Guest guest Posted April 11, 2007 Report Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hi , welcome to the group. It is hard to stop doing things for your child-cold turkey! I know cause I had to do the same thing. I couldn't stand the whining and complaining, but it did get better after a few days! I would tell my daughter(16) to take the risk in the decision making and once she got the hang of it, she found it was ok to doubt. I tell her how proud I am that she makes her own decisions. The line I used was, " Now is a good time to practice your decision making. " Hang in there and try not to give in! Sandy -- In , " lsc19662004 " <lsc19662004@...> wrote: > > I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am going > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop doing > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he has > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's not > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the consequences > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " very > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it > should become easier for both of us. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2007 Report Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hi ! Good luck! Let us know how things go. I'm sure it'll be roughest those first few days. Is his counselor experienced with treating OCD? Whew! I know how tough OCD is alone and the tempers, meltdowns, stubborness, etc., of it, but throw in ODD and you've got your hands really full! > > I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2007 Report Share Posted April 11, 2007 , Wow! What a toughie! I have a seven year old son with ODD and a ten year old son with OCD, and I can't imagine if they were rolled into one! (Although I'm getting the sinking feeling that the ODD is headed for OCD.) For the ODD son, his counselor did put me on a tough love course. He took a no tolerance approach, whereas I'd been acting as if he weren't in control of his actions. On the other hand, I had to learn that the OCD kid really wasn't in control, and that I couldn't blame him for freaking out over buttons, washing and rewashing his hands, making me touch--or not touch--things for him, being late for school, etc. I've learned to blame the OCD, not my son, for his obsessions and compulsions, but it's hard to know what is really " helping " him and what is " enabling " the OCD. I'm eager to hear how this cold turkey, tough love approach works for your child. I'll be thinking of you, F. lsc19662004 <lsc19662004@...> wrote: I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am going to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop doing one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he has to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's not ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the consequences with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " very hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it should become easier for both of us. --------------------------------- Finding fabulous fares is fun. Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am going > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop doing > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he has > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's not > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the consequences > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " very > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it > should become easier for both of us. > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Finding fabulous fares is fun. > Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 Oh my gosh! You poor thing. But what you're doing sounds in line with my ODD son's therapist. What choice do you have? Your son needs to know there are consequences to violence, and you can't risk him hurting your family. Is your son on any meds? What kind of therapy is he getting from the counselor? Sorry if I missed this info before. It's hard to keep up with all these messages you know. F. lsc19662004 <lsc19662004@...> wrote: --- In , lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote: Thank you for your support. The tough love approach is very hard Especially because my son gets aggresive towards me and my 8 year old son if I don't cater to his every need. The police were invloved a few weeks ago. I called them becasue he was out of control and I had no other choice. He was smashing walls. He is now going to be in a diversion program instead of being prosecuted for malicious mischief. At this point the only way I can get him to stop the aggressive behavior is to threaten to call the police. Except this time if they come, he will be prosecuted. I'm also afraid that my neighbors will call the police becasue of his loud aggressive behavior (I live in an apartment.)His counselor said that if they call the police then my son going to be the one who is charged, not me. My family is very upset that the police were involved in the 1st place, but my mom who lives less than 3 miles away wouldn't help the last time until the police were at my door. Then she hurried over and consoled my son. Even the police officers said that she was enabling him and nuturing him when I was the one victimized. Sorry, I don't mean to ramble. I'm just very frustrated. > , > Wow! What a toughie! I have a seven year old son with ODD and a ten year old son with OCD, and I can't imagine if they were rolled into one! (Although I'm getting the sinking feeling that the ODD is headed for OCD.) > For the ODD son, his counselor did put me on a tough love course. He took a no tolerance approach, whereas I'd been acting as if he weren't in control of his actions. On the other hand, I had to learn that the OCD kid really wasn't in control, and that I couldn't blame him for freaking out over buttons, washing and rewashing his hands, making me touch--or not touch--things for him, being late for school, etc. I've learned to blame the OCD, not my son, for his obsessions and compulsions, but it's hard to know what is really " helping " him and what is " enabling " the OCD. I'm eager to hear how this cold turkey, tough love approach works for your child. > > I'll be thinking of you, > > F. > > lsc19662004 <lsc19662004@...