Re: Re: Keeping OCD a secret...then finally telling -

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

bugnsunsmom@... writes:

I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told them and

why................................

...............................................She was always surprised that

the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made her more comfortable and

less frightened.

That's so sweet when they realize that the people around them who they look

up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can actually see the

relief/excitement on their little faces.

Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds (but before they were

working & we were in the height of the OCD craziness) we HAD to explain to our

son

what was going on. His bedroom is right next to the hall bath (where all the

crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily basis) we could tell he just

tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our daughter was, of course,

terrified for him to find out - what if he teases me about it, what if he says

something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal fears experienced by a

younger sibling...).

She sat upstairs the night we explained everything to him. And actually, in

the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know, she has OCD.... I saw the

medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was looking for something, saw her

name on it and looked it up on the Internet... " Apparently he had known for a

couple of weeks before we ever said anything to him. ANYWAY, afterwards,

our daughter came down & they just looked at each other, I said " ok, we

explained everything to ... " and he went to put his arm around her and she

just

ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly knocked the boy over. They both

said they loved each other, he assured her that he would never say anything

to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face was indescribable.

We came home one day from out & there was the boychild at the top of the

stairs helping his baby sister through a showering episode by trying to talk

her

through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

LT

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[Guest guest]

Hi, Noah's mom. I feel for you. Both of my kids have OCD and my oldest one

is the one with the most contamination issues. I am always blowing it with

her. We have cats and sometimes the cats are okay for her to touch and

sometimes they are not. I will move to push Hannah's bangs out of her eyes and

she'll jump back and tell me I'm " catty " or I'll touch her doorknob and she'll

be upset. It would be much easier if I knew day to day what was good and

what was bad. Her biggest thing is deodorant--she thinks it is the dirtiest of

the dirty. She will wear it but cannot use anything that has been in my

medicine cabinet since my deodorant is in there. She can't travel with " used "

deodorant but must have a new one to take to Grandma's--in its own special bag.

I put some sandals of hers in the compartment of her suitcase where the

bagged deodorant lives and she could not wear them again. Sometimes, when we

go

places, her sister will leave deodorant out and Hannah freaks. It's tons of

fun. She used to not be able to change her clothes if she was wearing

deodorant unless she showered first and started over. There is never a dull

moment. With exposure to things, at first the anxiety goes way up and it feels

awful but with repeated exposure, the feeling of anxiety goes down. Let your

son know how proud you are of him for making it through last night and that

you understand how hard it was for him and keep going. It really will get

better. Kelley in NV

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/22/2007 9:58:18 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

every one of us in the family and saying a final

goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the night

until I knew he was asleep.

I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

Noah's Mom.....

YOU POOR THING!!! And your poor, sweet baby boy! If there was a {{{hug}}}

key on my computer, I would be using it right now! As far as the button on

the bedroom wall - ya, we've all made mistakes that we were unaware of in the

past with stuff like this - WHO KNEW??!! I might suggest *hanging* a button

from a string or thread (from a ceiling light fixture or something else??) so

it doesn't actually touch anything?? That might be more comfortable for

him. Then, when the string comes down, nothing around him is " contaminated. "

I understand how hard it would be to take your son to a hospital -

especially after the recent posts on here about those experiences. Don't let

that

keep you from doing whatever you think you need to do to protect your child

though. After reading those posts, you should not only be sufficiently

shocked,

but should also walk away with some knowledge of what to expect, what to

tolerate & hopefully - how to handle it all.

Bless your little heart.

LT

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/22/2007 9:58:18 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

every one of us in the family and saying a final

goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the night

until I knew he was asleep.

I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

Noah's Mom.....

YOU POOR THING!!! And your poor, sweet baby boy! If there was a {{{hug}}}

key on my computer, I would be using it right now! As far as the button on

the bedroom wall - ya, we've all made mistakes that we were unaware of in the

past with stuff like this - WHO KNEW??!! I might suggest *hanging* a button

from a string or thread (from a ceiling light fixture or something else??) so

it doesn't actually touch anything?? That might be more comfortable for

him. Then, when the string comes down, nothing around him is " contaminated. "

I understand how hard it would be to take your son to a hospital -

especially after the recent posts on here about those experiences. Don't let

that

keep you from doing whatever you think you need to do to protect your child

though. After reading those posts, you should not only be sufficiently

shocked,

but should also walk away with some knowledge of what to expect, what to

tolerate & hopefully - how to handle it all.

Bless your little heart.

LT

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/22/2007 12:51:03 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Kind of makes it look like the button is a hanging

victim too.

That could really be empowering for my son.

-

As a matter of fact, now that you bring that up.... there have been some

positive results with folks on the board when they use *humor* to help their

kids fight back OCD.

So - here's what you do.... go to the Dollar Store, or WallyMart & get one

of those Nerf Gun type things.... have your son use the hanging button as

target practice!! Hang several buttons in a row. Have a treat or reward for

every so many times he actually hits it (maybe a gold fish cracker or

mini-marshmallow each time). In order to get a better shot, he'll have to get

closer

to it. Maybe get a couple different types of shooting things.... ranging from

bigger, spongy ammunition to smaller so it gets harder as he goes.

LT

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[Guest guest]

What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

principal what was going on, without being specific. I

told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

supportive and mentioned the formalized accommodations

plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

my son.

All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to tape

a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He freaked

out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had. Of

course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed the

wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

wanting to die.

Then somehow we got into the problems with his father.

I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates him,

that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's the

OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

we needed family counseling.

We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in his

room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

want to, because I was so exhausted and he does better

by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

every one of us in the family and saying a final

goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the night

until I knew he was asleep.

I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

Noah's Mom

--- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> Standard Time,

> bugnsunsmom@... writes:

>

> I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> them and

> why................................

> ..............................................She

> was always surprised that

> the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> her more comfortable and

> less frightened.

>

>

>

>

>

> That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> around them who they look

> up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> actually see the

> relief/excitement on their little faces.

>

> Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds (but

> before they were

> working & we were in the height of the OCD

> craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> what was going on. His bedroom is right next to the

> hall bath (where all the

> crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> basis) we could tell he just

> tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> daughter was, of course,

> terrified for him to find out - what if he teases me

> about it, what if he says

> something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

> fears experienced by a

> younger sibling...).

>

> She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> to him. And actually, in

> the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> she has OCD.... I saw the

> medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was looking

> for something, saw her

> name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> Apparently he had known for a

> couple of weeks before we ever said anything to him.

