Re: It's been awhile......

[Guest guest]

Wow ... that sounds like a carbon copy of my son! Last year on his standardized

tests, his teacher told me he ripped holes in his paper on the writing part of

the exam because he erased and started again so many times. He was also very,

very stressed out all test week ... but surprisingly, this year he seemed to do

fine. Now, last year, he had a teacher who was rather stressed out herself and

projected that onto the class. This year, his teacher is much more calm and

self-assured. I think that has reflected onto my son.

My son's counselor told us last year that these tests are extremely stressful

for alot of children and that she sees many more children in around and after

test time.

And as far as the dodgeball thing ... jeepers! My son is the exact same ... I

think I may have looked over on someone's paper but I am not sure ... I think I

felt someone tag me at recess but I am not sure and was that dishonest? My son

is the same ... perfectly behaved, which is probably attributed to the OCD!

I hope his worrying eases alittle now that they are over.

Kind regards,

in TN

dragonfly97girl <dragonfly97girl@...> wrote:

Hello to all. It's been a while since I've written so forgive me in

advance because this may be long. I first joined this group back in

Sept. when the OCD for my then eight-year-old son first began. We've

been dealing with it pretty well the past few months. But things have

gotten bad this past week. It's been triggered by stress. I'm certain of

this. He's now nine-years-old and in third grade. His class started its

standards of learning tests this week. The tests began on Monday. He's

had three of them this week. One more to go on Monday. We've really

tried not to make a big deal about them at home because I didn't want

him stressing over it. I felt confident he knew the material inside and

out. His teachers have been preparing them for the tests all year long.

He's done well and seemed to not be stressed about any of the tests.

However, Sunday night it hit him. He got it in his head his ENTIRE math

test would be nothing but finding the area of something, which he didn't

feel confident that he knew how to do. I tried to reassure him that area

was NOT going to be on his test because his teacher had sent home tons

of review sheets and they have done dozens of practice tests in class,

none of which had area on them. He kept asking me how did I know this

for certain. My constant reassurance did not convince him. And of course

when he took his test on Monday, there was not one single question about

area on it. The other OCD-like behavior has resurfaced this week. The

first time in a long time. At least to the degree it's been. The

constant barrage of pop-up thoughts, as my DS calls them, confessions,

worrying he's done something wrong. He's even wanted to call me from

school to ask me if it was wrong that he flicked a piece of mulch into

the air during recess. Everyday this week when I pick him up at school,

he immediately asks, " Am I in trouble? " I ask, " For what? " He'll say

something like, " I think I cheated at dodgeball today. " I try to make

light of it and say, " Who cares? It's dodgeball. " " But I think the ball

grazed my arm and I didn't go out. I should've gone out. I cheated. "

Again, I say, " It's dodgeball, who cares? " " Are you mad at me? " " No, I

don't care if the ball grazed you. " " But I'm not supposed to cheat. We

don't cheat. It's wrong. " Again, I say, " It's dodgeball! WHO CARES?! " I

try so hard to be patient and calm, but it's hard. This morning before

school he asked me, " What if I do something wrong today? " I tell him he

won't. You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower. He

rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say. He's really hard on

himself. I told him this morning to please just go to school and be a

kid today and just have fun, to stop worrying about every little thing

that he does (or does not do). These tests he's been taking this week

are taking him a long time to complete because he keeps going back and

rechecking his answers. He's been the last one to finish every day. His

teachers commented on it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his

OCD.) One teacher said she was concerned that he was second-guessing

himself and changing answers to questions that he had already marked the

right answer to. She said she stood over him and watched him for a

little while to see what he was doing. She said he just kept reading the

same question over and over even after he had answered it. She told me

he shouldn't be worried about them because he's done so well all year.

But he is worried. He told me this morning he was so glad tomorrow is

Saturday because he's had a rough week. It's so sad to watch this happen

to my child. My husband is an OCD sufferer too. And has been for most of

his life. He knows what our DS is going through better than anybody. I

know when my DS is struggling with it. He gets quite and I swear he

looks different. I can't describe it, just different. I wish he didn't

have to deal with this and could just be happy and carefree like a

nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on at

all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body lotion

that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our friends

and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

though they don't understand it and really don't want to acknowledge it.

Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking about it.

