Carolyn/ pondering sleeping arrangements

[Guest guest]

Dear Carolyn,

That is a good and thoughtful question, about whether it is possible for a man to be tempted.

I think that perhaps many, many cases are men who were molested as children. And there are men, and women too, who have somehow replaced love with sex, in their minds, and so anything goes.

It is so hard to know what is going on behind the façades so many people wear. And perhaps there are many times when a child's sweet and innocent trust has transformed an adult.

It is interesting that before opening my email, I was just receiving some Guidance about how important our speaking, thinking and actions are, not just to those around us, directly affected, but to the entire Universe.

I was being reminded that the words I speak to my daughter, when she is being awful, impact everything. So there had better be love behind each word, even if the message is stern. Because if there is anything that is ultimately going to heal autism -- and everything else -- it is lovingkindness.

Thank you for your question Carolyn. It somehow completed the Guidance for me.

Love,

Francine

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of CarolynSent: Monday, August 27, 2007 1:29 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Re: pondering sleeping arrangements

Hello all,

I was surprised to see you all still pondering sleeping arrangements, have been reading all your comments this way and that, and a thought comes to me. Do you Francine, and any others of you think it is possible for a parent to come under temptation if the right situation is presented where this could possibly happen.

This thought has come to me lately, not from this discussion alone, but from all the reports that are making it seem to me like there is an epidemic landslide of people, they look like just ordinary people to me, men mostly, who ALL OF A SUDDEN start molesting their own children! Or other people's children.

I watched this thing on TV not too long ago, it was an Internet sting actually, where detectives set up a track in order to catch men who wanted to go and have sex with children. They would write back and forth to them, set up the place and time, the men would show up and get busted.

What shocked me is they were normal men, husbands, fathers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, ministers, etc.

All I am saying is there is something going on these days in our world, and maybe it pays for us all to be more vigilant than ever before, not only for our children's sakes, but for our own sakes. Because I don't think any of these men ever thought they could be tempted this way, but yet they were, and their lives were ruined.

It is pitiful, but it is happening in larger numbers all the time.

Carolyn

RE: Re: pondering sleeping arrangements

My comments are under yours…see below.

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of sunrose101aolSent: Monday, August 27, 2007 8:48 AMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Re: pondering sleeping arrangements

Well, I guess I'll respond to your email Deb, since it's to my response about agreeing to disagree.

What shows up for me here is just how much we are products of our cultural beliefs -- either in agreement or in disregard of them.

<<<Sleeping with your children in other believes, cultural settings was not the topic. However, since cultural beliefs has been brought into this subject agreed or disagreed, disregarded or not; “products of our cultural beliefs†is in the view you have currently. It maybe true most people view it this way from the cultural environment. That is their right, what they believe, such as you. Besides, I am not convinced it’s entirely cultural subjected. I have not seen statistics that gives me figures of how much is “cultural†and how much is not. I would need more proof for you to convince me on what is morally right and what is cultural. I think that is a huge difference in the original subject than what was posted. >>>>>

My guess is that psychologically-oriented, sex-obsessed, uptight America has much more child sexual abuse -- than other, more relaxed cultures.

<<<<< How do you know this, give me the statistics, in figures and from a reasonable source. “Uptight America†as you put it hasn’t gotten there for any reason. Children have been de moralized due to certain acts that are morally wrong in every cultural insight. Liberals mainly think this way as you do does it mean they are from another cultural? Relaxed cultural maybe contributing to why America’s children has more child sexual abuse have you ever thought that? Again, there are no statistics that give your statements the truth. America is what it is and there are a lot of cultural oriented people here. This doesn’t mean that it is uptight America when other cultures also sexually abuse children too, in America I might add. It’s my opinion when someone moves here from another country they have a right to practice their own cultural beliefs as long as it doesn’t affect children in a harmful way. Uptight or not, America’s opinion what is based on what is morally wrong. I have never mentioned sexuality. Since you mentioned it, I can’t see where Americans are obsessed with it. >>>>>

I can remember a famous Jewish comedian, in his autobiography, writing about how all eight kids in his family slept together. Now we know that brother-sister abuse happens; so is the incidence of it higher in poor families with tight living arrangement? Probably not.

<<< Who really cares what Jewish families do-their cultural their families. I just made the comment about how a child doesn’t develop self skills by sleeping with an adult. >>>>

There actually is a genuine ... warmth of spirit -- for lack of better words -- in closeness, that is spontaneously natural and normal to us, that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with an acknowledgment that we all want that closeness.

My high school friends and I slept together on sleepovers. If anyone had suggested this was improper (and our parents obviously didn't think so) we would have been horrified. Were our teenaged minds obsessed with sex? Absolutely! We talked about it constantly, one way or another. However, not with each other!