> ANYWAY, afterwards,

> our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> other, I said " ok, we

> explained everything to ... " and he went to put

> his arm around her and she just

> ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly knocked

> the boy over. They both

> said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> would never say anything

> to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> was indescribable.

>

> We came home one day from out & there was the

> boychild at the top of the

> stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> episode by trying to talk her

> through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now

> offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> http://www.aol.com.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed since her hospitlization. At

first I was just supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up during the

night to do anything suicidal. Now she's afraid to go back to her bed.

Laurie

lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

principal what was going on, without being specific. I

told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

supportive and mentioned the formalized accommodations

plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

my son.

All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to tape

a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He freaked

out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had. Of

course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed the

wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

wanting to die.

Then somehow we got into the problems with his father.

I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates him,

that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's the

OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

we needed family counseling.

We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in his

room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

want to, because I was so exhausted and he does better

by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

every one of us in the family and saying a final

goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the night

until I knew he was asleep.

I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

Noah's Mom

--- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> Standard Time,

> bugnsunsmom@... writes:

>

> I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> them and

> why................................

> ..............................................She

> was always surprised that

> the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> her more comfortable and

> less frightened.

>

>

>

>

>

> That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> around them who they look

> up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> actually see the

> relief/excitement on their little faces.

>

> Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds (but

> before they were

> working & we were in the height of the OCD

> craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> what was going on. His bedroom is right next to the

> hall bath (where all the

> crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> basis) we could tell he just

> tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> daughter was, of course,

> terrified for him to find out - what if he teases me

> about it, what if he says

> something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

> fears experienced by a

> younger sibling...).

>

> She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> to him. And actually, in

> the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> she has OCD.... I saw the

> medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was looking

> for something, saw her

> name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> Apparently he had known for a

> couple of weeks before we ever said anything to him.

> ANYWAY, afterwards,

> our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> other, I said " ok, we

> explained everything to ... " and he went to put

> his arm around her and she just

> ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly knocked

> the boy over. They both

> said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> would never say anything

> to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> was indescribable.

>

> We came home one day from out & there was the

> boychild at the top of the

> stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> episode by trying to talk her

> through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now

> offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> http://www.aol.com.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/22/2007 2:53:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Very creative idea. As long as it gets him to touch it in the end.

I guess the idea behind the humor aspect is to make the fear smaller...

instead of being afraid of it, laugh at it or fight it in some way. You over

power *it* instead of the other way around.

LT (hope it helps)

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[Guest guest]

I appreciate your kind words. Sounds like a pretty

crappy life to look foward to. Sorry I'm so sour. This

is really taking its toll.

(Noah's Mom)

--- kelleydinkins@... wrote:

> Hi, Noah's mom. I feel for you. Both of my kids

> have OCD and my oldest one

> is the one with the most contamination issues. I am

> always blowing it with

> her. We have cats and sometimes the cats are okay

> for her to touch and

> sometimes they are not. I will move to push

> Hannah's bangs out of her eyes and

> she'll jump back and tell me I'm " catty " or I'll

> touch her doorknob and she'll

> be upset. It would be much easier if I knew day to

> day what was good and

> what was bad. Her biggest thing is deodorant--she

> thinks it is the dirtiest of

> the dirty. She will wear it but cannot use anything

> that has been in my

> medicine cabinet since my deodorant is in there.

> She can't travel with " used "

> deodorant but must have a new one to take to

> Grandma's--in its own special bag.

> I put some sandals of hers in the compartment of

> her suitcase where the

> bagged deodorant lives and she could not wear them

> again. Sometimes, when we go

> places, her sister will leave deodorant out and

> Hannah freaks. It's tons of

> fun. She used to not be able to change her clothes

> if she was wearing

> deodorant unless she showered first and started

> over. There is never a dull

> moment. With exposure to things, at first the

> anxiety goes way up and it feels

> awful but with repeated exposure, the feeling of

> anxiety goes down. Let your

> son know how proud you are of him for making it

> through last night and that

> you understand how hard it was for him and keep

> going. It really will get

> better. Kelley in NV

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now

> offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> http://www.aol.com.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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[Guest guest]

How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

there, etc?

--- wallflower <wallflower67@...> wrote:

> Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> afraid to go back to her bed.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

> What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> principal what was going on, without being specific.

> I

> told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> supportive and mentioned the formalized

> accommodations

> plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> my son.

>

> All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> tape

> a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> freaked

> out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> Of

> course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> the

> wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> wanting to die.

> Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> father.

> I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> him,

> that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> the

> OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> we needed family counseling.

> We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> his

> room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> better

> by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

> Noah's Mom

>

> --- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> >

> > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> >

> > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > them and

> > why................................

> > ..............................................She

> > was always surprised that

> > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > her more comfortable and

> > less frightened.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > around them who they look

> > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > actually see the

> > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> >

> > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> (but

> > before they were

> > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> the

> > hall bath (where all the

> > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > basis) we could tell he just

> > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > daughter was, of course,

> > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> me

> > about it, what if he says

> > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

>

> > fears experienced by a

> > younger sibling...).

> >

> > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > to him. And actually, in

> > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> looking

> > for something, saw her

> > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > Apparently he had known for a

> > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> him.

> > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > other, I said " ok, we

> > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> put

> > his arm around her and she just

> > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> knocked

> > the boy over. They both

> > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > would never say anything

> > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > was indescribable.

> >

> > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > boychild at the top of the

> > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > episode by trying to talk her

> > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > LT

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now

> > offers free email to everyone.

> > Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> > http://www.aol.com.

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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> moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Kathy

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> louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

there, etc?

--- wallflower <wallflower67@...> wrote:

> Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> afraid to go back to her bed.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

> What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> principal what was going on, without being specific.

> I

> told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> supportive and mentioned the formalized

> accommodations

> plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> my son.

>

> All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> tape

> a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> freaked

> out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> Of

> course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> the

> wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> wanting to die.

> Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> father.

> I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> him,

> that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> the

> OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> we needed family counseling.

> We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> his

> room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> better

> by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

> Noah's Mom

>

> --- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> >

> > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> >

> > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > them and

> > why................................

> > ..............................................She

> > was always surprised that

> > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > her more comfortable and

> > less frightened.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > around them who they look

> > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > actually see the

> > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> >

> > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> (but

> > before they were

> > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> the

> > hall bath (where all the

> > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > basis) we could tell he just

> > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > daughter was, of course,

> > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> me

> > about it, what if he says

> > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

>

> > fears experienced by a

> > younger sibling...).