I have to constantly head them off at the pass and warn them of things

not to talk about, for example the Virginia Tech shooting. A good friend

of ours mentioned something in front of our DS yesterday about a local

teacher having " relations " with a student. DS's ears perked up and the

worried look came over his face. He asked me what that meant. I quickly

changed the subject. Most kids don't pick up on the things my DS does in

adult conversations. He hears everything. Sometimes I get nervous when

we're going to be around other people. They just don't understand. I'm

already stressing over this summer. My parents keep him for us while we

work during the day and even though I've told them what goes on with our

son, they don't really understand. My dad, especially. Mom's a little

more understanding, but my dad just doesn't get it. Sometimes I think he

thinks we're being dramatic. He's never said that, but I get that

feeling. There are times when I just wish the three of us could isolate

ourselves from the outside world. I know that's impossible and really

wouldn't help things, but it's how I feel at times. I am so very sorry

this post is long as it is, but I've needed to vent for a while now. It

helps knowing there are so many others out there going through the same

heartache as my family is. We're not alone in this OCD battle.

[Guest guest]

Wow ... that sounds like a carbon copy of my son! Last year on his standardized

tests, his teacher told me he ripped holes in his paper on the writing part of

the exam because he erased and started again so many times. He was also very,

very stressed out all test week ... but surprisingly, this year he seemed to do

fine. Now, last year, he had a teacher who was rather stressed out herself and

projected that onto the class. This year, his teacher is much more calm and

self-assured. I think that has reflected onto my son.

My son's counselor told us last year that these tests are extremely stressful

for alot of children and that she sees many more children in around and after

test time.

And as far as the dodgeball thing ... jeepers! My son is the exact same ... I

think I may have looked over on someone's paper but I am not sure ... I think I

felt someone tag me at recess but I am not sure and was that dishonest? My son

is the same ... perfectly behaved, which is probably attributed to the OCD!

I hope his worrying eases alittle now that they are over.

Kind regards,

in TN

dragonfly97girl <dragonfly97girl@...> wrote:

Hello to all. It's been a while since I've written so forgive me in

advance because this may be long. I first joined this group back in

Sept. when the OCD for my then eight-year-old son first began. We've

been dealing with it pretty well the past few months. But things have

gotten bad this past week. It's been triggered by stress. I'm certain of

this. He's now nine-years-old and in third grade. His class started its

standards of learning tests this week. The tests began on Monday. He's

had three of them this week. One more to go on Monday. We've really

tried not to make a big deal about them at home because I didn't want

him stressing over it. I felt confident he knew the material inside and

out. His teachers have been preparing them for the tests all year long.

He's done well and seemed to not be stressed about any of the tests.

However, Sunday night it hit him. He got it in his head his ENTIRE math

test would be nothing but finding the area of something, which he didn't

feel confident that he knew how to do. I tried to reassure him that area

was NOT going to be on his test because his teacher had sent home tons

of review sheets and they have done dozens of practice tests in class,

none of which had area on them. He kept asking me how did I know this

for certain. My constant reassurance did not convince him. And of course

when he took his test on Monday, there was not one single question about

area on it. The other OCD-like behavior has resurfaced this week. The

first time in a long time. At least to the degree it's been. The

constant barrage of pop-up thoughts, as my DS calls them, confessions,

worrying he's done something wrong. He's even wanted to call me from

school to ask me if it was wrong that he flicked a piece of mulch into

the air during recess. Everyday this week when I pick him up at school,

he immediately asks, " Am I in trouble? " I ask, " For what? " He'll say

something like, " I think I cheated at dodgeball today. " I try to make

light of it and say, " Who cares? It's dodgeball. " " But I think the ball

grazed my arm and I didn't go out. I should've gone out. I cheated. "

Again, I say, " It's dodgeball, who cares? " " Are you mad at me? " " No, I

don't care if the ball grazed you. " " But I'm not supposed to cheat. We

don't cheat. It's wrong. " Again, I say, " It's dodgeball! WHO CARES?! " I

try so hard to be patient and calm, but it's hard. This morning before

school he asked me, " What if I do something wrong today? " I tell him he

won't. You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower. He

rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say. He's really hard on

himself. I told him this morning to please just go to school and be a

kid today and just have fun, to stop worrying about every little thing

that he does (or does not do). These tests he's been taking this week

are taking him a long time to complete because he keeps going back and

rechecking his answers. He's been the last one to finish every day. His

teachers commented on it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his

OCD.) One teacher said she was concerned that he was second-guessing

himself and changing answers to questions that he had already marked the

right answer to. She said she stood over him and watched him for a

little while to see what he was doing. She said he just kept reading the

same question over and over even after he had answered it. She told me

he shouldn't be worried about them because he's done so well all year.