This is how it is with families that sleep together. Sleeping together is a shared family/friend communion (remember slumber parties?). Sex is something else again, and in my day -- at least! -- was more associated with a car or a beach than a bed! (Smiling fondly at some memories.)

One Christmas eve, when my daughter was in high school, a bunch of other kids whose families didn't celebrate Christmas (Jewish, atheist, Hindu) seemed to spontaneously decide that they wanted to spend Christmas Eve with us [since God is such a Center to our lives]. So about ten of us slept in the living room with the tree! It was a really lovely experience, boys and girls. They were here for God, not sex.

It has been said that we are to look into our brothers' and sisters' eyes and remember God. I think, to some extent, the experience of communal sleeping fosters that Oneness.

Love,

Francine

In a message dated 8/27/2007 3:04:33 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, debhitchcockmchsi writes:

I haven’t followed this post all the way through. However, I do know the subject is “teens sleeping with Adultsâ€. This is all I know and my opinion is; it is what it is. Everyone has their own opinions. I just wanted to add mine. I will be objectionable and say if all else fails about whether it’s right or wrong maybe someone (and I don’t look at the names here) someone hasn’t thought about this one:

When a child sleeps with a parent they begin to rely on the parent being there for safety and security reasons. It is difficult to have a child with Autism but it’s even more difficult to get the kids where they need to be in the world. It’s hard for NT kids to leave their parents bed and when a parent gets used to that child being there for whatever reason they are depriving their child of getting their child to become secure in themselves. So in reality if you think you are soothing your child as a parent may in this situation, you are actually depriving the chance in becoming independent. We all know our challenges with our kids and these challenges with Autistic kids only are bigger compared to NT (Neuro typical) kids. For example: When a teenager enters middle school their hormones change, peer pressure is much more manifested. A kid with Autism entering middle school has ten times the challenges to face. In all regards, it best suits the child (teenager) to learn self taught skills that are much more challenging with Autistic kids. Society will look at this totally different as well and if we want our Autistic kids to be normal as possible, to live within the world around us, to get along with others. It is in reason to say our Autistic children will need to learn differently. This is not the best learning curb for the child.

ly, I do agree it’s wrong although; thought it was right. (No pun intended) The world or America looked upon this as abnormal and sexual content was added by some people. It’s suspicious in looking in as “normal†behaviors. Judge mental? If someone didn’t post this expecting it to be subjected to more a debatable than the post should have never entered.

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of sunrose101aolSent: Sunday, August 26, 2007 9:40 PMAutism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Re: pondering sleeping arrangements

:*) Good night Jodi.

In a message dated 8/26/2007 9:51:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jjkgardeniersbcglobal (DOT) net writes:

You are a dear Francine. I once was very shy and would never stick up for myself and now I sometimes go overboard. Yes, lets just agree to disagree. =) Thanks and bless you. Jodi> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > -------Original Message----- --> > > > > > > > From: Jeff and Jodi > > > > Date: 20/08/2007 9:11:14 PM > > > > > > > > Now, I can see other beds or mats on the floor in the same > room > > > even > > > > After puberty but NOT under the same covers! I hope that in > > other > > > > Countries they draw a line at puberty. Even if it is to have > > > someone > > > > Sleep on the floor. > > > > > > > > ************ **** **** > > > > The short answer is no. Even in the New Testament there is a > > > story where a> > > > man doesn't want to get up in the night because his whole > > family > > > is in bed> > > > with him. Most cultures are not as obsessed with, or paranoid > > > about, sex as> > > > America and some other parts of the West are, and the thought > > that > > > sharing a> > > > bed necessarily or even probably means sex would be > considered > > > strange -> > > > especially in a family context. In some parts of the world, > the > > > idea of not> > > > sharing a bed with someone would be strange. In some > cultures, > > > the biggest> > > > social sin is to allow a guest or family member to be alone - > > even > > > when> > > > sleeping. It may not be what you are comfortable with, but > not > > > everyone> > > > shares your values. That's just life, whether we like it or > > not. > > > On a> > > > group like this where people from almost anywhere can join, > > there > > > are> > > > inevitably going to be times when you will not like or > approve > > of > > > someone> > > > else's way of life. In the global scheme of things, Western > > > culture is a a> > > > minority. Every year we become a smaller minority, so we just > > > have to get> > > > used to people doing things differently. As long as we can > live > > > the way we> > > > believe to be right, we should allow others the same > privilege.> > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ ******** ******** ************<WBR>*********<WBR>*****> all-> > new AOL at > > > _http://discover.http://discovehttp://disco_ > (http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour) > > >> >> > > > > > > > > > ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour>

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