a lesson, huh? Now he

gets most of my attention, even when we're apart.

I'm wondering if it's okay for me to set limits,

though. He's having trouble getting to sleep so I've

taken to lying down in his room with him and dozing

off there, after turning on his shower (he claims to

be incapable of balancing hot and cold at age 10) and

talking him " off the ledge " for about 20 minutes. Last

night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

him I was off duty and I went to bed.

My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

alive and well this morning.

F.

--- " autumn71A@... "

<autumn71A@...> wrote:

> how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on

> my birthday and

> mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not

> the others -

> really should though - also I started family game

> night most fri

> evenings

> eileen

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Eileen,

Your game night sounds like a great idea! Good for

you. Don't feel too bad. Now that my youngest is 7, I

finally felt like all three were independent enough to

give me a break, so I started isolating a bit and

spending more time with the computer than the kids.

Before I knew it, my middle kid started with the OCD

stuff. Guess that teaches me a lesson, huh? Now he

gets most of my attention, even when we're apart.

I'm wondering if it's okay for me to set limits,

though. He's having trouble getting to sleep so I've

taken to lying down in his room with him and dozing

off there, after turning on his shower (he claims to

be incapable of balancing hot and cold at age 10) and

talking him " off the ledge " for about 20 minutes. Last

night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

him I was off duty and I went to bed.

My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

alive and well this morning.

F.

--- " autumn71A@... "

<autumn71A@...> wrote:

> how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on

> my birthday and

> mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not

> the others -

> really should though - also I started family game

> night most fri

> evenings

> eileen

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Eileen,

Your game night sounds like a great idea! Good for

you. Don't feel too bad. Now that my youngest is 7, I

finally felt like all three were independent enough to

give me a break, so I started isolating a bit and

spending more time with the computer than the kids.

Before I knew it, my middle kid started with the OCD

stuff. Guess that teaches me a lesson, huh? Now he

gets most of my attention, even when we're apart.

I'm wondering if it's okay for me to set limits,

though. He's having trouble getting to sleep so I've

taken to lying down in his room with him and dozing

off there, after turning on his shower (he claims to

be incapable of balancing hot and cold at age 10) and

talking him " off the ledge " for about 20 minutes. Last

night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

him I was off duty and I went to bed.

My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

alive and well this morning.

F.

--- " autumn71A@... "

<autumn71A@...> wrote:

> how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on

> my birthday and

> mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not

> the others -

> really should though - also I started family game

> night most fri

> evenings

> eileen

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

just when you thought it was safe....the mother guilt gets us again

LOL! glad to hear he did well solo

hang in

eileen

Quoting lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...>:

> Eileen,

> Your game night sounds like a great idea! Good for

> you. Don't feel too bad. Now that my youngest is 7, I

> finally felt like all three were independent enough to

> give me a break, so I started isolating a bit and

> spending more time with the computer than the kids.

> Before I knew it, my middle kid started with the OCD

> stuff. Guess that teaches me a lesson, huh? Now he

> gets most of my attention, even when we're apart.

> I'm wondering if it's okay for me to set limits,

> though. He's having trouble getting to sleep so I've

> taken to lying down in his room with him and dozing

> off there, after turning on his shower (he claims to

> be incapable of balancing hot and cold at age 10) and

> talking him " off the ledge " for about 20 minutes. Last

> night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

> around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

> him I was off duty and I went to bed.

> My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

> behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

> alive and well this morning.

>

> F.

>

> --- " autumn71A@... "

> <autumn71A@...> wrote:

>

>> how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on

>> my birthday and

>> mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not

>> the others -

>> really should though - also I started family game

>> night most fri

>> evenings

>> eileen

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Finding fabulous fares is fun.

> Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find

> flight and hotel bargains.

> http://farechase./promo-generic-14795097

>

[Guest guest]

just when you thought it was safe....the mother guilt gets us again

LOL! glad to hear he did well solo

hang in

eileen

Quoting lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...>:

> Eileen,

> Your game night sounds like a great idea! Good for

> you. Don't feel too bad. Now that my youngest is 7, I

> finally felt like all three were independent enough to

> give me a break, so I started isolating a bit and

> spending more time with the computer than the kids.

> Before I knew it, my middle kid started with the OCD

> stuff. Guess that teaches me a lesson, huh? Now he

> gets most of my attention, even when we're apart.

> I'm wondering if it's okay for me to set limits,

> though. He's having trouble getting to sleep so I've

> taken to lying down in his room with him and dozing

> off there, after turning on his shower (he claims to

> be incapable of balancing hot and cold at age 10) and

> talking him " off the ledge " for about 20 minutes. Last

> night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

> around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

> him I was off duty and I went to bed.

> My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

> behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

> alive and well this morning.

>

> F.

>

> --- " autumn71A@... "

> <autumn71A@...> wrote:

>

>> how sad am I? I usually give them that 20 minutes on

>> my birthday and

>> mom's day - I did some YAMA time with OCD'r but not

>> the others -

>> really should though - also I started family game

>> night most fri

>> evenings

>> eileen

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Finding fabulous fares is fun.

> Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find

> flight and hotel bargains.

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>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/2007 10:15:04 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Last

night, he ignored my requests to get ready for bed

around 8:30, so at 9:30 when he wanted my help, I told

him I was off duty and I went to bed.

My instinct is to feel guilty about it. But lo and

behold, he managed to shower by himself and he was

alive and well this morning.

That's EXCELLENT!!!! Sometimes you have to push that line to see exactly

when it's OCD or perhaps just being a kid who realizes they can bend/break the

rules & not be questioned because of the OCD! You must have felt a bit

liberated, huh?

The hard part is figuring out how hard to push to see how far they can go on

their own - recognizing that OCD is such a weird & bizarre beast - sometimes

it does overpower your kid & they truly need help to get through a task.

LT

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