But he is worried. He told me this morning he was so glad tomorrow is

Saturday because he's had a rough week. It's so sad to watch this happen

to my child. My husband is an OCD sufferer too. And has been for most of

his life. He knows what our DS is going through better than anybody. I

know when my DS is struggling with it. He gets quite and I swear he

looks different. I can't describe it, just different. I wish he didn't

have to deal with this and could just be happy and carefree like a

nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on at

all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body lotion

that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our friends

and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

though they don't understand it and really don't want to acknowledge it.

Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking about it.

I have to constantly head them off at the pass and warn them of things

not to talk about, for example the Virginia Tech shooting. A good friend

of ours mentioned something in front of our DS yesterday about a local

teacher having " relations " with a student. DS's ears perked up and the

worried look came over his face. He asked me what that meant. I quickly

changed the subject. Most kids don't pick up on the things my DS does in

adult conversations. He hears everything. Sometimes I get nervous when

we're going to be around other people. They just don't understand. I'm

already stressing over this summer. My parents keep him for us while we

work during the day and even though I've told them what goes on with our

son, they don't really understand. My dad, especially. Mom's a little

more understanding, but my dad just doesn't get it. Sometimes I think he

thinks we're being dramatic. He's never said that, but I get that

feeling. There are times when I just wish the three of us could isolate

ourselves from the outside world. I know that's impossible and really

wouldn't help things, but it's how I feel at times. I am so very sorry

this post is long as it is, but I've needed to vent for a while now. It

helps knowing there are so many others out there going through the same

heartache as my family is. We're not alone in this OCD battle.

[Guest guest]

My 12 yo sons ocd is acting up some also. Even good stress can set

it off, like the end of school or upcoming vacation. Every child is

different, but for mine during times like this I point out that his

reactions are ocd and try not to treat them as real concerns. One

time when we were going to an amusement park he started having ocd

realated issues about the roller coaster going off the track. I

answered very matter of fact that it probably would and we would all

die. This kind of reaction seems to help him, but as I said, all

kids are different and this may not work for yours. (He still did

have a hard time going that day and my husband had to put him in the

car, strap him in and we took off fast - he ended up having a great

time and was glad he went) One time when he was on meds and refused

to take them, I found myself getting all upset and ready to fly of

the handle. Instead I remembered a funny line from Sponge Bob and

quoted it to him. It broke the tension, he laughed and took the meds.

I really find that humor helps. I think it especially helps me when

things aren't going well. Kids pick up on how we are feeling. If we

are fearful about what's happening to them it shows in one way or

another.

The reassurance and answer questions does not help the ocd, I think

it gives ocd more power because we're treating it like it's something

real and rational when it's not. Maybe when you son starts in about

the tests or dodgeball, try something different. First remind him

it's ocd concerns and not rational concerns, then exaggerate your

response that he probably failed the test and should never be able to

participate in gym because he cheated. Maybe ask him what he thinks

his punishment should be and see who can come up with the most

outrageous.

Hope this helps,

>

> Hello to all. It's been a while since I've written so forgive me in

> advance because this may be long. I first joined this group back in

> Sept. when the OCD for my then eight-year-old son first began. We've

> been dealing with it pretty well the past few months. But things

have

> gotten bad this past week. It's been triggered by stress. I'm

certain of

> this. He's now nine-years-old and in third grade. His class started

its

> standards of learning tests this week. The tests began on Monday.

He's

> had three of them this week. One more to go on Monday. We've really

> tried not to make a big deal about them at home because I didn't

want

> him stressing over it. I felt confident he knew the material inside

and

> out. His teachers have been preparing them for the tests all year

long.

> He's done well and seemed to not be stressed about any of the tests.