> wrote: I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am going > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop doing > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he has > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's not > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the consequences > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " very > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it > should become easier for both of us. > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Finding fabulous fares is fun. > Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find flight and hotel bargains. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 My son only acts out around me. He's fine at school. In fact most people find him a joy to be around. He's never been in trouble at school or with the law (except for the time I called them)and he was completely calm when they arrived. My family keeps saying that he's never hurt me or my other son, but I told them that they havn't seen this side of him. His therapist is specialized in children and adolesent behavioral problems including OCD and ODD. My son is not on medication, although we have talked about him seeing a psychiatrist and being put on something. The tough love this week seems to be starting to work. I hope that if I can keep it up things will get better. And if he gets violent then he'll have to pay the consequences. I don't know if it's hereditary or learned or not, but his dad, with whom there is a no contact order, was very controling and abusive toward me and has been deamed unfit to parent and dangerous. Thank you for your support. I have a 12 year old son who > has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat > myself > > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself > (get > > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He > is a > > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am > going > > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop > doing > > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he > has > > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's > not > > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the > consequences > > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " > very > > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it > > should become easier for both of us. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Finding fabulous fares is fun. > > Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find > flight and hotel bargains. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 , I don't know if I have missed more to your story but have you tried taking you son to a psychologist and have they tried medication to see if it would help him? The reason I ask is my son has been a major handful before, not quit as severe as your son is being, but I tell you that having support from a psychologist really helped us and he is now on medication and I can't begin to tell you how much he has improved! Sheree ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 , Hugs, hugs and more hugs. Your story gets worse and worse! You're dealing with this as a single mom? And your son's dad is a threat? My ODD son is also fine at school, which is why the therapist said there's no reason he can't be fine at home, if he'd try. I'm glad yours is in the hands of a specialist. And I'm SO glad that the new approach is starting to work. I'm praying that it will only get better and better from here. Hang in there. F. (Have you noticed how many 's are on in this group? Maybe that's an indicator for having an OCD kid. I'd LOL if it didn't hurt so much.) lsc19662004 <lsc19662004@...> wrote: My son only acts out around me. He's fine at school. In fact most people find him a joy to be around. He's never been in trouble at school or with the law (except for the time I called them)and he was completely calm when they arrived. My family keeps saying that he's never hurt me or my other son, but I told them that they havn't seen this side of him. His therapist is specialized in children and adolesent behavioral problems including OCD and ODD. My son is not on medication, although we have talked about him seeing a psychiatrist and being put on something. The tough love this week seems to be starting to work. I hope that if I can keep it up things will get better. And if he gets violent then he'll have to pay the consequences. I don't know if it's hereditary or learned or not, but his dad, with whom there is a no contact order, was very controling and abusive toward me and has been deamed unfit to parent and dangerous. Thank you for your support. I have a 12 year old son who > has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat > myself > > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself > (get > > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He > is a > > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am > going > > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop > doing > > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he > has > > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's > not > > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the > consequences > > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " > very > > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it > > should become easier for both of us. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Finding fabulous fares is fun. > > Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find > flight and hotel bargains. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 , That is so interesting to me because my son (15) is very similar in his relationship to me. He has become more independent in the last year, but is still highly dependent on me. Please keep us informed on how it goes with your son. Best of luck, Sinead 12 Year old son I have a 12 year old son who has OCD and ODD. I seam to be the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat myself and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself (get dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. He is a very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I am going to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would stop doing one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, he has to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if he's not ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the consequences with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold turkey " very hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks it should become easier for both of us. ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. Try the free Beta. http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Well, my son isn't fighting me quite as hard at getting up an getting himslef ready for school. he is still asking me to do things for him, but I refuse and after a few time of me saying no he does things for himself. He's still becoming aggressive if I don't do what he wants me to, especially in the evenings. So I tell him I'm going to call the crisis hotline or the police if he's really aggressive and that usually stops him eventually. I wish my life was back to some form of normalcy. My boyfriend (who does not live with us)is having a very hard time dealing with this. He's doing his best, but has had to distance himself from the situation because it's effecting him too much. It's really hard on me. We love each other and can't be together completely until things calm down. I have a 12 year old son > who > > has OCD and ODD. I seam to be > > > the obsession and he controls everything I do, making me repeat > > myself > > > and continuosly doing thing for him that he can do for himself > > (get > > > dressed, comb hair, eat, etc.) He is not in any way disabled. > He > > is a > > > very smart boy. Anyway, his couselor and I have decided that I > am > > going > > > to quit doing things for him cold turkey. Because as I would > stop > > doing > > > one thing he would just add another to the list.So as of today, > he > > has > > > to get himself up and ready for the day, school etc. and if > he's > > not > > > ready to leave at the appropriate time than he pays the > > consequences > > > with the school for being late. He is fighting this " cold > turkey " > > very > > > hard but I see no other choice. I think that after a few weeks > it > > > should become easier for both of us. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Finding fabulous fares is fun. > > > Let FareChase search your favorite travel sites to find > > flight and hotel bargains. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi , well at least some improvement is better than none! You're doing great I think, sticking to it. I hate conflict and can be a wimp at times. But since it's gotten physical with your son, you are definitely doing the right thing and he seems to know you're not just making a threat but will call. My oldest son's teen years (he's 22 now) were the worst for me and he didn't have OCD! He was so emotional. At times I thought " bipolar?? " and really thought he could use some anger management course (like I could force him to go). He was great at others' homes. Truly, he was the first choice for other parents when it came to their son inviting someone over. I was glad to let him stay over at anyone's house at anytime, LOL! Meant peace at home. I kept reading/hearing it would get better at age 18. It did. And now is good too (at 22). I will throw in that his senior year he began dating this nice girl and THAT really helped some although we still had battles. But it was better than before the girlfriend. Have you had current boyfriend long? Don't have to answer that, just wondering if son might not like him? It's good your bf is distancing himself in this I think, hope he can hold out! single mom, 3 sons > > Well, my son isn't fighting me quite as hard at getting up an getting > himslef ready for school. he is still asking me to do things for him, > but I refuse and after a few time of me saying no he does things for > himself. He's still becoming aggressive if I don't do what he wants > me to, especially in the evenings. So I tell him I'm going to call Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi Thank you for the encouragement. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. My son introduced us. My boyfriend works at a roller skating rink and we met one day when I took my boys skating. Both my sons really love him and he really love them too. He's great with them, but he's 43, an only child, never been married, and has no kids of his own. He's has no parenting experience and now he's thrown into my son's troubles and crisis. I understand his distance, but I certainly don't like it. My son does great at friends places too. Parents love him. He's like a different kid when he's not home. Unfortuneately he doesn't have many friends and wont spend nights at any ones house (including Grandma). Unlike my 8 year old who can't wait to spend the night at a friend's house. It's amazing how different sibblings can be. > > > > Well, my son isn't fighting me quite as hard at getting up an > getting > > himslef ready for school. he is still asking me to do things for > him, > > but I refuse and after a few time of me saying no he does things > for > > himself. He's still becoming aggressive if I don't do what he wants > > me to, especially in the evenings. So I tell him I'm going to call > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Oh, that's different with boyfriend if you've been together that long and kids love him. Was picturing kids not used to him doing or saying any kind of discipline towards them or something so that might have boyfriend trying to stay out of this as they wouldn't listen to him. Yes, siblings can be different! Each of my 3 sons are soooo different. And I raised them all. So heredity/genetics really must play a huge part! And poor got the largest OCD part! > > Hi > Thank you for the encouragement. My boyfriend and I have been > together for over 2 years. My son introduced us. My boyfriend works > at a roller skating rink and we met one day when I took my boys > skating. Both my sons really love him and he really love them too. > He's great with them, but he's 43, an only child, never been Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.