> >

> > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > to him. And actually, in

> > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> looking

> > for something, saw her

> > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > Apparently he had known for a

> > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> him.

> > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > other, I said " ok, we

> > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> put

> > his arm around her and she just

> > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> knocked

> > the boy over. They both

> > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > would never say anything

> > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > was indescribable.

> >

> > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > boychild at the top of the

> > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > episode by trying to talk her

> > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > LT

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now

> > offers free email to everyone.

> > Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> > http://www.aol.com.

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

you just brought tears to my eyes! how sweet - i love the acceptance

here too but it's from youngers so it's usually telling me she was

stuck at the sink or my 3 year old saying i'll sqish ocd for you etc.

- such support!

eileen

Quoting jtlt@...:

>

> In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> bugnsunsmom@... writes:

>

> I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told them and

> why................................

> ..............................................She was always surprised that

> the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made her more comfortable and

> less frightened.

>

>

>

>

>

> That's so sweet when they realize that the people around them who they look

> up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can actually see the

> relief/excitement on their little faces.

>

> Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds (but before they were

> working & we were in the height of the OCD craziness) we HAD to

> explain to our son

> what was going on. His bedroom is right next to the hall bath

> (where all the

> crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily basis) we could tell he just

> tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our daughter was, of course,

> terrified for him to find out - what if he teases me about it, what

> if he says

> something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal fears experienced by a

> younger sibling...).

>

> She sat upstairs the night we explained everything to him. And actually, in

> the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know, she has OCD.... I saw the

> medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was looking for something, saw her

> name on it and looked it up on the Internet... " Apparently he had

> known for a

> couple of weeks before we ever said anything to him. ANYWAY, afterwards,

> our daughter came down & they just looked at each other, I said " ok, we

> explained everything to ... " and he went to put his arm around

> her and she just

> ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly knocked the boy over. They both

> said they loved each other, he assured her that he would never say anything

> to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face was indescribable.

>

> We came home one day from out & there was the boychild at the top of the

> stairs helping his baby sister through a showering episode by trying

> to talk her

> through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

you just brought tears to my eyes! how sweet - i love the acceptance

here too but it's from youngers so it's usually telling me she was

stuck at the sink or my 3 year old saying i'll sqish ocd for you etc.

- such support!

eileen

Quoting jtlt@...:

>

> In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> bugnsunsmom@... writes:

>

> I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told them and

> why................................

> ..............................................She was always surprised that

> the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made her more comfortable and

> less frightened.

>

>

>

>

>

> That's so sweet when they realize that the people around them who they look

> up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can actually see the

> relief/excitement on their little faces.

>

> Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds (but before they were

> working & we were in the height of the OCD craziness) we HAD to

> explain to our son

> what was going on. His bedroom is right next to the hall bath

> (where all the

> crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily basis) we could tell he just

> tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our daughter was, of course,

> terrified for him to find out - what if he teases me about it, what

> if he says

> something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal fears experienced by a

> younger sibling...).

>

> She sat upstairs the night we explained everything to him. And actually, in

> the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know, she has OCD.... I saw the

> medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was looking for something, saw her

> name on it and looked it up on the Internet... " Apparently he had

> known for a

> couple of weeks before we ever said anything to him. ANYWAY, afterwards,

> our daughter came down & they just looked at each other, I said " ok, we

> explained everything to ... " and he went to put his arm around

> her and she just

> ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly knocked the boy over. They both

> said they loved each other, he assured her that he would never say anything

> to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face was indescribable.

>

> We came home one day from out & there was the boychild at the top of the

> stairs helping his baby sister through a showering episode by trying

> to talk her

> through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

lisa - hang in there - you know what?? it is pretty crappy - horribly

crappy at times but as hard as it gets ,there is a light - you and ds

need to work hard but to see the payoff is worth it f it's actually

suicidal thoughts - but many here have called hospitals due to fear of

suicide (and I imagine all of us would) it's so scary but some

hospitals have turned out more harm them good - if you don't think

it's still a real threat I'd keep working at it - he may feel more

empowered already and since he tolerated it last night I wouldn't

change the room- actually if it was too much back it up across the

room etc. he should be bothered even at a 10 on a 0-10 scale but not

hysterical -and you shouldn't distract - just keep reminding him

you're ok, you're doing great - nothing's going to happen with the

button there - what does OCD tell you will happen - because it's not

see - this may give you more insight to the button issue- within 3-5

min 10 tops usually he will feel the anxiety lessen and feel so good

about himself - as he should

good luck - hang in

eileen

Quoting lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...>:

> I appreciate your kind words. Sounds like a pretty

> crappy life to look foward to. Sorry I'm so sour. This

> is really taking its toll.

>

> (Noah's Mom)

>

> --- kelleydinkins@... wrote:

>

>> Hi, Noah's mom. I feel for you. Both of my kids

>> have OCD and my oldest one

>> is the one with the most contamination issues. I am

>> always blowing it with

>> her. We have cats and sometimes the cats are okay

>> for her to touch and

>> sometimes they are not. I will move to push

>> Hannah's bangs out of her eyes and

>> she'll jump back and tell me I'm " catty " or I'll

>> touch her doorknob and she'll

>> be upset. It would be much easier if I knew day to

>> day what was good and

>> what was bad. Her biggest thing is deodorant--she

>> thinks it is the dirtiest of

>> the dirty. She will wear it but cannot use anything

>> that has been in my

>> medicine cabinet since my deodorant is in there.

>> She can't travel with " used "

>> deodorant but must have a new one to take to

>> Grandma's--in its own special bag.

>> I put some sandals of hers in the compartment of

>> her suitcase where the

>> bagged deodorant lives and she could not wear them

>> again. Sometimes, when we go

>> places, her sister will leave deodorant out and

>> Hannah freaks. It's tons of

>> fun. She used to not be able to change her clothes

>> if she was wearing

>> deodorant unless she showered first and started

>> over. There is never a dull

>> moment. With exposure to things, at first the

>> anxiety goes way up and it feels

>> awful but with repeated exposure, the feeling of

>> anxiety goes down. Let your

>> son know how proud you are of him for making it

>> through last night and that

>> you understand how hard it was for him and keep

>> going. It really will get

>> better. Kelley in NV

>>

>>

>>

>> ************************************** AOL now

>> offers free email to everyone.

>> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

>> http://www.aol.com.