> However, Sunday night it hit him. He got it in his head his ENTIRE

math

> test would be nothing but finding the area of something, which he

didn't

> feel confident that he knew how to do. I tried to reassure him that

area

> was NOT going to be on his test because his teacher had sent home

tons

> of review sheets and they have done dozens of practice tests in

class,

> none of which had area on them. He kept asking me how did I know

this

> for certain. My constant reassurance did not convince him. And of

course

> when he took his test on Monday, there was not one single question

about

> area on it. The other OCD-like behavior has resurfaced this week.

The

> first time in a long time. At least to the degree it's been. The

> constant barrage of pop-up thoughts, as my DS calls them,

confessions,

> worrying he's done something wrong. He's even wanted to call me from

> school to ask me if it was wrong that he flicked a piece of mulch

into

> the air during recess. Everyday this week when I pick him up at

school,

> he immediately asks, " Am I in trouble? " I ask, " For what? " He'll say

> something like, " I think I cheated at dodgeball today. " I try to

make

> light of it and say, " Who cares? It's dodgeball. " " But I think the

ball

> grazed my arm and I didn't go out. I should've gone out. I cheated. "

> Again, I say, " It's dodgeball, who cares? " " Are you mad at

me? " " No, I

> don't care if the ball grazed you. " " But I'm not supposed to cheat.

We

> don't cheat. It's wrong. " Again, I say, " It's dodgeball! WHO

CARES?! " I

> try so hard to be patient and calm, but it's hard. This morning

before

> school he asked me, " What if I do something wrong today? " I tell

him he

> won't. You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower.

He

> rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

> something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

> supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

> self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say. He's really hard

on

> himself. I told him this morning to please just go to school and be

a

> kid today and just have fun, to stop worrying about every little

thing

> that he does (or does not do). These tests he's been taking this

week

> are taking him a long time to complete because he keeps going back

and

> rechecking his answers. He's been the last one to finish every day.

His

> teachers commented on it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his

> OCD.) One teacher said she was concerned that he was second-guessing

> himself and changing answers to questions that he had already

marked the

> right answer to. She said she stood over him and watched him for a

> little while to see what he was doing. She said he just kept

reading the

> same question over and over even after he had answered it. She told

me

> he shouldn't be worried about them because he's done so well all

year.

> But he is worried. He told me this morning he was so glad tomorrow

is

> Saturday because he's had a rough week. It's so sad to watch this

happen

> to my child. My husband is an OCD sufferer too. And has been for

most of

> his life. He knows what our DS is going through better than

anybody. I

> know when my DS is struggling with it. He gets quite and I swear he

> looks different. I can't describe it, just different. I wish he

didn't

> have to deal with this and could just be happy and carefree like a

> nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

> front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

> shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on

at

> all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body

lotion

> that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our

friends

> and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

> though they don't understand it and really don't want to

acknowledge it.

> Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking

about it.

> I have to constantly head them off at the pass and warn them of

things

> not to talk about, for example the Virginia Tech shooting. A good

friend

> of ours mentioned something in front of our DS yesterday about a

local

> teacher having " relations " with a student. DS's ears perked up and

the

> worried look came over his face. He asked me what that meant. I

quickly

> changed the subject. Most kids don't pick up on the things my DS

does in

> adult conversations. He hears everything. Sometimes I get nervous

when

> we're going to be around other people. They just don't understand.

I'm

> already stressing over this summer. My parents keep him for us

while we

> work during the day and even though I've told them what goes on

with our

> son, they don't really understand. My dad, especially. Mom's a

little

> more understanding, but my dad just doesn't get it. Sometimes I

think he

> thinks we're being dramatic. He's never said that, but I get that

> feeling. There are times when I just wish the three of us could

isolate

> ourselves from the outside world. I know that's impossible and

really

> wouldn't help things, but it's how I feel at times. I am so very

sorry

> this post is long as it is, but I've needed to vent for a while

now. It

> helps knowing there are so many others out there going through the

same

> heartache as my family is. We're not alone in this OCD battle.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Wow ... that sounds like a carbon copy of my son!

> Kind regards,

> in TN

>

>

Mine too! he will constantly ask me if he has done something wrong or

if he lied. Just yesterday at recess, a group of 8 kids got in

trouble for doing something and my son came home in tears because he

thought he was wrong because he was standing close to them when they

got in trouble (mind you, he wasn't doing anything with them, just in

the same vicinity). It was so bad, he wanted me to call the principal

and " confess " what he " did " so he would get the punishment too!

