Re: Restraining. Good grief!

[Guest guest]

Well I would say let him stay in the service until he gets bored ,then take him to the nursery.If they do not have one start one and have them put a speaker in the nursery for them to hear it. Even if they aren't sitting perfectly still they still can hear the sermon. Kinda like when you are talking with a friend and you don't think your kid hears until he/she repeats the bad word or thing you said to your friend to someone else ,believe me these kids hear EVERYTHING . I also suggest a quiet bag of toys books crayons to work on in service.My thought is kids this age are just to young to sit through service or even understand what the preacher/priest talks about.that is why they usually have Sunday school b4 church so the kids can learn at their level.

I send my lil girl who is 4 into nursery she isn't loud or anything but it is boring for her and she gets restless and she gets fidgety. just some ideasVickie Restraining. Good grief!

In church last Sunday night got out of control again. I tried

restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me

getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I

quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in

an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine the

eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and

supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing

rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another unruly

child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to

the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside.

I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea though.

Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the

restraining technique.

LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost

impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go

home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so

important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be

quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring

books but but these do not always work for long.

I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the "I'm

afraid" thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from

everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some

perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have seen

the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank

you.

Jodi

oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links.

[Guest guest]

I think the bringing something for him to play with is a great idea.

Do you change the items up every week? How about rewards. For every

15 minutes he sits and behaves, give him a raffle ticket.

1 ticket = desert at lunch

2 tickets = movie of his choice, with whole family.

3 tickets = item from dollar store

4 tickets = Ice cream cone or whatever he thinks is way cool.

Just examples.

You and should decide, what the rewards should be.

The ticket every 15 minutes, lets him have a visual reward. This is

something they need. Rewards should be given as soon as possible

after church. Make sure to praise him, no matter how many tickets.

Thanks, Sheridan

>

> In church last Sunday night got out of control again. I

tried

> restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me

> getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I

> quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in

> an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine

the

> eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and

> supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing

> rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another

unruly

> child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to

> the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside.

> I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea

though.

> Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the

> restraining technique.

>

> LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost

> impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go

> home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so

> important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be

> quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring

> books but but these do not always work for long.

>

> I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the " I'm

> afraid " thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from

> everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some

> perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have

seen

> the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank

> you.

>

> Jodi

>

[Guest guest]

Jodi,

My advice is to keep looking for answers and don't give up.

We have been through the same stuff with our son. The meltdowns are

still a problem for us and ds is now 14 years old.

He does do much better in church now that he is older.

The trouble is getting him to go in the first place.

I can't restrain him anymore because he is just too big.

Some days it is a tremendous stress just being around him and other

days he is pretty manageable. We are still looking for answers and

have made and appointment with a neurologist for more up-to-date

investigation as to what is happening inside that head of his.

Dr. Phil has a show today, Tuesday September 4, 2007 on

Violent Kids. Ought to be good. Of course by the time you

get my post, 4 or 5 days from now, it will be too late to see it.

I wish someone would take me off moderation.

God bless.

Dave

>

> In church last Sunday night got out of control again. I

tried

> restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me

> getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I

> quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in

> an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine

the

> eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and

> supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing

> rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another

unruly

> child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to

> the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside.

> I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea

though.

> Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the

> restraining technique.

>

> LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost

> impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go

> home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so

> important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be

> quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring

> books but but these do not always work for long.

>

> I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the " I'm

> afraid " thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from

> everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some

> perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have

seen

> the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank

> you.

>

> Jodi

>

[Guest guest]

My 14 and 10 year olds bring their game

boys to service.  The volume is off so that they don’t disturb others around

us.  I’m always amazed at how much they do listen when it appears that

they’re totally into their game. I find that if they have something to do

with their hands that they sit better and listen better.

Don’t feel that you failed, it

sounds like the tantrum was winding down and this was a good “out”

for him.  You did the right thing by using the technique you’re learning

and reinforcing that his behavior was out of hand.  When the tantrum had run

its course that all was forgiven and it was time to continue with the day.

Keep up the good work

Gretchen

From: Autism and Aspergers Treatment [mailto:Autism and Aspergers Treatment ] On Behalf Of vickie

Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2007

9:39 AM

Autism and Aspergers Treatment

Subject: Re:

Restraining. Good grief!

Well I would say let

him stay in the service until he gets bored ,then take him to the nursery.If

they do not have one start one and have them put a speaker in the nursery for

them to hear it. Even if they aren't sitting perfectly still they still can hear

the sermon. Kinda like when you are talking with a friend and you don't

think your kid hears until he/she repeats the bad word or thing you said to

your friend to someone else ,believe me these kids hear EVERYTHING .

I also suggest a quiet bag of toys books crayons

to work on in service.My thought is kids this age are just to young to sit

through service or even understand what the preacher/priest talks about.that is

why they usually have Sunday school b4 church so the kids can learn at their

level.

I send my lil girl who is 4 into nursery she isn't

loud or anything but it is boring for her and she gets restless and she gets

fidgety.

just some ideas

Vickie

Restraining. Good grief!