>>

>>

>> [Non-text portions of this message have been

>> removed]

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

lisa - hang in there - you know what?? it is pretty crappy - horribly

crappy at times but as hard as it gets ,there is a light - you and ds

need to work hard but to see the payoff is worth it f it's actually

suicidal thoughts - but many here have called hospitals due to fear of

suicide (and I imagine all of us would) it's so scary but some

hospitals have turned out more harm them good - if you don't think

it's still a real threat I'd keep working at it - he may feel more

empowered already and since he tolerated it last night I wouldn't

change the room- actually if it was too much back it up across the

room etc. he should be bothered even at a 10 on a 0-10 scale but not

hysterical -and you shouldn't distract - just keep reminding him

you're ok, you're doing great - nothing's going to happen with the

button there - what does OCD tell you will happen - because it's not

see - this may give you more insight to the button issue- within 3-5

min 10 tops usually he will feel the anxiety lessen and feel so good

about himself - as he should

good luck - hang in

eileen

Quoting lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...>:

> I appreciate your kind words. Sounds like a pretty

> crappy life to look foward to. Sorry I'm so sour. This

> is really taking its toll.

>

> (Noah's Mom)

>

> --- kelleydinkins@... wrote:

>

>> Hi, Noah's mom. I feel for you. Both of my kids

>> have OCD and my oldest one

>> is the one with the most contamination issues. I am

>> always blowing it with

>> her. We have cats and sometimes the cats are okay

>> for her to touch and

>> sometimes they are not. I will move to push

>> Hannah's bangs out of her eyes and

>> she'll jump back and tell me I'm " catty " or I'll

>> touch her doorknob and she'll

>> be upset. It would be much easier if I knew day to

>> day what was good and

>> what was bad. Her biggest thing is deodorant--she

>> thinks it is the dirtiest of

>> the dirty. She will wear it but cannot use anything

>> that has been in my

>> medicine cabinet since my deodorant is in there.

>> She can't travel with " used "

>> deodorant but must have a new one to take to

>> Grandma's--in its own special bag.

>> I put some sandals of hers in the compartment of

>> her suitcase where the

>> bagged deodorant lives and she could not wear them

>> again. Sometimes, when we go

>> places, her sister will leave deodorant out and

>> Hannah freaks. It's tons of

>> fun. She used to not be able to change her clothes

>> if she was wearing

>> deodorant unless she showered first and started

>> over. There is never a dull

>> moment. With exposure to things, at first the

>> anxiety goes way up and it feels

>> awful but with repeated exposure, the feeling of

>> anxiety goes down. Let your

>> son know how proud you are of him for making it

>> through last night and that

>> you understand how hard it was for him and keep

>> going. It really will get

>> better. Kelley in NV

>>

>>

>>

>> ************************************** AOL now

>> offers free email to everyone.

>> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

>> http://www.aol.com.

>>

>>

>> [Non-text portions of this message have been

>> removed]

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for that. I think your hanging-the-button idea

is great!

Kind of makes it look like the button is a hanging

victim too.

That could really be empowering for my son.

--- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 3/22/2007 9:58:18 A.M. Eastern

> Standard Time,

> noahfsmom@... writes:

>

> Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

>

> Noah's Mom.....

>

> YOU POOR THING!!! And your poor, sweet baby boy!

> If there was a {{{hug}}}

> key on my computer, I would be using it right now!

> As far as the button on

> the bedroom wall - ya, we've all made mistakes that

> we were unaware of in the

> past with stuff like this - WHO KNEW??!! I might

> suggest *hanging* a button

> from a string or thread (from a ceiling light

> fixture or something else??) so

> it doesn't actually touch anything?? That might be

> more comfortable for

> him. Then, when the string comes down, nothing

> around him is " contaminated. "

>

> I understand how hard it would be to take your son

> to a hospital -

> especially after the recent posts on here about

> those experiences. Don't let that

> keep you from doing whatever you think you need to

> do to protect your child

> though. After reading those posts, you should not

> only be sufficiently shocked,

> but should also walk away with some knowledge of

> what to expect, what to

> tolerate & hopefully - how to handle it all.

>

> Bless your little heart.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now

> offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> http://www.aol.com.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for your experience and understanding.

It really does help.

--- " autumn71A@... "

<autumn71A@...> wrote:

> lisa - hang in there - you know what?? it is pretty

> crappy - horribly

> crappy at times but as hard as it gets ,there is a

> light - you and ds

> need to work hard but to see the payoff is worth it

> f it's actually

> suicidal thoughts - but many here have called

> hospitals due to fear of

> suicide (and I imagine all of us would) it's so

> scary but some

> hospitals have turned out more harm them good - if

> you don't think

> it's still a real threat I'd keep working at it - he

> may feel more

> empowered already and since he tolerated it last

> night I wouldn't

> change the room- actually if it was too much back it

> up across the

> room etc. he should be bothered even at a 10 on a

> 0-10 scale but not

> hysterical -and you shouldn't distract - just keep

> reminding him

> you're ok, you're doing great - nothing's going to

> happen with the

> button there - what does OCD tell you will happen -

> because it's not

> see - this may give you more insight to the button

> issue- within 3-5

> min 10 tops usually he will feel the anxiety lessen

> and feel so good

> about himself - as he should

> good luck - hang in

> eileen

>

>

>>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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with for Mobile. Get started.

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[Guest guest]

Very creative idea. As long as it gets him to touch it in the end.

jtlt@... wrote:

In a message dated 3/22/2007 12:51:03 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Kind of makes it look like the button is a hanging

victim too.

That could really be empowering for my son.

-

As a matter of fact, now that you bring that up.... there have been some

positive results with folks on the board when they use *humor* to help their

kids fight back OCD.

So - here's what you do.... go to the Dollar Store, or WallyMart & get one

of those Nerf Gun type things.... have your son use the hanging button as

target practice!! Hang several buttons in a row. Have a treat or reward for

every so many times he actually hits it (maybe a gold fish cracker or

mini-marshmallow each time). In order to get a better shot, he'll have to get

closer

to it. Maybe get a couple different types of shooting things.... ranging from

bigger, spongy ammunition to smaller so it gets harder as he goes.

LT

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

She's 12. She did two days inpatient in a crap hole (sorry). I wanted her at

one hospital and they didn't have beds, so we ended up at one that didn't have a

huge unit and couldn't separate them by age. I then took her out against

medical advice and put her in a partial hospital program that she just completed

today. Total time was about 3 weeks.