[Guest guest]

I know exactly about how humor helps! My husband, however, is better at

using it that I am. Maybe because he deals with OCD himself. But yes, it

does help our DS. Almost seems to make him realize how silly what he's

saying really is. And you're right, my reassuring him and answering his

questions only reinforces the OCD and makes it more powerful over him. I

guess this week I've just been doing it because I know that it's been

one of the worst week's he's had in a while and I'm hoping after these

tests are over, he'll feel better.

-- In , " julieaw66 " <julieaw66@...>

wrote:

>

> My 12 yo sons ocd is acting up some also. Even good stress can set

> it off, like the end of school or upcoming vacation. Every child is

> different, but for mine during times like this I point out that his

> reactions are ocd and try not to treat them as real concerns. One

> time when we were going to an amusement park he started having ocd

> realated issues about the roller coaster going off the track. I

> answered very matter of fact that it probably would and we would all

> die. This kind of reaction seems to help him, but as I said, all

> kids are different and this may not work for yours. (He still did

> have a hard time going that day and my husband had to put him in the

> car, strap him in and we took off fast - he ended up having a great

> time and was glad he went) One time when he was on meds and refused

> to take them, I found myself getting all upset and ready to fly of

> the handle. Instead I remembered a funny line from Sponge Bob and

> quoted it to him. It broke the tension, he laughed and took the meds.

>

> I really find that humor helps. I think it especially helps me when

> things aren't going well. Kids pick up on how we are feeling. If we

> are fearful about what's happening to them it shows in one way or

> another.

>

> The reassurance and answer questions does not help the ocd, I think

> it gives ocd more power because we're treating it like it's something

> real and rational when it's not. Maybe when you son starts in about

> the tests or dodgeball, try something different. First remind him

> it's ocd concerns and not rational concerns, then exaggerate your

> response that he probably failed the test and should never be able to

> participate in gym because he cheated. Maybe ask him what he thinks

> his punishment should be and see who can come up with the most

> outrageous.

>

> Hope this helps,

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hello to all. It's been a while since I've written so forgive me in

> > advance because this may be long. I first joined this group back in

> > Sept. when the OCD for my then eight-year-old son first began. We've

> > been dealing with it pretty well the past few months. But things

> have

> > gotten bad this past week. It's been triggered by stress. I'm

> certain of

> > this. He's now nine-years-old and in third grade. His class started

> its

> > standards of learning tests this week. The tests began on Monday.

> He's

> > had three of them this week. One more to go on Monday. We've really

> > tried not to make a big deal about them at home because I didn't

> want

> > him stressing over it. I felt confident he knew the material inside

> and

> > out. His teachers have been preparing them for the tests all year

> long.

> > He's done well and seemed to not be stressed about any of the tests.

> > However, Sunday night it hit him. He got it in his head his ENTIRE

> math

> > test would be nothing but finding the area of something, which he

> didn't

> > feel confident that he knew how to do. I tried to reassure him that

> area

> > was NOT going to be on his test because his teacher had sent home

> tons

> > of review sheets and they have done dozens of practice tests in

> class,

> > none of which had area on them. He kept asking me how did I know

> this

> > for certain. My constant reassurance did not convince him. And of

> course

> > when he took his test on Monday, there was not one single question

> about

> > area on it. The other OCD-like behavior has resurfaced this week.

> The

> > first time in a long time. At least to the degree it's been. The

> > constant barrage of pop-up thoughts, as my DS calls them,

> confessions,

> > worrying he's done something wrong. He's even wanted to call me from

> > school to ask me if it was wrong that he flicked a piece of mulch

> into

> > the air during recess. Everyday this week when I pick him up at

> school,

> > he immediately asks, " Am I in trouble? " I ask, " For what? " He'll say

> > something like, " I think I cheated at dodgeball today. " I try to

> make

> > light of it and say, " Who cares? It's dodgeball. " " But I think the

> ball

> > grazed my arm and I didn't go out. I should've gone out. I cheated. "

> > Again, I say, " It's dodgeball, who cares? " " Are you mad at

> me? " " No, I

> > don't care if the ball grazed you. " " But I'm not supposed to cheat.

> We

> > don't cheat. It's wrong. " Again, I say, " It's dodgeball! WHO

> CARES?! " I

> > try so hard to be patient and calm, but it's hard. This morning

> before

> > school he asked me, " What if I do something wrong today? " I tell

> him he

> > won't. You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower.