In church last Sunday night got out of control

again. I tried

restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me

getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I

quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in

an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine the

eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and

supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing

rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another unruly

child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to

the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside.

I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea though.

Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the

restraining technique.

LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost

impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go

home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so

important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be

quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring

books but but these do not always work for long.

I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the " I'm

afraid " thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from

everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some

perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have seen

the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank

you.

Jodi

oneSearch: Finally, mobile

search that gives answers, not web links.

[Guest guest]

We do have a nursery during Sunday morning services. Thankfully we

haven't had to use it for a very long time. For some reason

does pretty good on Sunday morning. Perhaps it is Dad being there.

Suday evenings start out with Decipleship training for the kids from

6-7. has a blast. They don't have a nursery worker in the

evenings. I am welcome to take him to the nursery myself but wonder

if that is a reward. I think it is very important for him to sit

still. Not only for church but for school, doctors offices etc. I

don't want to reward unruley behavior. I'm considing taking him for

a walk around the church outside or sitting in the van? I'm

thinking if he ever does make it through a Sunday night service I

need to throw a little party for him at home afterwards. Make a big

deal over it. I want to write more but wants for me to read a

book! Gotta go! =) Jodi

>

> Well I would say let him stay in the service until he gets

bored ,then take him to the nursery.If they do not have one start

one and have them put a speaker in the nursery for them to hear it.

Even if they aren't sitting perfectly still they still can hear the

sermon. Kinda like when you are talking with a friend and you don't

think your kid hears until he/she repeats the bad word or thing you

said to your friend to someone else ,believe me these kids hear

EVERYTHING .

> I also suggest a quiet bag of toys books crayons to work on

in service.My thought is kids this age are just to young to sit

through service or even understand what the preacher/priest talks

about.that is why they usually have Sunday school b4 church so the

kids can learn at their level.

> I send my lil girl who is 4 into nursery she isn't loud or

anything but it is boring for her and she gets restless and she gets

fidgety.

> just some ideas

> Vickie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

one thing you need to realize, whenever you try something new to get your child's behavior under control, the behaviors almost always get worse before they get better. the child challenges this new technique to see if they can get their way. i suggest you keep at this for a few weeks before giving up. and don't think of yourself as a failure if it is not effective with your son. just chalk it up to something that is not appropriate for him. not all techniques work for all children. if they did, our lives would be much easier, lol.

Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

> Even if they aren't sitting perfectly still they still can hear the

> sermon. Kinda like when you are talking with a friend and you don't

> think your kid hears until he/she repeats the bad word or thing you

> said to your friend to someone else ,believe me these kids hear

> EVERYTHING .

That is one reason I am so grateful for this group. I can talk about

our problems without worrying about what he hears. I have the ladies

in my church to talk to but they are so busy and I try not to discuss

to much in front of . But I need the support. Here I can write

and you all can answer at your conveniance. And here I get all kinds

of perspectives which is a good thing! Thanks everyone! Jodi

[Guest guest]

Jodi,

Maybe is too young, or not of the right temperament to quietly

sit through 30min of theological discussion. Truthfully, many kids

aren't. That's why so many kids have toys with them in the pew, and

why others need to go outside to take a break. ESPECIALLY BOYS.

Imagine, if you can, having had 30cups of coffee, and a nearly

irresistible urge to go outside and have some fun, maybe climb a

tree. But no, you have to listen to a 45min discussion of federal

tax law as it relates to international commerce. And, it's in

Lithuanian. That's what it has to be like for energetic little kids

to sit through a sermon. So if he gets a little music, a little time

with his friend at the church, and maybe a fun romp outside, that's

not bad. As he gets older, he'll attend sunday school, and work his

way up to sitting through the sermon.

One thing my oldest son (with Aspergers) thought up one time

was " home church " . For some reason, we couldn't go one Sunday, and I

guess he was bummed, because he suddenly had an inspiration that he'd

line up the chairs in the kitchen and preach to us! It was a riot!

We sat in the kitchen and sang, stood, sat, stood, and passed the

plate, and finished up with taking the " light out into the world " . I

gave the collection to the minister the next time we went. I don't

think he was amused. Maybe he didn't want it to catch on.

Anyway, while we can discuss all sorts of disciplinary ideas, maybe

the bottom line here is that is just not sermon-compatible for

now. He'll get spiritual training in so many other ways, if it's

threaded through your family, so he'll be on board sooner or later.

>

> In church last Sunday night got out of control again. I

tried

> restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me

> getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I

> quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in

> an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine

the

> eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and

> supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing

> rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another

unruly

> child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to

> the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside.

> I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea

though.

> Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the

> restraining technique.

>

> LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost

> impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go

> home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so

> important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be

> quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring

> books but but these do not always work for long.

>

> I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the " I'm

> afraid " thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from

> everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some

> perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have

seen

> the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank

> you.