She has terrible separation anxiety from me, which I know needs to be dealt

with (and we are slowly getting her over that) but she was hysterical being left

at the hospital....scared to death. She is also a bit immature for her age, and

I didn't like that she was being exposed to drug users, and some pretty hard

core stuff. She got some of that in the outpatient hospital too, but not so

intense since these kids were calmer having been discharged from inpatient.

So combined with her separation anxiety from me and my disapproval of the

facility, that's why I took her out of the inpatient.

She has done well. She has had some therapy, but not OCD specific. Mostly

learning relaxation techniques and " empowerment groups " . She felt safe there.

Not sure she'll follow through with the relaxation tapes. My new rule is to

do it prior to starting homework, which is a huge stress for her. She said it

was stupid. I said then be quiet while I do it :-)

It does sound like your son might have been a danger to himself...but only you

know him. With my daughter, she had withdrawn from friends and expressed that

she would rather be dead than go to school. She has intense fears that she's

going to stab herself with knives. She doesn't want to, but she's afraid she's

going to, and avoids anything sharp.

Laurie

lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

there, etc?

--- wallflower wrote:

> Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> afraid to go back to her bed.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman wrote:

> What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> principal what was going on, without being specific.

> I

> told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> supportive and mentioned the formalized

> accommodations

> plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> my son.

>

> All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> tape

> a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> freaked

> out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> Of

> course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> the

> wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> wanting to die.

> Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> father.

> I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> him,

> that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> the

> OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> we needed family counseling.

> We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> his

> room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> better

> by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

> Noah's Mom

>

> --- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> >

> > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> >

> > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > them and

> > why................................

> > ..............................................She

> > was always surprised that

> > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > her more comfortable and

> > less frightened.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > around them who they look

> > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > actually see the

> > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> >

> > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> (but

> > before they were

> > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> the

> > hall bath (where all the

> > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > basis) we could tell he just

> > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > daughter was, of course,

> > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> me

> > about it, what if he says

> > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

>

> > fears experienced by a

> > younger sibling...).

> >

> > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > to him. And actually, in

> > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> looking

> > for something, saw her

> > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > Apparently he had known for a

> > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> him.

> > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > other, I said " ok, we

> > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> put

> > his arm around her and she just

> > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> knocked

> > the boy over. They both

> > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > would never say anything

> > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > was indescribable.

> >

> > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > boychild at the top of the

> > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > episode by trying to talk her

> > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > LT

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now

> > offers free email to everyone.

> > Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> > http://www.aol.com.

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat

> feature may be accessed at:

>

/

> .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

> Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

> Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

> http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

> moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Kathy

> Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses,

> and Kathy . Subscription issues or

> suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

> owner, at louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

Sounds like your daughter really was in danger. I think if my son were that

specific about knives, I'd take him right in too.

Well, I'm in the midst of another night like last. I finally plopped my son in

front of the TV at 10:15 because he was just sitting in his room in a depressed

state choking back the tears, said he couldn't go to sleep and was in no shape

to do the homework that couldn't get done earlier because of baseball practice

and dinner. See, he copes pretty well all day, but everything breaks loose at

night (I'm such a good audience, eh?). Again, he kept saying he didn't want to

live and he figured out a new way to do it, but when I calmly asked him what it

was he wouldn't tell me. That would ruin it if he were ever ready. He has no

hope that treatment will work. He knows it's worked for others but it won't work

for him, he's sure. I put in calls to both the psychiatrist and psychologist. No

response yet. I'm ready to give in to the meds, if only he'd get a prescription.

It's so much fun spending night after night talking my son off the ledge.

Oh, we did have a breakthrough tonight. My son expressed how sad he was when his

fish died (many many months ago). He felt it was his best friend, and he has no

real friends (just the superficial boy kind). In an effort to clean up his

dresser a few months ago, I finally cleaned out the aquarium and took it to the

garage. I believe that was what triggered this whole go-round.

Glad to hear your daughter's doing well. Maybe my son really does need more

intensive, immediate treatment.We have a very good hospital here with a

pediatric psych program inpatient and outpatient.

wallflower <wallflower67@...> wrote:

She's 12. She did two days inpatient in a crap hole (sorry). I wanted her at

one hospital and they didn't have beds, so we ended up at one that didn't have a

huge unit and couldn't separate them by age. I then took her out against

medical advice and put her in a partial hospital program that she just completed

today. Total time was about 3 weeks.

She has terrible separation anxiety from me, which I know needs to be dealt

with (and we are slowly getting her over that) but she was hysterical being left

at the hospital....scared to death. She is also a bit immature for her age, and

I didn't like that she was being exposed to drug users, and some pretty hard

core stuff. She got some of that in the outpatient hospital too, but not so

intense since these kids were calmer having been discharged from inpatient.

So combined with her separation anxiety from me and my disapproval of the

facility, that's why I took her out of the inpatient.

She has done well. She has had some therapy, but not OCD specific. Mostly

learning relaxation techniques and " empowerment groups " . She felt safe there.

Not sure she'll follow through with the relaxation tapes. My new rule is to

do it prior to starting homework, which is a huge stress for her. She said it

was stupid. I said then be quiet while I do it :-)

It does sound like your son might have been a danger to himself...but only

you know him. With my daughter, she had withdrawn from friends and expressed

that she would rather be dead than go to school. She has intense fears that

she's going to stab herself with knives. She doesn't want to, but she's afraid

she's going to, and avoids anything sharp.

Laurie

lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

there, etc?

--- wallflower wrote:

> Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> afraid to go back to her bed.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman wrote:

> What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> principal what was going on, without being specific.

> I

> told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> supportive and mentioned the formalized

> accommodations

> plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> my son.

>

> All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> tape

> a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> freaked

> out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> Of

> course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> the

> wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> wanting to die.

> Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> father.

> I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> him,

> that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> the

> OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> we needed family counseling.

> We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> his

> room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> better

> by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

> Noah's Mom

>

> --- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> >

> > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> >

> > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > them and

> > why................................

> > ..............................................She

> > was always surprised that

> > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > her more comfortable and

> > less frightened.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > around them who they look

> > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > actually see the

> > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> >

> > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> (but

> > before they were

> > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> the

> > hall bath (where all the

> > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > basis) we could tell he just

> > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > daughter was, of course,

> > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> me

> > about it, what if he says

> > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

>

> > fears experienced by a

> > younger sibling...).