> He

> > rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

> > something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

> > supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

> > self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say. He's really hard

> on

> > himself. I told him this morning to please just go to school and be

> a

> > kid today and just have fun, to stop worrying about every little

> thing

> > that he does (or does not do). These tests he's been taking this

> week

> > are taking him a long time to complete because he keeps going back

> and

> > rechecking his answers. He's been the last one to finish every day.

> His

> > teachers commented on it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his

> > OCD.) One teacher said she was concerned that he was second-guessing

> > himself and changing answers to questions that he had already

> marked the

> > right answer to. She said she stood over him and watched him for a

> > little while to see what he was doing. She said he just kept

> reading the

> > same question over and over even after he had answered it. She told

> me

> > he shouldn't be worried about them because he's done so well all

> year.

> > But he is worried. He told me this morning he was so glad tomorrow

> is

> > Saturday because he's had a rough week. It's so sad to watch this

> happen

> > to my child. My husband is an OCD sufferer too. And has been for

> most of

> > his life. He knows what our DS is going through better than

> anybody. I

> > know when my DS is struggling with it. He gets quite and I swear he

> > looks different. I can't describe it, just different. I wish he

> didn't

> > have to deal with this and could just be happy and carefree like a

> > nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

> > front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

> > shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on

> at

> > all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body

> lotion

> > that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our

> friends

> > and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

> > though they don't understand it and really don't want to

> acknowledge it.

> > Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking

> about it.

> > I have to constantly head them off at the pass and warn them of

> things

> > not to talk about, for example the Virginia Tech shooting. A good

> friend

> > of ours mentioned something in front of our DS yesterday about a

> local

> > teacher having " relations " with a student. DS's ears perked up and

> the

> > worried look came over his face. He asked me what that meant. I

> quickly

> > changed the subject. Most kids don't pick up on the things my DS

> does in

> > adult conversations. He hears everything. Sometimes I get nervous

> when

> > we're going to be around other people. They just don't understand.

> I'm

> > already stressing over this summer. My parents keep him for us

> while we

> > work during the day and even though I've told them what goes on

> with our

> > son, they don't really understand. My dad, especially. Mom's a

> little

> > more understanding, but my dad just doesn't get it. Sometimes I

> think he

> > thinks we're being dramatic. He's never said that, but I get that

> > feeling. There are times when I just wish the three of us could

> isolate

> > ourselves from the outside world. I know that's impossible and

> really

> > wouldn't help things, but it's how I feel at times. I am so very

> sorry

> > this post is long as it is, but I've needed to vent for a while

> now. It

> > helps knowing there are so many others out there going through the

> same

> > heartache as my family is. We're not alone in this OCD battle.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

This sounds EXACTLY like something our DS would do!!!!! In fact, he's

had very similar incidents happen at school. Weird how OCD works, isn't

it?

> >

> > Wow ... that sounds like a carbon copy of my son!

>

> > Kind regards,

> > in TN

> >

> >

> Mine too! he will constantly ask me if he has done something wrong or

> if he lied. Just yesterday at recess, a group of 8 kids got in

> trouble for doing something and my son came home in tears because he

> thought he was wrong because he was standing close to them when they

> got in trouble (mind you, he wasn't doing anything with them, just in

> the same vicinity). It was so bad, he wanted me to call the principal

> and " confess " what he " did " so he would get the punishment too!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've noticed humor helps here too, . Sometimes it is hard to

dredge it up, but when you can it helps. Or just over exaggerating

something, like you were saying about the roller coaster, seems to

take their mind off of the worry as they laugh at the absurdity of it.

I know when Josh says, I think I did this or that wrong. . . I usually

say, " Yep, you probably did, all people do. " That seems to settle his

worrying down some.

Tests are always hard. We homeschool and have always opted to do our

testing at home too, because they are such a trial. He does fine,

until he is timed. Then he panics. The crazy thing is, he usually

does it in half the time allowed and does exceptionally well. He

usually tests in the top 10% in the nation. Yet, when it comes time

to take them again. . Here come the fears.