>

> Jodi

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Jodi,

> Maybe is too young, or not of the right temperament to quietly

> sit through 30min of theological discussion. Truthfully, many kids

> aren't. That's why so many kids have toys with them in the pew, and

> why others need to go outside to take a break. ESPECIALLY BOYS.

I agree with this especially for aspies because there is no social draw

for them like with NT's. Even for adult NT's church is often more of a

social event than it is inspirational.

However I want to mention that my son surprises me with his knowledge

of the bible even though it seems like he is just out of it during

church.

He may be laying down like he is asleep or playing with a toy but some

how he is absorbing the word of God. So that is why I keep going

through the struggle of bringing him to church because I believe in God

and " The battle is the Lord's " .

[Guest guest]

The church does provide the color books which hold his attention span

for a while. We've brought action figures and other toys. He makes

airplane noises with many toys. I'm really considering the Gameboy

with the sound off. The problem is that our church is full of kids,

many without parents attending, who want to play with 's toys. I

must make it clear that they are his toys. I'm really leaning towards

just putting him in the van and driving him home when he gets out of

control. He will miss playing in the church yard when the service is

over. And I like the idea of a special reward afterwards if he makes

it through the whole service. Thank you all for the suggestions!

We'll get through this! After all we did surve the terrible twos and

the exhasperating threes! Honestly though hasn't been all that

bad. He really is a joy all in all. Jodi

[Guest guest]

I love the 'home church'. That's great!

Jodi, in our church there's a nursery for little ones and a Sunday School for 2-3 to 20, where the kids actually learn about the Love of God and how to heal and be healed. I used to teach, and we had so much fun, acting out healings, trading parts as to who would be the healer and the 'healee'! They really got it. I remember one Sunday when the great-grandmother of two little girls had a problem with her feet. So the children and I discussed healing thoughts, and practiced how we'd heal her, and then worked on it. Well, the next Sunday, their mother (who attended a far different church) came with them and their father to church to see what was going on, because her grandmother -- their great-grandmother -- had been healed!

The American Bible Society used to have short children's books with Jesus healing and other Bible stories. Maybe could become more familiar with the Bible stories -- or even have his own children's Bible that he could look through during the service since you do feel it's important for him to be there. If the service isn't totally in 'Lithuanian' and there are words and concepts he recognizes, then he may become more attentive. And singing the most familiar hymns at home together is a help, as is learning the Lord's Prayer, so there are definitely parts in which he can participate with everyone.

I'll write more if I get any more ideas.

Love,

Francine

In a message dated 9/5/2007 2:08:23 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, bikan0e@... writes:

Jodi,Maybe is too young, or not of the right temperament to quietly sit through 30min of theological discussion. Truthfully, many kids aren't. That's why so many kids have toys with them in the pew, and why others need to go outside to take a break. ESPECIALLY BOYS. Imagine, if you can, having had 30cups of coffee, and a nearly irresistible urge to go outside and have some fun, maybe climb a tree. But no, you have to listen to a 45min discussion of federal tax law as it relates to international commerce. And, it's in Lithuanian. That's what it has to be like for energetic little kids to sit through a sermon. So if he gets a little music, a little time with his friend at the church, and maybe a fun romp outside, that's not bad. As he gets older, he'll attend sunday school, and work his way up to sitting through the sermon. One thing my oldest son (with Aspergers) thought up one time was "home church". For some reason, we couldn't go one Sunday, and I guess he was bummed, because he suddenly had an inspiration that he'd line up the chairs in the kitchen and preach to us! It was a riot! We sat in the kitchen and sang, stood, sat, stood, and passed the plate, and finished up with taking the "light out into the world". I gave the collection to the minister the next time we went. I don't think he was amused. Maybe he didn't want it to catch on.Anyway, while we can discuss all sorts of disciplinary ideas, maybe the bottom line here is that is just not sermon-compatible for now. He'll get spiritual training in so many other ways, if it's threaded through your family, so he'll be on board sooner or later.>> In church last Sunday night got out of control again. I tried > restraining him in my lap to calm him down which resulted in me > getting a good bite in the arm and started yelling. So I > quickly exited to the church office and restrained him in my lap in > an office chair. He screamed bloody murder! I can only imagine the > eyebrows raised in the church. =) But all are aware of the AS and > supportive. He eventually calmed down to just a silent, sobbing > rage. Soon after our dear pastor's wife came out with another unruly > child and offered to take them both outside so I could go back to > the service. Upon seeing his friend was happy to go outside. > I feel that I failed. I don't want to give up on the idea though. > Problem is that he seldom gets out of hand at home to practice the > restraining technique.> > LOVES church but being quiet for about an hour is almost > impossible. I'm considering just staying for the music and then go > home before things get out of hand. But then again I feel it is so > important for him to learn how to sit and listen or at least be > quiet. I do bring little toys and the church provides coloring > books but but these do not always work for long. > > I have read, read and re-read all of your responses to the "I'm > afraid" thread and have taken it all to heart. I try to learn from > everyone even if I don't necessarily agree or don't understand some > perspectives. I have been known to change my views when I have seen > the light in a different way. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank > you. > > Jodi>

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