> >

> > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > to him. And actually, in

> > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> looking

> > for something, saw her

> > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > Apparently he had known for a

> > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> him.

> > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > other, I said " ok, we

> > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> put

> > his arm around her and she just

> > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> knocked

> > the boy over. They both

> > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > would never say anything

> > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > was indescribable.

> >

> > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > boychild at the top of the

> > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > episode by trying to talk her

> > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > LT

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now

> > offers free email to everyone.

> > Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> > http://www.aol.com.

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________________

> Expecting? Get great news right away with email

> Auto-Check.

> Try the Beta.

>

http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/newmail_tools.html

>

>

>

> Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat

> feature may be accessed at:

>

/

> .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

> Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

> Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

> http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

> moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Kathy

> Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses,

> and Kathy . Subscription issues or

> suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

> owner, at louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

what a great idea LT! - eileen

Quoting jtlt@...:

>

> In a message dated 3/22/2007 12:51:03 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> noahfsmom@... writes:

>

> Kind of makes it look like the button is a hanging

> victim too.

> That could really be empowering for my son.

>

>

> -

>

> As a matter of fact, now that you bring that up.... there have been some

> positive results with folks on the board when they use *humor* to help their

> kids fight back OCD.

>

> So - here's what you do.... go to the Dollar Store, or WallyMart & get one

> of those Nerf Gun type things.... have your son use the hanging button as

> target practice!! Hang several buttons in a row. Have a treat or

> reward for

> every so many times he actually hits it (maybe a gold fish cracker or

> mini-marshmallow each time). In order to get a better shot, he'll

> have to get closer

> to it. Maybe get a couple different types of shooting things....

> ranging from

> bigger, spongy ammunition to smaller so it gets harder as he goes.

> LT

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

could a new fish be a reward to work towards or just a gift right now

to help lift him???

eileen

Quoting lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...>:

> Laurie,

> Sounds like your daughter really was in danger. I think if my son

> were that specific about knives, I'd take him right in too.

>

> Well, I'm in the midst of another night like last. I finally plopped

> my son in front of the TV at 10:15 because he was just sitting in

> his room in a depressed state choking back the tears, said he

> couldn't go to sleep and was in no shape to do the homework that

> couldn't get done earlier because of baseball practice and dinner.

> See, he copes pretty well all day, but everything breaks loose at

> night (I'm such a good audience, eh?). Again, he kept saying he

> didn't want to live and he figured out a new way to do it, but when

> I calmly asked him what it was he wouldn't tell me. That would ruin

> it if he were ever ready. He has no hope that treatment will work.

> He knows it's worked for others but it won't work for him, he's

> sure. I put in calls to both the psychiatrist and psychologist. No

> response yet. I'm ready to give in to the meds, if only he'd get a

> prescription.

>

> It's so much fun spending night after night talking my son off the ledge.

> Oh, we did have a breakthrough tonight. My son expressed how sad he

> was when his fish died (many many months ago). He felt it was his

> best friend, and he has no real friends (just the superficial boy

> kind). In an effort to clean up his dresser a few months ago, I

> finally cleaned out the aquarium and took it to the garage. I

> believe that was what triggered this whole go-round.

>

> Glad to hear your daughter's doing well. Maybe my son really does

> need more intensive, immediate treatment.We have a very good

> hospital here with a pediatric psych program inpatient and outpatient.

>

>

>

> wallflower <wallflower67@...> wrote:

> She's 12. She did two days inpatient in a crap hole

> (sorry). I wanted her at one hospital and they didn't have beds,

> so we ended up at one that didn't have a huge unit and couldn't

> separate them by age. I then took her out against medical advice

> and put her in a partial hospital program that she just completed

> today. Total time was about 3 weeks.

>

> She has terrible separation anxiety from me, which I know needs

> to be dealt with (and we are slowly getting her over that) but she

> was hysterical being left at the hospital....scared to death. She

> is also a bit immature for her age, and I didn't like that she was

> being exposed to drug users, and some pretty hard core stuff. She

> got some of that in the outpatient hospital too, but not so intense

> since these kids were calmer having been discharged from inpatient.

>

> So combined with her separation anxiety from me and my

> disapproval of the facility, that's why I took her out of the

> inpatient.

>

> She has done well. She has had some therapy, but not OCD

> specific. Mostly learning relaxation techniques and " empowerment

> groups " . She felt safe there.

>

> Not sure she'll follow through with the relaxation tapes. My new

> rule is to do it prior to starting homework, which is a huge stress

> for her. She said it was stupid. I said then be quiet while I do

> it :-)

>

> It does sound like your son might have been a danger to

> himself...but only you know him. With my daughter, she had

> withdrawn from friends and expressed that she would rather be dead

> than go to school. She has intense fears that she's going to stab

> herself with knives. She doesn't want to, but she's afraid she's

> going to, and avoids anything sharp.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

> How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

> Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

> there, etc?

>

>

> --- wallflower wrote:

>

> > Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> > since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> > supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> > during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> > afraid to go back to her bed.

> >

> > Laurie

> >

> > lisa fishman wrote:

> > What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> > morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> > principal what was going on, without being specific.

> > I

> > told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> > depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> > homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> > supportive and mentioned the formalized

> > accommodations

> > plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> > my son.

> >

> > All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> > psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> > tape

> > a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> > closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> > was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> > freaked

> > out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> > Of

> > course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> > the

> > wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> > wanting to die.

> > Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> > father.

> > I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> > him,

> > that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> > the

> > OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> > for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> > teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> > we needed family counseling.

> > We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> > his

> > room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> > taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> > want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> > better

> > by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> > every one of us in the family and saying a final

> > goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> > night

> > until I knew he was asleep.

> > I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

> >

> > Noah's Mom

> >

> > --- jtlt@... wrote:

> >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > > Standard Time,

> > > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> > >

> > > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > > them and

> > > why................................

> > > ..............................................She

> > > was always surprised that

> > > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > > her more comfortable and

> > > less frightened.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > > around them who they look

> > > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > > actually see the

> > > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> > >

> > > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> > (but

> > > before they were

> > > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> > the

> > > hall bath (where all the

> > > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > > basis) we could tell he just

> > > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > > daughter was, of course,

> > > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> > me

> > > about it, what if he says

> > > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

> >

> > > fears experienced by a

> > > younger sibling...).

> > >

> > > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > > to him. And actually, in

> > > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> > looking

> > > for something, saw her

> > > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > > Apparently he had known for a

> > > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> > him.

> > > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > > other, I said " ok, we

> > > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> > put

> > > his arm around her and she just

> > > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> > knocked

> > > the boy over. They both

> > > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > > would never say anything

> > > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > > was indescribable.

> > >

> > > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > > boychild at the top of the

> > > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > > episode by trying to talk her

> > > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > > LT

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ************************************** AOL now

> > > offers free email to everyone.

> > > Find out more about what's free from AOL at

> > > http://www.aol.com.

> > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > > removed]

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> __________________________________________________________

> > Expecting? Get great news right away with email

> > Auto-Check.

> > Try the Beta.

> >

> http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/newmail_tools.html

> >

> >

> >

> > Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat

> > feature may be accessed at:

> >

> /

> > .

> > Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar

> > Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan

> > Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., (

> > http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list

> > moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Kathy

> > Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses,

> > and Kathy . Subscription issues or

> > suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

> > owner, at louisharkins@... ,

> > louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/22/2007 10:54:14 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Again, he kept saying he didn't want to live and he figured out a new way to

do it, but when I calmly asked him what it was he wouldn't tell me. That

would ruin it if he were ever ready. He has no hope that treatment will work.

He

knows it's worked for others but it won't work for him, he's sure. I put in

calls to both the psychiatrist and psychologist. No response yet. I'm ready

to give in to the meds, if only he'd get a prescription.

Are you being specific with your messages to both p-docs about his talk of

suicide? I don't know if I'm more shocked, horrified (or could I just be

ignorant on this topic???) that when I child talks like that - both docs don't

jump to and get you ASAP.

I know what you mean about trying meds. That was the first thing out of my

mouth to our first psychologist. I was disappointed at how fast those words

came out of her mouth - on the very first appt!!! I said I wanted to try

EVERYTHING before we attempted meds. Now I know it was just some misguided

opinion I had about them. I don't know if I imagined my dd walking around like

a

zombie or gaining 50 pounds overnight or WHAT... but I was dead-set against

them. Until we realized that life would never be under control again just

doing what we were doing (couldn't find anyone qualified in CBT & ERP). Our

2nd psychologist explained it to us this way - if your thoughts & anxiety level

are out of control and you're not capable of rational thought or

concentration, you can never *learn* anything or *reason* about anything.

That's really

what the meds do, and without the meds, the OCDr is unable to rationally

look at the situation. Everything they think & feel is true to them. They

can't step back and see what's really happening and that there ARE things out

there that can help them.

Would your son consider chatting online or getting involved in a message

board for kids? I tried to convince my dd of this early on.... what with the

anonymity of the Internet & all... but she never went for it. I know it's

quite helpful for some kids - talking to someone other than an adult.

Anyway, just some suggestions.

LT

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

That's scary that your son really wants to stop living (or says he does...either

one). He probably would benefit from inpatient or a day program.

My daughter confessed to me a couple of months ago that she has had the fears

of knives since she was about 7 or 8. I also have OCD, so I can relate to

having intrusive thoughts of doing harm to oneself and not really want to do it.

So you end up avoiding those objects. She said she only wanted to stop living

when she was worried about school....and she had panic attacks at homework time.

So like your son, everything was great during the day, but melt downs happened

at night. No concentration whatsoever for homework.

She says the new meds and the therapy haven't decreased the amount of

intrusive knife thoughts. So I don't know what to think. She has an

appointment with her outpatient therapist this Monday. I know she needs

Exposure therapy. But where to start? I suppose with looking at a knife. All

mine are hidden.

Laurie

lisa fishman <noahfsmom@...> wrote:

Laurie,

Sounds like your daughter really was in danger. I think if my son were that

specific about knives, I'd take him right in too.

Well, I'm in the midst of another night like last. I finally plopped my son in

front of the TV at 10:15 because he was just sitting in his room in a depressed

state choking back the tears, said he couldn't go to sleep and was in no shape

to do the homework that couldn't get done earlier because of baseball practice

and dinner. See, he copes pretty well all day, but everything breaks loose at

night (I'm such a good audience, eh?). Again, he kept saying he didn't want to

live and he figured out a new way to do it, but when I calmly asked him what it

was he wouldn't tell me. That would ruin it if he were ever ready. He has no

hope that treatment will work. He knows it's worked for others but it won't work

for him, he's sure. I put in calls to both the psychiatrist and psychologist. No

response yet. I'm ready to give in to the meds, if only he'd get a prescription.

It's so much fun spending night after night talking my son off the ledge.

Oh, we did have a breakthrough tonight. My son expressed how sad he was when his

fish died (many many months ago). He felt it was his best friend, and he has no

real friends (just the superficial boy kind). In an effort to clean up his

dresser a few months ago, I finally cleaned out the aquarium and took it to the

garage. I believe that was what triggered this whole go-round.

Glad to hear your daughter's doing well. Maybe my son really does need more

intensive, immediate treatment.We have a very good hospital here with a

pediatric psych program inpatient and outpatient.

wallflower wrote: She's 12. She did two days inpatient in a crap hole (sorry). I

wanted her at one hospital and they didn't have beds, so we ended up at one that

didn't have a huge unit and couldn't separate them by age. I then took her out

against medical advice and put her in a partial hospital program that she just

completed today. Total time was about 3 weeks.

She has terrible separation anxiety from me, which I know needs to be dealt with

(and we are slowly getting her over that) but she was hysterical being left at

the hospital....scared to death. She is also a bit immature for her age, and I

didn't like that she was being exposed to drug users, and some pretty hard core

stuff. She got some of that in the outpatient hospital too, but not so intense

since these kids were calmer having been discharged from inpatient.

So combined with her separation anxiety from me and my disapproval of the

facility, that's why I took her out of the inpatient.

She has done well. She has had some therapy, but not OCD specific. Mostly

learning relaxation techniques and " empowerment groups " . She felt safe there.

Not sure she'll follow through with the relaxation tapes. My new rule is to do

it prior to starting homework, which is a huge stress for her. She said it was

stupid. I said then be quiet while I do it :-)

It does sound like your son might have been a danger to himself...but only you

know him. With my daughter, she had withdrawn from friends and expressed that

she would rather be dead than go to school. She has intense fears that she's

going to stab herself with knives. She doesn't want to, but she's afraid she's

going to, and avoids anything sharp.

Laurie

lisa fishman wrote:

How old is she? What was her hospitalization like?

Could you tell me how long she was in, what happened

there, etc?