I don't think anybody truly understands unless they live with it every

day like we do. I get nasty comments from my m-i-l all the time. It

really hurts my feelings. She thinks I'm a horrible mother because

Josh doesn't fit into the norm out there, and she blames me. She has

no idea. This group is about the only place I've found people who

understand and can relate. I'm grateful for that. It makes you feel

less isolated.

BJ

> >

> > Hello to all. It's been a while since I've written so forgive me in

> > advance because this may be long. I first joined this group back in

> > Sept. when the OCD for my then eight-year-old son first began. We've

> > been dealing with it pretty well the past few months. But things

> have

> > gotten bad this past week. It's been triggered by stress. I'm

> certain of

> > this. He's now nine-years-old and in third grade. His class started

> its

> > standards of learning tests this week. The tests began on Monday.

> He's

> > had three of them this week. One more to go on Monday. We've really

> > tried not to make a big deal about them at home because I didn't

> want

> > him stressing over it. I felt confident he knew the material inside

> and

> > out. His teachers have been preparing them for the tests all year

> long.

> > He's done well and seemed to not be stressed about any of the tests.

> > However, Sunday night it hit him. He got it in his head his ENTIRE

> math

> > test would be nothing but finding the area of something, which he

> didn't

> > feel confident that he knew how to do. I tried to reassure him that

> area

> > was NOT going to be on his test because his teacher had sent home

> tons

> > of review sheets and they have done dozens of practice tests in

> class,

> > none of which had area on them. He kept asking me how did I know

> this

> > for certain. My constant reassurance did not convince him. And of

> course

> > when he took his test on Monday, there was not one single question

> about

> > area on it. The other OCD-like behavior has resurfaced this week.

> The

> > first time in a long time. At least to the degree it's been. The

> > constant barrage of pop-up thoughts, as my DS calls them,

> confessions,

> > worrying he's done something wrong. He's even wanted to call me from

> > school to ask me if it was wrong that he flicked a piece of mulch

> into

> > the air during recess. Everyday this week when I pick him up at

> school,

> > he immediately asks, " Am I in trouble? " I ask, " For what? " He'll say

> > something like, " I think I cheated at dodgeball today. " I try to

> make

> > light of it and say, " Who cares? It's dodgeball. " " But I think the

> ball

> > grazed my arm and I didn't go out. I should've gone out. I cheated. "

> > Again, I say, " It's dodgeball, who cares? " " Are you mad at

> me? " " No, I

> > don't care if the ball grazed you. " " But I'm not supposed to cheat.

> We

> > don't cheat. It's wrong. " Again, I say, " It's dodgeball! WHO

> CARES?! " I

> > try so hard to be patient and calm, but it's hard. This morning

> before

> > school he asked me, " What if I do something wrong today? " I tell

> him he

> > won't. You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower.

> He

> > rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

> > something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

> > supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

> > self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say. He's really hard

> on

> > himself. I told him this morning to please just go to school and be

> a

> > kid today and just have fun, to stop worrying about every little

> thing

> > that he does (or does not do). These tests he's been taking this

> week

> > are taking him a long time to complete because he keeps going back

> and

> > rechecking his answers. He's been the last one to finish every day.

> His

> > teachers commented on it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his

> > OCD.) One teacher said she was concerned that he was second-guessing

> > himself and changing answers to questions that he had already

> marked the

> > right answer to. She said she stood over him and watched him for a

> > little while to see what he was doing. She said he just kept

> reading the

> > same question over and over even after he had answered it. She told

> me

> > he shouldn't be worried about them because he's done so well all

> year.

> > But he is worried. He told me this morning he was so glad tomorrow

> is

> > Saturday because he's had a rough week. It's so sad to watch this

> happen

> > to my child. My husband is an OCD sufferer too. And has been for

> most of

> > his life. He knows what our DS is going through better than

> anybody. I

> > know when my DS is struggling with it. He gets quite and I swear he

> > looks different. I can't describe it, just different. I wish he

> didn't

> > have to deal with this and could just be happy and carefree like a

> > nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

> > front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

> > shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on

> at

> > all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body

> lotion

> > that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our

> friends

> > and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

> > though they don't understand it and really don't want to

> acknowledge it.

> > Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking

> about it.

> > I have to constantly head them off at the pass and warn them of

> things

> > not to talk about, for example the Virginia Tech shooting. A good

> friend

> > of ours mentioned something in front of our DS yesterday about a

> local

> > teacher having " relations " with a student. DS's ears perked up and

> the

> > worried look came over his face. He asked me what that meant. I

> quickly

> > changed the subject. Most kids don't pick up on the things my DS

> does in

> > adult conversations. He hears everything. Sometimes I get nervous

> when

> > we're going to be around other people. They just don't understand.

> I'm

> > already stressing over this summer. My parents keep him for us

> while we

> > work during the day and even though I've told them what goes on

> with our

> > son, they don't really understand. My dad, especially. Mom's a

> little

> > more understanding, but my dad just doesn't get it. Sometimes I

> think he

> > thinks we're being dramatic. He's never said that, but I get that

> > feeling. There are times when I just wish the three of us could

> isolate

> > ourselves from the outside world. I know that's impossible and

> really

> > wouldn't help things, but it's how I feel at times. I am so very

> sorry

> > this post is long as it is, but I've needed to vent for a while

> now. It

> > helps knowing there are so many others out there going through the

> same

> > heartache as my family is. We're not alone in this OCD battle.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi, sorry things seem to have peaked now at testing time! Hope they

settle back down soon.

Where you wrote:

> You have to know my son. He has ALWAYS been a rule follower. He

> rarely ever gets in trouble at school. If he does it's just for

> something minor like running in the halls or talking when he's not

> supposed to. He is a very well-bahaved child. Something of a

> self-imposed perfectionist, I guess you could say.

That describes my son (now age 18).

Also you wrote:

He's been the last one to finish every day. His teachers commented on

it to me yesterday. (They don't know about his OCD.) One teacher said

she was concerned that he was second-guessing himself and changing

answers to questions that he had already marked the right answer to.

She said she stood over him and watched him for a little while to see

what he was doing. She said he just kept reading the same question

over and over even after he had answered it. She told me he shouldn't

be worried about them because he's done so well all year.

**That also sounds like mine when his OCD was worse back in middle

school. He was pretty much the last to finish tests. We had

extended testing time for him, no time limit, in his 504 Plan. He

could still finish within the time that was for the tests, but

generally all the kids finished much earlier. I don't know the exact

reason it took him so long. His reading speed REALLY slowed down

when OCD began. At one time it was because he was having to repeat

some of what he was reading, but he told me at some point he didn't

have to do that anymore, however, his reading speed was still slow.

Also, with OCD I think sometimes he just doesn't want to mark an

answer if he's not sure it's " right " or doesn't want to move on to

the next question. And with my son, I know sometimes over those

years he just would not move on to the next question (or skip over

one to come back to) until *this* question was answered; so if he

wasn't sure of the answer, then it took longer; also if he did move

on finally, he would leave it blank rather than guess!

He also seems uneasy during some of those commercials you mentioned

in your post. And he's 18. I figured long ago that the typical

boy/teen hormones and thoughts had to kick in somewhere. I haven't

talked to him about his uneasiness during them but I have commented

on the commercials, downplaying them, but if that helped any at all I

don't know, he still seems uneasy sometimes. And I've commented

about normal thoughts/feelings also when I've thought a good

opportunity presented.

Well, quick thoughts (and typing) this a.m.

Keep us updated, hopefully things will settle soon if the testing

anxiety set him off!

> nine-year-old SHOULD be. We have to be careful what we talk about in

> front of him -- bills, money, the cost of gas, the war in Iraq, the

> shooting at Virginia Tech. Sometimes life is simpler with no TV on

at

> all. It bothers him to see a commercial for something like body

lotion

> that might show a scantily-clad woman. And of course most of our

friends

> and family do not know of his struggles. His grandparents know, even

> though they don't understand it and really don't want to

acknowledge it.

> Both sets kind of downplay it and really don't want us talking

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I don't think anybody truly understands unless they live with it every

> day like we do. I get nasty comments from my m-i-l all the time. It

> really hurts my feelings. She thinks I'm a horrible mother because

> Josh doesn't fit into the norm out there, and she blames me. She has

> no idea. This group is about the only place I've found people who

> understand and can relate. I'm grateful for that. It makes you feel

> less isolated.

>

> BJ

>

AMEN to that!! I feel the exact same way and am so grateful to have

found this group! For as long as I can remember, I have felt very

alone in dealing with my son's behaviors, and here, I feel like people

finally understand and don't judge me like i'm some kind of nutso or

bad parent.