--- wallflower wrote:

> Hugs to you. My dd is still sleeping in my bed

> since her hospitlization. At first I was just

> supposed to do it so I could sense if she got up

> during the night to do anything suicidal. Now she's

> afraid to go back to her bed.

>

> Laurie

>

> lisa fishman wrote:

> What encouraging stories. I was so desperate this

> morning, I just went ahead and told the assistant

> principal what was going on, without being specific.

> I

> told her my son has an anxiety disorder and clinical

> depression and he needs some slack when it comes to

> homework assignments and tardiness. She was very

> supportive and mentioned the formalized

> accommodations

> plan (IP?). I will ask our doctor if that would help

> my son.

>

> All this after a night of hell. Yesterday the

> psychologist gave us an exercise to do. I was to

> tape

> a button to a wall and have my son get closer and

> closer, measuring his anxiety response. How stupid I

> was to tape the button to his bedroom wall. He

> freaked

> out! That was the closest thing to a haven he had.

> Of

> course, he never got to the exercise. He scrubbed

> the

> wall a few times, screamed at me, talked again about

> wanting to die.

> Then somehow we got into the problems with his

> father.

> I didn't realize how bad it was. He said he hates

> him,

> that he's mean and teases him...maybe some of it's

> the

> OCD talking. Anyway, I put the two of them together

> for a chat, during which my husband denied ever

> teasing my son or doing anything wrong. He did admit

> we needed family counseling.

> We left my son alone for a few minutes. He was in

> his

> room looking for ways to hurt himself. I thought of

> taking him to the hospital but really REALLY didn't

> want to, because I was so exhausted and he does

> better

> by day. Anyway, he wrote a scathing note implicating

> every one of us in the family and saying a final

> goodbye. I didn't leave his side the rest of the

> night

> until I knew he was asleep.

> I'm at the end of my rope. Virtual hugs, please!

>

> Noah's Mom

>

> --- jtlt@... wrote:

>

> >

> > In a message dated 3/21/2007 2:46:56 P.M. Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > bugnsunsmom@... writes:

> >

> > I would tell her teachers and then tell her I told

> > them and

> > why................................

> > ..............................................She

> > was always surprised that

> > the teachers *LOVED* her the same or more. It made

> > her more comfortable and

> > less frightened.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > That's so sweet when they realize that the people

> > around them who they look

> > up to accept who they are & don't judge. You can

> > actually see the

> > relief/excitement on their little faces.

> >

> > Shortly after my dd was diagnosed & put on meds

> (but

> > before they were

> > working & we were in the height of the OCD

> > craziness) we HAD to explain to our son

> > what was going on. His bedroom is right next to

> the

> > hall bath (where all the

> > crying & yelling & hysteria occurred on a daily

> > basis) we could tell he just

> > tried to ignore it & never asked about it. Our

> > daughter was, of course,

> > terrified for him to find out - what if he teases

> me

> > about it, what if he says

> > something to someone on the bus... etc etc (normal

>

> > fears experienced by a

> > younger sibling...).

> >

> > She sat upstairs the night we explained everything

> > to him. And actually, in

> > the middle of our 'talk', he said to us, " I know,

> > she has OCD.... I saw the

> > medication in the kitchen cabinet when I was

> looking

> > for something, saw her

> > name on it and looked it up on the Internet... "

> > Apparently he had known for a

> > couple of weeks before we ever said anything to

> him.

> > ANYWAY, afterwards,

> > our daughter came down & they just looked at each

> > other, I said " ok, we

> > explained everything to ... " and he went to

> put

> > his arm around her and she just

> > ran into his arms so fast & hard, it nearly

> knocked

> > the boy over. They both

> > said they loved each other, he assured her that he

> > would never say anything

> > to anyone (and never has). The relief on her face

> > was indescribable.

> >

> > We came home one day from out & there was the

> > boychild at the top of the

> > stairs helping his baby sister through a showering

> > episode by trying to talk her

> > through it through the door. It was SO sweet.

> > LT

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now

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> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

The psychiatrist finally called back this morning. I don't think the

psychologist ever picked up his messages! If we didn't know him personally and I

hadn't been told he was the best around for this, I'd consider switching.

Anyway, the MD prescribed Prozac, only 10mg, which I questioned. He said we

should start there and see how it goes. So we are. I'm not thrilled with either

of these doctors being so slow to respond. Don't they know what profession

they're in???

As a matter of fact, I got Noah on the children's board as soon as I could.

Unfortunately, it's not as well trafficked as our board. He's had just one

response. But he was thrilled to get it.

There is one support group for kids in our city, but it's impossible for us to

make that particular day, for religious reasons.

I wish everyone on this board would try to get their kids on the OCDkidsonline.

jtlt@... wrote:

In a message dated 3/22/2007 10:54:14 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

noahfsmom@... writes:

Again, he kept saying he didn't want to live and he figured out a new way to

do it, but when I calmly asked him what it was he wouldn't tell me. That

would ruin it if he were ever ready. He has no hope that treatment will work.

He

knows it's worked for others but it won't work for him, he's sure. I put in

calls to both the psychiatrist and psychologist. No response yet. I'm ready

to give in to the meds, if only he'd get a prescription.

Are you being specific with your messages to both p-docs about his talk of

suicide? I don't know if I'm more shocked, horrified (or could I just be

ignorant on this topic???) that when I child talks like that - both docs don't

jump to and get you ASAP.

I know what you mean about trying meds. That was the first thing out of my

mouth to our first psychologist. I was disappointed at how fast those words

came out of her mouth - on the very first appt!!! I said I wanted to try

EVERYTHING before we attempted meds. Now I know it was just some misguided

opinion I had about them. I don't know if I imagined my dd walking around

like a

zombie or gaining 50 pounds overnight or WHAT... but I was dead-set against

them. Until we realized that life would never be under control again just

doing what we were doing (couldn't find anyone qualified in CBT & ERP). Our

2nd psychologist explained it to us this way - if your thoughts & anxiety

level

are out of control and you're not capable of rational thought or

concentration, you can never *learn* anything or *reason* about anything.

That's really

what the meds do, and without the meds, the OCDr is unable to rationally

look at the situation. Everything they think & feel is true to them. They

can't step back and see what's really happening and that there ARE things out

there that can help them.

Would your son consider chatting online or getting involved in a message

board for kids? I tried to convince my dd of this early on.... what with the

anonymity of the Internet & all... but she never went for it. I know it's

quite helpful for some kids - talking to someone other than an adult.

Anyway, just some suggestions.

LT

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